https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 14:24:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2810010 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 04:30:36 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2810010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not terrible! My mom didn't think I was that cute as a newborn and when she told me about that I laughed. Dh and I joked a lot about our third being so hairy at birth but we both think she's sooooooo cute now and it's only a couple months later. (I mean we thought she was cute but we were blown away by the hair lol.)</p> <p>With everyone buying all the baby accessories and posting all the baby pictures and all of that I can see why someone might be disappointed by a newborn that didn't look as cute as they hoped. Especially because newborns don't smile yet or say cute things or have activities/accomplishments to talk about, etc. </p> <p>Just don't let it take over. Other than that, it's really nbd. And frankly neither are all the IG worthy pics. One day I hope this is a funny hormonal memory. But it does not make you terrible! And I didn't see pics but even if she isn't the cutest newborn that doesn't mean she won't be an adorable toddler or kid, and being adorable is a definite plus during the terrible twos. :silly: My kids have gone through more and less cute phases. Honestly I think all kids do. </p> <p>I totally understand why you wouldn't say that out loud but it's really not that huge a deal. </p> <p>As a side point.. if you think it might be anxiety related or PPD either seek help or just monitor for a bit for awhile to make sure you don't need help. I had some pretty dark thoughts and felt disconnected when I had issues with bad anxiety with my first. </p> <p>Try not to focus on it, it'll be ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2810004 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 23:38:12 +0000 travellingbee 2810004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: I had the EXACT same experience! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809968 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 19:17:44 +0000 JennyPenny 2809968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt very similarly when my 2nd DS was born. Here’s what I think happened: once I found out I was having a 2nd boy, I basically kept imagining my 1st DS again as a newborn. Then DS2 was born and didn’t look the same. It didn’t feel right! I didn’t think he was as cute or as perfect, and it took me longer to bond. But I really think it was having a 2nd boy and accepting that they would be different. I said so many times “he doesn’t look like mine” but I was basing that off 1 prior baby! Before DS1 I didn’t have any preconceived notions of what “mine” looked like. Anyway, after a few weeks of getting to know him all those feelings went away and I now think he’s just as perfect and adorable as DS1. I think your feelings are normal and will pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809965 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 19:04:48 +0000 nwm 2809965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>echo @turquoisemama!!! glad you feel like you can express your feelings here. the first few weeks &amp; bonding can be really hard, especially when it's layered on top of your established, long-term relationship with existing LO's! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809955 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 18:07:24 +0000 turquoisemama 2809955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: I didn’t see the pictures but I totally get what you are feeling. I’m sure it will pass and it just has to do with all the PP feelings and hormones. Think about it this way - you have known and loved your older daughter for a few years. You’ve only just met this little baby. My guess is that subconsciously, you’re comparing your and connection and attachment and not really how they look. When my daughter was born, the first thing I thought when I saw her was “Omg she looks so much like my husband!” And not in a good way. It really freaked me out that she looked nothing like me and looked more like a boy than a girl(probably because I thought she looked just like him). I did not have that overwhelming love right away. But of course over time, I fell in love with her personality and face and everything about her. She now looks like a perfect mix of both of us andis strikingly beautiful and of course I wouldn’t change anything.</p> <p>I’m sorry other people are shaming you for feeling this way and expressing your feelings. It’s important to shed light on all the ups and downs we go through postpartum and it’s not all lust and newborn snuggles. It’s so hard and you are very brave to be honest with yourself about this. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809936 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 16:07:19 +0000 crazydoglady 2809936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskansas: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809935 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 15:59:26 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2809935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not horrible, and I appreciate your honesty. I do think it is taboo to talk about (to say whether our own babies are unattractive OR beautiful), and that's probably what's driving some of the reactions... but we feel what we feel, and sometimes we can't help it. All of us have negative, intrusive thoughts sometimes, and it is human nature to compare (one might be smarter, one might be more athletic, one might be easier, etc.), but as long as you don't act on it and treat one better than the other, I think it's fine. Acknowledge it, ignore it, move past it.</p> <p>FWIW, I saw the pics of your two babies, and they looked like twins to me too! They are both beautiful, and have the same coloring, nose, eyes... I honestly think they're both objectively adorable and beautiful newborns!</p> <p>I have no doubt you love your babies, and hope you are able to move past this in time. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809929 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 15:31:21 +0000 DesertDreams88 2809929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Objectively and factually I'll admit to myself and trusted adults that LO1 has my downward-slanted / hooded eyelids and LO2 has a very hairy forehead inherited from DH.... neither qualities are attractive, in my opinion. Ultimately, though, I know their looks will change and the looks don't really matter anyway! </p> <p>You might notice it more bc you are a photographer and trained to look for the best, most optimal beauty in your photography. I imagine you do some editing, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809916 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 14:36:36 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2809916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Didn’t see the pics. I said from the beginning that my child wasn’t an out-of-the-womb cutie. Looking back at pictures, DH now thinks LO looks so much better. I think it’s natural to judge and size up your kid. I mean you’ve probably imagined which features they would get and you’re staring at your child all day. Our son has serious BRC, but his smile is undeniably the cutest smile I have ever seen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809913 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 14:30:40 +0000 Mama Bird 2809913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw the pics before you deleted them, and they look like twins to me! Which suggests that maybe you're getting some anxiety or PPD, or sleep deprivation is playing tricks on you. Keep an eye on your feelings... if they don't get better, don't slog through them alone because they're "awful" and you can't tell anyone, get help! </p> <p>Oh, and I cried when I saw on a sonogram that DS looks like my father. Definitely not someone I would want my kids to take after... that was a little sad at first, but it's only looks, and I've moved on from even thinking about it. </p> <p>And I get the worry, too. Because you're the mom, and who else will worry about stupid little things for her? I worry about DD too - what if she grows up gorgeous and has more attention than she wants, or what if she will have my unfortunate looks and it will bother her? I won't ever tell her about any of this, but life is hard, and so I worry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809912 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 14:29:05 +0000 Becky 2809912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>TBH I felt exactly the same way! DD1 was a very cute baby. I had a harder time connecting with DD2 so that made me feel even worst. Fast forward to when she was 15 months plus and she is the cuuuuutest toddler. Apparently she grew into her looks. My MIL always says my husband was an ugly baby too. Lots of babies are weird looking and it’s ok to think your baby is one of them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809895 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:55:36 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2809895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I edited the post, but decided to leave it up in case anyone else needs it in the future because maybe they’re feeling the same way. Thank you all. You’ve really helped me. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809888 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:44:07 +0000 Madison43 2809888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, I don’t think this makes you a bad person, and agree that at 2 weeks pp, you’re feeling a lot of things that you may look at differently a month or two from now. </p> <p>I also think it’s totally normal to look at a newborn - even your own - and not be overwhelmed by their attractiveness, or even (gasp!) think you’ve seen cuter babies. You’re not the first person to look at your baby and think something looks strange - I promise.</p> <p>I would delete the pics and names though - I think you might feel weird about this post in a few weeks if it’s left as is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809887 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:41:37 +0000 nana87 2809887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww they're both beautiful! Also I love that pose in the bottom picture, like "oh you think you can swaddle me? no way!" haha</p> <p>Postpartum emotions are a roller coaster :heart: I think there's also an adjustment with having a second child--you're so used to your first being your one and only and your top priority, that the second feels at first like she's intruding on that bond, especially when the second needs you every single moment in those early days. Maybe that's why you're comparing the two? </p> <p>If it makes you feel better, for the longest time, my oldest had this funny v-shaped indent on her forehead that was less than attractive. She was a very small and skinny newborn, and pretty bald, so it went away once her hair grew in and she filled out/got bigger. My youngest had really sensitive skin (still does) and had red pimply cheeks/baby acne that took forever to clear up (and now she has a different skin rash on her face...). So yeah, they're not models, but my girls have my whole heart and their various features are what makes them unique </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809886 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:41:03 +0000 LBee 2809886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: Delete should be an option up at the top of your post by your post's title. </p> <p>Intrusive thoughts are hard. For now, every time you think something negative about your daughter's looks I'd make a concerted effort to mentally list 3 things you love about her / her looks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809885 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:39:20 +0000 Silva 2809885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: don’t beat yourself up. Please do mention this at your next post partum appointment if it continues or sooner if it gets worse. Intrusive thoughts are a very challenging symptom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809880 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:35:22 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2809880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you to everyone who replied. I agree with all of you. I do think this is all related to my anxiety. I love her so very much and I know these thoughts are not constructive and I certainly do not welcome them. I apologize again for anyone who I’ve offended. :sad: </p> <p>How do I edit or delete the post? I can’t figure it out, even though I’ve done it in the past. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809875 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:14:21 +0000 snowjewelz 2809875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oops double post! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809874 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:13:41 +0000 Anagram 2809874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>dupe, sorry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809873 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:13:38 +0000 snowjewelz 2809873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the suggestion to eventually remove their names./pictures. But I think with the fact that she is 2 weeks pp we can all extend some kindness to her :heart: </p> <p>And I would hope that she was genuinely concerned about DS and not meaning to stereotype. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809872 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:13:15 +0000 Ajsmommy 2809872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>double post for some reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809871 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:13:02 +0000 Anagram 2809871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are terrible. I'd think you were terrible if you told your kids as they grew up that one was better looking than another, and I don't think you'll do that.</p> <p>There are lots of families where one sibling is significantly "better looking" than another. Maybe some parents would have parental rose-colored glasses on and wouldn't notice, while others *would* notice--shrug, I don't think it makes you a terrible parent to notice a difference. Lots of things can happen here--some people are adorable babies and average adults. Some people are more awkward babies and gorgeous adults, end every other point on that spectrum. Of course, as they grow up, you'll emphasize personality and intelligence and strength and athletic or musical ability rather than just looks.</p> <p>FYI--I was not an attractive newborn, but I was a super cute toddler. And then an average adult! haha</p> <p>It's kind of taboo for some reason, for a parent (really, I think it's more specifically a mother) to notice their kids' "attractiveness", but we've had threads similarish to this before, and I don't think it's all that uncommon. Just taboo.</p> <p>Back when that website where people could anonymously post "confessions" was a thing, there were often confessions from mothers about this very thing. Post Secret, I think it was called. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809870 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:12:49 +0000 Ajsmommy 2809870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww, they are both beautiful.. I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am sure in time you will see the beauty that is there. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809869 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:12:44 +0000 Anagram 2809869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are terrible. I'd think you were terrible if you told your kids as they grew up that one was better looking than another, and I don't think you'll do that.</p> <p>There are lots of families where one sibling is significantly "better looking" than another. Maybe some parents would have parental rose-colored glasses on and wouldn't notice, while others *would* notice--shrug, I don't think it makes you a terrible parent to notice a difference. Lots of things can happen here--some people are adorable babies and average adults. Some people are more awkward babies and gorgeous adults, end every other point on that spectrum. Of course, as they grow up, you'll emphasize personality and intelligence and strength and athletic or musical ability rather than just looks.</p> <p>FYI--I was not an attractive newborn, but I was a super cute toddler. And then an average adult! haha</p> <p>It's kind of taboo for some reason, for a parent (really, I think it's more specifically a mother) to notice their kids' "attractiveness", but we've had threads similarish to this before, and I don't think it's all that uncommon. Just taboo.</p> <p>Back when that website where people could anonymously post "confessions" was a thing, there were often confessions from mothers about this very thing. Post Secret, I think it was called. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809867 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:07:21 +0000 Peasinapod 2809867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first few weeks postpartum are such an emotional roller coaster. Your daughters are both absolutely beautiful and I'm sure you will see this soon.</p> <p> When my second was born I had a lactation consultant incorrectly tell me there was an issue with my daughters lower jaw and I spent the next few days thinking she was deformed. Once my hormones cooled off and I discussed it with her doctor I saw she looked perfectly normal and there was nothing to worry about.</p> <p> You are not a bad mom for having worries, and I think it's perfectly normal to be hyper concerned the first little bit after baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809861 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 13:01:44 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2809861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Newborns aren’t necessarily cute. Neither are older babies. I think they have to grow into their looks. Also whether or not your child is cute is not the most important thing about her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809855 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 12:40:19 +0000 gingerbebe 2809855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah agreed, I really don't understand how posting this on the Internet with pictures and the names of your children and "getting it out" is supposed to make you feel better. Like, in a different context, if someone at their school posted something like this online, how would you feel? Its the type of thing that could be seen as teen cyberbullying. Think what you want privately, but you may want to exercise some prudence as a parent as to what you should share publicly.</p> <p>For instance, I generally think all newborns are weird looking aliens. I don't think any baby really grows into their long-term appearance until 4-5 months old. I wouldn't have a problem telling that to my kids and I don't have a problem saying that on the Internet. </p> <p>And FWIW, your daughters have a striking resemblance to one another. Like, I wouldn't have batted an eye if you told me they were twins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809853 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 12:39:09 +0000 mrskansas 2809853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can feel however you want but I do feel like a post like this is pretty insensitive. Personally I would give almost anything to have another baby so to see someone disappointed by what their newborn looks like feels like a punch to the stomach. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809852 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 12:36:21 +0000 agold 2809852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought they were the same baby!! First, congratulations on your baby girl. I totally get that your feelings aren't appropriate to express out loud, but I get it. I worry my girls will look like their daddy! :shocked: And my husband and I both talk about this second sissy baby that I'm pregnant with and we wonder if she will be as beautiful as our first girl. So I'm sure so many people shares these kinds of thoughts. But newborns in general often aren't very cute at all. And even some babies that I think have been "interesting" looking really grow into their looks. Things like differences with eye shapes and such will probably make your little girl #2 be absolutely amazing. And beauty comes from so much more than looks as our babies grow up. :heart: Your pictures of your girls are beautiful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/am-i-terrible-im-disappointed-by-my-newborns-looks#post-2809851 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 12:35:41 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2809851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CatchAFallingStar: @Truth Bombs: and @LBee: have eloquently described my reaction. The only thing I have to add is that PP hormones can bring up some really hard issues. I think it wouldn't hurt to get some support from a doctor or therapist if these feelings continue. </p>