https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 19:35:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855155 Tue, 06 Nov 2018 09:33:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2855155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your property, your rules. If you think a 5 and 3 year old should have parent supervision you will have to speak up. Your own kids are not babysitters and neither are you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855150 Tue, 06 Nov 2018 09:17:11 +0000 tinyperson 2855150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: I'm with you. If something happened, and the police were involved, they would be questioning you and your kids very likely. </p> <p>Also, your older kids might feel like they have to run after the little kid and may run out into the street and be injured too. </p> <p>Sounds like you need to be really direct and say something along the lines of what @irene: said above: "Your kids can come over, but I can't supervise them. If they come over and you and your husband aren't with them, we'll be bringing them back to your house." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855105 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 23:49:17 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2855105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Twolittlemen: I would have thought that way too, until I got neighbor that does the same thing... what they're doing is taking advantage of the ambiguity... </p> <p>No advice, we struggle with the permanence of having bought a house and having to have real relationships with our neighbors (when we moved from a just say hi in passing kind of neighborhood.) But yeah that would bother me too, sorry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855098 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 23:23:49 +0000 Amorini 2855098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m with those who have brought up the potential liability issues. That’s where my thoughts first went. Not to mention the thought of having something happen and it weighing on your conscious!</p> <p>I would be direct and matter-of-fact. You have every right to have rules for what’s okay on your property. I like what @irene said and how she put it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855096 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 23:11:31 +0000 ALV91711 2855096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With how the Mom acted when you saw her at the bus stop I think you will have to be direct, even if it's in a text. I'd let them know that their kids can only come over if one of them comes too to supervise. If the kids then come over without a parent I'd send them home. Your 8 year old should not be having to watch them. </p> <p>We are in a cul de sac and there are lots of kids around ages 5-7 that play out in the front and running across the street unsupervised. They go to each other's yards and don't tell their parents where they are. We've had a Mom knock at our door to see if her son was in our back yard. The lack of supervision drives myself and DH crazy. We let our son who is 5 in the back yard alone with just keeping an eye out for him. He's not aloud in the front without one of us. If any of the kids want to play in our yard the rule is they have to tell their parents. But I wouldn't want any kids younger than 5 coming over on their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855094 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 22:42:38 +0000 irene 2855094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This in a way reminds me of my very own new neighbor. The difference is we share a cul-de-sac so there is not much anywhere dangerous to run. DS is 6, and their kids are 4 yo girl and 2 yo boy but the 4 yo really behaves very much like a 6-7. If we are outside on the cul-de-sac, their parents would send them out on their own (sometimes just the 4 yo girl, not the younger baby brother) while they go back inside to cook or whatever. </p> <p>Compare to your situation it wasn't a really big chore, but I know it bothers my other neighbor who has a 7 yo boy and 3 yo girl. They have said several times how the new neighbors are weird at how lax they are to let their kids out like that with no supervision. It doesn't bother me a LOT yet, I do find it irritating however, as at least you can say, I am cooking inside the house -- so if you are going to be out for a little bit is it OK if you watch my kids for a second? There was never any of that. Especially when the dad was the only one there he wouldn't even come out to say hi. I just feel that it was a little entitled that they expect whichever grown up is out there to watch their kids. But again it is not comparable to your situation as they are not about to run into major traffic which is quite a walk away, and I do like the older girl to come out to keep DS company ....</p> <p>For your situation, however, I would definitely say something: "Hey! I really hate to even bring it up, but what happened the other day where xyz (the younger kid) didn't listen and ran out really got me thinking. My kids are bigger, so I let them play outside unsupervised for a brief period of time -- but when your kids came over to visit, I find that it became my responsibility for their safety, and I am in no capacity in doing that. You guys are more than welcome to come over when you see my kids are out! However you or your husband need to come with them too so a grown up will be able to keep an eye out on them. Otherwise I am so sorry but I really couldn't have the younger ones over with no supervision -- I will have to ask my kids to bring them over back to you if that happens. Sorry but this has been really bothering me. What do you think?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855093 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 22:31:48 +0000 Alexandra603 2855093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would directly tell them their kids cannot come over to your house unless they also come over. 3 years old!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855092 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 22:31:29 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2855092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first thought was absolutely a liability worry. What if something did happen to that kid? If they were on your property, I’m pretty sure you would be liable. As well, you don’t know these people well enough to know they wouldn’t sue you for who knows what their kids get into. Plus the fact that it’s insane they just let the kids run around like that...you aren’t overreacting, I think it’s weird and alarming. </p> <p>I really don’t know what I would do here. It would be super awkward to bring up and clearly the mom is a bit too nonchalant. I don’t think she understands at all with how she reacted. I might be inclined to text them and say ‘I know I spoke to you about this already but I’m uncomfortable supervising the kids because they are too young. IF they come over again, you’ll need to attend and look out for your younger one’ then it’s in writing, it’s straightforward and you get your point across. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855085 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 21:50:58 +0000 ElbieKay 2855085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oldsoulmama: I think you need to be more direct and tell her the kids are not allowed in your yard unsupervised. Your message above implies that you are using hints and assumptions. That is not a clear way to communicate. I would not assume from your description of the encounter that “she now knows I wasn’t comfortable with having an unsupervised 3 year old wandering around.” It doesn’t sound like you actually told her that.</p> <p>If I were you, I would also do some research to understand your legal responsibilities should something happen on your property. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855077 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 21:02:23 +0000 LemonJack 2855077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m pretty easy going, but this makes me shudder. I can’t believe they’re okay with their three year old just wandering around. From her response to you today, it does make me wonder if they’re just using your yard and kids as a break from watching their kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855053 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 18:59:22 +0000 oldsoulmama 2855053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your input! Lots of great suggestions and I'm glad I'm not overreacting.</p> <p>So a bit of an update....I saw the mom at the bus stop today. I started off by saying how when her kids were over, the little one ran out onto the street and didn't listen to me when I told her to come back. She turned to her daughter and said "oh you have to listen to grown-ups" then said she is a stubborn kid. Then she changed the subject to something else. Totally flippant. :meh: I didn't even get a chance to tell her I'd rather have someone around to supervise, especially the youngest. But I didn't even bother elaborating. It's clear to me at this point that they're way more lax about things, she didn't seem the least bit bothered by the fact that it's an inconvenience for me, didn't bother to ask if I can keep an eye on her kids, or thank me for my concern for her little one. At least she now knows I wasn't comfortable with having an unsupervised 3 year old wandering around. I think from now on if I notice their kids come over again and I can't monitor them, I'm going to text her and say something along the lines of "hey I noticed your kids walking around unsupervised, just wanted to let you know". </p> <p>She may get offended and think it's none of my business, but I can't be held responsible if her kids get hurt on my property. Luckily things will be different in 3+ years and they all will be old enough that no one needs to worry as much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855042 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 18:14:16 +0000 Mrsbells 2855042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oldsoulmama: your anger is justified and I havent even finished reading your post! They cant use you as their unofficial babysitter and just send their kids over. We have a friend who likes to do that and I have insisted that for safety reasons for any playdate parents need to stay with their child. This way we can all focus on our kids. Can you discuss with the neighbor that its hard enough watching your 2 kids that you cant also watch their kiddos every time your child is playing </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855034 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 18:04:11 +0000 codeitall 2855034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like all these responses on how to handle it. This sounds like a really stressful situation for you and even for your kids. You definitely need to have a conversation with your neighbors that says: my kids are playing outside independently, not providing free babysitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855027 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 17:06:41 +0000 snowjewelz 2855027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oldsoulmama: I absolutely would not expect an 8 year old to be able to keep an eye on three younger kids outdoors with no walls/doors; that is an unrealistic expectation and while I'm super non-confrontational, I def think something needs to be said to prevent anything from happening. </p> <p>Maybe approach it as, I'm not sure if you realize but when my kids are out playing I'm not really watching them as they are 6 &amp; 8 and follow my directions closely. This is what happened to your 3 year old the other day and it makes me really nervous that there is no adult outside supervising. Would you be able to keep an eye on the kids next time they come over? Or text me before and I'll let you know if I'm available to keep an eye on them? (maybe not even that last part). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2855003 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 15:31:02 +0000 ElbieKay 2855003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just tell the parents that their 3yo (or both of their kids, if that is what you’re comfortable with) are not permitted on your property without adult supervision. And that you cannot provide that supervision by default. What if something happens on your property? In my opinion three is way too young to play unsupervised, and five is not old enough to supervise a 3yo either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854993 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:59:09 +0000 Iced Tea 2854993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not being unreasonable to want to set the rules for your property. I think it's important that you speak with them, otherwise the only relationship you will have with the newbies is a resentful one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854992 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:58:45 +0000 oldsoulmama 2854992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodiebee: I had the same upbringing but I'm not the same person as my parents. </p> <p>Although they've never said this, sometimes I feel like they don't want to have to deal with their kids for a while so they are hopeful my oldest will keep an eye out for them. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854990 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:53:28 +0000 foodiebee 2854990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised in a similar way to how Twolittlemen and Corduroy are describing. Cul-de-sac, all the kids running around in all the yards playing independently. We never assumed anyone's parents were responsible for us when we were in their yard. One house did have younger kiddos, and the parent would come out and directly ask me (the eldest) to keep an eye on her, which I always did. Otherwise, it was assumed that we were all outside with a measure of independence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854989 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:51:28 +0000 oldsoulmama 2854989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Twolittlemen: Yes I like the way you put that! </p> <p>However, maybe it's just me that feels this way.....but I can't NOT pay attention to small kids on my property even if their parents are ok with allowing that independence. If something bad were to happen, I would be a mess.</p> <p>Yes, it's their choice to allow their kids to go unsupervised in their yard, but I can't do that on my own property. For what it's worth, I don't see their kids playing outside on their property, with or without their parents. They pretty much only come out when my kids are out, which is often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854983 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:39:53 +0000 Corduroy 2854983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would tell the neighbors what happened with the street and point out that your kids are playing outside independently. Neither you nor your kids can watch their kids on a regular basis. This may or may not change their mind but it would help set the expectations. </p> <p>I have a 5yo and a 3yo and I won’t let my 3yo out unsupervised. Other parents on my block that I like and respect (and trade babysitting with) have let their 3yo have run of the cul de sac. It worked out for them and they never assumed someone else was watching him. It sounds like your neighbors might be into similar independence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854982 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:39:36 +0000 Twolittlemen 2854982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So... if you're not outside I don't think the parents are making you responsible for watching them, I think you're taking that upon yourself. </p> <p>Is it possible that they allow to kids to play outside solo regardless of whether or not your kids are out there? </p> <p>Also, as a side note, I would never ASK if it's ok if you can drop them back off. You're implying that you were responsible for them. I would have said "I'm sending your kids home, I can't keep an eye on them right now and don't feel comfortable letting them play in my yard if I can't supervise." That way if they want to let them play outside without supervision you've let them know you wont be supervising. And I don't feel like it sounds accusatory, like many things might in this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854981 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:37:49 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2854981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good point @Lindsay05:. You may have to set the new rules directly with children. Yours and theirs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854978 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:32:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2854978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would write this all down and try to take the emotions out of it and then retell it a few times so you can share the story with the parents without the judgement they are too lax. At the end of the day, your kids are older and do not need direct supervision. Their children do and your kids are not old enough to provide that supervision and you are not available to provide that supervision. Therefore, if they want their kids to come play with yours they need to be there too for their kids sake. I’d try to get that point across too and even if they come back with our kids are fine with your kids then reiterate what your 8 year old had to and that’s simply not fair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854974 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:11:32 +0000 Foodnerd81 2854974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t know what I would do exactly, but I don’t think you are wrong or too high strung in this situation. In my neighborhood, I’m the parent with the younger children (5 and almost 3). So, I have to be outside with them. If we are outside with neighbors and their kids and I need to run inside, I’ll ask them to keep an eye for a minute. I would never just send them outside to the neighbors- and we live at the end of a very quiet cul de sac. </p> <p>It’s a tricky spot for you... but yeah I’d be upset too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854972 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:10:25 +0000 Lindsay05 2854972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes! I’m a pretty lax parent but even this made me shutter. I would be having a conversation with this child’s parent. It doesn’t have to be negative, and could mention that you don’t mind their children coming over but it needs to be communicated. If something bad were to happen to that child how awful would you have felt?! I would also TRY to have a serious conversation with the 3 year old about not coming over without a parent physically walking the child to your front step and speaking to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-neighbors-way-too-lax-with-their-kids#post-2854965 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 13:47:25 +0000 oldsoulmama 2854965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m bothered by this but admittedly I’m more of an anxious parent in general than most, so please let me know if my anger is justified here.</p> <p>I have 2 kids (age 6 and 8) and our new neighbor who just moved in a few months ago also has 2 kids (age 3 and 5). Our kids love to play together and they get along great. The parents are really nice people too and we’re becoming friends with them.</p> <p>Problem I have is that when my kids are playing outside together, they immediately send their kids over. Which normally is ok, but I feel like they do it a lot and rarely offer for our kids to come to their place. What really bothers me though is, 1) they don’t inform me that they’re sending them over and I feel like I need to know since their kids are really young and need supervision, and 2) most of the time, I’m inside doing chores and I can’t devote myself to give as much attention to the safety of the youngest one. My kids both know that when they’re out playing they are not allowed to go out onto the street and they’re not allowed to go to any adjacent neighbor’s house unless they tell me first. </p> <p>So this past weekend, same thing happened and I was annoyed because I was in the middle of doing something, so I just tried to keep my eye out the window every so often to make sure everything was ok. Then I notice the 3 year old at the end of our driveway about to walk onto the road, while my 8 year old is running after her and beckoning her to come back. Right away I come out and call for her to come back onto our property but she shouted “NO” (gotta love 3 year olds) and took off down the road toward her house. I can’t see her because there are bushes blocking my view, but what really made my heart jump, was that they had a contractor doing hardscaping around their property that morning with their heavy equipment. So I half-threw on my sneakers running after her, and cursing in my mind ‘where the bleep are the parents’….</p> <p>Well luckily I come to find that the trucks are gone for the day, but the 3 year old ran up to her driveway and in front of her house, sneaking by the “do not cross” tape that had been put up to protect the newly laid hardscaping. I asked her gently to come off the hardscaping but she pressed ahead. Parents are still nowhere in sight. She finally made a full loop all the way around and back to our house through some bushes. I run back and find her near our garage where all the other kids are, and I explain to her she cannot go out onto the road otherwise she may get hit by a car. </p> <p>I was pretty upset about it. So upset I couldn’t bring myself to call the parents right then and there because I literally felt like I was going to start screaming at them for being so irresponsible with their kids. So I texted the father and asked if it was ok if I dropped them off, to which he responded sure. My kids walked them to their back door.</p> <p>How or what would you do if this happened? Would you even be upset like I am? I feel like I want to be nice about it because they are my new neighbors and they appear to be nice people. But fundamentally, they are far more lax with their kids than I am comfortable with, and I don’t appreciate them assuming they can drop their kids off whenever they feel like it without telling me. I still want our kids to play but I also don’t want them to think I’m being a jerk by laying out rules that they clearly haven’t established. In general, I feel like most parents are way too nonchalant about kid safety which is why I feel like I’m more high strung about things like this.</p> <p>Ugh. What would you do? </p>