https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 01:14:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2895191 Wed, 21 Aug 2019 16:17:25 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2895191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894971 Mon, 19 Aug 2019 15:15:51 +0000 periwinklebee 2894971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sympathize as I also have a sibling who I struggle to relate to because we have really different lives and different personalities (I'm the much older one). He's not wealthy at all, though, so I can't comment on that part. I don't feel all that much of a need to force it... maybe because we're different sex, I don't have to deal with the stereotypes about how sisters should be best friends. I do try to make an effort to talk periodically via phone, so that we have some relationship that we could pick back up if circumstances are amenable. </p> <p>My mom has a sister who she was never close to when we were growing up. Not for the same reasons as you, but they were busy with their lives and didn't feel they had anything in common. But later on they became super close again due to some life circumstances that brought them closer, and have talked several times a week for nearly a decade now... So I think just because you can't relate at one point in life doesn't mean it will be forever... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894920 Mon, 19 Aug 2019 08:47:53 +0000 graceandjoy 2894920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do agree with others that you need to tell her. If it backfires, then at least you know you tried to reach out and you tried to be honest and connect.</p> <p>If she is generally a nice, reasonable person, she probably is just really aloof to it all. So I'd def start be establishing the base facts like look, here is how our lives differ, and here is how I feel like we don't connect at all. And this was why I was frustrated with your vacation/visiting plans.</p> <p>It's hard to read if she really is just that aloof, or she doesn't care enough (re: your TFMR). It's so hard! Because I feel like she may not MEAN to be this way, but being around other ultra rich people/celebs and being part of that world but have really disconnected her with other realities. Is she like that with your parents? Other friends here? </p> <p>I am so sorry you feel this way. I would've def been super frustrated that my non-working millionaire sister doesn't "get it" enough to at least try to accommodate your work schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894897 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 20:43:29 +0000 Autumnmama79 2894897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: I can only imagine how hard this is, having a sister with such a dramatically different life and lifestyle than myself. I would hope that our bond from childhood would be strong enough for us to keep in touch. I do like the idea of sending an email, even simply, “it was so nice to see you last week and it made me realize how much I miss you and the closeness we had!”</p> <p>Also, I find building on recent visits is a good strategy when trying to re-kindle friendships. Could the kids FaceTime each other while their memories are fresh? Maybe leading to you two FaceTiming occasionally? </p> <p>Could one of your international vacations coincide with one of their vacations? Even for part of the trip? Like spend a few days together in a country you’re both hoping to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894894 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 20:09:49 +0000 nwm 2894894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think it's often really easy to see *that* someone you love is resentful and feeling frustrated, but sometimes harder to see *what* they are frustrated about. while it sounds like your sister has a lot going for her, she like anyone is probably focused on the logistics of traveling with three kids and not really thinking through the burden on you or aware of the extent of it when it comes to suggesting things like meeting half way (e.g. changing my schedule at work would not actually cost me money and that's not something i would assume w/r/t someone else--you'd probably have to clue me in as to what a sacrifice that was). i think everyone, no matter how lucky, needs some help in understanding what another person's particular circumstances and challenges might be. as PPs have said, i would be clear with her why you are feeling frustrated and why, for example, driving to meet her felt like the last straw for you. if she is gracious about it, great, and you'll have a chance to connect. if she doesn't react well, at least you won't have let your unexpressed feelings sit between you creating distance, if you're really looking to get closer--i would guess she doesn't fully know what it is that's bothering you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894893 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 16:53:47 +0000 Jennibenni 2894893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It might just be that you *don’t* reconnect at this point in your lives. Having small children makes friendships hard. Distance makes friendships hard. You have a demanding job. Perhaps you accept the level of closeness you have now given all the circumstances and not feel like it needs to be more in this season. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894891 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 15:00:34 +0000 erinbaderin 2894891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m sorry that you’re feeling disconnected from your sister. It seems a bit like you resent her for having such an easy fabulous life? Which is fair! I probably would too! But some of the things you’ve said I think are perfectly reasonable - like, she asked you about dates and then came when it was bad for you, but do you know whether there are reasons why those days worked out best for her? I also can see why you’d be frustrated with her asking to meet you at a midpoint but from her perspective she’s travelled all the way from Italy and wanted to not spend another four hours traveling - that seems reasonable to me, although she definitely shouldn’t have waited until the last minute to ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894889 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 13:06:12 +0000 autumnleaves 2894889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister lives less than 30 minutes from me and I never see her - it's been over 2 years. I love her but I have pretty much given up on a relationship and it's hard because I value family. I have friends who are like sisters to me and my sister-in-law is a sister to me - I try to focus on that and let them know how much they mean to me. </p> <p>If your sister wants to get together once or twice a year I think that's great though super frustrating that she picks the time when it is least convenient. Does she criticize you or pick fights with you or is it just that you have 2 different lives and do not connect much?<br /> Do you want to continue looking at what she does on social media or is it better to disconnect? I am guessing she has some times that she is not happy, not feeling like she is living the perfect life but isn't showing it?<br /> FWIW I get these feelings too of wishing to be closer to family and feeling like siblings can't relate or don't really want to get together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894888 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 12:49:17 +0000 cake2017 2894888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: In my opinion, I think you should express your feelings and desire to have a better relationship with each other. </p> <p>It sounds like she’s living her life and fits the family in when it’s convenient because it’s rare for the most part. </p> <p>My SIL are the same way(not to the extreme) but a lot evolves around them when they come to visit. </p> <p>Overall, I think you should send an email or set up a time to talk to talk to each other because sometimes emails, texts etc don’t express the true tone of things. </p> <p>Also, you are blessed with your life and family. I wouldn’t compare because to that extreme it’s only common to feel “down”. Just try to remember that you and your DH work hard and your bless to travel and have alittle one who can see the great things you are doing for her! </p> <p>To me, it comes down to perspective. It’s hard but try to stay positive and remember that it could always be worst! </p> <p>Good luck and I hope the relationship improves! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894873 Sun, 18 Aug 2019 03:03:41 +0000 Kemma 2894873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she have any clue that you feel this way and that you’re struggling with the lack of connection? Could you maybe try sending her an email outlining how your feeling and see how she responds? I’m guessing that she’s not a mind reader and the distance must make it hard for her to know what’s going on in your life but I’m sure that if you talk to her about it she’ll make more of an effort. And if she doesn’t then you at least know where you stand </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894871 Sat, 17 Aug 2019 22:46:38 +0000 LCTBQE 2894871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, her life sounds... awesome. Although I’d definitely pick Rome any day over Florence :)</p> <p>It’s impossible to connect when someone doesn’t acknowledge you, which it kind of sounds like she does not. I don’t know what you can do besides tell her what you want and need from her and see what she does and try not to get too hurt if she’s not interested in the level of relationship you long for. </p> <p>Also, I think doctors are incredibly self-sacrificing and I absolutely have never begrudged your occupation being paid well, I’m all for it. The debt is insane and you give away your whole youth to painstaking, exhausting devotion to learning and effort, and then go on to a career steeped in responsibly and stress. So keep holding your chin up ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894869 Sat, 17 Aug 2019 21:53:14 +0000 jhd 2894869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not the same really, but my sister and my DH's sister have both made very different lifestyle choices than we have and have very different priorities. There is a difference in finances, too, but not to that extreme. We connect over the kids and mostly just see each other for bdays and holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-relating-to-sister-who-lives-in-a-different-world#post-2894866 Sat, 17 Aug 2019 20:33:55 +0000 yellowbeach 2894866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m looking for advice from anyone who has ever felt they grew apart from a sibling or best friend. I’m feeling so distant from my sister who I love to death and struggling to find common ground. </p> <p>My sister is 7 years older than me. She left for college when I was in 5th grade, and never lived back home with us after that. We were distant when I was in high school and college, plus a solid 10 years after that, mainly due to geography. The advent of social media helped, plus my wedding which drew us closer just because of the number of events and gatherings in a short time. </p> <p>Now, 6 years later, we are farther apart than ever. The biggest reason is that she and her DH plus my 3 nieces live abroad in Florence. We see them twice a year, maybe. </p> <p>They have a charmed life. My BIL sold his company about 5 years ago for double, maybe triple digit millions. He and my sister “retired” at age 45. They live in a house which rents for $15,000/mo and don’t bat an eye. My nieces go to the premiere school in Florence where all the diplomats and celebrities send their kids. My sister does not work. She takes Italian classes, sits on the planning committee for a few galas and has a lot of hired help. They travel to about 10-12 different countries/year. </p> <p>I have an awesome life, but their life is just so far from mine. DH and I work our asses off in stressful jobs that we both love and fortunately pays well. But we have &gt;$600k in student loan debt from medical school and stress about how we will ever pay that off. We travel twice a year and do most things we want with DD, but day to day is hectic and often overwhelming. Those familiar with our TTC story know we’ve had a shitty 2 years. But we have a beautiful DD, fulfilling jobs and we make it work. </p> <p>Today just set me off. My sister and her family are in the US visiting for a few weeks as they do every summer. My sister asked me months ago about dates to come to see us, and I told her there was a 4 day span where I was traveling for work, and that whole week would be bad bc I’d likely have to work every day after I returned. She scheduled the visit for then anyway, and sure enough, I had to work every day they were in town. So, I thankfully found someone to work one shift for me (costing me $2000), and the plan was they would all come that day. </p> <p>Flash forward to the morning they are supposed to come - she asks if they can meet 1/2 way between where I live and their prior destination... so splitting a 2 hr trip into 1+ hrs each way. Frustrated, exhausted and discouraged I write back and say I can do it if it’s the only way I will see them. They end up coming here ultimately, but there was clearly frustration on all parts during the visit. </p> <p>I feel so much resentment. My sister literally has Instagram followers because her life looks like a vacation. She doesn’t work, has a full-time housekeeper and often a nanny when needed. Both DH and I work our asses off, doing seriously stressful work that we love but takes its toll for sure. We’ve lost a baby, (they have three)... struggles with IVF for 18 months now... and rarely get a day off together. </p> <p>I feel like my life is SO far apart from my sisters. I don’t even know how to relate. Her idea of stress and mine are so different it’s ridiculous. I never even told her about my TFMR (had told her it was a MC), but then she never asked a question after (how are you doing?, thinking of you, I’m sure that was difficult...) </p> <p>I love my sister and wish we were closer, but I feel like she lives in a different universe where money is no object and has no concept of normal peoples stress. How do we find a way to reconnect? </p>