https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 06:56:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler/page/2#post-1883251 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 17:16:42 +0000 SleepyMonkey 1883251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: so exciting!! i feel pretty good, thanks...in the magical second trimester, post morning sickness and pre-gigantic belly! hope you feel good for the next 9 months!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882758 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 12:18:21 +0000 hilsy85 1882758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erwoo: glad to know it gets better at least!</p> <p>@scg00387: Yes definitely that does help, if I wait to put shoes on til we get to the park and then he realizes that he can't run around if he doesn't have his shoes on. So that's one thing that I can definitely do, but I don't know how we'll be walking around outside in the stroller without shoes on when it gets cold! He is usually completely fine once we get outside, so at least it is only temporary. </p> <p>@SleepyMonkey: thanks! :) Yes, feeling totally fine so far, fingers crossed! How are you doing?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882303 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 08:44:08 +0000 SleepyMonkey 1882303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: !!!! Aw congratulations! I must have missed the announcement. So happy for you guys! :heart: feeling OK so far? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882215 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 08:05:43 +0000 immabeetoo 1882215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: gosh that sounds awful! I am sorry :( we have not dealt with that intensity yet but have you tried doing some stuff outside? If mine is really antsy sometimes it helps to get him in the stroller or car seat and then put on shoes or sunscreen etc. or changing his diaper on the bed near a window and talking about what we see outside. I totally get when you feel that 'fight' urge click in as a parent! Never seems to end well for me at least, ha! I feel like a jerk and he is still unruly and unhappy. It happens to everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882115 Tue, 30 Sep 2014 04:53:25 +0000 erwoo 1882115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can commiserate, especially the getting angry/frustrated part... My 2.5 year old used to do that too. Everything with him was a battle. It still can be but he's better now. At least he doesn't throw himself back and tantrum for 20 minutes 10x a day anymore. I would just start planning way ahead and start asking about changing or whatever I want him to do so I have enough to get out of the house if that's what we're going to do. If we're staying home and he doesn't want out of his PJs then he's going to wear them. I also try to find a distraction and then just start changing him while distracting him. Or get him in being interested in something and keep talking about it. Hopefully as he gets older he'll be better about it. It's a tough age! Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882090 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 22:59:47 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1882090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>More commiseration over here! The only thing that occasionally works for me is bribery but I feel like that's winning the battle but not the war. I have to say that I find it reassuring to see that I'm not alone in dealing with this. Gives me hope that our children will grow out of it. I hope that you see relief soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882032 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:53:20 +0000 Kemma 1882032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: congratulations! And the "oppositional" toddler thing must be catching, A just had the most epic meltdown over having her nappy changed before her nap, it lasted almost twenty minutes and ended in both of us crying. I definitely haven't earned any gold stars for parenting today :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882004 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:10:33 +0000 hilsy85 1882004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: Thank you! I will try to think of some songs :) and yep meltdowns just happen sometimes :( He had a meltdown today over having shoes on that made me so so sad--he was HYSTERICAL and finally crawled over to me and said "Please mommy take shoes off" while hiccuping and crying. Then I felt like a total asshole for pushing the issue in the first place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882003 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:08:37 +0000 Silva 1882003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I don't know- sometimes it seems like these waldorf people have magic fairy dust. I mean, its not going to be perfect every time. But I think songs can make it fun/silly/a positive interaction rather than "this is what we have to do now" (even if, really, it is what we have to do now).<br /> Also, I think sometimes kids just melt down. And all you can do is weather the storm. We just had a really rough weekend where any transition away from anything (like, after spending 20 minutes putting a key in and out of something I said "we have to go now" and did the warning thing and did the "say bye bye" thing and tried to distract her and she still just sobbed like I was breaking her heart. :( ). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1882000 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:01:42 +0000 hilsy85 1882000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: just read the first part and I loved it! I totally get the whole rhythm, breathing in/breathing out thing, it makes total sense. </p> <p>I guess I feel like we do already have a routine that is fairly predictable (which is in fact one of the reasons we have so many morning battles--I am fighting to get us out the door, even though we really have no where to be, but more to keep routine, which is that we head out for some outdoor play in the morning)--but maybe it's not as concrete as it needs to be? maybe songs would really help... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881995 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:55:11 +0000 Silva 1881995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I'm starting to try to implement more and more routines into our day. its hard at first, and feels pretty forced and awkward. like we just starting saying a short verse before meal time and I feel pretty stupid doing it, but I've already noticed that my daughter holds still for this short moment before dinner, and sort of seems to exhibit a kind of reverence while I light the candle- and its only been a week!</p> <p>if you look around for stuff on rhythm in waldorf early childhood ed. I'm not totally drowning in the waldorf-koolaid over here, but I will say that the perspective on early childhood ed really resonates for me. Particularly its attention to the need for predictability for children. Transitions are hard for everyone (for example, I hate Sunday night/Monday morning because its this big transition!), and for little ones it can feel so unsettling. Obviously there is some general, age appropriate testing of boundaries that happens, but the class we take is so routinized and predictable that it just flows.<br /> This is probably my favorite article on the topic: <a href="http://www.waldorftoday.com/2011/11/daily-rhythm-at-home-and-its-lifelong-relevance-by-helle-heckmann/" rel="nofollow">http://www.waldorftoday.com/2011/11/daily-rhythm-at-home-and-its-lifelong-relevance-by-helle-heckmann/</a><br /> but there are lots around. I've drawn up a draft of what we already do, and am hoping to add in some verses and songs to the transition parts next.<br /> anyway- love to chat about it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881990 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:51:52 +0000 hilsy85 1881990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SleepyMonkey: thanks friend! And to think, neither of us can indulge in wine :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881989 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:51:06 +0000 SleepyMonkey 1881989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Haha. This is a timely post for us too. Man they are strong willed at this age. I don't have any useful advice because we are suffering through it too...bedtime tantrums and refusing to go into her crib because she wants to sleep in our bed. no idea how to fix this...sigh. just some friendly commiseration over here :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881984 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:43:32 +0000 hilsy85 1881984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I have found that songs help--we have a song that we sing to wash hands in one of our classes and he LEAPS to do it there (but if we try at home, no dice). I think I also need to try to get some stuff to make it easier for him to do things, i.e. a taller stepstool so he can wash his own hands, maybe have him pick out a toothbrush, etc. Thanks for the site! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881981 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:40:50 +0000 Silva 1881981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: we are just starting to get a taste of this in our home, so I have no grand advice. But I do take a waldorf parenting class, and the teacher sings us through transitions a lot. I found this link for you: <a href="http://www.themagiconions.com/2011/02/discovering-waldorf-singing-through-day.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.themagiconions.com/2011/02/discovering-waldorf-singing-through-day.html</a></p> <p>it also has some links to a song book, but you can look on you tube for videos of songs if you google something like "waldorf song for...." Just in case you are interested! We have some nighttime songs that we sing about cleaning up toys, etc. and they do seem to help us a little (but again, my daughter is only 18 months so I imagine the more difficult times are yet to come). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881960 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:24:05 +0000 hilsy85 1881960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kml636: I was thinking of trying time outs, but I feel like if I did it for direct defiance (eg I tell him not to do something and he immediately does it), we'd be doing time outs allll the time!! He constantly is testing me. @mauxie: not silly at all! I will have to think of a good one for getting dressed :) </p> <p>@78h2o: those are all great tips! We incorporate a lot of them already, I definitely agree on picking your battles (hence us leaving the house without shoes on today :) ). </p> <p>@skibobrown: YES. That is exactly what happens--he will pick something or do something he wants to do, and then freak out. </p> <p>@Kemma: walking away succeeds in either having him follow me (still crying) or calm down, only to start crying when I try to do what we need to do :bummed: </p> <p>@jedeve: haha I often do the same thing. And I stopped adding, "Okay?" to the end of sentences, because I realized it didn't really matter if he said "okay" or not, we were going to do it anyway. So I totally agree! It at least gives LO one less opening to say no. </p> <p>@hummusgirl: I do try to do stuff like this, but admittedly, my patience is often wearing thin and so I just am not up to garnering my energy to be silly. But I need to work on it. Thanks!</p> <p>@ShootingStar: thanks! I don't know if LO is too young, but definitely worth a shot. I will print that out tonight! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881697 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:58:09 +0000 ShootingStar 1881697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is what I was thinking of...<br /> <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2012/09/18/cracking-the-code-on-toddler-tantrums/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2012/09/18/cracking-the-code-on-toddler-tantrums/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881694 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:57:15 +0000 hummusgirl 1881694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do a lot of the great tips @78h2o suggested. One other thing I do is try to make things fun. The other day LO (24mo) refused to wash his grimy hands before dinner and there was lots of crying and screaming. I pulled up Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" on my phone and played it for him, danced around the bathroom and sang "Wash it off! Wash it off!" I think he was so distracted/entertained by my antics that he forgot to be upset and let me wash his hands. Basically try to diffuse the situation with silliness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881678 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:51:24 +0000 jedeve 1881678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This won't solve all your problems but I noticed we had to stop framing things as a question. Instead of saying "should we go change your diaper?" I would just say "it's time to change hour diaper."either way he will usually say no but this way I don't feel like I am immediately disrespecting his opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881673 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:48:26 +0000 ShootingStar 1881673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any experience yet (DS is 10m) but I remember one of the bloggers doing some kind of chart for getting ready in the morning and every activity was on there they'd get a sticker for doing things. So there would be get dressed, brush hair/teeth, eat breakfast, etc. The steps would all be laid out so there was less issue with transitions. At least, that was their experience. I think it was Mrs. Jacks, but maybe Mrs. Bee had something similar too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881672 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:48:11 +0000 Kemma 1881672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: this is what I do. A gets a couple of warnings before I tell her I'm not going to play with her and walk away. It seems to work for now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881658 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:42:41 +0000 skibobrown 1881658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll offer some commiseration. My daughter *was* quite well behaved as far as toddlers go... until a couple of weeks ago. Now she's a full on toddler terror. This morning we talked about getting dressed for a good 20 minutes. She picked out clothes and everything. But when it finally time to stop delaying and really get dressed she still wouldn't go for it. I ended up pulling off her PJ pants while she screamed "I don't like that!". Then she hit me and pulled my hair. I sent her to time out, but she wouldn't even stay put in time out. I feel like I've lost all control of my child :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881640 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:30:25 +0000 Canoli 1881640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I wish I had the answers! I can tell you we have let him watch TV as a way to get things done and now he is a TV addict! He will be 3 next month and he has turned it up a notch with his behavior. We had a terrible weekend and I feel your pain. Every. Single. Night is a battle with our bedtime routine! </p> <p>I try to tell myself this too shall pass but man is it tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881633 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:23:06 +0000 78h2o 1881633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I can commiserate! LO is almost 22 months and I definitely have some rough days with her. Some days nothing I try works, other days we have more success. I would say that she has been much better the last two months, as compared to 18-20 months. Hopefully things don't get worse again, though I know that's definitely possible!</p> <p>I don't know if any of this is helpful, but here are some things that are at least sorta working for us!<br /> -Choosing our battles. I let her have her way some of the time with things that aren't that important. I don't want her to feel like I'm always bossing her around and she has zero control (though it's possible I'm confusing her because she might not understand why sometimes she gets what she wants and other times she does not). The distinction I make is whether or not she's being calm and talking nicely. Basically, if she disagrees without whining, and it's a reasonable request, I let her do/have what she wants (within reason)... So, if I say, "J, I'm going to get you some blueberries," and she responds, "No, apple." I might say, "You want an apple instead? Ok." However, there are definitely times I can't accommodate her and of course, she doesn't understand why and she gets upset.<br /> -It does seem to help to acknowledge why she's upset (aka Happiest Toddler on the Block). "You are mad because you want to ride your car in the street and mommy said no." I sometimes try to give a simple explanation ("A car will hit you and give you a boo boo"), but she usually still throws a tantrum, though a more short-lived one (than if I didn't acknowledge why she was upset or try to explain).<br /> -I usually will ignore her when she's tantruming, then try to distract/redirect her<br /> -I've noticed rushing is a huge trigger for her. If I allow more time, things go more smoothly. Warnings don't seem to help a ton, but I do give them anyway.<br /> -Saying "bye bye" seems to help her transition. She rode a pony the other day and at the end said, "More ride, more ride," and sounded like she might throw a fit if I took her off. I said, "You want to ride more. You're sad you have to get off. We have to say bye bye though. Say thank you horsey. Bye bye." She loves to say "bye bye" and that usually seems to distract her from having to leave situations she is enjoying. This worked for the horse, and usually works for leaving home (say bye bye doggie, say bye bye house), leaving they park (say bye bye friends, bye bye swings, thank you mommy for fun at the park), etc.<br /> -She likes to do things on her own time. If I am getting push back about something, I will first try to change gears for a minute, do something else, and come back to what it was that I wanted originally. I don't know whether or not this with backfire down the road, but it seems to diffuse things for now. So, for example, if she is resisting putting on a diaper, I might put on her t-shirt, have her brush her teeth, do her hair, then come back to the diaper, and at that point, it's a non-issue. Or if she doesn't want to come sit at the table (she usually eats before us), I will just leave her plate on the table until she is ready to come over...which is usually about 2 minutes later. Often, she does not want to get in the shower with me in the morning, so I will just close her in the bathroom with me and wait for her to open the shower door and come in... usually within a min or two. Again, I don't know if that is giving her too much control, but it seems to help. Other things though, like bedtime, leaving for school, etc. are not negotiable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881579 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:55:36 +0000 NovBaby1112 1881579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tidybee: great tips! I think this would work good on my LO- def might give it a try! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881574 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:52:26 +0000 mauxie 1881574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried teaching/singing songs for the transitions? I know it sounds silly but at daycare they have a little tune for just about everything-- cleaning up, walking to/from, washing hands, etc.. I notice my daughter will sing things as she does them, even at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881567 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:50:02 +0000 kml636 1881567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh man. I"m following this. I need help too. I have started doing time outs in her room but with the recent data that came out against time outs, I don't know what to do. If I ignore her she doesn't really change. I am looking for what to do for specific instances, like pinching, hitting, and kicking us (yes, she does this... and I feel like I can't allow it any more!!! ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881553 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:43:00 +0000 hilsy85 1881553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: I also walk away when he tantrums. But he either continues until we really do need to leave, or he stops and then starts again when I start trying to do whatever it is I need to do!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881551 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:42:06 +0000 BandDmommy 1881551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is bad, but I just walk away when he starts tantrums and tell him when he's ready to use his words and tell me what's wrong I'll listen. When he sees me walk away, he'll stop and ask me where I'm going and then he will let me get him dressed/change his diaper/etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-an-oppositional-toddler#post-1881545 Mon, 29 Sep 2014 13:37:40 +0000 Tidybee 1881545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: oh trust me, I hate skipping things!! we usually just do 2 activities a day, so that means either my whole morning or afternoon are at home. it hasn't happened a lot because i can usually sway her. I also give her just a few minutes after she says no to finish or get bored of what she is doing and then I ask again.<br /> I cried to my MIL that the books said to give warnings and such, and she (being the old school mom) said oh the books, the books - we had no books! Books also make generalizations and the technique clearly wasn't working for C, so I had no choice but to try another way...and like I said, it's actually working...fingers, toes, and eyes crossed it continues. </p>