https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 07 Nov 2026 16:58:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388940 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:09:55 +0000 immabeetoo 388940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjacks gotcha. just curious! and, that's awesome that you were able to make that happen and leave it as a possibility for her :)</p> <p>@cocobee ack that is so sad :( but yes, definitely important to be aware of and I'm glad this thread reminded me of it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388902 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 11:58:34 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 388902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: people who are doin foster care for native kids do have to go through separate certification, but our daughter was a direct adoption. Her birth mama wanted US to be her parents and did not have a strong affiliation with her tribe. We did go above and beyond the call of duty to get he tribe's sign off, but only because we want M to be able to get her tribal card if she should so desire in the future :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388831 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 11:37:56 +0000 Mrs. Pen 388831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I know it is soo depressing but I know it's important to be realistic and take certain precaution measures. There was one family that some friends of mine knew when they were looking to foster and they had a boy (10-12 yo I think) that in the middle of the night went into their daughters room to touch her.. They ended up having to have their bio daughter sleep in their room until the boy responded better to them and started healing emotionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388806 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 11:28:57 +0000 immabeetoo 388806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining that is a useful (and depressing) fact to share. I know it is a problem that exists, but definitely need to become more aware and conscious of this as we explore our options with a bio-baby in the house. so, thanks for sharing it and reminding me (and anyone else reading this thread) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388776 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 11:15:33 +0000 Mrs. Pen 388776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I know... it's sooo sad. and I have SUCH a heard to save them and I wish I did have the resources available to do so. At this time in our lives we don't, we barely make ends meet as it is. But I also know that we have so much more than those kids and I wish I could do something. But you're right - my current baby is my first priority and I have to think of him. I would probably have to hold off on any type of foster care until all my Kid(s) are in their teens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388687 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:49:20 +0000 yoursilverlining 388687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @Coco Bee: Mrs. Jacks is absolutely right about age of children and damage done. My MIL is a lawyer who represents only abused/neglected children in CA and severe damage and the resulting “acting out” is often seen in children much, much younger than 6 years old. It’s horrible; but often abuse is only discovered in a home when the 5 or 6 year old attempts/acting does physically or sexually abuse an even younger child. Many of her clients are under 5 years old, and have lasting (if not lifetime) emotional damage.</p> <p>That said; I would be extremely hesitant to bring any child older than infancy into a home with younger children and/or pets unless you are absolutely sure you really have the money, time and resources to devote to addressing all of the (possibly severe) issues a child might have. It’s really sad to see all of these beautiful kids who need loving families; and it’s sad that parents can do so much damage in a relatively short period of time. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388664 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:39:46 +0000 immabeetoo 388664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjacks did you have to go through a separate certification process as well? I babysit for a family who were working on adopting a Native American little boy and I remember them explaining that it was a dual process in addition to the state regulation/certifications. Just curious! Or maybe it is strictly state and Tribe specific for the process? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388650 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:33:01 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 388650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LemonLong: ICWA is the governing body for native adoptions, but it doesn't make them impossible (depending on the tribe). Our daughter is NA and we had to go through Tribal court but it was all relatively smooth, if a little expensive to hire a lawyer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388637 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:25:45 +0000 immabeetoo 388637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ash I hope you do! And gosh I don't do anything really yet, but hopefully will in the (near) future! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388606 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 10:06:03 +0000 Ash 388606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I have always wanted to foster/ adopt. Someday we will. We built our house big enough for a house full of kiddos. :)) I just went to Iowa's adoption page and I am bawling like a baby... my heart breaks that I can't save all of them. You're awesome for doing what you do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388506 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 09:23:26 +0000 LemonLong 388506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Native American adoption is covered under federal law (indian welfare Act) which makes it almost impossible for a non- native American to adopt a NA baby if the baby has a tribal affiliation so you would see a race restriction on these children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-388472 Fri, 09 Nov 2012 09:08:23 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 388472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: I know it may be shocking, but in severely traumatized kids sexual and physical acting out can occur at a very young age. If that's all you've known in your life, that's how you behave (sadly for those kids). </p> <p>I have an online friend who was strongly cautioned about other kids in the home when bringing home a ten month old. It takes a lot to terminate parental rights, and that is often reflected in these kids behaviors! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387763 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:32:00 +0000 immabeetoo 387763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cocobee awesome! I am going there now, I love reading about all adoptions. thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387716 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:23:57 +0000 Mrs. Pen 387716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: Gus and Lula is a great blog that talks about the famiy's Ethiopian adoption!! I've followed her since before she even started the process. </p> <p>Yeah adoption is way far off in our future but I love exploring the option and get really excited at the prospect of it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387665 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:14:17 +0000 immabeetoo 387665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also for anyone else that has piped up - I'd love to find some adoption focused blogs if anyone has any to suggest or share :) I found a list the other day but most of them were defunct or no longer active. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387659 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:12:42 +0000 immabeetoo 387659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cocobee yep to the best of my knowledge, that site is 100% the public system. But, I know some of them say that parental rights are not yet terminated so maybe in that instance the bioparents would have a say in who adopted? Foster to adopt isn't in every state, but basically you accept kids to foster while things get sorted out but parental rights may or may not be terminated. We're definitely going to adopt, and are investigating the foster to adopt pathway - it would obviously be really hard to give a child "back" after having them for a while :( Cool that you are investigating adoption too though!</p> <p> I volunteered locally for an adoption/foster care support agency to help with child care during their support groups and it was a neat way to get some passive insight into the process. Once we get moved and settled in with the new baby we're going to start talking about the certification process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387645 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:07:34 +0000 Arden 387645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: I think if they had been abused, even a six year old could be at risk of abusing other kids (physically and sexually). This is why I wouldn't adopt older children while I still had young children at home. I will either adopt babies/toddlers or wait until our bio kids are older. We are thinking about adopting babies/toddlers with special needs though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387628 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:04:17 +0000 Mrs. Pen 387628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I have nooo idea what I was looking at... it's the adopt us kids site, I think it's the public foster system. I would assume biological families are out of the picture??</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Oooh good point. Some of the kids who have that phrase in their bio are young though -like 6. I guess I understand the emotional issues.</p> <p>@scg00387: yup it's mostly on Native American kids, but some African American kids too. It's a bummer because I would LOVE to have children of a different race and learn to embrace their culture and background.</p> <p>Also SO cool you want to be a foster parent!! I feel strongly about adoption and hope someday I can! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387570 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:53:11 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 387570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The no other kids requirement is usually because the kid has psych or emotional problems that are likely to cause harm to other children in the home (think sexual or physical abuse). The race requirements may be at the request of the bio parents or requirements of the state where the child resides. For those adopt US kids postings, it's almost like you need a decoder ring to figure out what all the statements actually mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387545 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:49:08 +0000 immabeetoo 387545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After reading others' responses, I assumed you were looking at adoptions where biological parents' rights were terminated/through the public system (in which case, I don't think the bio-parents have any say). So if you're looking at private adoptions... disregard what I said because I have no idea :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387542 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:48:50 +0000 MamaCate 387542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work with cps-involved kids, some of whom end up being placed for adoption if their parents are not able to make the changees necessary to reunify. In some cases, the children's behaviors, esp. psychological or resultig from sexual abuse, make it safer for them to be the only child in the home. The older children are also sometimes asked if they have preferences so that may be part of it as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387535 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:47:29 +0000 immabeetoo 387535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cocobee We are planning to get certified and do foster to adopt or adopt within the DHS system so I have read similar things when looking at available kids. I am no expert, but have gone to a few classes, etc. and it is my understanding that case workers usually make that call based on previous behaviors in foster placements - i.e. they saw a lot of negative behavior that they identified as being related to not getting enough attention (so they'd prefer the child to go to a home where attention is solely focused on them) or bullying behaviors aimed at younger kids (so they'd prefer the child be the youngest).</p> <p>The only race restrictions I have seen have been for Native American kids I think - but I would guess if the child was old enough to express a preference, the case worker would respect that and post it. While we are personally very open to exploring trans-racial adoption I know it adds layers to the complexity of the adoption relationship. I've read compelling essays written by people who were adopted into a family of a different race and how it affected them. It breaks my heart, that at least in Iowa, any child over the age of the age of 2 who isn't white is technically considered 'special needs' and harder to adopt :( (see your state's stipulations here: <a href="http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance/questions.cfm?quest_id=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance/questions.cfm?quest_id=1</a> ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387499 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:42:51 +0000 spaniellove 387499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In thinking very seriously about prospective guardians today, some of our criteria were actually similar - we wanted them to have no other children and be able to raise them within their race in some way. I thought of the no other kids because I grew up the unwanted stepchild and never wanted my child to feel different from other kids after knowing life with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387473 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:39:32 +0000 Arden 387473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it possible that the biological parents made the specification? I think if they put their child up for adoption (rather then having them taken away), they have some say in the adoptive parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387472 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:39:14 +0000 MamaMoose 387472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have NO actual knowledge on this topic but here are my guesses.</p> <p>1. I would assume that there are possible psychological/behavior problems with the child that would make it difficult for them to be in a home with other kids. Possibly they would be a risk to the other children or they just need the full attention of their adoptive parents.</p> <p>2. I wonder if the biological parents can request that their child stay within their own race? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387468 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:38:04 +0000 Mrs. Pen 387468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Cowgirl: adoptuskids.<br /> Not all of them have emotional/physical needs. The descriptions seems to be quite clear if they need a certain kind of assistance/help/therapy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387462 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:37:11 +0000 Mrs. Cowgirl 387462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>where are you looking? it could be because of special needs (including emotional...)? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/adoption-question#post-387448 Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:33:45 +0000 Mrs. Pen 387448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why is it that the criteria for several kids on the adoption list say that they have to be adopted into a family with no other children?</p> <p>Also, why do so many of them have restrictions based on the race of the family who can adopt them? </p> <p>If anyone has any experience in this I would appreciate it! Thanks! </p>