https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 16:39:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581691 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 08:07:40 +0000 Rubies 581691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She should not be invited because she has the ability to turn a joyous occasion sour. If she apologizes soon/later, then maybe you can have a family celebration or something. But your baby shower is to celebrate you and your baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581617 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 06:49:11 +0000 Arden 581617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely not. She needs to understand that the boundaries you set are firm and serious. This is the consequence of her behavior - therefore it was her choice not to be invited, not yours. </p> <p>Besides, she's likely to ruin your shower and then you'll just have another thing hanging over your relationship that could be very difficult for you to "get over". I think it would cause more damage in the long run to invite her than to not invite her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581295 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:04:23 +0000 Grace 581295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PrettyLizy. I imagine it's hard on your husband to set that boundary, so I think you should be strong and support him on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581220 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:30:35 +0000 IcebergMom 581220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before I read your full post my answer was yes invite her!!! But she sounds so dangerous. You need positivity around you and support. Growing a happy, healthy baby is your job and its soon to be your new job to protect him or her and to make the tough calls. Hard to say it but this is a good first step. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581193 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:20:08 +0000 knittylady 581193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't invite her! My mother is untreated bordeline and not inviting her to my bridal shower was one of the best things I've done. I had been dreading my own shower when I was thinking she'd be there and that's just no way for it to be... Good luck. I know it's tough but hopefully you and your DH will feel more comfortable with boundaries soon and confident about what you are giving (by subtraction) your son. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581146 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:54:44 +0000 marionberry 581146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her. It's important to stick to your boundaries and honestly on such a happy day, it'd be a bummer to let her ruin it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581120 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:44:59 +0000 prettylizy 581120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would respect your DH's wishes and not try and undermine him on this. The last thing you want to do is create a lack of trust with him on this first issue when it sounds to me like you're looking at a lifetime of this type of stuff. His family, he leads the way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581116 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:43:53 +0000 MrsH 581116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581112 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:41:25 +0000 Penny Lane 581112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: wow, you're a better person than I am. I wouldn't even feel bad not inviting her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581102 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:34:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 581102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not invite her. In the grand scheme of the things a baby shower is not that big of a deal meaning the world will still turn if your MIL does not attend. She may be offended, but it's a just social event. The shower is given by and should be attended by people who love you and she has not been throwing love your way recently.</p> <p>Anyway to help her get help? Clearly you do not want to subject your child to verbal abuse, but having a living grandparent is a blessing. Would you be open to letting her visit the baby later even if she never apologizes to her son for speaking ill of his wife? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581091 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:28:48 +0000 MsLipGloss 581091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: This. Exactly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581063 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:03:32 +0000 sunny 581063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if its going to stress you out... don't invite her. Does she already know about it? Pretend it didn't happen or it was a surprise for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581062 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:02:36 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 581062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A baby shower should not be a stressful thing for you -- she is the last person you should worry about that day. So definitely not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581055 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:57:27 +0000 kjpugs 581055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If she's lashing out about you, she probably wouldn't want to go anyway. Remind yourself of that! If she apologizes and seems to calm down before the shower, you can always verbally invite her if you want to. But it's not worth the dramatics!</p> <p>Is there really any way of her finding out? My MIL is on facebook so she would see pictures- so if yours is, keep that in mind. You might want to think about it with DH how you will talk to her about it if she brings up not being invited.</p> <p>Good luck! I would definitely say unless there's a huge change, have the shower without her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-581044 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:51:27 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 581044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely do not invite her. Don't give her so much head space, either. You have to protect yourself and LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580986 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:20:05 +0000 sarac 580986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. </p> <p>I really don't have any answer but that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580933 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:47:37 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 580933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know you feel bad about the situation now but look at it from the other side of the event - if you invite her, after everything she's done and said about you most recently, would you be happy? Would the event still have the same feel as if you had chosen to not invite her? </p> <p>You would probably feel worse subjecting her personality to other people, especially people who love and wish to protect you, than you would if you just stuck to the boundaries you and DH set. I know it's harsh but think about how other people will feel if she's there and starts her tirades against your character. It will only escalate and turn into an uncomfortable, if not unbearable, situation. Don't put yourself through it sweetie. I know it's hard, but it's probably for the best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580923 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:38:23 +0000 chopsuey 580923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: yeah I know how crazy bipolar ppl can be. Keep her away from you and your baby if she doesn't take her meds! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580922 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:38:21 +0000 mauri 580922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not invite her.</p> <p>I also grew up with an unstable father, who was both emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I cut him out of my life after my wedding, when he told me I was a huge disappointment and that he wished I had been aborted.</p> <p>He found out from a family member that I am pregnant and now he's trying to worm his way back in my life. I refuse to invite such a unstable, hateful person into my son's life. I'd never forgive myself if my father hurt him too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580910 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:29:19 +0000 Ra 580910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: She refuses to take any medication. So frustrating! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580908 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:28:25 +0000 Ra 580908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies! </p> <p>It is difficult for me because I have never dealt with anyone like this before. I grew up in a very loving, supportive home. I'm not used to completely unwarranted verbal attacks. I know it isn't personal towards me, she does it to everybody, but it doesn't make it right. </p> <p>I'm gonna stick to my guns! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580906 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:28:24 +0000 pinkb 580906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree not to invite her. There have been issues with my MIL and she was told to apologize before we would communicate with her again. Months went by and she still had not so I sucked it up and invited her to our baby shower for the sake of DH. Big mistake, the day of it turned into all about her and she thought we said we were moving it to her house...???!! So she never showed and for the first hour DH was on the phone trying to figure out where she was. And it cause other family not to come because she took it upon herself to call them and tell them it was moved. I cant stand the lady. Stick to your guns. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580903 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:27:39 +0000 mrsmenow 580903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her. You set boundries and if she can't respect them then you need to stick with what you told her. Especially if DH and his sister don't think she will do well in that setting, they know her best.</p> <p>Good luck, I hope you have a great shower! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580902 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:26:57 +0000 chopsuey 580902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She hasn't apologized, so she doesn't get invited. I mean, is she on meds? My aunt is bipolar and is fine unless she skips her meds.. Sorry you have to deal with this and I wouldn't feel bad.. Who knows what type of craziness she'll pull if she's invited? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580899 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:25:32 +0000 blackbird 580899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't invite her-what if she attacks you verbally at the shower? You can only have boundaries if you maintain them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580896 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:22:02 +0000 Smurfette 580896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her. It will just stress you out and that is an occasion where you should be relaxed and just have fun! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580895 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:20:59 +0000 LindsayInNY 580895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(Clearly I've been watching too much Intervention...) I think you need to stick to your bottom line though. But giving here these "we're cutting you out" ultimatums and then going back on your word, is useless. She'll see that and never take you seriously. So stand your ground. You might feel bad but in the end she did it to herself. It's YOUR day and you don't need her adding any unnecessary drama to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580894 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:20:39 +0000 Dandelion 580894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her...who knows what she'll do at the shower! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580892 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:19:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 580892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't invite her. Yes, it may cause more drama down the line, but you have both made yourselves clear. If she ever gets her act together or seeks treatment, maybe then you can actually talk about it and any hurt feelings that resulted from this "shun".</p> <p>More likely, if you do invite her, will be cause drama either before the shower or at it, and then you, and all your guests, will have that as the lasting memory from the shower that your mom is lovingly throwing you. To me, it's just not worth risking it. Not only would she ruin it for you-- and really, it sounds like she probably would-- but she would also ruin the day for the people who are throwing it for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-should-i-invite-my-mil-to-baby-shower#post-580881 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 18:10:07 +0000 Ra 580881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will keep a long story short. My MIL is an unmedicated bipolar who is verbally abusive. Sadly, her abuse is "normal" to my husband so he isn't as bothered by it as I am. One of his sisters and his dad's entire family have cut ties with his mom completely. Throughout our entire relationship, DH's mom has gone through periods of being verbally abusive towards me. I have always forgiven her because she is mentally ill and I never wanted to make DH feel like he was in the middle of things.</p> <p>However, I do not want this kind of abuse around our LO. So, DH and I decided to set boundaries for his mother. We will no longer put up with abuse towards us and if it is ever directed towards our son we will cut off all contact. About a month ago she called out of nowhere and started screaming at DH that I was only with him for his money and that I sit on my ass all day, blah, blah, blah (I am a full-time student completing my student teaching).</p> <p>Anyway, DH told her that we would be cutting off ties with her until she apologized. She never did. Then, today, she started texting DH with more attacks against me and once again he said he would be cutting off contact until she apologized. She insisted that she never will.</p> <p>Now, my mother wants the names/addresses for my baby shower. I feel like I am being an awful person for not including her but I want to stick to our boundaries. I feel as if she doesn't apologize then she shouldn't be there. I know it will cause more drama though and she will double the attacks on me because of it.</p> <p>I'm sorry this wasn't as short as I planned! What would you do? DH and his sisters agree that I shouldn't invite her. I am still not sure what to do though. =( </p>