https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 12:57:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2810590 Mon, 19 Mar 2018 10:14:31 +0000 Silva 2810590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. We had close friends who had a stillbirth at 32 weeks, when our first child was 4 months old (so we had been pregnant together).<br /> Going forward, I know its felt good to my friend that I acknowledge her son's birthday, mention his name, etc. I sometimes feel awkward about it but I always remind myself that its not like I'm going to be reminding them that they lost their son.<br /> When we went to visit them the first time after his birth we asked to see pictures, asked about the labor, asked about what he looked at, etc. It was very hard but it was at the advice of my friend who is a grief counselor and I think it really mattered to them to be able to talk about their son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2810570 Mon, 19 Mar 2018 07:07:28 +0000 MrsBucky 2810570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: thanks for the update. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2810561 Sun, 18 Mar 2018 22:57:55 +0000 SweetiePie 2810561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to update that my friends and I went with a bracelet that has her son’s first initial. She absolutely loved it. She said it was extremely thoughtful and she would wear it and think of him always.<br /> She has been really sweet about the birth of my son on social media (which I had a really hard time posting because I was really afraid of how it would make her feel) and I’m hoping she’ll be up for dinner or something soon, but I’m not pushing her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802760 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 18:46:08 +0000 SweetCaroline 2802760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: you are 100% right and i agree with you. When my husband was injured and I was barely surviving, we also had friends have life events and we chose to support them via gift cards and hand written notes.</p> <p>I've also sent Amazon care packages with activities to occupy the older child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802716 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 16:02:58 +0000 SweetiePie 2802716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: @Pollywog: @Mrs. Champagne: I totally agree with offering to help with her older LO. A friend who is a few blocks away, her husband recently had a major heart surgery and that’s what I did - he came over while her husband was in the hosptial for play dates, I proactively ordered her groceries since I knew she was running low, I brought her coffee and breakfast to school dropoff because I knew she wasn’t able to care for herself. But, a few things in this situation - 1) she lives pretty far from me. Door to door 1 hour+ using multiple forms of public transport. And I’m nearly 35 weeks pregnant with my own 3.5yo. I honestly can barely care for my own son solo these days, I’m enlisting lots of help for myself.<br /> 2) as mentioned I’m 35 weeks pregnant and she was due 5 days after me. So I’m not sure seeing me is what she wants/needs right now 3) her daughter really doesn’t know me. All of our time together has been moms only, no kids. So I’m not sure she’d be comfortable (her daughter). </p> <p>So while insisting on acts of service are normally totally the way I’d go, I just don’t think it works well in this situation.<br /> Though mentioning the groceries above makes me wonder if that might be the way to go. A FreshDirect or PeaPod certificate so she can order groceries. Like I said I don’t know her daughter/Family dynamic enough to know what to order her. But maybe that will help because she can just click and order.<br /> Or maybe since I can’t physically go I can get a gift certificate to a local indoor play space with drop off??? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802708 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 15:18:48 +0000 SweetCaroline 2802708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear this. You've received much lovely advice. I have to echo @Pollywog: my husband was recently injured and out of commission for some time. The most helpful things were when someone TOLD me they were going to do something and then DID it. If people OFFERED, I didn't seek them out to take them up on it. I told myself that everyone is busy and kept on keeping on, not taking care of myself. When people told me they wanted to do a specific thing, I simply had to agree to the logistics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802699 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 14:26:34 +0000 Pollywog 2802699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only had an early loss, but the single most helpful text I got was "I'd love to come over tomorrow and pick up your dog and take her on a hike. Would 8am work? ". My friend showed up with breakfast, coffee, and took care of a chore I would have physically struggled with. </p> <p>I would offer to pick up her LO and take her to a children's museum or playground. Something to keep her out of the house and tired so the mom can grieve. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802695 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 13:57:09 +0000 Ginaandcorey 2802695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: I agree with meal gift cards. We did this for my friend when she lost her late term baby. She used it when she needed it (a few weeks later) and it was really helpful. You can get her a gc to a place like grubhub or a delivery service so she can use it anywhere and have dinner delivered. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802681 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 12:47:02 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2802681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd do meal gift cards. Offer to watch older kids. And don't just say "let me know how I can help"</p> <p>Say "can I come take your older kids to the park?" "Do you want to go for coffee to get out of the house?" "Can I pick up dinner for you?" Etc. I found it hard to follow up with offers of "let me know how I can help" but offers of "drop them off here while you have an appt" were graciously accepted (I also only had two early losses, can't imagine what she is going through... I'm sorry for her loss💔) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802647 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:42:16 +0000 SweetiePie 2802647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ocean81: oh no my first part wasn’t really in response to anything you said. I was still just thinking/talking about how I feel and how what happened to her pales in comparison to my losses (to me). That’s all I meant. I just can’t imagine it. As much as I would try to be in her shoes I just can’t which is why I was struggling with what to say to her. But I just did send something and feel good about it. I made sure she knows I don’t expect a response and when our group decides on something I’ll send a nice card as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802644 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:34:55 +0000 jape14 2802644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: a friend of mine lost her 25-week twins when I was pregnant with my first - I was only about a month behind her so I felt terrible and wanted to be supportive without being an in-her-face reminder of pregnancy. I dropped by a meal and some treats for her in a cooler bag with a card. Our mutual friend group organized a card and a gift (we sent a hydrangea plant but may not be as helpful in a city). When she was feeling up to it later, I took her out to lunch -- I felt awkward and thought she wouldn't want to, but she really appreciated it. Then that Christmas (this was about 6 months later), I sent her two olive wood angel ornaments for her tree which she loved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802640 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:25:06 +0000 ocean81 2802640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: oh, what I said cameout wrong. I didn’t mean that you understand what she is going through, just that you understand if she can’t share in your joy at the moment. Or something like that. Sorry, I’m tired! If meals don’t make sense, what about sending something sweet? My march mamas sent me Wicked Good Cupcakes and I loved it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802633 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:12:21 +0000 MsMini 2802633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: a good friend of mine had a term stillbirth shortly after my DD was born. Definitely do something now, meals, meal delivery gift cards etc. But make sure to acknowledge throughout the first year especially. For my friend every holiday was and still is extremely hard, our Mommy group put together a basket for the one year anniversary as well. Make yourself available. My friend actually has found it helps her a lot to be around our same aged kids (her DS would be 3 now) and she pictures what he would have been like. Everyone is different though, so he available but follow her cues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802631 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 10:09:08 +0000 LCTBQE 2802631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is terrible, I'm so, so sorry for your friend. I know you have tremendous tact and sensitivity and whatever you do will be the right thing. </p> <p>For the communication from you and not your group, I would send her a card in the mail--there's something about a text where it feels like you need to respond, whereas a card is so thoughtful and there's zero pressure. I agree that the Seamless meal thing is not super special here. This is nothing by comparison to what she is going through, but the day I had my D&amp;C the doorbell rang and my friend who lives out of state had sent me an amazing (and like, $50) pie (I think through Caviar delivery) from Four and Twenty Blackbirds. Maybe it's just my personality, but the pie made me feel so loved and understood. Another idea is maybe you guys could get her a massage or something at a nice place close to where she lives. I think what you send is not as important as the gesture of doing something and reaching out, even if she's unresponsive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802621 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 09:25:48 +0000 SweetiePie 2802621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ocean81: thank you!<br /> I’ve only ever had first trimester losses (7 weeks and 11 weeks) so I can’t really put myself in her shoes entirely. Someone sharing a due date or something like that never really bothered me because it wasn’t very...tangible? But this just seems unimaginable and she held him and now I’m here a few days ahead of her and I just feel awful.<br /> I definitely want to reach out and acknowledge it. I agree ignoring is way worse.<br /> I’m just hesitant on doing a meal because we live in NYC and everyone orders meals every day anyway. So I’m just not sure it’s really that helpful? Like if it were me I would think it was a kind gesture but it wouldn’t actually help me that much because I order delivery practically every day.<br /> The other late loss mom in my group (her baby was 4 months) actually did suggest a bracelet with the first initial. She said she would have really been touched by that. She agreed on the meal thing too.<br /> I guess it just depends on the person. Hard to know. We’ll just talk as a group and make a judgement based on our relationship with her I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802619 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 09:10:01 +0000 ocean81 2802619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your friends loss. How heartbreaking. I agree with the others that a meal and a card would probably be appreciated. I personally wouldn’t do anything personal like a birth stone, initial necklace, etc. That’s so personal and it might be too soon. What about a little something for her LO? A mess free activity to keep them occupied for awhile? Also, because you are due at the same time, don’t be scared to send a text or email acknowledging that. Tell her you understand and support any way she needs to grieve, whether it be distancing herself, talking about it, etc. Don’t ignore it though. My friend was due at the same time as me when I had my loss. It’s actually still a little painful to see her LO (over a year and a rainbow later) She has been sensitive, but she never said anything like hey, I know it’s probably hard for you to see LO, I understand, etc, etc and I think I would have appreciated that. Also, don’t send flowers. For some reason, those make it worse. Again, I’m so sorry 💜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802617 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 08:47:01 +0000 SweetiePie 2802617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: totally, I’ll definitely reach out I’m just searching for the right words. </p> <p>@Anagram: thank you this is helpful. I was also thinking a card, meal, and necklace with his birthstone or initial or something but wasn’t sure if that’s too personal. I’m also waiting for the rest of my mom group to weigh in. One of them lost her baby (before our group came together) at 4 months. So I’m texting with her now since she has the most relevant experience (as awful as that is). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802616 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 08:37:29 +0000 Anagram 2802616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: definitely do something, anything. A friend in my local mom's group just went through a big loss and our group sent a joint card and a catered meal to their house. Just to say we know this is hard, and we're with you. </p> <p>A card, a meal, a seamless gift card, a necklace....even just a phone call or a text. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802615 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 08:36:39 +0000 Adira 2802615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I think it's okay to reach out, but definitely do through text or email so she doesn't have to respond if she doesn't want to. I'd probably say something like "I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you ever want to talk, but totally understand if you need your space. I'm thinking of you guys. &lt;3 " </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802610 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 08:08:41 +0000 SweetiePie 2802610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yes I haven’t even reached out individually yet because I’m not sure what to say since I’m a few days ahead of her. I feel so awful and don’t know what to do.<br /> I just can’t stop thinking about them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802609 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 08:03:09 +0000 Adira 2802609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe send her a care package? Trashy magazines, chocolate, wine, comfy socks, etc?</p> <p>I'd also maybe send her a text letting her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk. But then leave her alone, especially as your pregnancy may be a huge trigger for her. Be understanding if she has to avoid you for a while.</p> <p>I'm so sorry for your friend... &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802608 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 07:44:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2802608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I learned that a friend of mine, who was only 5 days behind me in pregnancy, lost her 33 weeker yesterday.<br /> We were part of a local new moms group together when our first LOs were born. We’ve all kept in touch over the last 3.5 years and do pretty regular dinners and group emails. The other moms and I would like to do something for her but no clue what.<br /> Any ideas?</p> <p>Thanks :heart: </p>