https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 14:06:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-586860 Fri, 22 Feb 2013 11:43:27 +0000 MrsLilybugg 586860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: your possible solution definitely seems like A LOT better than the parade in and out of your home!! I hope your OB scares some sense into him at your next appt together though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-583539 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 15:56:42 +0000 Boheme 583539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: I have an appointment with my OB in a week and a half and I'll ask her if she'll address it w/ him at a future appointment. If not only for baby's sake because of over-stimulation, germs, etc but for my own sake. I suffer from anxiety and she's flagged me as high risk for PPD.</p> <p>A possible solution is that we could bring the baby over to my ILs so these people can see him but not be in our home. That way I have control over how long we stay. DH already agreed that we won't be passing baby around to be held so that makes me feel better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-583328 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 15:16:10 +0000 MrsLilybugg 583328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: Gosh I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. :( I hope that your OB talks some sense into him! Does your OB have the background on this dilemma? I forget if you mentioned that. I agree with a previous poster that maybe a neutral third party can help as well. It's tremendously unfair that your DH is adding all of this pressure on you. YOu will already have enough to deal with. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-583078 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 14:23:16 +0000 Mrs. Polish 583078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Shut. Up.</p> <p>No way is this acceptable from your MIL or your DH. You have extremely valid concerns and you should not have any extra anxiety. Tell those b's they need to wait for the birth announcement in the mail. We're not doing all that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-582818 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 13:36:44 +0000 NerdBee 582818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: the thing that I find the most concerning is how easily your DH is dismissing your feelings and concerns. Even if he doesn't agree with you, he should at the very least take your feelings into consideration. Excuse my language but your DH makes me want to junk punch him. I hope your OB can talk some sense into him! </p> <p>I hope he'll eventually come around *hugs!* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-582520 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 12:13:08 +0000 Boheme 582520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NerdBee: Yep. He said he felt like it was exaggerated because if giving birth was actually that bad, no one would have babies. His examples against it include the fact that we've brought food to lots of our friends with new babies. I think he's forgetting the fact that we scheduled the drop off, dropped off the dinner, said a quick hello to Mom, Dad, and baby, and made ourselves scarce. NOT the same as 20-30 family members passing through town who are going to slob all over my newborn for hours. </p> <p>I am so disappointed because my husband and I have never ever had problems or had an issue we couldn't resolve in under an hour. I feel helpless. I'm going to see if my OB will talk some sense into him at my next appointment, and if not some couple friends of ours might be able to. I can't get him to understand that its a big deal. If that doesn't work, I guess all I can do is hope the baby is late. I feel so alone and so angry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-582176 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 10:54:52 +0000 cascademom 582176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mewtill: Wow, I'm so sorry that you went through that with family. I totally understand that regret or resentment over not getting peaceful bonding with your baby when disruptive family is around. When everything went crazy with my MIL, I camped out in our bedroom with the baby. I felt safe there unlike how the rest of my house felt during that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-582116 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 10:35:41 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 582116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my! No no no no no - no way would I allow this either! Don't back down in this discussion. Your husband is being really unreasonable, although I think he just doesn't understand the intensity of a brand new baby for a mom. Being able to freely breastfeed and rest is PRICELESS. Have you mentioned you &amp; baby will be asleep or topless for 90% of the first weeks? That's no time for extended family visitors.<br /> When DS was 1 week, my parents were staying with us &amp; FIL/SMIL invited themselves to stay for a night. DH said yes without asking me &amp; I flipped out. I can't imagine if it had been 30+!<br /> I agreed to a lot of visitors in the first 2 months (more than a dozen overnight visitors, including hosting Thanksgiving). I regret it &amp; never would again. It was stressful, burned me out, and made me feel like I missed out on some peaceful bonding. Thankfully, my baby didn't get sick.<br /> If it were me, and my DH and MIL didn't budge, I'd inform them that baby &amp; I would be in the bedroom the whole time. They could go against my wishes and come as they please, but we wouldn't be available for "viewing". (Also, what are you two, an art gallery? Everyone will try to put their hands on that baby!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-582036 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 10:19:21 +0000 littlebittyhouse 582036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is so hard. We had a lot of friends and family upset with us because I didn't want anyone but immediate family for the first two weeks. My inlaws did a drop in with their friends and an aunt and uncle- I was pissed. I was still healing and learning to breastfeed. </p> <p>If DH is unwilling to budge, when people get there I would retreat to the bedroom with the baby and say that you need to feed your LO. That was always my escape clause.</p> <p>Sorry that you have to deal with this. Having a baby is stressful enough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby/page/2#post-581933 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 09:52:42 +0000 NerdBee 581933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: omg I didn't see this thread before. Did he read the lemon clot essay? </p> <p>He is not being a supportive husband at all. You are going to be birthing his baby and your feelings and physical comfort should be his priority!! Would you consider going to couples counseling so a neutral third party can talk some sense into him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-581893 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 09:41:37 +0000 Boheme 581893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update - I absolutely cannot get my husband to budge on the issue. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and his idea of a compromise is to not let people hold or touch the baby, but still come see him. He can't understand that my whole problem is having 20+ people in my house when my baby is under a week old and I'm exhausted and trying to figure out breastfeeding. I'm stuck. </p> <p>I'm furious at my MIL for telling people to come through town on their way to the reunion to meet the baby. Now I'm the one who looks like a bitch for saying I don't want them there. Awesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-572802 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 16:22:46 +0000 Adira 572802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: Your husband sounds like mine - he's just so relaxed about EVERYTHING because he's not informed! And when I say "We shouldn't do X" he looks at me like I'M the crazy one!! But I'm the one that's done research about it!!!</p> <p>I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!! Your MIL sounds like a total nut! Just lock your doors and don't let them in when they arrive, and tell DH that you'll kill him if he does! Anyway you could get away with just pretending you haven't had the baby yet? Just don't tell them when you go into labor and when they are on their way, be like "Sorry, nothing yet, guess you'll have to wait till _____ to see the baby!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-572755 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 16:07:16 +0000 yourekindapretty 572755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>not cool.<br /> though it'd be easier if your dh took care of the issue, maybe you should just skip trying to convince him to talk to your mil, and you talk to her yourself. </p> <p>i'm not particularly comfortable talking to my in laws, especially to tell them they "cant" do something, but if it's for the sake of my baby, i'd just say what i need to and who really gives a sh*t if they get upset. you're doing what's best for you and your child, if other ppl cant understand that, then that aint your problem! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-572321 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:51:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 572321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh wow, that's not cool! If she won't listen to you, your DH will have to put his foot down a little more sternly. If it were my MIL, I would say taht I was absolutely flattered so many people wanted to see my baby, but the Dr. said that is a bad idea and frankly I agree. Then I would set a specific date with her to come see the baby - alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-572288 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 12:36:37 +0000 Boheme 572288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really stressed too :( She brought it up this weekend, and I told her there is no way I'll feel like that many visitors, that I'm not comfortable with that many people crowding and touching him, and that he will come when he is ready. The way she responded I know I'm going to have to re-iterate this until he's born because she pretty much blew me off. </p> <p>I hope to goodness baby is 6 days late and born while they're gone. I will totally buy him a pony ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569583 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 21:14:37 +0000 Ree723 569583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is absolute insanity! I can't believe she asked you to consider being induced to fit in with her schedule - as though induction is no big deal with no medical risks! Come on now!</p> <p>If she continues to be unreasonable and still shows up with family in tow, I'd either lock the front door and not let them in the house, or lock myself in a room with the baby and wait until they are all gone. </p> <p>I really hope your husband comes around on this matter, he sounds as though he's being incredibly insensitive in light of your personal experience. And hopefully his protective nature emerges soon and he realises that his little family of three now takes precedence over everything else, including his extended family. </p> <p>Sigh, I'm getting stressed on your behalf just thinking about this situation! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569566 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 20:59:00 +0000 MrsTiz 569566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. Crazytown! I would not be okay with that at all. My cousins wife had a baby two days before Thanksgiving, got out of the hospital on Thanksgiving day and took her 2 day old baby to her family's dinner with 20 something people and then came to ours of almost 30. I didn't touch her because if the baby had gotten sick I would always have that on my brain.</p> <p>I would just tell her yourself, say you are going to be a new mom and will want time to recover and figure out things. DH might be easily persuaded by his mom so I would deal with it so you know it gets done. Don't make up excuses, you will have a newborn for God's sake! You deserve all the alone time you want!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569509 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:57:51 +0000 lemondrop 569509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We only had parents and siblings visit during the first 3 weeks, I just could not handle more than that. </p> <p>Definitely put your foot down now, especially if you plan to breastfeed, you will be a hormonal wreck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569473 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:06:03 +0000 Bao 569473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Holy crap. No way in heck would that fly. Talk to your DH and explain the reasoning (if you didn't already), that you told us. You will be so tired and want to spend time with your baby that any more than one or two people is going to be a nightmare. I had such a battle with my MIL about visitors after LO was born. It brings anxiety back just thinking about it and my situation is already done and over with. Do not back down on this one! Just don't tell anyone when you go in to have him, then no one will even know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569407 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:45:53 +0000 blackbird 569407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah...no. </p> <p>I tbink bringing your husband and having the doctor tell him his mothers requests are absurd will help greatly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569399 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:39:11 +0000 BunInOven 569399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grizz: I completely agree with you on this issue. Consider this one of the first of many times you will have to put your foot down for the well-being of your child. Keep in mind, a mama grizzly will do whatever it takes to protect her cub, no matter how many she may offend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-569364 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:11:28 +0000 sarac 569364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol! Super lol. You need to get him on board with your feelings about the issue. You'll be the one who has recently given birth, and I personally feel that that entitles you to get your way on stuff like that. He can have more of a say when he gets split nearly in half delivering a child. </p> <p>Also, with having a sibling who died in infancy, I don't think you need to be reasonable about visitors. That's too big an event for you to be rational about. I think you need to protect yourself, your family, and your sense of security. Your husband needs to understand how important this is to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568622 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:19:41 +0000 MRSMATHY 568622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I think that if he knows you work with babies in the medical field he should be respecting your opinion and not thinking you're a nut! you should know more than anyone!</p> <p>But I'm already stressing out about my MIL based on my SIL's story about having our nephew, and this does not include 30+ random family members! I would definitely put my foot down to DH and have him fix it. He's the one that gave her incorrect information in the first place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568572 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:07:47 +0000 cascademom 568572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: With my husband, providing research links proves points to him about what I may be freaking out about. I had many frustrating moments while pregnant about visitors' shot status and secondhand smoking. It took him awhile to accept that these were real concerns and a little longer to relay them to his family. </p> <p>His family is pretty clueless about babies and baby health. We tried everything to get his mom to understand that secondhand smoke isn't good for our baby. She visited and changed tops when handling our baby (on her second visit here), but still had a carton of cigarettes with her and slept in our son's nursery. When my husband went back to work after her visit, I aired out his nursery for most of a day since everything smelled of smoke. So clueless and disrespectful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568569 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:06:37 +0000 Boheme 568569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: That's a great idea! I will definitely be bringing him to my next few visits. He doesn't understand those things either and thinks I'm just being a nut since I work with babies in the medical field. It will definitely be received differently coming from my OB! I will probably also use the same tactic on my MIL since she believes everything doctors tell her. If I tell her my not wanting visitors is doctor ordered (even if my doctor doesn't say that) she would probably believe me. Hopefully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568552 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:00:38 +0000 rachiecakes 568552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: my DH didn't understand that I wouldn't be able to do certain things if I had a c-section or episiotomy. He was planning on working, and I didn't have a problem with that, but I wanted my OB to tell him directly and sternly that a new mother needs extra help to heal properly for the health of both mom &amp; baby. I also had her tell him how serious RSV was and how everyone had to use sanitizer, flu shots, etc.<br /> @grizz: Sheesh, having a baby is stressful enough, physically and emotionally, nevermind crazy family! (((hugs))) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568540 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:57:46 +0000 cascademom 568540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: Good call on that! I know ours had specific rules around visitors. If yours has a grandparents 24/7 policy, don't tell them about it. Keep them to the general visitors rule. </p> <p>@rachiecakes: This tactic has been hugely helpful during peds visits with my DH. This is a great tool to have in order to use a medical professional to prove a point to DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568528 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:55:26 +0000 cascademom 568528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: You're really going to have to lay down the law on your MIL especially since she disagrees with your choices. If anything, she should be supporting you and your choices without being vocal. If there's a way to call her or email her a thoughtful discussion or letter detailing what you need and what, it may help. I had to have my DH talk to his parents about visiting and what we wanted. If she had her way, she would have been there in the delivery room making me nuts. Instead, they visited later and drove me nuts twice. </p> <p>Yours and the baby's needs come first and foremost. As a grandparent, she's going to have to learn from your lead and respect that. You have every right to the type of birth experience you want. She doesn't get to dictate any of it. She needs to respect your and DH's family. </p> <p>My MIL doesn't see us as a family unit separate from families of origin. She still tries to make my DH follow her every need or imposition on our family. We're working on the fact that we're a family and have our own needs and getting her respect that and back off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568500 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:47:49 +0000 rachiecakes 568500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>craziness!!</p> <p>suggesting induction is absolutely ridiculous. </p> <p>first babies often go past their due dates and if baby is early they might need special care, etc.<br /> my DH totally didn't understand newborns and I had to ask my OB to tell him some things at one of my visits. maybe try that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-on-visitors-after-baby#post-568494 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:46:23 +0000 mamimami 568494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds CRAZY all around. Poor you! I hope your husband can step in.</p> <p>BUT if you DO have to have visitors, the hospital may actually be the best place for them to visit, because probably they will only allow a couple of people at a time, at limited hours. You can keep more control over them and you don't have to worry about entertaining them, bringing them beverages and snacks, etc. </p>