https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 19:07:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1471138 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 19:15:33 +0000 Claire.Peonies 1471138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank-you so much for your responses! They have all been super helpful! I think laying out a timeline for her would help.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1470867 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 17:37:24 +0000 ScarletBegonia 1470867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so glad to see some of the responses on here! I live in Australia and my parents live in Canada - they were here from weeks 33-38 of my pregnancy which was a great help, as they are great about cleaning and cooking, and we got to have a lot of special time pre-baby together. They are coming back about 5 weeks after my due date (although, with the lack of labour signs happening, I think it will be more like 3/4 weeks post-delivery!) It was a difficult decision, they offered to come just once for an extended period pre and post delivery, or to come twice, and after much discussion they decided to give us the 3-5 weeks on our own. I am actually really glad now. As I get more uncomfortable and anxious about the birth I am glad to just have my husband around, he is really the only one who can calm me down anyway. I've gone into something of a hibernation mode as well, I don't really want to be around or talk to anyone besides my husband. But as a few PPs have said, I'm sure I will want help when the sleep deprivation and baby caring get to be a bit too much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1470839 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 17:30:53 +0000 artsyfartsy 1470839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I had someone to clean and do laundry for me while I rested but I definitely just wanted me and DH at home. I'm sitting here with my shirt up and boobs hanging out because I have a clogged duct. Lol. Not something you can do with company. Haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1470784 Wed, 05 Mar 2014 17:16:50 +0000 gingerbebe 1470784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on how helpful your mom is. My mom is a workhorse, so she'll be cooking and cleaning non-stop for us while doting on the baby, so it will be helpful for sure. </p> <p>My parents live an 8 hour car ride or an hour plane ride away. I know my mom wants to be super involved, but I do not want someone sitting around the house waiting for me pop either.<br /> I know I will only want DH with me at the hospital and probably the first few days at home. I want a little time for my milk to come in and start figuring out changing diapers and BFing before my mom is all up in my grill.</p> <p>I think by day 3 at home, I will be ready for some sleep, some help with food, and some mothering - and so will DH. I'm assuming I'll spend 2 days at the hospital and 2 days at home just trying to get acclimated. </p> <p>So for us, I think we'll tell mom that there's no point for her to come before my due date, given that women are so often overdue and I don't want her to just sit and wait around. Then once I'm in real, active labor we'll tell her the baby is on its way and that we'll call again when we get home since everything is crazy. Once we're discharged we'll let her know and she'll need a day or two to book a flight and get her stuff in order anyway, at which point I think she will be SUPER ready to meet her grandchild and I will be ready for a nap! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1462759 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 08:19:17 +0000 Claire.Peonies 1462759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you so much everyone for your help and advice! These are all so helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1426232 Sat, 15 Feb 2014 11:32:21 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1426232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that those first few weeks it's really nice to not be alone. Either home with your his and or home with your mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1426222 Sat, 15 Feb 2014 11:17:00 +0000 singingbee 1426222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Claire.Peonies: my parents and in-laws came the day of baby's birth. We had to have a c-section due to a breech baby. They left later that day. Dh and I went home two days later. My parents, aunt, and two of my sisters came that Sunday to visit during the day. That was great. Dh and my dad put things together. One sister cleaned. Everyone else held baby unless I was nursing. That next weekend one sister came to stay when dh had to go back to work. It was great to have someone else around. My family took turns coming for little visits. I enjoyed it because it gave dh a break from having to do everything. It was nice to talk to them and They helped pick up or grocery shop. </p> <p>I wouldn't worry about. My mom planned on staying the whole time we were in the hospital. Things have a way of changing. It's too early to know what your delivery will be like, etc. I was lucky in that mine was very routine with no complications. Hang in there!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1426145 Sat, 15 Feb 2014 10:16:12 +0000 tequiero21 1426145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually stayed with my mom for a month. Hell yeah! I needed all the help I could get! I did have twins and my hubby is and was in no position to really help. My mom helped me with the twins AND took care of me! It was great! I want that again for this baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1426136 Sat, 15 Feb 2014 10:12:08 +0000 lamariniere 1426136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Claire.Peonies: congrats! I think it is totally personal and you should go with your gut. For me, I absolutely did not want anyone around. For my 1st LO, my mil came when DS was just 10 days old and it was misery for me. She offered to come help again when DD was on the way and I totally stressed about it even though I was only 4 months pregnant when she offered. I had DH tell her she would have to wait until the baby was 1 month old before coming. She did and it went much better than the first time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425765 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 22:02:04 +0000 wonderstruck 1425765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ask her to not come right away - help is nice, but having an extra person there 24/7 when you already have your DH is NOT. I would phrase it to her as a favor telling her how helpful it would be if she could come when DH goes back to work - you'll definitely need and want the help then! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425740 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 21:42:55 +0000 MapleMoose 1425740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom came everyday for the first two weeks. She lives in the same town. It was so helpful to have someone cook, clean, do laundry, and care for the baby so DH and I could nap during the day. It's one thing to read about how babies wake up every 1.5-2 hours to eat but to live it is a whole other level of utter exhaustion. Plus she got Grammy time so it was a win for everyone. Don't forget that you most likely won't be too agile after delivery either because your body needs time to heal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425654 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 20:30:33 +0000 travelgirl1 1425654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Claire.Peonies: Ahhhh I totally missed that you were pregnant!!! HUGE congratulations!!! </p> <p>I agree with pps that it's very personal. For me, I couldn't think of anything worse than someone staying with us when we had a new baby. But I have some friends who said that help with cooking and cleaning was invaluable. If your mom will be helpful then maybe ask her to come but for a shorter period? If you think she would be more needy then honestly, it's probably something you can do without. And congrats again : ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425356 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 17:37:37 +0000 jetsa 1425356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't think I wanted anyone to stay after baby was born but my mom insisted and it was great. She left on day 10 and I cried. I also ended up with mastitis on day 5 so it was huge having someone else there, especially someone who's raised 4 babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425333 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 17:27:43 +0000 Ree723 1425333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We love overseas from our families and DH's family was fine with waiting a few months before meeting the baby, but my mom wanted to come down as soon as possible. We set the guideline that we wanted DH's paternity leave (two weeks) to be our alone time and once he went back to work, we'd be more than happy to have her come stay.</p> <p>Now because we had to book flights in advance, we just booked them for two weeks after the due date and decided if the baby was late, so be it, we'd make due with a shorter family time, and if the baby was early, again, so be it, I'd make due on my own once Dh went back to work until my mom arrived. </p> <p>So far, with both of our daughters, it has worked out well. DD1 arrived on her due date, and DD2 arrived eight hours past her due date. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425308 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 17:12:35 +0000 Mommy Finger 1425308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents didn't stay with us b/c we lived in a one bedroom at the time. My mom would come down about once a week or so and would be very helpful. I think this was perfect. However, we live so close to my parents now that I doubt they'll stay with us when #2 comes but my mom might. Either way, I"ll think they'll be over more, which will be great to help out with DS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425299 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 17:04:49 +0000 lawbee11 1425299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she cook? I would've loved to have someone making me meals! We didn't have anyone stay with us, but my parents live in the same city as us so they'd come over on the weekends. In the first couple of weeks I spent a lot of time topless because I was BFing and also wanted to do as much skin to skin as possible...I actually miss those days because of the incredible bonding experience it was. I also napped a lot while LO napped as we weren't getting much sleep at night. If you think your mom will be a help re: cooking, cleaning, laundry then I don't think it's a bad idea. But if you think she'll want to just hold the baby the entire time and/or you'll have to entertain her then I'd probably ask her to come a week or two after your LO is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425273 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:52:40 +0000 kiddosc 1425273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't vote because the options didn't fit. I didn't want EVERYONE to come, but my parents did come. They flew in the day that E was born (planned ahead of time to come in that day, just convenient it was the day E was born) and my Dad stayed for a week and my Mom for two weeks. They were very good about letting DH and I take care of the baby and have time to ourselves as a family when we wanted it. In the meantime, they took care of the house and prepared meals and gave us a break when we needed it. I loved having them there and felt really respected as a new parent. </p> <p>This is different for everyone. Only you know what your relationship is like with your Mom. If she would be helpful, or more of a burden. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425262 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:46:35 +0000 bookwormmama 1425262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is coming out when I go into labor and staying with us for about a week. Sometimes I get a little anxious because dealing with my family for long periods of time stress me out, but my mom is an RN in L&amp;D and a lactation consultant so I think her help is going to be much more valuable than I can imagine. She offered to get a hotel or stay with us but hasn't been super pushy which is out of character for her. We are going to have her stay with us to use her help with breastfeeding. Maybe mention to your mom she could come but stay in a hotel or something? Then you'll have alone time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425261 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:45:59 +0000 Mrs. M 1425261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Go with your gut. If you think you will want alone time then you may want to encourage her to come a bit later, or not stay so long. It is a really special, yet exhausting time! </p> <p>We had a lot of visitors because the majority of our families live out of state. The hardest part for me was trying to get the hang of breastfeeding with people constantly at our house. I felt like I had to live in the nursery in the early weeks. I also felt bad because we have a small upstairs and worried the baby would keep waking the guests. I don't get to see my family very often so I didn't nap or "sleep when the baby was sleeping" because I felt weird about it. In hind sight I would have taken more care of myself and not worried so much about the rest. </p> <p>My MIL has already made it clear she wants to come stay with us after baby # 2 is born (I'm due in August) and that is not happening. Unlike my family she was a constant stressor. She commented on everything (my weight, why I sometimes would nurse in our bedroom and not the nursery, what activities and school programs I should enroll our daughter in...mind you she was 4 weeks old at the time!) and I cannot deal with her again. She is more than welcome to come see the baby, but there is no way she is staying alone with me and the children all day while my husband is at work! I have learned from my mistakes the first time around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425246 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:40:15 +0000 googly-eyes 1425246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't say for you, but for me, I'd love the help! Well, mostly because next time around I'll have two of them though. Maybe for me it would come down to how much room you have for your mom to stay (can you get some privacy) and your relationship with your mom..</p> <p>If your mom mostly wants to come to hold the baby, I say no. If she's going to cook, clean, do laundry, then yes.</p> <p>Oh and the other thing you could do is have her come a little bit after the baby, maybe a couple weeks after. Six weeks old is probably going to be around the most difficult time, so maybe then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425242 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:38:10 +0000 Cherrybee 1425242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had huge, huge anxiety when I was pregnant around my MIL's excitement and insistence on "helping" once the baby was here. I felt that she was very much intruding on what was a very special, personal time. I still feel that the first few days are sacred and you should be allowed space to bond as a family.... but I will also say that once baby is here you will probably be really glad of the help!! I know I was! And also - much of what I was feeling during pregnancy was hormonal and I didn't feel as super-protective of my little nest once the baby was here!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425240 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:36:21 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1425240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's such a personal question, and even if someone else appreciated the help and visit, you very well may not. </p> <p>All of my family and my husbands live locally so having house guests wasn't an issue for us. But, people wanted to visit all the time and sometimes I felt up to it, and other times I didn't. </p> <p>Do you think your mom will be helpful?<br /> Will she cook, clean, help with laundry?</p> <p>Some of our visitors wore out their welcome. Some expected us to wait on them, which was really difficult. Some people stayed ALL DAY LONG and gosh, I just wanted to sleep.</p> <p> .maybe I'd have felt differently if I wasn't recovering from a csection!</p> <p>I'd tell our mom you're so excited for her to meet your baby &amp; for her to visit but you aren't sure when you'll go into labor or if you'll be feeling up to house guests. Ask that she come after delivery (is a last minute flight an option?) and consider staying at a hotel the first night or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425228 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:31:23 +0000 MrsKoala 1425228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is currently staying with us after our LO's birth and it has been a godsend. Honestly, I had a lot of anxiety before she came but she has been so helpful. I would have gone crazy this week without her help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425220 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:26:55 +0000 lovehoneybee 1425220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom did pretty much the same thing. She flew up a few days before he was born (she was a former childbirth coach and I wanted her there) and stayed for two weeks after he was born. </p> <p>It worked really well for us. D only got a couple of days of paid paternity leave before he had to go back to work, so it was very helpful for me to have her there. She was there to hold E when I wanted to take a shower and to help cook and clean. </p> <p>I do understand wanting to have bonding time with just your DH and LO, though. Luckily my mom is very friendly with my ILs, who live half an hour away, so she went and stayed with them for the first weekend after we brought him home so that we could have at least a few days to adjust with just the three of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425165 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 16:00:24 +0000 PurplePeony 1425165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents live far away and both work full-time, so we knew they wouldn't be around for the birth because they couldn't just come and hang out that long. They ended up flying out here when DD was 3 weeks old, and although I'm sad they didn't get to see her when she was suuuuper tiny, it was perfect timing otherwise. I'm glad DD, DH, and I had some "us time" but the high was wearing off and it was truly a lifesaver to have someone take DD for a couple hours in the early morning do I could get a bit of sleep (usually about 6:30-9ish). They could only stay a little over a week and I'd have loved for them to be there for 2.5-3 weeks. Oh, and I'm not shy about BFing so I just did what we needed to do and didn't worry about covers and stuff -- it would have been a lot more stressful if I hadn't felt free to BF wherever/whenever during those first few weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425156 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:56:34 +0000 Mae 1425156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you!!! This has been a source of anxiety for me. I feel the exact same way as you. I want a week with just my husband and LO. I want us to figure out how to be parents alone. I don't want anyone telling me how to do things or making suggestions or to have to hide away if I'm feeling super emotional or super sore or if I want to have my boobs out to feed while I"m trying to figure out breastfeeding and not wanting to deal with a nursing cover. </p> <p>My parents only live 2 hrs away so this was not a *huge* deal although I know my mom doesn't quite agree. I told her I would love for her to come down once I am in labor and be with me at the hospital, stay at our house while we're in the hospital to care for our pets, and maybe stay our first night home (depending on when we get released, if it is late) to help us settle in-- but then I want them out. She said that she thinks I may want more help than I think that I will, and she is prepared to stay longer if I want her, but if I want her to go home then she will do so. </p> <p>My inlaws are a bigger problem because they live too far (IMO) to come just for the hospital and go home. My FIL I simply told we were not having visitors at all for the first week because I don't want anyone in the room while I'm giving birth and I don't want people pacing the hallways waiting for me to give birth and I don't want any house guests the first week. He was very clearly not pleased, but he is respecting our wishes. </p> <p>My MIL is the biggest issue. She has made a couple comments now about how she plans to be here for the birth and when we get home. Which I'm not even quite sure how she would accomplish that because she lives a plane ride away, and money is an issue so catching a flight on like an hour's notice seems sort of not possible to me? My husband says he will talk to her and explain that we don't want house guests the first week and it doesn't make sense for her to try to rush to fly here the day our LO is born just to turn around and fly home the next day when we get released, but he hasn't' done it yet. And it is giving me anxiety. But he says he will… so…. hopefully it goes over okay :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425151 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:54:57 +0000 Mamasig 1425151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stayed with us for two weeks. She only lives 20 minutes away but she stayed each night. It was so helpful!!!!!!!!!</p> <p>She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and helped with the baby when I asked her to. I can't imagine not having that help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425127 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:48:32 +0000 ShootingStar 1425127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had my parents come for two weeks and for the most part it was so incredibly helpful. We really missed them when they were gone. </p> <p>*But* for one thing they were super helpful and I didn't have to entertain them. My dad took care of the dog so we didn't have to worry about her, and my mom cooked for us and did all the dishes, including bottles. Also, I had an induction turned c-section, so they arrived the day I went to the hospital, no waiting around, and we were in the hospital for several days. I loved our hospital, it was very relaxing and peaceful and we got that family time, just the 3 of us, with some visitors for an hour or 2 a day. </p> <p>The negatives were that it was hard to breastfeed with other people around. I kept having to mess with the cover and my dad was sitting on my couch non-stop, which is where I wanted to be. We also have a small-ish house, with only 1.5 bathrooms. So having 4 adults share the 1 full bathroom was a hassle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425121 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:46:51 +0000 Greentea 1425121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to do what is best for you! It is too important of a time to compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-please#post-1425087 Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:37:24 +0000 miranlee 1425087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was staying with my in-laws at the time and while it was often a pain in the butt, it was an IMMENSE help/relief! Once the high of labor wears off, I was just so tired! It's nice to be able to nap and know that my baby was being held and looked after. Other positives are the help with housework and cooking. </p> <p>Boundaries definitely need to be set, though! </p>