https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 22:58:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-909127 Fri, 05 Jul 2013 22:30:39 +0000 lemondrop 909127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just ignore her, she's not worth your time. If she doesn't get along with you, why are you still friends on FB? Avoid the drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-907774 Fri, 05 Jul 2013 10:39:49 +0000 Vegmama 907774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds really terrible, and I almost didn't say it ... buttttt ... if she's having kids she isn't ready for (financially, etc.), I'd say being a decent person and telling you is probably not her first priority. </p> <p>If she knew about your mc (and she WAS conscious of her decision), maybe she avoided you because she felt awkward. </p> <p>My sister in-law has 7 (8?) children, she has no job, they are almost all with different men, and that's not even the start of it. We didn't expect a congrats on our pregnancy (or her well wishes during our mc) because she just doesn't view pregnancy the way we do: as an amazing gift. I'm pretty sure she sees her children as tax return money. </p> <p>Ugh, am I the worst person EVER? I'm just saying, you two are obviously on totally different planes in the universe. I'd try to ignore her, and focus on having a happy life for yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-905313 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 18:18:00 +0000 Torchwood 905313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: I don't consider it holding a grudge. I do the same thing. Basically, I figure I'm too sensitive of a person to have people in my life who consistently bring me down. It's hard when it's family, especially someone who used to be my best friend growing up, but clearly we've taken drastically different paths in life. </p> <p>I had forgotten (and I suppose that's very telling of how much I'd dismissed her already), but this is the same person who went around telling our family that I was trying to take her kids away from her. The reality is, she has a blog for recording cute things her kids say, and at one point she posted multiple stories that involved spanking, including spanking with implements that I consider extremely inappropriate. I emailed two of our aunts who live in the same city as her, and who she is close to. I wanted to know if it was really as bad as she was making it sound (with the intention of gently talking to her if it was), and to recommend they suggest to her that she make the blog non-public, because she included enough personal information to figure out who she was, which would allow any stranger to contact CPS. They swore up and down it was not the way she was making it sound, and I dropped it. </p> <p>Though I don't entirely blame her for that. While she should have come to me, I don't know what she was told, or by whom. </p> <p>Either way, I agree with your response of just letting her go as much as I can, and not wasting time worrying about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-905299 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 18:11:06 +0000 spaniellove 905299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is easy to be hurt by this, but it's hard to know what her true intentions are. Which is why I say that (especially given the relationship you two have) it may be better for you to deal with this on your own instead of having it out with her. She doesn't really understand what you're going through, and is probably wrapped up in her own world right now. You just focus on you and your own healing, and don't give her any more of your own energy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-905262 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 17:46:46 +0000 nana87 905262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually feel like the best thing to do when someone is inconsiderate, if they aren't someone who is truly important to you, is just to blow it off--I don't have the energy to or time to deal with drama, it makes me too anxious. Maybe it means I'm holding a grudge, but I just kind of write people like that off if we aren't close. I spent a lot of time being really sensitive for a long time and it just isn't worth it, I just stop putting any effort into the relationship now when things like this happen if it isn't a relationship that provides much to me anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-905166 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 17:10:44 +0000 Torchwood 905166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Fox: I didn't mention it, but according to her sister she did originally intend to tell me, but now isn't. So she has thought about it. She also said the whole thing was kind of weird, because the second I announced, the pregnant cousin called to tell her she was pregnant, like she couldn't stand for me to get the attention (her (the sister's) words, not mine). But the reminder of how busy she probably is is a good devil's advocate position! Even if she did think of it, it'd take some time to think of the best way to handle it and do so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904949 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 16:01:52 +0000 Mrs. Fox 904949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean this with great respect but I have a feeling she isn't thinking about you at all. Which is lame, of course, but her thoughtlessness probably isn't malicious. With three kids and a fourth on the way, she probably doesn't have a lot of energy to think about a cousin that she isn't that close to.</p> <p>(I'm really sorry for your loss) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904939 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:58:55 +0000 singingbee 904939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ignore her. Don't waste your time or energy dealing with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904933 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:57:32 +0000 mrsmate 904933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: I agree that it would have been a nice thing for her to do but she doesn't owe it to you to do this.</p> <p>You probably have to remain FB friends with her for appearances' sake but I would hide her from your news feed. She sounds like the kind of person I'd want to deal with as little as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904924 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:54:18 +0000 MamaMoose 904924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I wouldn't hold this against her. Perhaps she thought it would upset you more to be singled out and informed one on one. I've had a miscarriage and still wasn't sure how to approach my SIL when I found out she had one because everyone deals with these things differently.</p> <p>Drink wine and try not to let it get you too worked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904852 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:30:31 +0000 Weagle 904852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ignore it. Honestly, she doesn't really have to run it by you, though it would be nice. You said yourself that you're not close anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904850 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:29:29 +0000 Ash 904850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think some people don't know how to approach someone who has had a miscarriage. Especially someone who is pregnant and doesn't want to hurt the other person's feelings... or make them mad. I'd just attribute it to her trying to protect your feelings... even though I'm not sure if that's the case.</p> <p>ETA: sorry for your loss!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904847 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:27:15 +0000 indi 904847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, I think that was lame of her, and very nice of your other cousin to let you know.</p> <p>Now, as devil's advocate, maybe she didn't know how to approach it with you, since you're not very close anymore (like you said). And she might've also figured that eventually she would have to announce anyway, and you would see these types of things from other people, so she didn't want to have to be the one to bridge the slightly awkward gap in your relationship in a way that she didn't really know how to do because of being not-so-close anymore and having varying viewpoints. She may have also thought that as long as she told you she was pregnant, she didn't need to re-warn you when she announced on Facebook.</p> <p>Still, I think it would've been nice, as formerly-close family, for her to tell you if she knew you'd be hurt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904831 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:22:14 +0000 loveisstrange 904831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ignore it, drink some wine and chalk it up to her being a jerk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-little-advice-needed-for-dealing-with-cousin#post-904810 Wed, 03 Jul 2013 15:16:02 +0000 Torchwood 904810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago. I'm actually 100% emotionally fine (I tend to be *very* upset about things for a short while, then completely over them), but since I live pretty far from my family they don't really know how I'm doing.</p> <p>I just found out my cousin (who I was close to growing up, but am not anymore, sadly) is pregnant with her fourth (which she can't afford, but that's another issue entirely). She is about to announce on FB, but has apparently decided not to give me any advance notice. I only found out because her sister (who I have remained close to) found out she wasn't planning to tell me first, and was worried I'd be upset by having it sprung on me on FB. I am indeed quite upset that she couldn't even bother to send a text or something, since as far as she's aware I'm still distraught over the loss of our first pregnancy.</p> <p>I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe someone to play devil's advocate and help me see her point of view? Confronting her would do no good. She pretty much thinks I'm a terrible, evil person since she found out I'm an atheist (she's fundamentalist Southern Baptist, hence the fourth pregnancy, birth control is a no-no), and I don't want an argument. Anything you could think to say to help me get my temper back down would be great.</p> <p>Side note, I tend to deal with anger the same as grief, VERY angry then I forget about it, so at least this should blow over soon. </p>