https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Jul 2026 23:51:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706700 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 08:57:43 +0000 aegie 1706700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>even if my LO (who is 2 by the way and is always getting scrapes and bruises) whimpers, I go to her and say, what happened? Did you fall down? Are you okay? If she says yes then I say, be more careful and give her a quick kiss and tell her to go keep playing. If she's crying I'll get down to her level and ask where it hurts and if she's okay. More often than not, she's not actually hurt, she's more freaked out/scared by what happened. Like if she took a tumble and it didn't really hurt but the fact that she tumbled off something scared her. I'll say, oh, was that scary? You got shocked? You fell down, right? Let's be more careful so we don't fall down. And that usually works. I give her another hug and kiss and off she goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706557 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 08:00:14 +0000 swurlygurl 1706557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For big falls where she's really upset, I will pick her up and give her some love, but also try to distract her to move on and not dwell on it. So, I'll be carrying her and rubbing her back while walking to get a book and we'll sit on the couch and read a book together while she calms down. That usually works pretty well, and she's ready to move on after the book is over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706550 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:57:31 +0000 irene 1706550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like you, we don't react to it immediately when he falls (because usually he's fine). I would go, it's OK, can you stand up and dust yourself off? I'd show him how to clap off the dust on his hands. 8 out of 10 times he won't cry.</p> <p>But of course there could be times that he really hurts himself and starts crying, then I'd still remain calm and ask him, aww where did you hurt yourself? then I would do a gesture to kiss his boo boo. Hugs. Bandaid and all if needed... He stops quickly usually.</p> <p>I don't think you are feeding into the wailing as long as you don't react to it in a serious matter in the beginning. You can sometimes tell if she really hurts herself. It is great that you guys are thinking about these! I've seen kids who are elementary school age and oh my gosh, they cried like someone died and their mom go carry them in her arms as a baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706525 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:50:28 +0000 Maysprout 1706525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say oh that must of hurt then we go over what happened. I'll either ask her what happened or ask her something more specific if she'd really upset like did that stick trip you? If she seems to be talking i might ask her to show the stick to me or how it happened. Then after we talk about what happened and she's a little calmer we talk boo boo details. Where it hurts, can she move it around, does she want a band aid or kiss. Usually talking about what happens makes her stop crying and as long as I ask her a couple questions she'll move onto the next thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706517 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:43:32 +0000 Cole 1706517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I acknowledge but not in a super softie way, more like "you fell and it was scary and it hurt! Let's see where it hurts." while giving a big hug. After that though I move on to distraction. If they are still upset after a few minutes I acknowledge again and then re try distraction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706483 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:33:34 +0000 lamariniere 1706483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I acknowledge and try to gauge how serious it is. If I don't think it's bad, I'll hug/comfort him quickly and tell him to go play again. If it's more serious and he's really upset, I ask where it hurts, which usually distracts him from crying. Kisses and band aids seem to work most of the time and then he's off to playing again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706474 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:30:23 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1706474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One tip that we learned from someone is that "shhhing" them (even while comforting them) isn't really acknowledging their feelings (someone said its basically like telling them, shush its ok). With our LO, often, we ask her to show us where it hurts, tell us what happens, confirm her feelings (yes I know that hurts doesn't it), ask what we can do to make it feel better. So a lot of comforting but as we start to ask her these questions, it usually works as a distraction as well and she stops crying so she can answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706467 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 07:27:55 +0000 loveisstrange 1706467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a difference in her cry when she is really hurt and when she is faking it. If she is faking, I tell her "oh, you're okay. Shake it off". If she's really crying, I pick her up and comfort her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706434 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:48:05 +0000 Dandelion 1706434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely acknowledge. No one likes their feeling to be disregarded. If your husband was upset about something he would like some acknowledgement. Not distractions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706416 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:20:38 +0000 Adira 1706416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, it really depends on the situation. If I witness the fall or bump and I know it wasn't that bad, sometimes I'll just say "Xander, you're okay!" and he'll just go back to playing. If it looked bad and he's really crying, then I'll definitely pick him up and comfort him. But I also always wait to see his reaction before I react! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706414 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:18:06 +0000 Foodnerd81 1706414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha. So right after I typed that, C was standing at her music table and fell. She got more startled than hurt but cried so I picker her up and said "oh, that was scary, wasn't it? It's hard standing at your table and holding two stuffed animals at the same time (which is why she fell)." Then she dropped on of the animals and wanted to be put down to go grab it again. Being a baby is hard work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706408 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:12:17 +0000 looch 1706408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Total softie as well. My husband is more the brush yourself off kind of person, it sounds like your husband might also be reacting a bit out of nerves...I only say this because it was often how I reacted after the first couple of really bad spills. Eventually, my reactions subsided and now, we mostly go to the bathroom to "put cream on the boo boo." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706403 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:08:47 +0000 Foodnerd81 1706403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a softie too, but C often doesn't cry when she has a little fall so I just say something like, whoops, be careful. Or, you're tough, good job! (Though I wonder if I should be saying the tough part). But if she falls and seems hurt or scared I pick her up and comfort her for a minute without acting like it was a big deal. I think it's the initial reaction you want to be careful of, not gasping right away and being all oMG where does it hurt?!?!? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706401 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 06:04:43 +0000 blackbird 1706401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When E is hurt or scared, she has a very distinct cry/look on her face. And I *always* comfort her for that. Sometimes she's running around and just tumbles, then gets up and looks shocked (and I just give her a second to process it or put my arms out and go "WHOA!" with a big smile on my face, and she grins), then keeps going. But if she hurts herself? Nope, that's different! </p> <p>She definitely doesn't cry at the drop of a hat. It takes a pretty big bump for her to not shake it off. Like totally eating it on the concrete outside......or tripping and going headfirst into the wall at full speed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706395 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 05:40:16 +0000 hilsy85 1706395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depends on his reaction. If he's looking to me to see how to react, I'll say something like "that was a big bump!"--acknowledging his experience without puting any sort of emotion into it. If he is upset I will comfort him and say "that was scary/that was a big tumble/etc". He has al ways calmed down ver y quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706389 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 05:29:59 +0000 travelingnanny 1706389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>98% of the time I say, "get up and shake it off. You're fine." Now she never makes a big deal whenever she falls/ hurts herself. Parents are often shocked that I never make a big deal out of it. Of course I will offer comfort if she really does hurt herself but that's rare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706383 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 05:21:37 +0000 Silva 1706383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to add, I think there are lots of reasons she might cry after a fall- frustration, it was scary, it surprised her- not just physical pain, you know? And as a previous poster mentioned, I"m not sure she's equipped to deal with those emotions yet. I try not to nurse every time my LO cries, because I do want her to be able to calm down in other ways, but I just don't see the harm in helping her soothe herself. Guess I'm a big softie too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706378 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 05:04:46 +0000 Pumuckl 1706378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he falls and cries but doesn't full on wail I acknowledge his being upset but don't usually go over to pick him up and just tell him to continue playing - he usually will shoot me a mean eye and go about his happy ways. If he falls and really hurts himself then I go over pick him up and comfort him, sometimes even getting him his pacifier and lovey/blanket. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706377 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 04:56:38 +0000 Silva 1706377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If she cries because she fell I pick her up and comfort. I don't react when she falls, because she will respond to my reaction. But if she is hurt or scared, I pick her up and rub her back and say "that was scary," or whatever until she is calm.<br /> She usually just keeps going after a tumble. (Eta: she doesn't "fake cry" in my opinion, if she's okay she sometimes looks startled or makes a little noise, but keeps going. If she is actually crying she needs help.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706375 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 04:48:09 +0000 Cherrybee 1706375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: That's so good to hear. That's what I think, too. I'm a total softie, though!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706371 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 04:17:42 +0000 Kemma 1706371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there's anything wrong with offering your LO comfort when she's upset, at this age she doesn't yet have the skills to regulate her own emotions so by responding you're helping her do that. I try to avoid doing the "mum gasp" when my LO falls over but sometimes she just needs a quiet moment with Mum before she's ready to play again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acknowledging-feelings-vs-not-pandering-to-it-how-do-you-react-when-your-lo-hurts-themself#post-1706368 Wed, 18 Jun 2014 03:44:23 +0000 Cherrybee 1706368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both me and DH are really struggling to get the balance right. We do the "look like it's no big deal and see what her reaction is" part really well and, perhaps, one in ten times she wont cry and life goes on as normal. But if she cries (and, oh my, she wails when she hurts herself), we can't agree on what to do....</p> <p>DH goes straight for the distraction - bouncing and throwing her about and shrieking at her in this super loud, high pitched (slightly desperate) play voice he has developed for these occasions! It rarely comforts her immediately and I hate seeing her cry while being swung about by her legs... (!!!)</p> <p>I, on the other hand, feel that it is important to acknowledge her feelings so I pick her up and cuddle her, rock her, say "oh I know" and "there, there". This tactic also rarely comforts her immediately...... :bummed: and I fear that I'm at risk of teaching to cry at the drop of a hat.... </p> <p>What do you do and why? </p>