https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 10:17:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-176010 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 10:03:55 +0000 loveletter 176010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread makes me sad. :(</p> <p>I agree with @photojane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175945 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 09:30:40 +0000 LuLu Mom 175945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just depends on how they go about doing it, I understand when people have a strong need for a child but maybe cannot afford to pay 10K out of pocket, however I think first there should be saving and lifestyle adjustments before asking from other people. I wouldn't liek to donate money and then see them driving a new car or something weeks later. </p> <p>However, I think if family and close friends want to give then they should be allowed, I don't think there should be pressure into doing so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175923 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 09:18:24 +0000 Modern Daisy 175923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if it were done in the right way it could be okay. I do see the argument that it's ultimately helping out the adopted child so it is more like a charitable donation. But IMO there is a difference between a person soliciting donations for a charity they are passionate about vs. soliciting donations that will go in their own bank account and be used to enrich their own lives. Because clearly they wanted a child to begin with, it's not like they are agreeing to adopt 100% for the child's benefit despite the fact that they didn't want kids. </p> <p>But I understnad that they're doing something good by adopting, so why not ask for donations from close friends and family. I think they should just be careful about how they go about doing it - hosting an event might be too confrontational and awkward depending on the situation. I think a word of mouth website would probably be best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175881 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:58:18 +0000 ChelseaRose 175881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it has been mentioned a few times in this thread, but I wish more people who desire to be parents would consider adopting through the foster care system. There are so many children in your local communities in need of loving, permanent families. Also, in adopting through the foster care system you will usually receive a monthly stipend (several hundred $$) until the child reaches age 18 and access to whatever the local health insurance is (in CA it is medi-cal) to offset any medical expenses. Additionally, there are many attorneys that do the adoption pro-bono for the adopting family or you can get reimbursed up to $500 from the county (in Los Angeles, at least). Also, you are allowed to specify your preferences in terms of race/ethnicity, siblings, bio family involvement, where in the process you will accept the child (i.e. if they are still visiting with parents, if reunification services have been terminated, if parental rights have been terminated), etc. If a family does not have the money to adopt privately or internationally, this is a great option for someone or a couple who wants to add to their family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175854 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:40:55 +0000 daniellemybelle 175854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Thanks! I know we share views on this. :)</p> <p>...I also just realized I said "developing companies" instead of "developing countries." FAIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175846 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:33:16 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 175846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: here here! The idea that you are "saving" a child doesn't really wash for me. You are adding to your family and swapping developing world issues for first world issues. But I believe the Hague convention guidelines say that if at all possible, children should be kept in their home countries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175839 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 08:25:27 +0000 daniellemybelle 175839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: @photojane: Okay, good to know! Sorry that I get up on my high horse, but I hear a lot of this kind of talk and it gets to me. Thankfully the conversations that take place on Hellobee hardly ever make me feel that way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175693 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 03:21:45 +0000 photojane 175693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: @Mrs. Blue: exactly what mrs. blue said. I don't think anyone would say that one is more important than the other. children are children! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175634 Thu, 31 May 2012 23:11:57 +0000 Mrs. Blue 175634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I absolutely agree. Since domestic adoptions tend to be much less expensive, fewer people seem to need help funding them. That's why I have been posting from the perspective of international adoptions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175633 Thu, 31 May 2012 23:04:02 +0000 daniellemybelle 175633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm. This is a toughie. But one thing that really stands out to me is this idea that you are supporting a "good cause" by donating toward an international adoption, over a domestic adoption. Helping children in developing companies truly is a good cause, and adoption is one way to do this. But the concept of "orphan rescuing" proves problematic in a lot of ways. ALL adopted children are worthy of and in need of families, and ALL adoptive families are doing a special thing, no matter their child's story. The bottom line is that a family wants a child and there is a child in need of that family, and that should be it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175602 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:34:59 +0000 immabeetoo 175602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We hope to adopt domestically through fostering once we're settled (and after we've gotten the hang of our bio-baby due this fall!).</p> <p>Anyways, I think if family/friends/internet strangers want to contribute, they'll ask if they can. If a family member was saving for an adoption, I'd probably ask if I could donate out of support. Otherwise, it makes the most sense to me that someone would have a fundraiser or a combination of fundraisers. I've been to a lot of adoption fundraiser garage sales - and I don't haggle like normal :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175584 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:24:08 +0000 photojane 175584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilteacherbee: oh, i hate it too! so akward. i think there are interesting ways to do it, so it's not so much like you're flat out asking for money. i know a family who is trying to save for an adoption of a little boy in uganda, and the mom makes baked good and asks for donations in exchange, while the two daughters (both under 7) make beaded jewelery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175583 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:20:01 +0000 photojane 175583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: exactly exactly exactly</p> <p>for the record, my parents have never had a savings account. i grew up in a middle-class family, and when things were tight, we made do. my mom had cancer, and the medical bills were astronomical. we went out less, got rid of one car, had lots of PB&amp;J's, but we were happy and loved. i'm thankful for the little ways family, friends, and church members helped when they saw need. </p> <p>in my opinion, the giving always feels better than the receiving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175581 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:19:21 +0000 lilteacherbee 175581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: I think I agree with you. That being said, I hate asking people for money, always have. Even when I was a teenager, it bothered me to ask my parents for money for activities/stuff. </p> <p>I think if we were ever in this situation, we'd probably try the more affordable routes first (like foster to adopt). However, DH and I are both teachers. In our state, teachers start out making 30K a year and even after 25 years of experience, most teachers aren't making over $45K. Combine that with the fact that I'm a preschool teacher (aka teaching a "public program" but not in a public school), its even less. I'm confident that we can provide a wonderful life for our future children, but we will never be able to save up 20-30K in a matter of a couple years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175577 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:14:55 +0000 photojane 175577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>at the end of the day, it's a personal choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. you can choose to ask for help, or not. and you can choose to donate, or not. i don't think either choice warrants judgement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175576 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:13:09 +0000 BSB 175576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Just wondering, what about adults who tried other methods of getting pregnant and still can't have children but desperately want children? Do they just give up on the children thing because they can't afford it and just wasn't given the cards to have children? Sorry, these are all just hypothetical questions. You don't need to answer if you don't want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175575 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:12:59 +0000 Mrs. Blue 175575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: @Mrs. Jacks: I agree that both of these situations are inappropriate to do a fundraiser, etc. And honestly, I'm much more supportive of fundraisers than just flat asking for a donation. </p> <p>Just because someone has exhausted their savings doesn't meant they'll provide any less for their child than anyone else would. Say they sink savings of 10K into an adoption and need to raise funds for the rest. That doesn't mean that they won't continue earning money in their jobs and be able to provide just fine when they finally get that baby several months down the road. It also doesn't mean they don't have life insurance, etc. for catastrophic situations. As for the "what if something happens to your husband" question, that can happen to of us any day. Tons of birth parents (I'm sure many right here on Hellobee) would be in a horrific financial position if one spouse died, lost a job, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175571 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:09:52 +0000 yoursilverlining 175571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not really in favor of adults asking for donations from friends/family/communities for any voluntary life events they choose to partake in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175562 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:04:54 +0000 photojane 175562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: i wasn't referring to their savings account, but meant that they realize they won't be able to save enough additional money to afford the adoption in a reasonable timeline. meaning, savings simply isn't an option. unless a change is made, my husband and i work in jobs that will not allow us to ever afford an adoption just by adding money to a savings account (ok, maybe when we're 50 - but that's not reasonable to us). for some, saving 20 or 30k over a couple years is nothing, but that's not us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175555 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:57:35 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 175555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: Or the couple that is planning to pay the 50K in fees so that they can adopt the "ideal" child... so they pay exorbitant birthmother expenses. Ethically questionable on multiple levels. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175554 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:57:33 +0000 photojane 175554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: right on. i wish more people were passionate about this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175550 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:55:02 +0000 mediagirl 175550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: I understand your points. If you have exhausted your savings, though, how are you going to provide for that child if something happens to you or your husband and you hit rock bottom and are then aren't able to provide properly for that child? </p> <p>The experience I had was with a woman who had quit her job as a paralegal, thinking she was going to get pregnant soon. 2 years later, she wasn't and they decided to adopt here in the US. I don't recall how much their adoption was but I thought, if she goes back to work for one year as a paralegal, they could totally save up that money and do it on their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175548 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:54:04 +0000 Mrs. Blue 175548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, there are far fewer people willing to deal with the ups, downs, and unknowns that come with adoption. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175544 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:52:16 +0000 Mrs. Blue 175544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: &lt;---- this. I'm also a huge advocate of adoption, either domestic or international. But, my passion and heart are in iternational adoption. DH and I have the kind of jobs that I think it would be wrong for us to ask for donations or do a fundraiser. But, there are so many great couples who don't have the ability to raise that kind of cash in a decade. Donating to adoption is different in my mind because there is already a child on the ground, without parents, without a permanent home, and often without daily needs and education. </p> <p>Honestly, I view donating to someone's adoption on par with donating to organizations that work with orphans internationally. It's just helping people in the trenches rather than from a 20,000 foot view. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175542 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:51:47 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 175542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think it's good that it's hard... just because it hopefully weeds out unscrupulous people (though then it attracts others, I guess).</p> <p>Adoption is hard no matter how you slice it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175539 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:49:55 +0000 photojane 175539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: me too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175532 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:47:20 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 175532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: Well said and true! I know there are WAY too many children up for adoption... I wish they just made it easier for everyone (no crazy waiting lists, funding etc) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175526 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:43:32 +0000 photojane 175526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: because those children don't have parents. i think of an adoption donation as a way to get lonely, hurting children familes, versus just helping parents get a child. you're providing for an orphan. i've been to orphanages where 20+ children live most of their lives in a room smaller than my bedroom. to me, this is worthy of a donation (yes, donating to organizations that provide for these orphans is important, but funding and donating toward adoptions is another way to provide for these precious children). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175493 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:30:53 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 175493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: Well put :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-and-asking-for-donations#post-175491 Thu, 31 May 2012 21:30:44 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 175491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um... ya, I'm not so sure I love the idea. I mean, do people who go through IVF (more than once let's say) ask to fund there possibility of having a child? No, because majority find the way to get the money to go that route. Why not in the case of an adoption then? </p>