https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 08:00:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881238 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 22:00:53 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2881238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: @graceandjoy: @youboots: @Bluemasonjar: @MrsSRS: Thank you all! I think we will include at least a few, and continue helping her process it all as best we can. I can't even begin to tell you how heartbreaking it is to explain to a 3 year old that her first mommy couldn't take care of her.<br /> @annem1990: Thanks for your input, it is helpful to hear it from an adult perspective. Did they show you those pics from a young age? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881170 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 14:47:44 +0000 MrsSRS 2881170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I realize it's not the same, but my first was a preemie and at about 3 he started to ask why his baby pictures had no tube and c-paps and an incubator and his sister's didn't. After some discussion - your body was born before it was really ready to do all the things a baby usually does, so the doctors helped you in these ways...he started recounting the story with pride. I vote include them. Edit them if it makes them feel better to you. I think the biggest impact will be the way you talk about them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881160 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 13:39:49 +0000 annem1990 2881160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were very open about my struggles as a newborn, but to be honest I really hate seeing the pictures of myself with the feeding tube. Now that I’m a mother myself and I can (sort of) imagine the pain my parents went through in the beginning, it just makes me sad. I agree with an above poster that the ones where my parents are holding me are much more palatable. I really don’t like seeing myself alone in the NICU with the tube and machines. Of course I can’t remember any of it, but it just makes me uncomfortable to see. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881138 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 11:38:59 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2881138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would include a few pictures from that time to help validate and normalize her experience. She obviously remembers it and I would want her to feel open to talking about it if/when she is ready. </p> <p>In the meantime I agree with speaking about it in a matter of fact way- you were sick and got the care you needed. That is how we have approached it with my son who suffered a stroke, he came home from the hospital with an NG tube and will talk about being sick when he sees the photos of himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881136 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 11:24:45 +0000 youboots 2881136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should include them. It’s just part of her story. </p> <p>Not exactly the same but DD broke her leg and still remembers it/ talks about it- she was only 2 1/2 almost two years ago. We have the photos in our family album even though it would have been easy to exclude them- it was horrible and difficult especially since she already has orthopedic issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881110 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 09:23:52 +0000 graceandjoy 2881110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no experience or expertise in this either, but my instinct says to include them. It's part of her, and every part of her story is beautiful :heart: "Knowing" you on HB, I know that you will be able to talk to her about her life in a way that's positive and encouraging! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881066 Wed, 17 Apr 2019 06:51:27 +0000 MrsBucky 2881066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I know it’s really different, but my son had a traumatic accident a little older- he had just turned two. We don’t have a ton of pictures, but we do show them to him. He was also very verbal and has, for the last two years, spoken freely about what happened which is so hard for my husband and I but we realize is good for him. My understanding is that normalizing it helps it not be frightening. All of which is my super long winded way of saying- I think you’re right to include the photos. It’s the story you tell (and augment over the years) that will inform how she processes them. You’re narrative seems super age appropriate and that is what will grow as she does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881058 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 22:49:38 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2881058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tiger: Thanks! She might-I'll see how she is when she sees them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881057 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 22:48:05 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2881057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would try to be as matter of fact about it as possible - the NG tube helped you eat, you were in the hospital because you needed help/were sick etc. I don't shy away from showing D pics of himself with tubes everywhere, although our circumstance didn't involve the kind of trauma O's must have. I have lots of pics of D at various stages with different medical devices (NG tube, g tube, iv ports, colostomy bag, oxygen assistance, etc) if she would like to see that other kids also go through that stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881052 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 22:05:07 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2881052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: Good idea about playing with the editing on those pics. I think that would really make a difference for her.<br /> @nwm: @MamaBear87: Thanks, I think we are going to include them. I was also reminded today that her little body went through that trauma, whether we talk about it or not. It's in there, even if she doesn't have the words to talk about it. So it's not like leaving them out somehow erases that it all happened.<br /> @PurplePeony: Unfortunately, we weren't in the picture yet when this was happening. The hospitalization is what led her to being brought into care, and her first mom was the only one with her in the hospital, and it was a very scary time with a lot of anger, fighting and fear. You can see it all over her face in the photos. We are going to try to include the less awful ones, but there's no mistaking the fear on her face during that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881051 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 21:59:02 +0000 PurplePeony 2881051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I’m no expert, but I’d lean toward using photos from that time but trying to include mostly ones that show you and/or your wife holding her, or ones where she has a favorite stuffie with her, or something like that rather than pics of her alone. Basically, ones that will reinforce that there were some good things happening at that time as well as scary, hurting things. Maybe choose several you think are the best and then let her decide which of those she wants in the book? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881041 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 20:30:37 +0000 MamaBear87 2881041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone who suffers from anxiety I would absolutely include them. I feel so much better when I can talk about my anxiety and feel that it is accepted. I would imagine her trauma is similar, if you can acknowledge yes it real and happened but you're ok now it should help her heal and feel like she doesn't have to hide it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881039 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 20:24:51 +0000 nwm 2881039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't feel like I really know what I'm talking about here, but I would lean toward including the photos, I think, for my 3yo, if only because maybe it won't develop as much of the stigma of what the NG tube means for her if she is exposed to it early and often as something positive that was helping to get her healthy and well? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881024 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 18:29:54 +0000 jennlin821 2881024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: could you “soften” the pictures so that they don’t feel so harsh, make the more beautiful? Make them sepia toned, or watercolored, airbrush out the background?</p> <p>It sounds like you all want to talk about it, but have a lot of anxiety about that particular moment. Could you have her put stickers on that page, or have her direct you in how to decorate it?</p> <p>Could you create a question and answer as part of the page -“ this was scary because you were so little and sick” what was something good that happened? You met new family, the Drs used amazing medicine on you, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881023 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 18:14:32 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2881023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: Great idea, but I think beyond her right now. At the moment she wants us to tell her the story. She has a lot of anxiety about bringing it up herself, so I think it will give her confidence to hear it from us initially. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881021 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 18:12:49 +0000 jennlin821 2881021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you involve her in the creation of these pages, like have her draw a picture of herself as that baby? And emphasize the strength and courage she had, along with the other caring people who helped her (nurses, doctors, advocate, etc?) I’m not trying to wash it, just help put a positive emphasis on what she went through? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881020 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 18:07:21 +0000 gotkimchi 2881020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s fine/good to include them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/age-appropriate#post-2881019 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 17:43:31 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2881019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm getting ready to put together a life book for O. Everyone talks about including their story in an age appropriate way, but there isn't ever any instruction on what is age appropriate or how you know!</p> <p>She has pretty significant medical trauma, in addition to neglect. She's 3.5 now, and has memories from as far back as about 6 months, when she was life flighted to a children's hospital and put on a feeding tube. She knows her story, as far as knowing she was sick, her mom couldn't take care of her, and then we took care of her and became her moms. There are LOTS of photos of her with an NG tube. My protective mama instinct (and the way I was raised to not talk about the hard stuff) wants to leave them out, but I'm learning that not talking about her trauma isn't doing any good, and she actually gets less anxious when we talk about her story even though it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Would it be age appropriate to include these photos or should I wait until she's older? </p>