https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 07:38:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466647 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 15:59:38 +0000 Cherrybee 2466647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: The biggest fear in my life is becoming my mother and repeating the same patterns with my children. I feel sad for your MIL that, in her attempts to do the exact opposite, she creates the very thing she is afraid of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466588 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 15:11:10 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2466588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I'm glad that helped you! I tend to like to label things, so thinking of it that way really helped speed up my healing. Like, if I just think of my mother as a normal person, it is possible for me slip up and expect something of her. If I think of her as having an illness/deficiency, I can maintain healthy expectations. Because I have zero expectations of my mother, I haven't had to cut her out of my life (although I also maintain pretty stringent boundaries).</p> <p>@Rockies11: Kinda sounds like me! Haha, but really I think everyone is on the spectrum. I think everyone can act narcisstically, and in fact it is healthy to have high self regard to a point. To me, as an untrained non-psychologist who is talking totally out of my butt, someone is truly NPD when they can't experience empathy or do something for another person without gaming the experience for their benefit. A small example. My mother was abusive and neglectful to me, but with my kids she is great. Still, she wants to know how they liked their gifts, every card, etc., and can be very obsessive. She isn't abusive toward them but she still wants to know how she is seen in their eyes. So even in small interactions my mother's NPD is on display. My MIL is kinda like your mom. She isn't NPD but her mother was extremely mentally ill and neglected her as a child. As a result of the neglect, she overfocuses on her kids to the point that she actually becomes narcissistic in her clinginess, neediness, and high standards. Her kids are afraid to disappoint her. It is scary to see her repeat the same patterns even though on the surface she would say that she isn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466403 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 14:11:51 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2466403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I have a gold thread talking about cutting a toxic relationship out of my life from about 8 months ago. I had cut my mother out 8 months ago. While she wasn't a disappointing parent, she was a toxic one. It took her 6 months to realize what she had been doing to me all these years. She has since apologized to me, and we still have an extremely strained relationship, but I'm allowing her back into my life on my terms.</p> <p>I think what others are saying is true. You can't change someone who has a narcissistic personality. You CAN change how you react to that personality and the relationship. I couldn't understand why she continued to treat me poorly. In reality, it's because I allowed it to happen for so long. Once I took a stand against it and started reacting differently, I changed my expectations. I know she's never going to change, and I've finally come to terms with that. I know it's extremely hard, because she's your mom, but not everyone has a good relationship with their mom. </p> <p>If you need any support, please feel free to PM me. Standing up to my mom was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Ultimately, it was the most liberating thing I've ever done. Lots of hugs to you. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466278 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 13:20:36 +0000 Rockies11 2466278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: It's funny you know, I don't think that my mom actually is a narcissist, I think she's just selfish and stubborn and has some anger issues, but my MIL is totally textbook narcissist. She is just off the charts difficult to deal with. We will forever live a long ways away from her, and are officially low contact. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466212 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:50:38 +0000 catomd00 2466212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: having a baby is what started me down the path of cutting ties with mine! Even though DH has witnessed my mom for 5 years now and he mostly understands, it's still hard for him to fully grasp what it's like having grown up in that situation and why it's hard for me to do some of the things he thinks I should do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466204 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:48:31 +0000 catomd00 2466204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I've done tons of reading about NPD this pat year and it has helped to clarify that I'm not crazy! Especially since gas lighting is so much a part of their Tactics. I just checked out the book suggested earlier in this thread. I'll share anything helpful that comes along as I'm reading! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466180 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:42:28 +0000 deerylou 2466180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I remember being so shocked how textbook my IL's were. If you're looking for additional resources, I've found Out of the Fog (they have a website, forum and book) to be infinitely helpful as we navigate how to set boundaries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466162 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:37:47 +0000 rachiecakes 2466162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: :heart: thanks for this thread - it stinks to be in this situation but it's nice knowing that we're not alone</p> <p>I also don't have anyone IRL to relate to and every time I read those shared on social media stories about how 'you'll be closer to your mother when you have a baby' - nope. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466135 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:30:08 +0000 Greentea 2466135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@schubr03: thanks so much. Ugh "new family" is so obnoxious! My mom changed her name (for the zillionth time) and calls herself, her newest husband, and her newest child "the newname family." I am sorry your husband's dad is behaving like that, it sounds like par for his course as well. Thanks for the reminder of how much this all hurts DH. It makes him really upset and I know he often just wonders why I bother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466110 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 12:23:09 +0000 Greentea 2466110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: @Mrs. Sketchbook: :shocked: Oh my gosh, I just started reading about NPD and she TOTALLY is! Like textbook. Very interesting, thank you so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent/page/2#post-2466043 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 11:55:40 +0000 schubr03 2466043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I'm sorry about your disappointment. I can't imagine how it feels to have your mom pretty much ignore you. </p> <p>My husband is in a similar boat to you. His mom and dad divorced when he was in high school, but before that his dad only cared about going to the casino and gambling all of their money away. Once they finally got divorced, he moved across the state to live with his mom. he never came back to watch any sporting events or anything. He basically just left and blamed his lack of finances on everything. Now, he is still living with his mom and dating a woman who has young children. He only seems to care about his new family (he uses that term). He actually almost didn't come to our wedding because we didn't invite his girlfriends kids! (they had only been dating 6 months and we never met the kids) now that he has a grandchild he is barely around. He acts like she is his world on Facebook, but then has only come around to see her 3 times (she's 7.5 months). Hubby's mom who lives across the country has seen DD more than he has and he lives 2.5 hours away! He also is constantly asking us for money! I mean come on! We have a baby! We don't have any money! </p> <p>All in all, I'm sorry you are dealing with a crappy parent. It sucks. It especially sucks for those people who care about you to watch how much it hurts you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2466012 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 11:44:49 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2466012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: really appreciated the way you described the push pull of expectations and disappointment. In reading about NPD folks I've found that most daughters of NPDs have guilt for what are normal expectations, because NPDs are master guilt manipulators. From what I've heard, properly claiming your rights as a child and grieving the violations without self-reproach is key to maintaining decent boundaries. In essence one has to move through the grief process (denial through bargaining depression etc.) before true acceptance can happen. So please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for having unmet needs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465913 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 11:06:42 +0000 Greentea 2465913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: oh, no problem! Don't be sorry! I agree that this is something rather unique and private and I feel the same way- it can be hard to find people IRL who can relate, so if you find people that you can connect to about it on this thread or otherwise, go for it! I relate to a lot of what you said- the more distance, the more presents in the mail. For awhile I had DH open them in the car when I wasn't there because they were so passive aggressive (there would be like a weird bible or something attuned to honoring parents or something). I was always the peacemaker too, and I think when we start standing up it comes as a shock to their perfect little maddening system! As far as finality, I have a hard time navigating that too. My best idea is to just do what you think is best for you and your immediate family. But I have a hard time navigating it (and I don't know what I will do) because I have a lot of sensitivity and compassion and I don't want to hurt anyone. (But with my mom, who knows if she is ever even hurt, it often seems like a game she is playing) It is hard to sidestep the guilt bombs, isn't it? I'm not sure what I will do, day by day I suppose! Feel free to talk to me too if you need some support.</p> <p>@tofuwad: what you said really hit home for me- "she is unable to see anything from someone else's perspective." So true, and with my mom, I can never tell if she can't see it, or she is pretending she can't. Either way, it is (and she is) impossible. I think part of me doesn't want to believe how awful and untrustworthy she is, but I have to be honest. Becoming parents, it is a little shocking to realize how awful and not normal our own mothers are/were. </p> <p>@loveisstrange: thank you. I think your straight-forward honesty is exactly right!</p> <p>@Rockies11: I relate to so much of what you said, thank you. I cope in a similar way- DH and I both have unfortunate parents and we cope by offering our daughter the things we were denied. I try to approach parenting as "how can I approach this in a way that is conducive to a healthy relationship?" To see my daughter thrive really is my greatest accomplishment in regard to this unfortunate deck of cards I have been dealt. It is the n.1 way I cope and it sort of heals me. It helps me see I can, in my own way, put a stop to it. It is the opposite of the constant fear and humiliation and punitive top-down punishment based "parenting" I received, and I am happy for that!</p> <p>@Annette: I hope/ try to use the "what not to do" to guide me into intuitive, kind parenting, in that way I think I have been able to turn it around, and sort of "make the most of it," I suppose you could say! I am sorry your parents are similar. @gingerbebe:'s description was totally relatable!!!!!</p> <p>@Cherrybee: my mum is the same way, publicly such a manipulator, like "ohhh, we are the best family ever," and really, there is no family there. I relate to so much of what you said, and thanks for sort of *admitting* in a way what I feel sometimes- like some problems just can't be solved. But I hope there is lots of healing in store for both of us! Hugs! I guess that is just really who she is, and unfortunately my sisters too. As much as we want it to be different... my mum is the master of illusion, she will seem so nice... and invite you into her web... but you are right, I see that little 6 year old girl being ignored while she locks herself in a dark bedroom with her latest model of husband... and unfortunately that is who she continues to be. In some ways the fact that she pretends and is back and forth is the hardest part. :heart: </p> <p>@aprild: Ugh, thank you and I'm sorry, that sounds awful. No one deserves that! Maybe it is for the best, and at least you can be certain it is her not you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465425 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 07:30:16 +0000 cat620 2465425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds really tough, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. I don't have much advice, but I know what it's like to have crappy parents. My dad passed away, so I don't have to deal with him anymore, and my mom I've never had a relationship with. Like ever. She bailed out on me when I was a baby and never tried to contact me again. I have thought about trying to find her just out of curiosity, but then I think I'm probably better off not knowing her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465358 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 05:59:28 +0000 Cherrybee 2465358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread is full of such sad stories. :crying: </p> <p>Another child of a disappointing mother here. No matter how many times she lets me down, I always hope for better and so I'm continually hurt. And when I am hurt, I am that little girl again, bewildered and lost, craving the love of a mother who seems incapable of giving it to me. It stings all the more because my mum likes to post things on Facebook like "share if your daughter is your best friend" or "share if your granddaughter is the light of your life" and I seethe quietly because she doesn't bother her arse with us unless she wants something.</p> <p>@Greentea: When I read your post, I can see that teenage girl, living down the street, desperate for the love of her mother..... She's still there, inside you, saying "mum, I need you" but, once again, your mother has let you down. </p> <p>I'm not sure how you break free from it. I cant seem to. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465313 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 01:48:37 +0000 tofuwad 2465313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother is a huge disappointment to me and one thing that helped me a lot of was realizing that the reason she is able to hurt me is because I love her and I want her to love me and be a good mother. And that it's totally natural for me to love my mother and my loving her does not minimize my anger at her or make what she has done okay. </p> <p>That has been really hard for me to accept. I had basically cut her out of my life but then she trashed her body with drugs and alcohol and now she's totally disabled (she's mostly paralyzed) and my father is her full-time caregiver. So I had to make peace with her because I support my father (who I think decided to care for her for the sake of my then 11 year old sister). </p> <p>Emotionally I deal with her by being honest with myself about how hard it is to deal with conflicting emotions. I have tons of scars and am very damaged because of her but I still do love her and that's the reason I still hurt so badly. She will never understand how much she has hurt me because she is simply incapable of seeing anything from anyone else's perspective. And as I've gotten older I've grown more and more angry and resentful of my mother because I realize how immature and selfish and crazy she has been. And it has made me very resolved to be an emotionally healthy and honest person and to be the mother she has never been. </p> <p>I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Dealing with bad parents is so so hard. Definitely find someone to talk to if you need it. And don't be hard on yourself! We all deserve to be loved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465293 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 00:04:28 +0000 Annette 2465293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: You are blowing my mind with the description of your parents, I could have written that word for word. Even so much that I just read it to my husband and he agreed it was crazy the similarities in our stories. The only difference is that my dad is indifferent to our son, he has only seen him 4 times since he was born last March and those were times I stopped in at their home.</p> <p>@greentea You are definitely not alone. Its hard when your parents teach you more about what NOT to do vs how to be a good parent. I spent some time working with a counsellor and it was soooo worth it for my mental health. If you can, i would highly recommend speaking to someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465270 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:52:57 +0000 catomd00 2465270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I apologize for hijacking your thread a bit by the way! It's so hard when no one in "real life@ has parents like this and truly understands what it's like to go through!</p> <p>I'm not good with finality of things. It makes me nervous to have to say I'm done with you because what if that can't be undone and I regret it? My mom has instilled so much guilt in me I think that's a big part of why it's so hard. I hope we can both come to decisions we can be at peace with though. I'm always here to talk things through if you'd like! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465265 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:49:21 +0000 catomd00 2465265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: wow this all sounds very familiar, which is kind of comforting too! The past year we have severely limited contact. My husband will not go visit, I have gone 3 times for various events (baby shower, friends wedding, etc.) things have gotten progressivly worse (with my mom and sister) despite the step back. I think mostly they aren't used to me being like this and putting my foot down. I'm the peacemaker and because I'm not doing it this<br /> Time, the whole family is in chaos. My mom is a buy your affection type, but my sister barely got my daughter gifts when we had a good relationship. Since I have cut her off via fb and didn't invite her to my Daughters bday, we have gotten over the top Xmas, bday, Valentine's gifts in the mail for DD. it's maddening! They will probably be here for DDs party this weekend (haven't heard but I'm guessing). It will be the first time DH has seen them in over a year. I'm not planning to entertain any drama and they will be asked to leave if they try to start anything. But, shortly after this I think I'm just going to have to come out and say it and I like what you have said - we need space please respect it we will reach out to you if we are ever ready again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465260 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:33:29 +0000 Rockies11 2465260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a disappointing mom as well. There's a lot of things, some major (like putting me in foster care when I was a teen to protect my sexual abuser) and minor (like forgetting birthdays and not celebrating milestones). She isn't high conflict and is easy enough to be around when she's around, but she absolutely will not do anything that she doesn't want to do, no matter how important or how much of a normal family thing It is. They are the only semi local family we have (they're here part of the year) and we cannot get them to come to birthday parties, christenings, etc. So I have lots of sympathy. </p> <p>I think with coping, I have done lots of counselling and that has helped immensely. I don't take it personally or anything, but I think I still struggle with fresh disappointment with each new milestone. Like, when I got married I imagined that she'd behave like a normal mom and be warm and interested, and I was disappointed when she was herself. When my first was born, I expected her to want to be there and to be moved by becoming a grandparent, and she wasn't really and I was disappointed again. Ditto with taking care of my first when my second was born. And it drives me nuts that I get freshly disappointed because how many times do I have to learn the same lesson? </p> <p>My family sucks at being a family. Full stop. Every new thing will suck similarly. But it never fails to disappoint. And then I feel like I am being petulant or something because they are who they are and I should just accept that. But then I go back to feeling that I just wish that they could be a better family, an actual family type family. </p> <p>I think another coping mechanism is that I am an obsessive parent to my kids. I know everything about them, I spend a lot of time making sure we have a lot of routine and fun, I only parent with gentle/non-authoritariaan methods, I am constantly reading and thinking and working to ensure that we have the strongest, closest relationship possible.i want to be the kind of parent I didn't have and wanted for my kids. This sort of helps in that I know I am breaking a cycle, but also my feelings about my own kids drives home how strange and un-parentlike my mom's behaviour has been.</p> <p>Sorry, I am rambling. I don't really have any good answers. It's really hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465258 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:32:09 +0000 Greentea 2465258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: I will look into that, thanks!!! Whatever she has... it is rough to endure, so I am happy to have a recommendation that may help me cope and understand. I think at least one of my sisters is far on the NPD spectrum as well. Thank you so much for the kind advice as well. I am going to practice those. I think grieving is a big part of it, after realizing your expectations won't be met- it is grief ridden- realizing you won't have or get that thing you want and can only get from your mother (that thing being a decent or normal mother), you have to realize then grieve. It sucks! It is an unfortunate and uncontrollable loss, in its own way.</p> <p>@yellowbird: I'm sorry you went through similar! She ignored me at 6, and I was too young... I literally made my lunches of just twinkies and hohos. I'm glad to hear that sometimes cutting (her) out can be a positive thing. I have done it many times and I think my dad's death and upcoming birth of LO are getting me a little spun around. Dad's advice was to "always stay 2000 miles away." He knew all about her crazies and I miss having that to relate to. I kind of want to slice her out, otherwise I feel a bit like a sad version of Don Quixote (hoping for a dream that is bumming me out). Thanks for the kind words. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465257 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:31:48 +0000 loveisstrange 2465257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: this.</p> <p>OP, your mom is a narcissist. Honestly, nothing you do or say will change her. Realistically, the best thing you can do is probably cut her out before your children realize how shitty she is.</p> <p>Interesting reading for you <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/" rel="nofollow">https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465243 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:12:45 +0000 Greentea 2465243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: good point about patterns of behavior- my mom and her siblings all have a similar pattern- they had more than one "litter" of kids, like kids in their 20s, cutting all ties, then kids in their 40s. Even aside from that, she has continuously ripped out parts of her life and "moved on." It's hard not to take it to heart. Great advice about not taking it personal and letting the guilt digs roll off your back. I need to improve this. I mainly practice distance and avoidance- I think with the new baby coming all of a sudden these things are being brought up because all of a sudden those people want to "see the baby," but not when you need them, of course! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465235 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:06:11 +0000 deerylou 2465235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I will not lie - it was hard and drama ridden. My husband's parents approached him twice at his office without warning, after we asked for space. Basically tried to place the blame on us, gave him sob stories about his martyr sister, and just generally flipped out like narcissistic loons. They also continued to mail weird gifts for a while, after years of never bothering. </p> <p>We currently do not answer their phone calls or texts, which have finally tapered off. They've been blocked on social media, as they used it to instigate bizarre arguments (i.e. "we saw you were near our house, why can't we see our grandchild?" - like that ever mattered). DH's in contact with one sibling who will relay true emergencies, to us. Basically, what was last said was to the tune of, "we need time and space to think and heal, and ask you to respect our wishes. We will reach out if and when we become ready." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465234 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:05:43 +0000 Greentea 2465234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I'm sorry your mom is crappy too. That is the tricky part- the extra people fallout. I cut ties completely until my dad passed and we had to unexpectedly plan a funeral. He was the only one I was speaking with. It is hard, I always felt a little "damned if I do..." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465217 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:49:20 +0000 Greentea 2465217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: It is really hard when they seem great on the outside and on the inside things just are a bit empty. We always had to pretend to be perfect and behind closed doors things were a hurricane! I'm sorry yours disappoint you too and I'm glad you have been able to find what sounds like a very compassionate approach toward them.</p> <p>@MoonMoon: thank you so much for your kind words. My mother's love is totally conditional! She also uses material things to "lure" me in. If you aren't doing precisely the random, ever changing thing she wants, she'll then rip them away. And the punishments were the worst- she used to make me stare at a wall for hours at a time, hit me with bottles, and just come flying into our room all crazy and you'd have no idea what you'd done and she'd throw a piece of furniture and dump all your dresser contents out or something. I'm sorry you endure(/d) similar. I think one of the hardest things is that she doesn't seem to act awful all the time, but that just shows the irrationality of it! She would ignore me too, and I never knew what was causing it. Good advice about not expecting her to be a normal mother. I almost feel ...then why bother? I can totally see having to send her home early like you did, our "visits" always end terribly (she used to kick me out of her house). This thread is helping me to view this more realistically and maybe calling on a more predictable person would be better anyhow! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465210 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:39:19 +0000 catomd00 2465210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: would you mind sharing how you went about letting everyone know about the indefinite space you needed? Was there lots of drama surrounding it? I know it's what's best for our family, but every time I try to take the plunge there is so much backlash and drama that it just shuts me down and I end up ignoring everyone and not really addressing it. My husband wants me to just come out and tell my mom I'm done, but it's hard! I've been as clear as I can without actually saying the words themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465207 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:34:46 +0000 catomd00 2465207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: totally agree about the NPD. My mom definitely is on the spectrum and it's been so helpful reading about it since its validated that it's her not me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465199 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:24:40 +0000 yellowbird 2465199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I am so sorry. Your mom sounds a lot like mine except mine was never able to have more children. She basically ignored me, left me alone, traveled all over and left me to myself even though I was only 11-12 years old at the beginning. It was awful. Looking back I am still angry about it even though I have tried to let it go. </p> <p>My mom actually passed away about 5 years ago. Before she passed away I had cut off all contact with her. I had just started speaking to her again in the 5 or so months prior to her passing. I can honestly say I do not regret cutting her out. She was toxic and I was able to find more happiness without the expectations one has for a mother since she could not fulfill that role.</p> <p>I am so sad that your mom built a house and didn't even have a room for you. That is just beyond comprehension. I hope you can find some peace and healing :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-disappointing-parent-my-parent#post-2465169 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:05:41 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2465169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436</a></p> <p>Total life changer! Completely rewired my relationship with my mother. </p>