https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 05:37:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me/page/2#post-1273088 Wed, 11 Dec 2013 08:24:53 +0000 mrs. bird 1273088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: in the 'ask for help' section down on the right, you ask mr bee to close or delete, if you want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me/page/2#post-1273084 Wed, 11 Dec 2013 08:22:15 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1273084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm almost afraid some things have gotten misconstrued here. I was never, for even a moment, going to allow someone to drive LO under the influence. That was not even a a question, but more a secondary concern in a "what-if" scenario. My concern was only about others, in general, driving LO without me with.</p> <p>That said, I'd really like to close this thread at this point. How exactly do I go about that? :P @MrBee maybe? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me/page/2#post-1273050 Wed, 11 Dec 2013 07:55:15 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1273050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: Yes, thank you. That was never up for debate, though. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me/page/2#post-1272947 Wed, 11 Dec 2013 02:46:23 +0000 sarac 1272947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: Yeah. I've been known to enjoy the occasional intoxicant in my life, but they're just that - intoxicants. Their use disqualifies you from operating heavy machinery, driving, taking care of children, etc. This should be a no brainer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me/page/2#post-1272720 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 21:05:53 +0000 cmomma17 1272720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: no disrespect meant to you either. I do have very strong feelings about smoking, alcohol and drugs for various reasons. To share a little more with you, my own father is a very heavy (lifelong) cigarette smoker. I had to make the tough decision that my LO would not be exposed to that so he has never been to my parents house as my dad had seen him probably 6 or 7 times in 7 months (and they love five minutes away). My dad is also a functioning alcoholic. Also, my DH is a recovering addict. Lots of reasons for my personal beliefs.</p> <p>The one thing we can both agree on is feeling defensive of and wanting to protect our precious babies! :) I hope your work situation improves soon!</p> <p>Eta: ugh to all my typos, I'm on my phone </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272710 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 21:02:39 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks again, everyone! I'm pretty decided on what I think I'm going to do at this point. I appreciate all your advice and suggestions! &lt;3 I'm going to delete the OP, however. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272682 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:50:01 +0000 mrsjyw 1272682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dont think ur nuts. I've nvr had anyone drive lo aside from me ot dh until last month when my mom (his primary caretaker) drove him from.her house to ours (5 miles). She's done it twice total. Ds is 12.5 mths. </p> <p>I would bot feel comfortable w ur fil driving lo either esp w his habit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272668 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:45:06 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cmomma17: I never knew people had such staunch attitudes in regards to smokers. :D No disrespect, we just have different attitudes :) </p> <p>For what it's worth, FIL is a great guy and I do trust him around my LO. Would I let him babysit if he was going to get high? No. But he's raised 4 kids and is a respectable, productive member of society. It's not as though he would ever give LO a joint or even smoke around him or in the same vicinity of him. He's all around responsible guy. I really didn't mean to paint him in such a negative light. I don't know for *certain* he even would smoke while driving him, it's just in the back of my mind and is something I need to bring up with him if he ever does have to drive him somewhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272615 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:29:16 +0000 cmomma17 1272615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: same here. This person wouldn't have a chance to drive my LO because they wouldn't be around him to begin with! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272588 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:16:00 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: DH laughs at me - I was staunchly "I will NOT be a helicopter!" ever since we even thought of having kids, all through pregnancy, then the day he was born, I just could not stop myself :| haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272578 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:10:52 +0000 sorrycharlie 1272578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: I am the same way! I thought I'd be back to work FT by 3 months..totally didn't happen ;) i'm a helicopter. I didn't ease up til 12 months! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272566 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:06:58 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HabesBabe: I would more comfortable if he gave me his word about that, for sure. :) Like @sorrycharlie: I'm just immensely protective and insane about his safety and just leaving him with DH while I'm at work, I'm a mess. I think if he was older, I might be different, but I never thought I'd be *that* sort of mom, to begin with, either :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272541 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:01:37 +0000 HabesBabe 1272541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: I agree with you! If he agrees not to smoke before/during the time he's driving them (and after, once he gets to the uncle's house, since he'll prob have to drop them off), then I think it's fine. I would actually be ok with FIL having a glass of wine at dinner and then dropping them off later, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272524 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:54:20 +0000 sorrycharlie 1272524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read any comments, but I don't think you're nuts. I was not comfortable with anyone driving - even DH - for a long time. Just one of those, if anything ever happened I'd rather blame myself - not necessarily that I thought I was a perfect driver, or anything. </p> <p>I'm comfortable with my parents driving her - and DH - because I know that they are *almost* as obsessive about her safety as I am ;) she's 14 months old, now, though. at 4 months - I didn't even leave her with anyone aside from myself, never mind let anyone drive her!</p> <p>the pot also would give me massive pause. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272468 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:34:32 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: A parrot on his shoulder, yes! :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272465 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:33:31 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: "No matter what you think about drugs, they impair you, and disqualify you from driving. Not a choice."</p> <p>That's my stance on it. If he's going to smoke, there's not even a debate. </p> <p>Like I've said, I'm not going to let anyone under the influence drive my child or, like @Mrs. Jump Rope: has said, be in charge of being a caregiver to my child. </p> <p>I'm going to propose this Christmas Eve idea and see how that goes. If that doesn't work, I'll be frank with FIL. OF course, FIL hasn't even offered to pick anyone up yet, so I MAY be worrying for nothing! Which I'm want to do... :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272459 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:31:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1272459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with seperating the two issues. FIL driving while possibly impaired no. But others driving I think will need to happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272452 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:27:32 +0000 Mae 1272452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't love someone driving my LO, but I think I'd put it in the "not a reasonable fear to enforce" category myself. I'd be more concerned about the pot thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272450 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:26:17 +0000 deerylou 1272450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I would honestly prefer to be a 24/7 parrot on DD's shoulder, I don't mind her being driven by trusted, responsible family members. With DH not being a licensed driver, you might find yourself in this situation more than once. </p> <p>With that being said, I wouldn't be cool with someone driving her if they were a known, habitual pot smoker. While it's not akin to, say, crack, it can and does impair motor function and judgement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272445 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:23:20 +0000 mrsmenow 1272445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if he abstains from smoking there isn't a problem. It is not like they are going hours away. I personally would be fine with him driving them, especially if you have ridden with him before and he was a safe driver. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272440 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:21:47 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1272440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: it depends on the amount. Do I personally drink around her? No. I know it impairs my judgement and would never feel comfortable being her caregiver at the same time. </p> <p>I think there is a difference between a social glass of wine and being outright belligerent and drunk; I would be okay with Chloe in a setting where alcohol is served, but not an unruly crowd. </p> <p>I would also never let anyone under the influence be allowed to drive with my child in the car.</p> <p>My sisters best friend was killed a year ago last Saturday by a drunk driver. </p> <p>Sobriety is a deal breaker for me when it comes to being in charge of my child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272432 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:14:09 +0000 sarac 1272432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did think that you were overreacting, until you got to the pot smoking part. No matter what you think about drugs, they impair you, and disqualify you from driving. Not a choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272408 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:58:43 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: I can respect that :) But, for me, as long as he's not operating heavy machinery, I'm okay. </p> <p>I would consider him a "responsible smoker" by all means. As a smoker for well over 30+ years, I trust him. But driving my LO after smoking is where I draw the line. He may even understand if I'm frank with him about it, to be honest. If he promised me that he would not be smoking or drinking that day, that wouldn't weigh on my mind. But then we're back to the "others driving my LO" and we're back to me being unreasonable but still feeling uneasy.</p> <p>I think I'll ultimately say we can visit them Christmas Eve, but have plans on Christmas day. Just matter of fact. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272382 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:48:40 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1272382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: just curious, but do you not allow people who drink alcohol to be around your children?</p> <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: I don't share your concerns about someone driving my child without me (although I would be clear that smoking first wasn't okay), but I don't think you're crazy. Find a compromise this year and hopefully circumstances will change before the next holiday season. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272381 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:47:22 +0000 Bao 1272381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't mind trusted people but the pot thing is a huge no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272368 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:42:57 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1272368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ZombieBullfrogHoller: marijuana may not be a hard drug by your definition, but it's a drug nonetheless and one that can alter/impair your mind. </p> <p>I wouldn't let a known drug user around my child. Letting them drive wouldn't even be an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272343 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:28:53 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Yeah, I think that's exactly how I'm thinking :P Spot on. I just have a lot of anxiety regarding leaving LO to begin with, so I think the leaving him and putting him other situations is just exaggerating it. </p> <p>I absolutely love my FIL and think he's responsible and trustworthy in a good number of ways. In the past, I have felt perfectly safe driving with him and he is a safe driver. But with LO everything is different, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272339 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:23:57 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That said, I also wouldn't be comfortable with anyone smoking around LO. That also wouldn't fly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272324 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:14:17 +0000 ZombieBullfrogHoller 1272324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: Eh, to be honest, I don't much consider pot to be a hard drug to be concerned about. If he was doing crack or something, yeah, but not pot. I pretty much consider it the same in terms of drug use as alcohol. I'm only concerned with him driving while under the influence, whether that would be alcohol or pot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-overreacting-others-driving-lo-without-me#post-1272321 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:10:07 +0000 Raindrop 1272321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be okay as long as they used a child seat, those things are built like a tank. Especially with a grandparent, but none of LO's grandparents or family smokes pot so I am not sure how I would feel about that that.</p> <p>That being said I can understand your worry, you just don't want the time your LO gets into troubles that you are not there to protect your baby. Most people will say that 99.9% of the time everything works out but you just don't want to chance this being the 0.1% that it's bad news bears.</p> <p>I think that's great your DH will support your choice and you have to make a choice you are comfortable with so you don't have any regrets in the future. So if I were you I would follow my gut and not let my FIL drive them. </p>