Hellobee Boards Topic: Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?

Hellobee Boards Topic: Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 03:55:04 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1524313 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 20:05:17 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1524313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pinkcupcake: I thought a little more about what you said. I think you are right, it is not good to underestimate the luxury of being able to make the choice to SAH or WOH; lots of people around the world have that choice set out for them. But as far as luxury goes....as far as I'm concerned, it is quite a luxury for DH too! Because not only is he not directly dealing with the less elegant parts of parenting for 40+ hrs a week, but he also doesn't have to do those chores when he gets home, because I've already done them. I guess what I mean is, I try to think of my choice to SAHM not as something that benefits me only, but that has benefits for my whole family. SAHM wasn't something I set out to do my whole life, so perhaps I rationalize my value to my family. At the same time, I hate to see an SAHM devalue themselves....depression is a huge problem in SAHM world; SAHMs are more likely to become depressed, and I can't help but wonder if that has something to do with low self-esteem. Oddly enough, the internet seems to be blowing up with SAHM/WOH debate, but my husband is never anything but grateful for what I do (and yeah, that usually includes putting his dishes in the washer, he's just usually too rushed or too tired to do that stuff, although he is a fantastic parent). Sometimes I think I should listen to him more closely and listen less to all the internet chatter surrounding this debate. @plantains: My DH and I had a lengthy discussion about this at lunch when I told him about this thread. He is pretty bad about doing a lot of the things that were discussed in this post: he doesn't throw his clothes in a hamper, he definitely leaves dishes all over the place, etc. We have fought over it a million times but YES, I agree with you....I have just decided this is just the way it is until our LO gets a little older. You are right that having never had a proper ML, I definitely don't know what it feels like. I will say this....any woman who has just gone through birth or any parent who has just welcomed a child home deserves to be cared for and deserves time to enjoy their baby! Sadly, as time passes that happens less and less. I actually wrote a post about the "honeymoon" phase ending; around the 3 month point we pretty much had exhausted all of our help and I had the feeling that life was "back to normal"-- a new normal, albeit, but the expectations of us as a family had gone back to normal. DH was taking on more work and our family expected normal attendance at get-togethers, etc.....it was a rude awakening for me! plantains on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1523743 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 16:22:56 +0000 plantains 1523743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: I don't have too much to add here that hasn't a;ready been said, but I will say that the same way you feel that ML folks can not know what people who have chosen to SAH long term will feel, you also cannot know what ML people feel. I stayed home on ML for 6.5 months and yes, it was actually quite hard but also amazing. For me, SAH would never work because I find having to be 'on' all teh time and answer DD's demands evry minute of teh day exhausting. I also found it really tiresome that my entire day was reduced to getting baby to nap! I WOH, but I cook, clean and care for baby in the morning before I leave and also in the evenings. My house looks like crap, but it really didn't look much better when I was on ML so I assume it will look like crap until DD is 3 years old hahaha. Mrs. Sketchbook on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1523622 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 15:46:43 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1523622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pinkcupcake: no, doesn't come across the wrong way at all! But I think for the out of the home parent it is hard to understand why sometimes the house is messier when they get home than it is when they left! I mean, how is that possible? It is--as you well know!--because toddlers make messes when you're trying to clean, and any special cleaning chores (bathrooms, baseboards) take time away from general maintenance chores. I am off of work (I work very very part time) this week and you would not believe what a mess my living room is because I've spent all week deep cleaning the places I don't usually get to! I will say I wonder this hypothetical daycare worker...does he/she have kids? If so are they in school/daycare while she/he is working? In that case they are making a lot less mess in their home during the day. All the stuff kids do at daycare....eating, painting, sensory play...is done in the kitchen and it feels like I never get done cleaning up after a craft or eating. Ultimately I think it is infinitely better not to have to devote all weekend to cleaning like my WOHM friends do, but I also think my house gets messier more quickly! pinkcupcake on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1523548 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 15:27:20 +0000 pinkcupcake 1523548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: I just wanted to quickly address what you wrote in a previous post where you said "being an SAHM isn't equivalent to being a daycare worker or a WOHM who is home on the weekends etc." It's true that daycare workers don't have the clean their house *while* providing care for the child, but at some point, they *do* have to clean the home - when they go home, I'm assuming they have to pick up and tidy up their own home. So do parents who work outside the home all day - when they get home, they still have to prepare meals, tidy up, etc while providing care to their child. As a SAHM, I have the luxury (and yes, I do think it's a luxury) of doing the dishes throughout the day, or quickly running a load of laundry at 3pm. I don't have to wait until 9pm, when I'm home from work and LO has been fed, washed, and put to sleep. Hope this doesn't come across the wrong way! Mrs. Sketchbook on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1523254 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 14:16:27 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1523254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: I really don't know what to say. You gave what I felt was unrealistic advice because you only had a few months of experience with a certain lifestyle. I didn't think your advice totally answered the OP's question, because I don't think that ML fundamentally changes a person and/or a marriage in the same way that becoming an SAHM does. Other people who are SAHMs have weighed in on their view that comparing ML to a SAHM lifestyle is not realistic; you can scroll up and see that for yourself. Other WOHMs asked me for clarification on my position and accepted my response and we left it where it was. Honestly, without getting too personal, I took a look at your profile to see if there was some difference that I was missing. Your child is half my child's age, and you live in a more affluent area than I do. That, more than anything, will drive us to have different answers to this question. I take no issue with what you are saying re: chores, but to imply that SAHM life is one long coffee date....what can I say? It read as naive and dismissive. For me, and I suspect for many (most?) of the SAHMs here, becoming an SAHM is a sea change, a paradigm shift. Mine included a move, but it doesn't have to include a move to be life-altering. It alters the space of a relationship in ways that I honestly don't think someone can understand until they've done it. I'm assuming that the OP is planning to SAH for longer than 5.5 months. I just don't think it is fair for someone who SAH for 5.5 months before returning to work to offer advice to someone who is planning to SAH full-time into the toddler stage and beyond... especially when the advice offered feels dismissive. I can't help you to understand that. Other people called me out on that, and after some clarification we came to a mutual understanding, so I'm thinking that, for some people, my rationale made sense. Let's agree that we'll never see eye-to-eye on this small issue and let it go! Anagram on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/4#post-1522877 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 13:11:52 +0000 Anagram 1522877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: I'm still missing your point. And I think you've gone a bit off-track for this thread. While your SAH experience seems...tough, I think it's probably has a lot to do with your particular situation (rural, moving for a husband's job, etc.). While they sound challenging, I'm not sure how they pertain to OP. Her original question was--was her husband expecting too much in wanting her to do EVERYTHING around the house as a SAHM and I stand by my answer that yes, he is expecting too much. However, if it is a priority for her there is time in the day, even with a baby, to get a few things done each day. I'm not debating the merits of SAHP vs WOHP or having a pissing contest over who has MORE time. In fact, it's wierd to me that this conversation between us is happening at all, because I feel like it's so off base from what the OP was about and what my response to her was. But I will still say, that as both a SAHP (I totally consider 5.5 months at home with a baby being SAHP, so we will have to agree to disagree on that point) and a WOHP, I have had time in each situation to take showers, cook dinners (when we don't have leftovers to eat), and do the occasional light cleaning. As I have stated in other threads, working in a lot of ways has been easier for me, but not because staying at home with my LO was so hard (for me. I realize this is an individual experience), but because when I was on mat leave, I felt like I *should* take most of the night wake ups, and I *should* clean or cook or pump when LO was sleeping during the day, so I was literally never sleeping. And when I went back to work, I realized that it's a total crock that women who SAH have husbands who refuse to do night wakeups "because they have to work". I can tell you first hand that being at work sleep deprived is no harder than being at home with a baby sleep deprived, so in my opinion, husbands/dads who are working should still be doing 50/50 of what needs to be done in the hours they are home. Unless say, they are a commercial pilot or a brain surgeon and their sleep is literally a life or death situation. That's cool if your marriage is different, and you both prefer to split the duties in a more traditional way (with you doing all the house work and child rearing, even in the hours that your husband is home). But I feel like I'm free to say that I would not sign up for that situation and I don't feel OP needs to. Again, back to the original post. Having a baby at home is hard. The husband should pick up his own plates and load the dishwasher, among other things. However, having a baby is not the horror show many people make it out to be and if it's a priority for the OP, she can definitely find some time to do some basic chores should she want to. Mrs. Sketchbook on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1522570 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 11:57:36 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1522570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: My feeling is, the OP asked if SAHM was more difficult than her husband felt it was going to be, or basically how that tension would be resolved between her and her husband after the baby gets here. And in response she got a lot of comments from people who are not SAHMs telling her how manageable it is. Don't get me wrong, SAHM is definitely manageable....although perhaps not to the extent that her DH may think it is. But I just don't see why people who are not SAHMs felt comfortable commenting so cavalierly. It would be like me, as someone who works part-time, commenting on a post asking if 40hr plus workweek is manageable, or how to manage it, or whether or not it puts stress on my marriage. Fact is....stepping out of the workplace for good is fundamentally different from being away for 2, 3, 4, 5 etc. months, and it affects your marriage differently. I know lots of WOHMs and even when they were on ML they checked in to the office, they didn't lose that connection with the working world. In those first few months, they had help from family, had freezer meals prepared, and knew they were coming back to a wage. Maybe that isn't the case for all women who took ML but I think it is probably not the place of people who took ML to say that their experience is exactly like the experience of women who didn't take one, and instead elected to leave the workforce entirely, and forego a paycheck. Yes, it would be possible for me to take my kid to playdates and coffee shops every day if I wanted to. But as an SAHM it gets tiring to schlep my kid around. Kindemusik is tiring; it is half me chasing him and half disciplining him. A whining 2 year old is tiring! One thing I found annoying about all the ML= SAHM posts is that they underestimate the difficulty of SAHMing a toddler. We traveled a ton with our 2 month old. Aside from the sleep deprivation, getting out wasn't a problem. Finding ways to keep a toddler entertained and happy all day long (no nap) is a lot more of a challenge for me. Finally, yes....I do believe that if I were returning to work my priorities would be different. I'd be trying to do all the playdates, and all the mommy dates, knowing that my opportunity to do those things would be over soon. But DH and I decided that I would SAHM because it would take the burden off of him with regards to chores, etc. So that we can spend our free time together instead of doing chores. If I were a man, and he were a female breadwinner, it would still be the same way. And a big part of that trade-off was losing my pay....indefinitely. Part of my "job" is minimizing our expenses as much as I can. So even now, a lunch date with a mommy is an bimonthly occurrence at best! Coffee is a rarity, unless we are all out with family, and classes for baby are stringently budgeted months in advance and weighed against all other family priorities. Also I live 25 minutes away from the nearest starbucks! So I have to pay for gas to get a coffee break. I know a lot of SAHMs probably live in the burbs or city, but for us, living in the burbs on one budget was not sustainable, so we live in a rural area. I bet there are more women out there who moved for their husbands jobs because they are SAHM than there are women who moved for their husbands jobs because they were on ML. Ultimately, a WOHM would laugh at me if I tried to say that my experience was a cognate to her, so I don't see why an SAHM doesn't get to feel the same way. Anagram on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1522425 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 11:19:47 +0000 Anagram 1522425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: Just saw this from last night. I went back to my first response to the OP to see what you had issue with and I don't get it, to be honest. As I said in my post, having a baby is hard and you won't have a ton of time at home. But you will have *some* time, and I stand by that. I was on maternity leave for 5.5 months, 100% unpaid. And I managed to make 2 separate groups of mommy friends, I joined a mom's book club, I took my LO to the millions of LC appointments, and BF support groups, and her physical therapy appointments. And yes, I went to lunch at least once a week with other moms, and I went for coffee and we had mommy happy hours (with LOs in tow). And I still managed to make dinner most nights and did a lot more laundry than I have time for now. All while exclusively pumping, getting my babe on a schedule, nap training her, etc. As I said, it's hard. But it's not impossible and as others have pointed out, a lot depends on your personality. I don't judge other moms who can't manage a shower or to cook a meal at any point from 8am to 6 pm, but for me it wasn't *that hard*. Hard, but not the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Much harder than balancing housework and baby has been the sleep deprivation, the issues I have exclusively pumping, which continue until not when LO is 8.5 months and is hard whether you are a working mom or a SAHM. I guess you can say it's *mentally* different to be a permanent SAHM as opposed to on maternity leave, but I disagree that the average husband's expectations are different for a permanent SAHM and someone just on maternity leave, as you describe it. As another poster said, I don't want to have a "who has it harder--working moms or SAHMs" argument. I love what Deerylou said in her post and basically feel the same way. But a lot of what you are talking about is very, very dependent on the individual couple--their personalities, philosophies about division of labor, and income level. If I were a SAHM mom for the next 20 years, I still wouldn't pick up after my husband and put his dishes in the dishwasher. Just because I think anyone over the age of 5 should be doing it themselves, husbands and children included. Jenn23 on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1522055 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 09:48:17 +0000 Jenn23 1522055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pui: As others said, it really is so hard to know how it will be until your little one is here. Some babies are fussier and don't sleep well so it is hard to get anything done. My son slept a lot during the days and still does so I do have quite a bit of time to get things done each day. But some days I'm just too mentally or physically tired to do hardly anything! I think your husband will realize how busy you will be once the baby is here. He'll have to do his share of work/help and can definitely put clothes away and put dishes in the dishwasher. Even if you weren't having a baby, he can put his dishes away. You may have fights about these things (like Mrs Green Grass) from time to time. We did. I remember asking for more help many times and feeling that my husband wasn't helping enough. But many times he was helping more than I realized and I was just too emotional and sleep-deprived to even notice so he had to point out how much he was helping. It'll be a roller-coaster for a bit, but you'll get into a groove and find what works for you! pui on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521848 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 09:06:22 +0000 pui 1521848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @SugarplumsMom: I don't think he will really be taking time off at least not in the regular "paternity leave" way. We own our own company so he can't really just leave it for 2 weeks. He'll probably take 3-4 full days off and maybe some half days for the first little while intermittently. SugarplumsMom on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521635 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 07:04:02 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1521635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pui: Quick question: will he be taking time off when the baby comes? Because, imo, the more paternity leave he takes, the more he'll understand just how tough it'll be. I also think that this is a very important point he needs to understand early on. Long term sleep deprivation is not easily understood, at least not until you're in the thick of it :happy: looch on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521623 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 06:53:48 +0000 looch 1521623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: I had to comment on the one year maternity leave comment you made earlier. I don't think that alone is the answer, in all honesty. I'd rather split the difference and call it 6 months and make childcare more available and subsidized. looch on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521607 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 06:39:43 +0000 looch 1521607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @deerylou: Very well put. At the end of the day, I don't "bow down" to anyone, stay at home, work at home, single parent, intergenerational help, whatever. Being a parent is a difficult undertaking and we all are doing the best we can. mrskc on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521272 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:57:27 +0000 mrskc 1521272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think you definitely have a more realistic view of what it will be like and your DH doesn't. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now since your LO isn't here yet. He may change his tune quickly after your LO is born and he sees how much work it is. If not, let him take care of the baby on his own for a day or two, then he'll know. In the early days (while on mat leave) I was lucky if I brushed my teeth and ate something. If I got any moment to myself, fixing myself something to eat was my #1 priority followed by sleeping/resting! DH often came home from work and cooked and cleaned up! It was just so exhausting for me mentally and physically. I didn't even leave the house by myself with DS until he was like 2 months old! Things got easier as DS got older. I went back to work for awhile but I recently quit and am now a SAHM. DS is almost 18 months and things like making dinner and cleaning up and running errands are so much easier for me now. My husband most certainly doesn't expect me to have the house clean & dinner on the table when he gets home. And I really don't stress about that kind of stuff. Often he comes home and the house is a mess and he'll help me clean up at the end of the day. I love that he doesn't expect me to take care of every household duty and in return I find myself wanting to make dinner for him/do the dishes/clean up. If that makes sense? @photojane: this is the outlook I have too. heffalump on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521167 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:09:20 +0000 heffalump 1521167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it depends on the baby. LO #1 had reflux, she was pretty hard to deal with. I couldn't set her down for a second, and she wouldn't let me sit. She always wanted me to be standing and bouncing. I got nothing done. She didn't like the carrier so wearing her to go to the grocery store or other errands wasn't an option, but she'd get fussy if in the stroller too long. LO#2 is very easy going. Sometimes she'll stay in the swing when I need to get things done, and she's happy just sitting on my lap and chilling. She loves the ergo so I can put her in there to get things done too. While I do have to leave time for feeding, poops, diaper changes, etc, it's still doable, where as it was not with my first. twoofeverything on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521152 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:00:48 +0000 twoofeverything 1521152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Oh dear God no. He's being unrealistic. And sadly, he probably won't get it until he spends 11 hours straight alone with the baby. And even then, he STILL probably won't get it unless he has to wake up and do it again the very next day...especially if the baby has a bad night! He will come around, but yeah...being a SAHM is crazy hard. It's also crazy rewarding! I honestly don't think I could be happy doing anything else anymore. That said, I would definitely not go into it thinking that your house will be perfectly clean, laundry will be perfectly folded, dinner will be perfectly made every night, and that you'll be perfectly dressed and ready for "couple" time as soon as the kids are in bed. Some days it will happen...most days, it probably won't! THAT'S OKAY. When they begin to grow up and you and DH see how amazing they're turning out, he'll get it ;-) deerylou on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521099 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:40:59 +0000 deerylou 1521099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @photojane: These are essentially my feelings, as well. :) I have trouble aligning myself with the martyr syndrome on either side of the coin. While I did genuinely enjoy my (often exhausting) career prior to having my daughter, I also dig staying home, and devoting my (often exhausting) days to her care. I guess I don't really get the point of trying to prove that I have it harder than my husband, my neighbor, or my friend. Why would I work so hard to convey a sense of unhappiness? If I loathed my situation to such a degree, I'd do my best to make immediate changes. I would hope others choose a route that brings their family optimal happiness and stability, rather than one that buys them kudos. I suppose I don't really understand this argument. I doubt there's an invested mother out there that couldn't use a tropical vacation. It's both tough and rewarding, regardless. Applesandbananas on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521097 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:40:24 +0000 Applesandbananas 1521097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I WOH part time and took 13w mat leave... You're in the right mindset. It's hard and a lot of work! One of the things I've tried to do is "husband sweep". Every day I attempt to do a few small tasks that make the house seem clean to my husband. I make sure the table he "unloads" on is clear, the floors are swept, and the counters are clear. Those couple of things take 10 minutes and go a long way to DH being satisfied. mrsmate on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521089 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:36:34 +0000 mrsmate 1521089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Kemma: I agree, it was pretty respectful and I always find it interesting to hear other moms' experiences. However, it wasn't the original point of the thread, and too often (to me), conversations about parenting end up becoming about SAH vs WOH..at the very least, about validating your own choices while devaluing others'. Does that make sense? I am on my 2nd big glass of wine. Kemma on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521083 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:29:34 +0000 Kemma 1521083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mrsmate: I actually thought this was a really interesting and civilised thread! mrsmate on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521054 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:16:09 +0000 mrsmate 1521054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Geez, what the heck happened to this thread?! I'm so disappointed it fell into ye olde SAH vs WOH nonsense! I'm so over it! californiadreams on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521053 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:15:07 +0000 californiadreams 1521053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @photojane: Nicely put! photojane on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1521031 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:04:58 +0000 photojane 1521031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ For me, staying at home has been 1,000,000 times easier than WOH. Because I love it. At my last full time job, I dreaded going in to work each morning. Now I wake up excited to go see that little smiley face. For me, errands are fun. We have a blast at the grocery store. We get to go to the park or play babies. I get to meet up with other mama friends and chat. Of course, there are some very hard days, and I am usually EXHAUSTED at the end of the day, but I've never thought, "Ugh I hate this job!" I do what I can around the house when I can, but I never beat myself up over it. Maybe it's my Type B personality, but I never feel guilty when my house isn't clean (which is most of the time). Sometimes the toilet gets a ring, and sometimes the dishes sit in the sink, but my sweet Sadie is happy and healthy. And, yes, sometimes my husband makes jokes about bon bons or comments on something that needs to be cleaned, but... I don't care. He's a good dad, and he supports my decision to stay at home. At the end of the day, we both play really valuable roles and we respect each other for them. BSB on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520973 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:38:29 +0000 BSB 1520973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Haven't had the chance to read all the responses but DH will be the SAHD when it comes time. (This was agreed by him when we got married. I was fine with it.) I know it will be tough to do house chores and watch a baby. But I don't expect him to do it all. I would like us to share the chores and priority will be taking care of our child. Although, he does have a health condition (which is why he is home), so I know the task of caring for a child will be hard in itself, plus however his asthma attacks are that day. I'm already thinking about utilizing part time child care. Kemma on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520966 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:34:31 +0000 Kemma 1520966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @deerylou: This! In the early days, returning to work would have been far easier than being at home, becoming a parent can be an incredibly steep learning curve - both the practical and emotional stuff! Now that my LO is older, being a SAHM is awesome and most days I wouldn't consider it difficult or tough although we have our share of bad days. OP - putting dishes in the dishwasher and laundry in the hamper is just basic stuff that all adults do regardless of status as a parent or otherwise! And if your husband won't do it then stop washing his dishes and clothes! Ra on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520902 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:01:56 +0000 Ra 1520902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Freckles: Fair enough! :heart: Freckles on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520884 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:47:19 +0000 Freckles 1520884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: I think i worry about the loneliness of being a SAHM (for myself). LOL, i think the 4 month age may have been the wrong example!! But you get what i mean...i sometimes joke to DH that i wish mat leave started at the 1 year mark. @rahlyrah: I did go back to my comment before responding to you earlier and did see how my comment could be seen as a generalization and i really did not mean it as such. Of course everyone has different circumstances - how can i compare? I definitely think a SAHM whose husband is never home has it much harder than me. As i also said before, we all have different challenges/difficulties (whether you stay at home or work) but i have experienced more breakdowns trying to juggle everything since going back to work. I had breakdowns when staying at home because i was sleep deprived and LO was attached to me all day long, but nothing compared to how i feel when i'm overloaded at work but still feel the weight of responsibilities from home. MsLipGloss on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520861 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:28:56 +0000 MsLipGloss 1520861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Sketchbook: hahaha! Yes, in that situation, there would definitely need to be some re-prioritizing, fo sho! Grace on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520856 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:22:52 +0000 Grace 1520856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think whether your DH or you are closer to reality doesn't really matter. Being a SAHM does not mean that you are also his personal maid. Being able to put your own dishes in the dishwasher and your clothes in the hamper is something that a mature adult can do. Ra on "Am I overestimating how hard it is to be a SAHM?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overestimating-how-hard-it-is-to-be-a-sahm/page/3#post-1520846 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 17:11:50 +0000 Ra 1520846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Freckles: "Being a SAHM has it's challenges/difficulties but being a working parent is harder (especially if you're riddled with guilt every day)". If you accidentally omitted "for me" then I apologize. However, I stand by my opinion that generalized statement is, in fact, ignorant. You have no knowledge or awareness of the individual circumstances of each SAH/WAH/WOHP, consequently it is ignorant to make a blanket statement about which is easier. Each role has it's advantages and disadvantages. ETA: I think my tone may come across more harsh than I intend it to. Your job as a WOHM may be more difficult than mine as a SAHM. I acknowledge that there are many WOHPs who work harder than I do on a day-to-day basis. I just feel like the generalization was not entirely accurate.