https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 05:29:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782384 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 16:42:37 +0000 skiierchck99 2782384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much to everyone who weighed in! DH and I read through things last night and I think it solidified our decision to take a few weeks together and then have him take the rest after - I'm leaning 4 and 4 but we'll see where we land I guess.</p> <p>@Adira: @yoursilverlining: @petitenoisette: Yes - he works for a pretty progressive company and he's able to be more flexible with his time than I am! He works very hard, but they tend to treat employees well.</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: @ShootingStar: @MrsSCB: I would love to do this honestly...and I probably would if I got a little more leave and she wouldn't have to start daycare so young. I'm going to connect with HR to inquire about taking another 4-8 weeks unpaid and see where that goes.</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: Yes, both fully paid during the allotted time. DH could actually easily take more time unpaid (up to 2 more months) but he's definitely the larger salary so we'd feel a pinch even factoring in the cost of care.</p> <p>@Veggie: @Mama Bird: So sorry to hear that happened! I think we're in the opposite position - they're really hoping he stays (it's a high-departure industry), but it's good for us both to remember this could always happen! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782293 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 13:22:55 +0000 alphagam84 2782293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have him take two weeks right after birth and then use the last six weeks when you go back to work so he can take care of the baby and avoid daycare for that much longer! I had a really easy time at home with our baby and didn't need like I needed him home longer for support (he took 2 weeks off). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782292 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 13:22:14 +0000 mdf106 2782292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted 2 weeks right away and 6 weeks later, because I think this would maximize bonding. I think those first few weeks are important for bonding, and I also think some time as the sole caregiver is important for bonding, and to both be comfortable as equal parents. I did not have PPD/PPA, I was unusually happy postpartum, and I felt fine physically by 2 weeks postpartum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782232 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:13:27 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2782232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted for 2 weeks and then 4 later. DH was off for about a week and a half before returning to work but I had family in town to help for a few days before I was on my own. Then he was able to take 10 weeks off after I went back to work so DS was 5 months when he started daycare. Honestly it was good for DH to have the time to bond with the baby and understand how much work it is to care for an infant all day long! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782113 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 07:45:41 +0000 MrsBucky 2782113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I hear you. My husband was actively looking/ applying/ interviewing for over two years before he found where he is now and it is like night and day. I’m glad it eventually worked out for you guys too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782111 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 07:29:33 +0000 Mama Bird 2782111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: my husband was demoted while he was on his FMLA paternity leave. I think his boss had been planning it for a while but took advantage of DH not being there, so any complaint would have been weeks after the fact. As it happens there would have been grounds for a complaint, but since the changes were announced and finalized while he was out, asking for a review of the decision later would have been pointless. It was one messed up workplace. Took him a few more years after that to get out - but thankfully, he did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782097 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 06:41:31 +0000 MrsBucky 2782097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Veggie: I completely understand! We knew my husband taking his whole leave was a risk to losing his job (not immediately, but eventually) but he was actively looking to leave so we decided to have him take all of it anyway even though it wasn’t “done”. He needed up finding and accepting a new job about a year later. I’m sorry that happened to you guys, how stressful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782096 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 06:36:34 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2782096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Veggie: wait, did him being let go have something to do with the leave he took? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782059 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 20:21:52 +0000 Veggie 2782059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my husband was able to take up to 12 weeks when we had our daughter. The plan was to take the first 4 weeks with me and then 8 when I returned to work. BUT he was let go from his job 3 weeks after returning from the first 4. I really hope this doesn't happen to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782039 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 18:05:14 +0000 MrsBucky 2782039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will also say we had my mom for weeks 2-4 which was helpful. If we didn’t have my mom coming I’d want him to take more up front- but not more than 3 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782038 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 18:04:26 +0000 MrsBucky 2782038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I negotiated a 6 month maternity leave. My husband took the first week off, then took the other 5 weeks of his leave during my son’s 5th month. We would have pushed it to after I went back but he had to take his before 6 months passed. My gf who had her husband take a month of full time care after she went back made him a much more 100% partner because he truely felt like a parent and not a back up parent, if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782037 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 17:56:48 +0000 Truth Bombs 2782037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you both fully paid during your leaves? That would affect my answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782033 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 17:40:10 +0000 Mama Bird 2782033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we were doing this again, I'd ask DH to take off one week tops at the start, and whatever he can get later. We don't like the idea of leaving a very young baby alone with a nanny in theory - would do it if we found someone we trusted, but that's not easy! So we tried to care for the kids ourselves till they were old enough for day care, and the best way to maximize our leave was to take turns. </p> <p>We did get a bit of good luck when my oldest was born - DH's office was badly damaged in a natural disaster, and he was allowed to work from home for two months. Just as well, because I had a rough recovery and struggled just to get through the day. But with the younger one, I was feeling much better, and we decided he didn't need to take any time off at the start. He took all of his leave once I went back to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782030 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 17:22:21 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2782030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not quite the same, but when I first returned to work my mom watched my son for two weeks. Putting him in a daycare at 3.5 months instead of at 3 months may not seem like much of a difference, but it was. I would bond as a family of three for 2-4 weeks and then have your husband take the rest of his leave when you return to work.</p> <p>ETA: my husband was home for the first 6 weeks with me and due to work obligations that was the only option. If his leave had been more flexible I would trade the trio time for delaying when LO has to start daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782022 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:31:19 +0000 PawPrints 2782022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2 weeks at the birth, the rest after you go back to work. This is closet to what we're doing, though my DH has more leave to play with (he's taking 4 weeks vacation right after the birth, then will begin his 3-month paternity leave after I return to work when DS will be 6 months old). We like having most of the leave be concurrent so we can hold off a while longer before DS will have to begin daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782006 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:52:24 +0000 MrsSCB 2782006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband had eight weeks off with me, pretty much coincidentally, due to being between jobs at that time. I was home for 16 weeks total. I loved having those eight weeks all together, so that's what I'd do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2782001 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:37:18 +0000 petitenoisette 2782001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Two weeks, especially if you have to have a c-section, will FLY by. I would strongly encourage you to have him stay home for 4. Those first weeks with our LO were just a great bonding time for us with our baby and with each other as parents. My DH was only home for 2 and I was fine for him to go back to work but I would have loved for him to have been able to extend that time. Then it will be amazing for him to get some time to be on his own and figure out his way with your baby too. </p> <p>If for some reason he can’t split up his leave I’d take it concurrently.</p> <p>I don’t think starting daycare at 16 vs 18 weeks would be enough of a difference to warrant a 2/6 week split. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781993 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:15:58 +0000 wrkbrk 2781993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another vote for 2 immediately then 6 after you return to work. 12 weeks old versus 18 weeks old when you leave your new baby at daycare is a huge difference in my opinion. Plus you might save a little money depending on how your daycare works! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781991 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:12:25 +0000 ShootingStar 2781991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For both of our kids DH got 6 weeks of paternity leave and he did it concurrently with my leave. I honestly can't imagine doing it any other way. Two weeks of having DH around seems like such a little amount of time. </p> <p>By having so much time we were able to have lots of bonding time as a family. And LO1 was a terrible sleeper at first so the only way I got any sleep was that at 7am DH would get up with DS and I'd sleep until 10 or 11, and that would be my longest stretch. If he'd gone back after 2 weeks I would've been a disaster. For our 2nd baby he was so sad when he had to go back to work. He felt like we were finally getting to a stage where he could help more (she was very nursing/mommy centric) and she was becoming more interactive. </p> <p>The other consideration we had is that it was a lot easier for him to take time off in one chunk. It would've been much harder to try to take it in multiple chunks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781988 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 14:50:54 +0000 birdofafeather 2781988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally would do 4 with you and then 4 on his own when you go back. That way you get to experience things together in the beginning, you have your time with baby solo and then he also gets to experience that time with baby solo. I would think it would get you on the same team with experiencing it together and also experiencing a significant time solo so you can each understand how tough it can be and to increase each of your confidence in baby care solo! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781981 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 14:30:24 +0000 Pollywog 2781981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>what we are doing is taking 1 week with both off, 6 weeks of just me, then 12 weeks of us both part time. We can do this because we don't get mat/pat leave and our employers are fine with it. They prefer it because our absences are felt less. For my mental health it is way better for me to go back fairly early, but there's no way I can do full time right way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781966 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:53:14 +0000 yoursilverlining 2781966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My vote is to take it all concurrently, or to have him home with you 4 weeks and then 4 after you go back. You will want to check with his employer on whether intermittent paternity leave is allowed. </p> <p>My husband and I were lucky to both have 12 weeks off together when LO was born and it was *amazing*. I had bad PPD, so there was that but even without that it was amazing to have a partner there full time. It was also great for our marriage for many reasons. Not to say we have a perfect marriage (because we don't and no one does), but I really believe that having him there really helped us to avoid much of the new-baby marriage stress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781962 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:50:41 +0000 gingerbebe 2781962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So both my boys were absolute terrors the second month of life (like weeks 3-8 were basically a blur, with the worst being weeks 6-8). So, if it were me, I would have done something like:</p> <p>DH home 1 week after the baby is born for bonding.<br /> DH home weeks 6-8 concurrent with you.</p> <p>As to the remaining 4 weeks, I would try to use them in a way to help ease YOUR transition back to work. For instance, have him stay home with the baby the first 2 weeks after you go back to work, then have the baby start going to daycare the last 2 weeks of DH's leave so that HE can deal with the dropoff drama (all the tears). Perhaps the baby can go for a few hours at a time at first to ease the transition, or DH can help get the kinks sorted out in terms of what is needed every day, or he can deal with the screaming overtired baby at pick up (because they probably wont nap great at first), etc. Either way, if he can carry the brunt of the actual transition of baby to daycare, I think it will help you focus on being back at work and not being so stressed about it.</p> <p>But that's just me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781958 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:45:32 +0000 Adira 2781958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For both my kids, my husband took the first 4-5 weeks off and was home with me. For my first, it was ESPECIALLY CRUCIAL to have him home with me during that time. I wouldn't say that I had postpartum depression, but I definitely struggled. When he returned to work after 4 weeks, he worked from home two days a week for another 4 weeks in order to continue to support me.</p> <p>So I'd plan for him to at LEAST take 2 weeks at home with you concurrently and be willing to reevaluate. If you're feeling good, maybe he can return to work after 2 weeks and take the following 6 weeks off after you return to work. If you feel like you need more support, maybe he can take 4 weeks off upfront and then the following 4 weeks after you return to work.</p> <p>Although I'd look into if that's even an option. My work doesn't allow you to take "baby-bonding" time intermittently. Whatever time you take for baby-bonding is it, so we wouldn't be able to do 4 weeks here and then 4 weeks later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781956 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:44:21 +0000 Mae 2781956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2 weeks, then 6-- unless you end up having a c-section then I'd say 4 and 4. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781955 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:42:44 +0000 Mamaof2 2781955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2 weeks at birth then the rest after you go back to work.</p> <p>We did this with DS - I loved having him a little bit older when starting DCP</p> <p>Save your PTO - they will get sick and you'll need the time off </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/allocating-maternitypaternity-leave#post-2781952 Wed, 25 Oct 2017 13:35:43 +0000 skiierchck99 2781952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wondering if anyone can add insight to the dilemma DH and I are sorting through. I have a pretty standard 12 week maternity leave, and DH is very fortunate to have 8 weeks paternity leave. We may each have another 1-2 weeks vacation we could use, though we're not sure if we want to use that or reserve it. Essentially, we're trying to decide how to split the time. Options include taking it all concurrently, having DH take 2 weeks with me immediately and then 6 weeks when I go back to work, or having DH split it half and half - 4 weeks with me and 4 weeks when I go back. We're not really considering him taking it all when I return but I'd be open to arguments in that vein. </p> <p>I don't have to know for sure now, but I want to be able to consider childcare dates while talking to schools. Basically, I can see the arguments for having him take as much as he can after I return to work, but I wonder if it would be better for our marriage and feeling like we develop a relationship with baby girl if we just take it concurrently. Thoughts? Made a poll but would love to hear perspectives if you have them! Thanks!!! </p>