https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 21:48:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730263 Fri, 28 Apr 2017 11:02:08 +0000 alphagam84 2730263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came the week my husband went back to work so DD was 2 1/2 weeks old. They stayed for a week and were incredibly helpful. They are the only people I would have wanted to stay in our house for that long. In the situation with your sister's family, I'd advise them to stay in a hotel or come in the spring. Or maybe she could fly in for a short weekend for visit by herself to see the baby right away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730251 Fri, 28 Apr 2017 09:57:39 +0000 bees_knees 2730251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am going a little against the grain here and say that I wouldn't have a problem with this. When DS1 was born, my family came to visit ASAP (like, my mom, dad, brother, and sister were all there within the week) and my in laws (MIL/her husband, FIL/his wife, SIL/her husband/her 6 mo old) all came to visit when DS was 1 month. It was fun! I didn't struggle with nursing at all, but I DID have a difficult recovery. DH was an awesome help, not that we needed to lift a finger when my fam was there...my mom cooked and coddled us. When DH's fam was there, he cooked or we ordered take out for food. </p> <p>If DH is on the same page as you, he can always speak for you and be the "bad guy"--to kick people out for a few hours and give you a break. But honestly, it was fun to show off our newborn to everyone! And I think it's awesome that your family is so excited to meet your LO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730196 Fri, 28 Apr 2017 05:55:24 +0000 HappyBaker 2730196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: can your sister just come alone? That's what I did when my sister had her first since I had 2 kids at home and knew they didn't need our crazy at their house! It was so nice to visit and meet my niece by myself, I felt like I could really focus on being a good sister / helper, whereas if my kids were there too I would have been sort of worthless! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730187 Fri, 28 Apr 2017 05:04:54 +0000 lamariniere 2730187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read all of the replies, but is there a taxi/shuttle service available from the airport? We fly in and out of medium to small airports when visiting my ILs and my dad, and there's always some kind of hired car service available for pretty reasonable rates. That could help take some of the burden off of logistics.</p> <p>As for overnight guests. I had a pretty terrible experience when my first LO was born. My ILs showed up (from overseas) when my son was 10 days old. They stayed with us for 3 nights and in other accommodations the other nights. I was a complete and utter wreck. Even though they did a lot of cooking and pitched it, I was not comfortable having them around while I struggled to breastfeed and was utterly exhausted and hormonally emotional all of the time. My dad didn't visit until my son was about 3.5 months, and it was more manageable by then. When my 2nd LO was born, I said no visitors until she's 6 weeks. My ILs ended up coming when she was a month old, but it was easier that time and they were helpful caring for my older LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730178 Fri, 28 Apr 2017 00:24:48 +0000 ElbieKay 2730178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: When my son was a newborn, he followed a textbook three-hour cycle for awhile. I had issues with breastfeeding (basically it hurt a ton) and had to pump a lot, which I hated. I was barely sleeping. I was overwhelmed. I do not really have any fond memories of that period.</p> <p>The most I could handle from a visitor was one three-hour cycle. I needed T's 1.5 hours of sleep to either catch up on things like laundry and feeding myself, or to sleep too.</p> <p>There is no way I would have been able to tolerate overnight visitors. Adding a second baby would have felt really chaotic. My parents are local, and I think I allowed them to visit maybe once during the first 2 weeks, and it remained sparse after that.</p> <p>That being said, I am definitely introverted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730137 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 20:56:38 +0000 Mae 2730137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious how long she wants to stay, and how old her baby is. I was very hesitant about having people staying with us soon after my first was born, and got sort of pushed into letting my MIL, SIL, and nephew stay with us for 10 days when LO was 3 weeks old. To be honest, it was awful. And it wasn't anything they did-- they are perfectly nice people. But I'm the sort of person who really needs personal space, and I had a lot of hormones going on, and our kid screamed all the time, and breastfeeding was not going well, and I was not comfortable doing it around anyone else, and I had a c-section complication that meant I still couldn't easily do stairs to move around my house freely, and I just cried all the time. 10 days was way too long and I felt suffocated. And having an 18 mo old in the house stressed me the fuck out. He was loud (as toddlers are) and its not his fault-- but it was just not the good for me mentally. If the baby is more baby than toddler, and if the visit is for no more than 3 days-- I would probably suck it up. But if it was like a week long and/or the kid is a toddler, I'd say no. </p> <p>(Also it's possible you're way less neurotic than me and it'll be fine lol) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730125 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 20:15:05 +0000 Anagram 2730125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: I think you need to have a heart to heart with your sister. Her bringing her husband and child sounds like a bit much for overnight guests--but that totally depends on the overall dynamic with you and her in general.</p> <p>For both of my kids, my mom came for 2-3 weeks and stayed with us, then DHs parents came for 1-2 weeks. We live in a 2 bedroom condo, so that's a super full house. But that is our only real challenge--both my mom and DHs parents are very helpful and laid back. My mom comes and will clean and organize and stay out of our hair, and his mom comes and will cook every single meal for us, worry over us (which is nice when you have just had a baby), will constantly bring me hot tea, etc. And we are comfortable handing over the newborn for a couple of hours so we can catch a nap. And it's just nice to have the company when you are stuck at home so much at the beginning. My husband and I even got date nights when our kiddo was just a couple weeks old. So for me, having family has been immensely helpful both times.</p> <p>But I agree with PPs that if it *at all* seems like your sisters visit will be extra work for you, don't do it. Or talk to her ahead of time and tell her you won't be doing meals, or shopping, or extra laundry, or anything. I would even have your Sister come at the same time as your parents, if possible. Again, that depends on how helpful your family is. Like I trust my mom to come in and take over for me, so she could easily coordinate meals and clean up while I just hung out with sister and our babies. But I don't know what our family dynamic is like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730069 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 17:41:42 +0000 DesertDreams88 2730069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: hahhaha yes she does!! I always love @gingerbebe: 's replies.</p> <p>I echo everyone else's replies in that from 0-3 months you should only have visitors that you are 100% comfortable with seeing you emotional and/or nursing. If guests are going to stay WITH you, they have to be helpful (you could create a list of ideas, or give them 2-3 main tasks... for my mom, it was cooking breakfast &amp; taking care of baby for an afternoon nap). If they are staying elsewhere, then the "helpful" part doesn't matter to me as much, but then I'd only allow them to visit for part of the day and they'd have to respect that (only works if you have an interesting city you live in). </p> <p>I also told all visiting family to get their flu shot and Tdap booster, and texted them a reminder to wash their hands in the airport. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730065 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 17:29:32 +0000 annem1990 2730065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: Hi fellow Sept. new mom! I'm really glad you brought this up, because I honestly hadn't even thought about OOT guests. DH and I just had a good discussion about it so I'm glad to get the ball rolling. </p> <p>Both my parents and ILs live about 90mins away. When they come, they usually stay overnight. My parents and I have a relationship where I'd feel totally comfortable telling them what I need, give them errands, cry, etc. But we can also spend a whole day laying around in pjs doing a puzzle. I know I can be myself and be upfront if I need them to leave.</p> <p>IL's on the other hand are trickier. They're very sweet, but even DH doesn't have the type of relationship with them where he can be blunt. Their family kind of tip-toes around feelings. I under no circumstances want them to stay overnight for the first few months! My DH is on the same page, but I hope they aren't offended. I'm happy to have them for day-visits, but we'd be uncomfortable asking them for much help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730052 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 16:35:46 +0000 helloperidot 2730052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My FIL came the day I got out of the hospital and stayed for 2 weeks. It was incredibly hard because I didn't want anyone around (oh my god, the hormones!) but also nice because he had zero expectations of us entertaining him and he helped out a ton.</p> <p>My MIL and SIL came out at 4 months for a week. MIL was amazing (we bonded deeply during that visit) but SIL brought her 10mo and basically dumped her kid on MIL/ expected us to babysit and cook and entertain while she visited friends in the area. DH made it clear to her how much we did not appreciate that.</p> <p>My parents are the least helpful people ever and basically any time they deign to show up they act like that's all they should have to do while I should prepare them a feast and throw them a party and cater to their every whim on top of taking care of the baby. So...if you've got people like that who want to visit, tell them no.</p> <p>I don't know how we're going to handle visitors this time. But best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730049 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 16:31:47 +0000 Bibliolove 2730049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: good point about germs and new babies :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730046 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 16:27:13 +0000 Bibliolove 2730046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for the great advice! I have a lot to think about. Your posts are all helpful insights. @gingerbebe: this sounds like an ideal visit for guests that want to see the baby, but aren't there to be mother's helper necessarily. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730037 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 16:02:34 +0000 gingerbebe 2730037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For both my boys I was a hot. ass. mess. from weeks 4-10, with weeks 6-8 being the worst. DS1 is an outlier bc he was born screaming and didn't stop for months, but DS2 was a dream until 3 weeks old when he woke up from that sleepy stage and had his nights and days totally flipped. Super newborns just want to eat and sleep and be held, so its perfect for a grandparent who just wants to hold a baby and watch them sleep. </p> <p>My inlaws don't cook or do night wakings or anything like that. So they stay at a hotel and I agreed to go to lunch or dinner with my inlaws (but usually not both) once a day. I sent my husband on some activity with them in the mornings (when I was feeling most tore up). He would take them for breakfast, then they would come back and hold the baby while I showered and ate and then they would go golf or sightsee something. I would sleep and feed the baby, and then perhaps meet them for lunch. Then my inlaws would want a rest themselve and they would come back in the afternoon to play with baby. I would make a super simple dinner like spaghetti or take out and then they would help give baby a bath or whatever and go back to the hotel for the evening - like by 8pm. </p> <p>My MIL usually wanted to go shopping for the baby at some point so both times I drove her across the street to Target, picked out a few outfits, and drove home in under an hour. Then we would have a fashion show modeling all the clothes and she would take a zillion pictures. Some days my inlaws would watch the baby in the living room while I was passed out. We also usually took a stroller walk somewhere. </p> <p>All in all super low key. Their trips were 4-5 days max. </p> <p>Your sister sounds like not a fun visit - I would tell her to come later at like 6 months when the baby is more fun and cute and on a better schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730031 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:53:16 +0000 MrsBucky 2730031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My rules post partum were: only people allowed to stay were people I knew would love me even if I yelled/ cried/ freaked out at or around them. Only visitors welcome were those who didn't mind seeing my boobs (I wasn't shy, but I wanted to set expectations). Everyone is different, but that was what worked for me. My mom came 1 week pp and stayed with us for two weeks- huge help. My MIL came around 10 weeks for a week, it went better than expected. My bestie and her baby (7 months) came and stayed with us at 12 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730028 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:44:16 +0000 jennlin821 2730028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom then dad came for the first three weeks. Mom was awesome and set us up with a great routine, and ran the house while I rested as much as possible.<br /> I was worried about Dad, because he is very schedule oriented and doesn't do well with down time. So I specifically told Dad 'when you are here, this is what you'll be doing; and here is a list of things we also need done'<br /> He is a super early riser, so he was in charge of the baby from 4:30am till I woke up (bringing her in to BF) and then had projects (putting together furniture, food shopping, cooking, laundry, washing vehicles, etc) </p> <p>So my long explaination leads up to this: what do you want out of the visit from your parents?<br /> If you want them to help, specify what their duties will be. If they agree, then they can come. </p> <p>I would do the same for your sister. If she doesn't plan on coming to work, then they can wait to visit when you can both 'vacation'. However, I think you can get out of having them come visit just by explaining that you don't want their baby to spread germs to your new baby (especially if their baby is in daycare, or any kind of class/meetup) Blame it on the pediatrician if you have to! </p> <p>Good luck and let us know whenever you get this resolved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730027 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:38:15 +0000 Bibliolove 2730027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: right, I don't want to learn nursing with people around. :/</p> <p>@gingerbebe: hmmm, that could be worth thinking about. Maybe get it all over with right away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730026 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:36:17 +0000 peaches1038 2730026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came the same week DS was born and stayed with us. They didn't expect us to really do anything. They helped out a ton with cooking and cleaning. Then they came back about six weeks later for Christmas and my sister and her husband came too. They all stayed in an air bnb and it was perfect. We had time alone to decompress and everyone was happy to be together.<br /> Eta: I just nursed in front of everyone or I went to our room to nurse if I felt that I or DS needed a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730024 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:36:09 +0000 Bibliolove 2730024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: I am glad they want to visit, we are close. I love hosting parties, but I am a huge introvert too. Good idea with the freezer meals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730022 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:31:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2730022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah it sucks, don't do it. My inlaws came but they stayed at a hotel and my husband took time off to take them places when me and baby were passed out or whatever. </p> <p>I found the best time is actually RIGHT after the baby is born. They sleep all the time and you can take them places in their infant bucket and people don't expect you to do anything. 6 weeks and later is when it gets really hard because the baby fusses and has leaps and growth spurts and all that. I like people to come the first few weeks but then I don't want anyone around until the baby is past 3-4 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730021 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:30:44 +0000 Bibliolove 2730021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskansas: @mrsbubbletea: thanks! I keep thinking, well on the other hand I'd be happy to see them....but not in my house and not for entertaining them. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730020 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:29:35 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2730020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, I put everyone on notice that I wasn't doing airport runs, which is something I gladly did before having baby in tow. </p> <p>I found that my family expected food, drinks, and pre-baby hospitality. While my ILs didn't expect all that they were not particularly helpful with the baby. Personally, overnight guests within the first 2 months doesn't sound fun.</p> <p>After about a hour or two, basically when baby was ready to nurse again, I really wanted visitors gone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730019 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:28:39 +0000 youboots 2730019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you have your sister stay at a hotel? Can you wait till commit until after baby arrives? If you are not sure now it may be even more amplified later. I don't think spring is a bad idea but it's nice they are willing to come to you.</p> <p>We do not have room for guests. Family lives close so I can't speak to that.</p> <p>I will say that I made a ton of freezer meals and some went to waste because I really loved grocery shopping and cooking in those early days. We also had lots of visitors after our DD was over a month and I enjoyed entertaining (which I did pre baby). But I'm pretty social. I guess my point is be open to anything- you could do better or worse than expected- or flourish in some areas and struggle in others. I did have some intense crying fits for the first couple weeks which was so weird-but hormones. Then it just leveled out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730018 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:27:20 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2730018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bibliolove: hopeful gingerbebe chimes in. She has great advice about this sort of thing (and everything!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730015 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:24:50 +0000 mrskansas 2730015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were in that situation, I wouldn't hesitate to tell my sister to wait until the spring. Those first few weeks can be overwhelming and I didn't even want visitors for more than an hour or two at a time.<br /> I'd stick to your guns on this one.</p> <p>ETA: If your sister is there with her new baby, I can't imagine hearing her baby cry in the odd hours of the night if yours was sleeping and vice versa. Yikes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-for-plans-on-out-of-town-guests#post-2730014 Thu, 27 Apr 2017 15:19:52 +0000 Bibliolove 2730014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm looking for advice or to know if I'm just being an anxious over-reactor. </p> <p>I'm expecting to go on maternity leave for my first at the end of September. My parents want to fly in and visit in October, which is fine. I'm a little nervous though because I don't know what I will be like, what baby will be like, or anything at all really. The airport is an hour round-trip, so I'm hoping my husband would be able to pick them up and drop them off. </p> <p>Anyway, now my sister, her husband, and their baby want to visit a few weeks after that. I'm leaning towards asking if they could come in the spring (they don't want to visit once it gets colder---later on in my leave). I just don't really want to entertain a second time, get beds ready, food set, etc. My mom I know would understand and help out, and it's not like my sister wouldn't but it's her husband and new baby there too, and she would be busy taking care of their baby. Plus I love my sister, but she can be very overbearing and domineering. I'm expecting to be a little vulnerable at that point. She was quite put off when I wasn't overly enthusiastic about their plans. Am I just being too sensitive about the future? </p> <p>What are your experiences with family visiting from out of town during your leave? Thank you! </p>