https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 19 Apr 2026 06:53:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2024808 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 07:28:14 +0000 ValentineMommy 2024808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: right on! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2024795 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 07:14:26 +0000 looch 2024795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: yep, agreed. But it is also my personality, I am very honest, what you see is what you get, so I would be fine to tell my parents or inlaws the truth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2024791 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 06:52:34 +0000 ValentineMommy 2024791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Perhaps it has to do with our relationship, but I would talk to her about anything that's bothering you.</p> <p>My mom retired to watch DS every day (for free) and does things all the time that bothers me. And I tell her every single one. That being said, we have a very open and honest relationship and her feelings aren't easily hurt. She would much rather know if I was annoyed at something than not. </p> <p>So, my short answer is...it depends on your relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2024743 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 01:55:51 +0000 Sapphiresun 2024743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the comments yet since I didn't want to cloud my answer...</p> <p>But I'd put up with a fair bit for free childcare. I'd probably let the messiness go for now. When I was adjusting to being home with the baby, I was pretty messy sometimes as well. It can be pretty all consuming sometimes just keeping up with baby's needs.</p> <p>I'd probably chat about the napping situation, like maybe "we really want to keep baby to a schedule, since we find she sleeps better at night when she naps well" kind of thing.</p> <p>As for the food, I'd probably re-instate my college fridge arrangements and maybe keep all the things you don't want her to eat on a particular shelf. Or I'd ask her specifically if there's anything you can pick up for her when you're shopping and put notes on the things that you need for dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2024052 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 18:04:59 +0000 HabesBabe 2024052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I'd say something (and have, with my free Grandmacare) about naps because it fucks shit up on my end and makes LO miserable! I held my tongue for the first few weeks, since everything is a little crazy and all over the place.</p> <p>Once LO was on an obvious schedule and slept well in the crib, I let it go for another week. Then, on the weekend, things "magically" fell into place since he was napping well, on his 2-hour awake time schedule. Once the week started again, and his schedule was all out of whack, he became a mini-tyrant again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023988 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 17:20:41 +0000 birdofafeather 2023988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since you said your mom was messy usually, I might mention something off handedly, not passive aggressive but a gentle request and then forget about it after that, just account for it in the free childcare. </p> <p>I have a good relationship with my mom, so I would mention the food thing too but ask what kinda of things she likes and keep them stocked!</p> <p>I like @daniellemybelle: 's idea of a schedule. Keep it posted might keep her more likely to follow it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023962 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 17:06:01 +0000 Modern Daisy 2023962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm surprised most of you would say something about naps. For free reliable care i would keep my mouth shut about all of these things! </p> <p>If anything i would make a habit of leaving her a note each day with info like what food not to eat, if lo was super fussy last night, etc. then hope and pray she takes it upon herself to make improvements! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023875 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 16:15:06 +0000 cait 2023875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say something about the naps. Sleep is important and it will also set a precedent that you can talk to her about expectations since there will be more parenting decisions that you'll need her to respect in the older your LO gets. Plus, I would worry that biting your tongue might only lead to bitter feelings and you wouldn't want what started as a generous offer to end up hurting your relationship! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023822 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 15:36:17 +0000 MrsH 2023822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: well said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023794 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 15:23:42 +0000 HabesBabe 2023794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NorCalWayfarer: I agree, when it comes to things like baby's overall health and wellbeing, I'd say something. Like if my family caregiver was putting baby down to sleep on his/her tummy, or feeding age-inappropriate food, or starting bad habits, like regularly holding baby for naps. I wouldn't say anything if my mom dressed LO weird (which she does all the time-- but as long as she's warm/comfy, that's all that I care about), let her watch more TV than I'm comfortable with, etc.</p> <p>The other stuff is annoying, but just an inconvenience. Stuff like that affects the baby's sleep (and in reality, is making your baby uncomfortable, overtired, and fussy) I would speak up about. Of course, you have to approach it gently, but I wouldn't let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free/page/2#post-2023771 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 15:10:54 +0000 daniellemybelle 2023771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm another one that agrees with Mr. Bee here. I would gently talk to her about the naps but forgive everything else.</p> <p>As far as the ingredients for dinner, I don't feel like that is a hard one? Do you usually know what you are going to make for dinner? I would just tell her in the morning, "Oh, we are going to do XYZ for dinner, so please help yourself to anything but that!"</p> <p>With naps, your LO is young enough that you can say, "Now is a good age for us to get her on more of a routine so we are going to put her down for naps at 9, 12 &amp; 3 every day (or whenever). Can you let me know how it goes for you today?" Write out the schedule and put it on the fridge. If she still resists you may have to be a little more forceful but hopefully she will get the picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023706 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:39:50 +0000 Coffee-lover 2023706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am just commenting to follow. I have not given birth yet, but my mom has graciously volunteered to watch the baby for free at her house while we are at work. It would only be 2-3 days a week (depending on the week). I am not that close with her and have been thinking about how to get and keep everyone on the same page with the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023692 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:33:14 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 2023692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's ungrateful to expect LO's caregivers to keep her on a nap schedule -- her sleep will affect the rest of her day/interaction with you and everyone else. I'd let the other stuff slide, but baby's gotta nap! ETA I'd be okay with however she got LO to nap, even if she's holding her. I'm just not okay with LO not getting any naps at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023648 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:02:04 +0000 Ash 2023648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I'd let it all go. Complaining about stuff like this seems ungrateful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023569 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:29:16 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 2023569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in the same situation RIGHT NOW with my mom and MIL. Except that my mom is super helpful and clean -- goes grocery shopping for us, helps start dinner, etc., while my MIL is super messy and has trouble getting LO to sleep. But I also work from home a few days a week so it's been really hard for me to tune it all out. We're having trouble with the nap situation too so I'm hoping to start a stricter schedule next week. Right now we put LO down when he's tired on a rough schedule, but the grandmas have a hard time picking up on his nap ques/just want to play with him all day. I feel you mama. Although I'm really thankful to have the free family support, it definitely comes with its own set of challenges. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023563 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:25:19 +0000 dolphin 2023563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would let all of that go too. Even the nap thing doesn't bother me. My mom use to hold DD for all her naps too and shoo, as long as she gets her to nap I don't care how she does it! That was just a phase anyway and eventually DD started napping on her own in her pack n' play. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023531 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 12:59:57 +0000 Greentea 2023531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would let all of that go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023476 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 12:34:01 +0000 youboots 2023476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be a stickler about naps. I would also ask that she requests a few food items she loves that you could always keep stocked for her )bagels, cream cheese, veggies, hummus, yogurt etc) and just mention that you have had to run to the grocery store to replace ingredients. IMO cleaning up after her is the price you pay for having free childcare, a bummer, but still. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023435 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 12:18:14 +0000 HabesBabe 2023435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babybean404: I did at first, but with 2 kids and my work load, I sometimes don't have a chance to catch it and clean up before my husband gets home. I try to keep things between my mom and my husband tension-free, too, but I'm not 100% successful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023381 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:48:21 +0000 AprilK 2023381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you prep meals ahead of time so that they are all together and she can't really use those ingredients? ie today I made chicken stroganoff in the crock pot and mixed everything up together a few days ago so I could just dump it in. If you had the meals for the week prepped and ready to put in the crock pot or in a casserole dish labelled with the days then she would not be as likely to eat that thing maybe?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023374 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:44:48 +0000 babybean404 2023374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HabesBabe: I'm glad I'm not the only one :meh: do you find yourself rushing to clean it all up so your husband doesn't see the mess? I am trying to keep the tension between him and my mom down as much as possible!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023370 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:43:08 +0000 babybean404 2023370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Y'all, this is incredibly helpful. She is a messy person AND it's such a small annoyance to deal with, so I will just get over myself :) I don't think she's leaving stuff on purpose, I think she just gets distracted and forgets. One thing I will do is try to make sure the house is clean, dishes are done and put away, and countertops are all clear before she comes over. I think that may help her see her plate if it's the only thing on the counter :)</p> <p>I will have the nap conversation with her though, last night was hellacious!!! I have had such success with putting her down while she's still happy--she just drifts off on her own. When she is over tired she screams and cries and it's so hard! I'm hoping if I can get my mom to try it my way she'll see how much happier LO is and she'll keep doing it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023366 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:40:15 +0000 HabesBabe 2023366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a similar situation, my mom doesn't work and comes to my house to watch our 2 kids while I work from home, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. She always leaves a mess, doesn't have LO (older one) clean up her Duplos, etc. I am a stickler about naps, so that is the only thing I've really talked to her about. The rest I can deal with, tbh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023341 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:20:39 +0000 Maysprout 2023341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is baby not sleeping while being held? I'd have a conversation about naps but more in a wAy how can we get baby to sleep better during the day and why it's helpful for you to have baby used to the crib.<br /> I don't think you'll get anywhere on the messes. the food one Maybe can be taken care of by putting stuff on one side or asking her when you go grocery shopping what you should get her for lunch and snacks. If you phrase it as you're eating our dinner it sounds a bit more attacking then what can I get you for lunch </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023330 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:13:40 +0000 gingerbebe 2023330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely talk to her about naps BC it's going to become a 3 day a week thing but couch the convo in "you can't hold her for every nap once you're watching her 3 days a week and if we don't start letting her nap on her own she's going to expect it and make it much too tiring on you - she's going to get heavier and scream to be held and you are going to wear yourself out!"</p> <p>Food I would just put post-it notes on that say "for dinner."</p> <p>Put a dishpan in the sink and tell your mom you got it to better keep track of LOs bottles. "I got this dishpan for you so all the bottles are in one place when I get home - just put them in here when you're done!"</p> <p>Also I know she's doing it for free but I might give her a large gift card to her grocery store or favorite lunch or dinner place or Target or department store once or twice a month as a "thank you" to create the teeniest bit of pressure to get her to do as you wish.</p> <p>My mom never took me seriously about my kid's care at first, started taking it a little more after I got PPD/PPA and now we actually pay her (our idea) and she keeps a laminated copy of his schedule on her nightstand. Money talks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023306 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:06:31 +0000 ElbieKay 2023306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would leave the messiness alone. I would address the nap issue. I would also come up with a system to identify food that is off-limits due to dinner plans because that is really disruptive to your evening. Maybe (1) label a shelf in the fridge as off-limits (and discuss with her in advance) and (2) ask her to let you know if there are particular snacks she would like you to keep in stock. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023290 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:01:20 +0000 BadgerMom 2023290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another one who agrees with Mr.Bee. I think cleaning up after her is a small price to pay for free childcare, but I would definitely have a conversation about naps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023281 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 10:57:01 +0000 Mae 2023281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with Mr.Bee. Tidying up after her and LO seems totally worth it for free child care. With regards to food-- I'd maybe either ask her for a list of what she'd like for lunch/snacks for herself each week so you can pick it up when shopping, or just buy stuff you know she likes and let her know what other stuff is for dinners. The nap thing is worth saying something about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023272 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 10:53:07 +0000 edelweiss 2023272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'd speak to her about the naps, because sleep was the bane of my existence with LO for the first year.</p> <p>for the bottle stuff, maybe you could set out a bin that she could toss them in, even if she doesn't clean them.</p> <p>setting apart and labeling the dinner ingredients is a good idea.</p> <p>i'd let the rest go (namely, her leaving a mess). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-when-a-family-member-nannies-for-free#post-2023208 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 10:20:44 +0000 sapphire 2023208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Label or put the food in a drawer in a fridge and just tell her that's the place for dinner food.<br /> I'd let the rest go. </p>