https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Jul 2026 17:42:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2217815 Thu, 25 Jun 2015 07:02:12 +0000 hilsy85 2217815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travelgirl1: yeah I am the same as you--no 2nd chances. BUt then he gets so sad and says "I'll be a good listener, I'll be a good listener!". So I end up trying to let him walk/out of the stroller again. And repeat :silly: </p> <p>@NovBaby1112: eek that sounds stressful :( at least she apologized? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2217524 Wed, 24 Jun 2015 17:59:33 +0000 travelgirl1 2217524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: As I carry her away - to the stroller - I ignore the tantrum and talk about the running away. Usually though I give her a warning about it before she gets out of the stroller, when we arrive at the park. Something like: "you can get out of the stroller and go and play but you cannot run away from mummy. If you run away from mummy you will go straight back in the stroller, okay?" I'll make her answer me and if she runs away and I have to go get her and she will go nuts about going back in the stroller I'll say: "mummy told to not to run away and you did. So now you're going back in the stroller". No second chances. Honestly I have to be like that because she finds running away hilarious, does it all the time and I am so pregnant now I just can't chase her so it's dangerous. It's hard when other mums I am with don't have the same rules and give their kids multiple chances but they can run after them, I can't and I need her to know I mean business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2217510 Wed, 24 Jun 2015 17:45:35 +0000 NovBaby1112 2217510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: omg that just happened to us this evening. It was time to leave playground, I warned her a few times to no avail...she hid and ran away so I literally had to chase her, hold her while she was kicking/screaming and she actually BIT me, then had to wrestler her into car seat. She screamed bloody murder the 5 min ride home and continued thrashing for 10 minutes in driveway. We just sat there until she calmed down. Then while still in the car she apologized. I asked why are you sorry? And she said for biting me. I then explained that she needs to listen to mommy when it's time to leave and she can't kick and scream when it's time to go. Ugh, so stressful. Then we came inside and I sat her on the couch and explained once more that she needs to listen tome and not run away. I'm sure it'll happen again, but I don't know what else to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2217443 Wed, 24 Jun 2015 16:15:44 +0000 hilsy85 2217443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: @travelgirl1: oh my god the running! I hate this! Especially when it's at the playground and I need to climb onto the equipment to get him off. This also makes me mad because I inevitably end up carrying him away kicking and screaming and I can just feel my blood pressure rising. So let's say they throw a tantrum because you did that-once it's done, how do you address the fact that they ran away from you in the first place? Do you address it or just let it go/</p> <p>@Rockies11: yep public tantrums are just the worst!!! Thanks for your input :) Gives me something to think about! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216665 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 16:50:17 +0000 Dandelion 2216665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I go on with life as if nothing ever happened. But, I stick to my stance with whatever caused the tantrum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216660 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 16:46:41 +0000 Rockies11 2216660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a lot of thoughts on this because I have been working on it due to shortness of patience the last few days. We use ahaparenting's theory with most parenting issues - so tantrums are communication of feelings by kids, and any feelings that you have in response to them is the only thing you have control over. It encourages you to stay calm and present when your child is tantruming, and to acknowlege the feelings being expressed neutrally. I have a very, very tantrumy two year old so we have a lot of public tantrums and I have an 8 week old as well so the tantrums are are physically difficult to deal with. It is very frustrating, especially on bad days, but I do my very best to not give a crap what bystanders are thinking about my parenting and just calmly acknowledge the feelings that she's expressing. She's okay with a back rub or hug during or after the tantrum, so I do that, and talk her through them "I hear you, it's really upsetting and frustrating when I won't pick you up and carry you when you want to push the stroller". I don't find it helpful to think of tantrums as being behavioural - that just makes me more frustrated rather than less. When I am feeling particularly short of patience (like yesterday when she had a meltdown on the concrete sidewalk in front of our gymboree teacher because I wouldn't pick her up and carry her while she pushed her empty stroller, while I had the baby strapped to me, lol), I download gentle parenting podcasts and listen to them for encouragement. The one thing that stuck out for me from the podcasts for the day was that the goal of any form of discipline is to teach self-control. Assisting in identifying emotions and normalizing the expression of them is a method of teaching self-control in the same way that any other kind of discipline is, but it makes me feel more positive and in partnership with my LO. But that said, it is very hard to not express feelings of anger or embarassment, etc. especially in public, or on not a lot of sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216612 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:53:46 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2216612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I haven't read over everyone's answers, but I will say that, depending on what the tantrum is for, it can take me a while to calm down after a tantrum. W can have some horrible ones and she'll say some awful things to me that can really wind me up. But, once she calms down and does seem sincere in her apology to me, I try to accept it and drop it. If I find I'm still worked up, I'll tell her that I need to calm down and have some time to myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216591 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:27:13 +0000 travelgirl1 2216591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: Mine is a runner too :sad: She thinks it's so freaking hilarious! Me, less so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216586 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:25:43 +0000 travelgirl1 2216586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ignore tantrums with A. Afterwards, I try carry on as normal with her, hug if she wants to and praise her for calming down. We're trying to teach her techniques to help her calm herself down but she's only little, it's hard for her to fully understand that. I never make her apologize. If I'm still mad at her after she has calmed down I try get myself a little treat to try help myself calm down, like go for an ice coffee or piece of cake. Helps my pregnant self no end :happy: hugs, it's hard dealing with toddler logic and pregnancy in this heat!</p> <p>Oh and as to why they do it, I think it's just a normal part of toddlerhood. I can't get me own way so I'm going to freak out. They don't know how to process things rationally. Also, sometimes it gets a reaction from us, and they love that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216547 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:56:30 +0000 Maysprout 2216547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I share my feelings with her when things are calm and explain its hard to go do fun things when there's tantrums. She's 4 now but I've done it since she was maybe 3. Sometimes she shares more about why she was upset and we discuss how to handle it better. Sometimes she tries to cute her way out of a tantrum when it's just been too big or too frequent and I don't yell but just tell her mommy is still frustrated and upset about . . . I think it's good for them to calmly see the other side of things sometimes. I don't always do that but it's good for them to see how they affect others sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216545 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:55:44 +0000 NovBaby1112 2216545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's really interesting reading all of these responses. I am the opposite that I get a little worked up/upset during the tantrum, that when she is sweet/apologizes and wants a hug I'm just so relieved it is over so we both kind of hug it out and feel much better. Tantrums in public are the worst though! Wrestling a 35 lb toddler into strollers/car seats when it's hot out is the worst. </p> <p>I don't make her apologize for the tantrum, but for the behavior (she runs off from me in parking lot so I pick her up, she tantrums- I make her realize she cannot do that bc it's not safe). I think tantrums are totally normal for toddlers though- sometes their emotions are so big and hard to handle they release their feelings that way. If I'm still upset after it's over, I just try to say something like "thank you for saying sorry...mommy gets really upset when you do XYZ, I don't want to be mad at you lets just try to relax and calm down for a little" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216496 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:18:13 +0000 looch 2216496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gosh, it depends on why he is having the tantrum. Sometimes my so has them as a result of being reprimanded for something, as he did last night. He didn't have to apologize for the tantrum, but he did have to apologize for telling my husband to "shut his mouth." That resulted in him losing time in playing with his remote control boat, going straight into the bath and into pajamas. Tantrum ensued and then when he calmed down, he apologized for the initial action. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216488 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:14:18 +0000 Bubbles 2216488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I agree, I see a tantrum as my LO expressing some emotions that are too big for him to handle (and are not always actually about the event in question). As long as he's not hurting anyone then he's entitled to his feelings. As much as tantrums do sometimes annoy and frustrate me, I try to stay completely cool, and to move on immediately once it's over, because I think a lot of his learning about emotional regulation will come by my example. But of course we are only human and sometimes I lose my rag or am tempted to sulk with him - in those instances I apologise to him afterwards, again so that he learns by example about saying sorry when you've lost your cool with someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums/page/2#post-2216474 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:07:53 +0000 hilsy85 2216474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: ugh! I would be so mad! Yesterday, I was trying on a dress for a wedding next weekend and L decided that was the perfect time to wipe his popsicle on my shoulder :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216470 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:05:51 +0000 HLK208 2216470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I totally get it. E once threw a huge tantrum, bit me and then broke the necklace I was wearing...I tried so hard to let it go but I was mad for the rest of the day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216461 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:03:07 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2216461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I actually don't think you're being paranoid about how he'll feel if you "go cold". I feel hurt if my husband shuts down on me, you know? But you could be gently honest with him &amp; say something like, "I love you and I know you were upset, but it makes me upset when you yell/scream/fight. I'm going to take a break/cook/clean up to calm down &amp; then we can talk or play." Just like kids need a chance to chill out, so do us moms! Don't feel bad about being riled up - it's a really normal response! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216455 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:59:14 +0000 Radish 2216455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always hug it out. I have my impatient days, but I try not to take it out on her. I want my kids to always feel like I'm there for them, even if I'm not currently happy with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216449 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:55:38 +0000 hilsy85 2216449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: I do apologize if I yell, which I generally don't..it's more that I hate feeling angry at him afterwards, like I just want to disconnect from him. I worry that will make him feel rejected, but maybe I am being too paranoid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216448 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:55:36 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2216448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: I've done that in desperation too! I had to tell him that I was very upset and when he was done he could come find me in my room. I could hear him stop immediately, finish his lunch, clear his plate, and then he came to get me. Sometimes its for the best!</p> <p>@NorthStar: oh a revenge pee! I work in a preschool and get that sometimes. It's infuriating! I don't have any great advice (at school, I try to be nonchalant like "oh I see you've had an accident." and then I make them clean it all up &amp; change themselves.) but I commiserate with you. I also have experienced that acknowledging feelings helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216447 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:54:40 +0000 hilsy85 2216447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: L always wants to hug it out, but sometimes as I am hugging him I am thinkihg "I am so mad at you right now!". Silly I know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216442 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:52:36 +0000 HLK208 2216442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With E (3), we always hug it out...I feel like her tantrums are emotional right now and not behavioral. </p> <p>With B (6), most of his tantrums have been behavioral for the past two years. I have a really hard time responding and cooling down quickly. But by the end of the day, I still hold him before bed and rock him to sleep and that time with him, usually helps him to behave the next day! But I don't want to encourage the bad behavior when it happens so I usually explain why it's wrong, he apologize, we say I love you and move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216438 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:50:06 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2216438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I usually end up being present for the whole tantrum, so when it's over I say something like, "I see you're feeling calmer, let's....(finish the task, talk about it, find a solution, etc)." I do let him hug me if he wants it and I don't make him apologize (I feel the same as @Truth Bombs: ), but I do address his behavior &amp; tell him a better way to deal with it. Sometimes if I got really pissed off, I also apologize for raising my own voice. I think tantrums are mainly emotional &amp; a way to release feelings, not manipulate. I also think they flipping suck and are sooooo hard to deal with/keep calm as an adult!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216434 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:46:19 +0000 NorthStar 2216434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: yep, completely on purpose! She says "I'm peeing" in this "how are you going to stop me??" tone. It's so on purpose because she rarely has accidents. I try to remain calm, but honestly, I've freaked out lately, so I need to reel in my emotions since that is what she is looking for.</p> <p>I've heard one of the best things you can do is acknowledge their feelings..."I understand you want to do it yourself, but...", "I know that isn't fair..", etc. Acknowledging what they are feeling is supposed to help.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216431 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:44:15 +0000 mrsjyw 2216431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: hugs!! </p> <p>I think it's totally normal...and esp with being pregnant, our patience level wears thin a lot quicker these days than our norm. I think it's even more wearing on SAHMs who don't get much of "break" to reset themselves either. </p> <p>I react the same way as you some days, I try to take five minutes and breathe/cool off/etc. because I know that's the only way my negative reaction won't actively affect DS. Sometimes in the moment though, we're only human! Sometimes, I could slap myself for even being able to be impatient/angry in reaction to something that's just an emotional response from my 2yo toddler! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216429 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:41:14 +0000 LuLu Mom 2216429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: L and E are the same kids I swear! I react similar to you, but I accept her hug and apology after she calms down and explain how what she did was wrong/dangerous/ect. However when she does it again 5 minutes later my blood boils, it's like she instantly forgot and we start the process all over again. The only thing that somewhat worked to make her "realize" mommy means business was going into my room for a few minutes with the door shut, that made her very sad and realize I was upset too, in all honesty this was me needing a breather from the situation not trying to make a point! ha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216427 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:39:13 +0000 PinkElephant 2216427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NorthStar: You don't know how glad I am to hear that someone else's child does this! Mine doesn't go so far as to trip, but on days when I'm busy and won't do what she asks right-this-very-second, she'll sometimes wet her pants a little and tell me, "oh well, I pee peed in my pants. Whoops" in the most sarcastic little voice EVER.</p> <p>@hilsy85: My post-tantrum reaction depends on my mood a little bit (which I know isn't ideal, consistencey is better, but we mamas are only human). In my ideal circumstances, I'm still a little cold/firm, but will give her a hug and tell her I always love her, but I didn't like her behavior. DD is worried about "are you happy, Mommy?" so I take that opportunity to tell her that no, I feel sad when I see her get so upset/not listening/etc. Although frankly sometimes that backfires, because (hooray for toddler control issues - not!), because her goal was to elicit a reaction and MAKE me unhappy. Sigh :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216414 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:27:37 +0000 hilsy85 2216414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tidybee: totally true. My gut reaction is actually not to yell or be mean, but to withdraw from him and go "cold" so to speak,,which I worry makes him feel rejected :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216403 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:21:46 +0000 Tidybee 2216403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I read somewhere (janet lansbury, I'm sure) about the importance of recognizing that toddlers/kids tap into our own issues and insecurities (ie embarrassment in public, feeling like a failure, etc). When I'm still fuming over what happened, I try to remember it's my stuff and to not take it out on her. I may need to be alone for a bit to chill out but it's better than snapping at her or saying something hurtful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216397 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:12:24 +0000 NorthStar 2216397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: OMG! Did the lady hear her? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/aftermath-of-tantrums#post-2216390 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:06:16 +0000 Truth Bombs 2216390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Certainly not fun with a pregnant belly!! If it makes you feel better, my husband took LO to the zoo Saturday and she pointed at an overweight old lady and loudly announced " LOOK DADDY! That lady has a baby in her tummy just like mommy!".... soooo.... at least your LO didn't do that :silly: </p>