https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 19:37:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754148 Sat, 01 Jul 2017 08:04:05 +0000 MrsADS 2754148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is fantastic. My LO is her only grandchild and she's obsessed with him and he is obsessed with her. He wants "gigi" to hold him, play with him, etc. ALL DAY when she's there and literally pushes the rest of us away. Lol. Unfortunately, she lives a 13 hour drive away :crying: In spite of that, she still sees him 6-10x a year. Thankfully our city has a low cost, nonstop flight which helps. I would give anything for us to live in the same city as her. </p> <p>MIL and FIL - definitely not active. They also live on the other side of the country so we only see them 1-2x a year. They do not like traveling so don't come to us. When we're there, they don't really play with him or interact with him. MIL doesn't understand why LO doesn't want to sit with her in her recliner and read books or watch TV! (He's 22 months old - he wants to run!). MIL is not in great health and can't hold him or play with him outside or anything (although I think some of it is self-imposed, she sits on the couch all day). They do love him and send gifts and stuff, but I dread our visits there because it's just so much extra work for me. They do not do anything at all to help. MIL cooks food he won't eat so I have to buy/fix separate food for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754129 Sat, 01 Jul 2017 00:11:54 +0000 LindsayLou 2754129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kiddo has one set of very involved, very active grandparents (my parents), one set who was semi involved but recently moved out of state (my mil and her husband), and one set who hasn't seen or interacted with her more than twice, due both to distance and lack of effort (my fil and his wife). I'm just happy that she has one set of grandparents that she knows and adores. That was not something I ever had, so it's cool to see. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754097 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 20:24:17 +0000 Anagram 2754097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Active like energy level? </p> <p>None of our parents are close geographically, but they all visit. My mom is a year older than my FIL and 4 years older than my MIL. She's 71. But she is super active in general and will take my kids all over town to parks to play and stuff. The lady can walk 10 miles a day easy. She'll go into the city by herself and would probably try to take the kids if they still didn't have nap schedules. </p> <p>My in laws only leave the house to go shopping when they visit so it's just different. They care about our kids but are just extreme home bodies so they kind of trade off playing a little with the kids at home and then kind of doing their own thing while the kids play independently. They just aren't physically active people with kids or without, if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754066 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 18:09:30 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2754066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm.. both sides are active in that they engage with the kids and we completely trust them with them.. they are all affectionate and playful and loving.</p> <p> None of them spoil them much materially which I am actually super grateful for. Also birthdays and Christmas gifts are not a big deal at all and they don't buy much for them. However they do spoil with food (love language of Asian culture) and my mom brings boxes of berries every time she visits because my kids will devour them.</p> <p>Both grandpas are not like "omgsh I miss the kids so much!" They're fine not seeing them for awhile. My dad is AMAZINGN with all the grandkids though when he's with them. He's so fun so affectionate and surprisingly great with babies and kids. My husband's father is seemingly strict and tough but he's a lot of fun too and the "cool" grandpa. They're all attracted to him for some reason.</p> <p>My mil is obsessed with my son but she's a very busy lady so she comes by whenever she's able. She tends to get tired easily but she will read and sing and play.. and get wiped out later haha. She will always mention how much she wants to see my son.</p> <p>My mom in theory loves to play with them and engage them but she's a big introvert. She freaks out like a giddy kid when she sees them and has her love-on-them time then retreats into the kitchen for her alone cooking time. Repeat. That being said I'd completely trust her to watch the kids for days because my kids don't mind a break and independent play either.</p> <p>I'm really grateful. I really appreciate how they don't spoil them in certain ways and not OVERLY obsessed with them (always needing to see them and come over) but they truly love them genuinely and strive to have a real relationship with them.. and spoil them just enough. 😉 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754053 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 17:11:37 +0000 hony bologna 2754053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live 15 minutes from my in-laws and they love having my daughter over, but it's a mixed bag in terms of how active they are. MIL is very engaged and my daughter loves her, but forgets basic things (like feeding her or changing her diaper) despite many reminders. FIL is very minimally engaged but then pouts and tries to guilt her when she doesn't let him pick her up or do the rare activity he does propose. He usually just reads a book or plays games on his phone when she visits.</p> <p>I went no contact with my parents a year ago, but they would be actively engaged with her and would want to see her often. They mean well, but are narcissists and my dad has a explosive temper that he was starting to show to my daughter. They live on the opposite coast of the US. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754033 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 15:24:54 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2754033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and Step dad and in laws live 3 hours away but are involved when they visit or we visit them. My mom the most followed by my mil, fil and then step dad. My mom is very hands on and fit/active so the kids love playing with her. </p> <p>My dad moved close to us to "be near the kids" but he totally ignores them. He isn't involved at all. My son begs him to play with him and he ignores him. 😨 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754026 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 15:11:06 +0000 Littlebit7 2754026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are super involved despite living 8 hours away. They come once a year and watch LO for a week. They also make several trips up per year. They are both active (and to their credit, they both work really HARD to maintain their health and wellness)</p> <p>My in laws live about 6 hours away and he works, my mil is semi retired. Neither really show much interest in visiting us. They are really involved with my sil's three kids; maybe they are burnt out by helping her as much as they do. Idk. I would say they are verging on becoming inactive. They are at that dangerous intersection of really not taking care of themselves and also getting older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754023 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 15:04:36 +0000 PawPrints 2754023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All four grandparents are very active with DD. They have different styles - both of my parents will talk in a near-constant sing-song stream at DD endlessly, while MIL/FIL are more quiet. But all four are totally focused on her. Only grandkid! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754018 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 14:42:37 +0000 catlady 2754018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All the grandparents want to be involved but they do it in different ways.</p> <p>MIL is awesome and will break out games and toys, get down on the floor, and basically engage DD the whole time. When DD visits without us, MIL will plan tons of fun activities for her and keeps things like screen time to a minimum.</p> <p>My dad is weird when he hangs out, he loves to see the kids but doesn't like to be hands on. So basically he likes it best when he's there but DH and I are wrangling them, or he also loves to have DD stay over his house and they basically watch movies the entire time. We actually don't allow her to go over often because she comes back a wreck. Last time, she was there for about 18 hrs (which included overnight sleep time) and managed to watch 4 full length movies.</p> <p>FIL is obsessed with holding the baby (literally will not relinquish him ever) but relies more on video games and screens to entertain older kids. He tends to invite all his grandkids over at the same time so they can entertain each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2754016 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 14:27:28 +0000 DesertDreams88 2754016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The ILs are very actively involved with LO, playing, singing, feeding, taking him out places, etc. They care for LO 180 days a year (school days). I'm very thankful they care for him so much and are in good health. </p> <p>My parents skype with LO every week and love it. However, on their 2 visits / trips a year, it is getting a bit harder.... when he was a little baby, they would do bottles, baby food, diapers, or singing/hand games/tickles/stories. Now that he is an active toddler, my mom can keep up with him, but my dad can't, due to health. He'd rather LO just sit with him and watch TV. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753996 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 13:28:34 +0000 skipra 2753996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is very involved and visits us, goes places with us, and baby sits. But she would also let them watch TV or play on her phone a lot too rather than engaging and playing with them. But that is my biggest complaint. They are very close to her and love her the most, I think. My dad and stepmom are around too. It's difficult for my dad to do much physically so most visits are short and at either of our houses but they do the best they can and call to check in when we can't see them for a while.<br /> My in laws need to have very structured and staged visits. They are the same distance as my parents but we see them only a handful of times a year, mostly birthday and holiday visits. They haven't even shown for our kids last 2 birthdays and made a point to tell us they will not make it unless we do a joint party for LO1 and LO3 because their birthdays are 10 days apart (not happening!) They think presents make up for lack of presence. They never even called to wish LO2 a happy birthday this year after cancelling on us the morning of when DH called to ask when they would arrive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753968 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 12:58:38 +0000 LuLu Mom 2753968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have 2 very involved sets of grandparents - they have been at every t-ball game (and we are talking 4 year olds playing t-ball) and they babysit, etc. My MIL goes way above and beyond - she would take the girls every weekend if we let her, not to sound bad but she lives for her grandkids. My mom and dad loves to hang out and play etc. but they are less willing to babysit, they got burned out with my older sisters kids and still like to go do things on the weekend, so we usually ask in laws. BUT they come to all the events and every holiday, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753952 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 12:41:40 +0000 agold 2753952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom isn't overly active with my baby; my MIL is much more so. But my mom is 10 years older than my MIL and my mom has endless amounts of love for my baby. So I try to focus on the things my mom does do and not on the things she doesn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753951 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 12:38:50 +0000 nana87 2753951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are very involved and very active, attuned to my girls' developmental needs and our parenting style/choices. </p> <p>Mil..not really involved or active when she is here. in all fairness, she has some health issues but I think she exaggerates them. Like, she does Pilates once a week so she IS physically active, yet it's too "hard" to take lo1 to the playground? Her idea of watching lo1 is taking her to the mall or grocery store, i.e. Whatever she wants to do, not what is interesting for lo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753905 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 11:17:09 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2753905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are not at all involved. They think they can watch my kids (they've mentioned that they could watch them a couple days a week), but they're totally delusional! My mom is disabled and my father is in terrible health. He couldn't even pick them up off the ground, let alone take them to a park or even change a diaper! Plus their house is impossible to baby-proof — they were hoarders when I was growing up, then I cleaned the house about five years ago, and it's slowly being taken over again by crap (it's mostly boxes and mail and random crap no one needs, but not garbage or food, thank god!)</p> <p>My MIL is basically a super awesome Grandmother, who is very active and can do anything. FIL just puts them in front of the TV and expects them to like him even though he puts in zero effort. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753897 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 10:57:33 +0000 Astro Bee 2753897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are quite involved, despite living on the other side of the country. They/we visit at least 3-4 times a year, and Skype at least every week. My son talks about his Nanny and Poppy all the time, and they have special games and songs they do together. When we are visiting they babysit and will often put my older son to bed. </p> <p>My in-laws only live 2 hours away, but rarely visit. I don't mind in that their visits are stressful for me, but I always envisioned my kids having great relationships with their grandparents. We've never Skyped (their choice) and DS1 does not get as excited about visiting them or them visiting us. MIL is more interactive but I have to ask FIL every time if he wants to hold the kids. To be honest, I don't like them as they are very self-involved and selfish. I do try my best to encourage their relationship with my sons, however. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753862 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 09:39:56 +0000 erinbaderin 2753862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are pretty involved - I would say my mom is super involved, she'll get down on the floor and play, or run around pretending to be Batman. My Dad is less active but he loves reading to them. My in-laws live in England so we only see them once a year, but MIL is like my mom, very involved. FIL doesn't seem to know what to do with them, and usually just plays on his iPad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753852 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 09:25:30 +0000 Mamatimes3 2753852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom lives with us and is super involved. My FIL and MIL are also great. My dad probably doesn't even know their names. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753844 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 09:03:51 +0000 IRunForFun 2753844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both sets of grandparents are very involved. My parents live close-by and we get together a decent amount, I take LO over just to see them, my dad stops by weekly to see her. They're really involved with my older niece and nephew, have them over or visit with them several times a week and engage them in a million different ways. I'm excited for my LO to be old enough for that. </p> <p>The ILs live a 3 hour drive away but visit as often as they can and are really hands-on during visits. We Skype on weeks they don't visit. </p> <p>I'm sure it helps that (knock on wood) none of them have limiting health factors and 3 of 4 are retired. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753840 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:58:29 +0000 snowjewelz 2753840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is super involved as she has been our main go to outside of daycare for both girls. She watched DD1 till 10 months when she started daycare, and DD2 till 6.5 months, Even with daycare she is still our go to backup/babysitter, etc. She has been amazing with the girls! She teacher Sunday school at church so she is well versed with kids and very active with them, can drive them places, do things with them, etc. </p> <p>My dad is a little less invovled since he works and doesn't come over much during the week but if we're together on the weekends he is very hands on as well. </p> <p>My in-laws we see even less and there is somewhat of a language barrier and they're more of caretakers (fulfilling needs) rather than entertaining. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753834 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:49:03 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2753834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a set of each. My mom is very involved, sometimes to her own detriment I think, because she has a fair amount of health issues but as soon as my daughter is in her vicinity, I swear my mom runs on pure adrenaline for however long just to make their time together fantastic. My dad is involved when we're visiting, but his business and energy levels don't allow him to travel to see us much so it's more sporadic that way. I do wish my dad was more involved, but it's in line with his personality and how he was with us as kids too, so I get it. </p> <p>My ILs want to be involved but just aren't much. They both have health issues, so they have limited mobility, and they also seem to just not know how to engage with my daughter, despite having raised 2 kids of their own. They try to connect and relate, but they're just limited in how they do that. Which also does bother me at times - we don't have much extended family, so other than my mom I feel like my daughter is really growing up without much of a network. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753831 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:38:57 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2753831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are very involved. They live 10 minutes from us and in the early days they would come over and hold our son so we could eat dinner, and my mom now watches him 2x a week. It's getting to the point (7.5 months) where he reaches out to her as soon as we arrive at their house. </p> <p>My ILs live 15 hours away -- they visit several times a year. My MIL is always very excited to see my son, but generally is less hands on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753829 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:36:34 +0000 Boopers 2753829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live far from both sets of grandparents, but even with the distance my husband's parents are way more involved than my parents. We FaceTime every week with my husband's parents and they go out of their way multiple times a year to visit. My parents barely check in to ask about LO and we see them once a year. I was upset about it in the beginning, but I've learned to reframe my expectations with my parents to avoid disappointment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753824 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:27:23 +0000 looch 2753824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son won the grandparent lottery. 2 sets of involved grandparents. Different locations and not always local, but they go above and beyond in many ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753820 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:23:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2753820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is super involved. He even visits LO at his daycare every other week. Proximity helps. </p> <p>MIL is involved as much as she can be living 7 hours away. We FaceTime at least 3 times a week and she never misses a holiday to send something to LO.</p> <p>I am a little surprised my mom is less involved. She lives far away too, but she seems less interested in LO as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/active-grandparents-vs-non-active#post-2753813 Fri, 30 Jun 2017 08:18:01 +0000 bubblegum 2753813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious to see whose parents are active as grandparents and whose are not. Before I had kids I would've always imagined that my kids would have a ball with my mom. Now that I have kids, DS is 3 and DD is 2 months, I must say the most active grandparents are my SMIL and stepmom. </p> <p>I know age factors in for some but just curious to see. Also if age and location is not a factor into why they're not active with your children, does it bother you?</p> <p>My mom would have DS watch TV all day if she could and not really engage with DS unless to eat. It drives me nuts. </p>