https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 05:01:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461438 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 17:37:56 +0000 Torchwood 2461438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for the responses! I think the answer is somewhere between our two opinions, so I'm glad I asked. I'm going to make more of an effort to get me time during naps (we still hold her for naps now, which lets me read but not much else) and to be sure he gets a lot more time after work. If he can get to where he's coming home earlier that'll help too. And I'm going to talk to him about letting me get more sleep on weekends so I'm not as tired, and can stay up more after she goes to bed. Thanks for the help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461426 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 17:12:33 +0000 fussygal 2461426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're both introverts so alone time is important to us, too. We utilize the time after LO is in bed. After we're done cleaning up the kitchen and living room that usually leaves us 45 mins-1 hr together, and then DH goes to bed to read and I usually stay up another hour. I always feel like there's never enough time in the day to do it all, but having at least half an hour at the end of the night to do what I want is super helpful. We also make sure that the other person gets out of the house alone once a week or so, usually something super exciting like grocery shopping... :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461418 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 16:55:56 +0000 looch 2461418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had 4 hours a week to myself, we hired a very part time nanny and she came once a week. I was staying home at the time and had no other help, unless I wanted to go and stay at my mother in law's home.</p> <p>Other than that, yeah, naps during the day, I was mostly sleeping. And we all went to bed at 7 pm to front load on sleep because my son's best stretch was 7-11 for a very long time, maybe a year? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461378 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:49:25 +0000 gingerbebe 2461378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DS was around 4 months, we would get a stretch from 730pm to 1030pm when we'd give him his dreamfeed. DH took those two feedings while I pumped for 30 minutes each session. After pumping I would wash bottles and pump parts and take a hot shower and basically veg until my next pumping. Most of the time I just lounged but sometimes I would wander Target myself. DH also handled bathtime and playtime before bed, around 630pm, during which I cleaned up from dinner. I didn't feel bad about DH's evening tasks with DS because it was most of their daily time together and because I had any night wakings. Either way we'd end up with 830pm-1030pm to ourselves.</p> <p>Once DS was sleeping through, it was largely the same for me but it freed up more time for DH in the evenings since he didn't have a dreamfeed to do (DS had reflux so his feedings took at least 30 minutes). DH usually stays up until 11pm before getting ready for bed so that was 3 hours for him to do what he liked.</p> <p>A big difference for us is that we sleeptrained and our son sleeps in his own room, so I got 2 long naps during the day from 6 months on, during which I often also just napped and lounged (since keeping the house quiet meant better naps for DS) and we had the rest of the house to ourselves in the evening. I was usually in our bedroom or out running errands while DH stayed at home in his office. Our couple time is usually when we talk together in bed before going to sleep since we don't roomshare or cosleep and don't have to worry about waking the baby. We also had a weekly date night on Tuesdays until very recently. </p> <p>On weekends we endeavor to spend time together as a family, but also to do 1:1 things with DS so the other person can catch a break. Now that DS is 17 months and on 1 nap, we can take him somewhere and give the other spouse at least a 2 hour break before needing to think about meals or nap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461355 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 15:01:16 +0000 Cherrybee 2461355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find this a real challenge. I am an extrovert, but I still need alone time to decompress. After LO goes to bed, I take off my mummy hat and become wife. DH and I cook dinner, do chores, chat and watch TV together. I absolutely love our time together and wouldn't trade it for anything - but that leaves no alone time at all, which is very wearing on a person I think. On the rare occasions he goes out, I just want to go to sleep as soon as E is in bed!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461333 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:07:25 +0000 Mae 2461333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every night we have a couple hours post bedtime at this point . LO goes to sleep at 8, we go to bed around 10 or 11. We choose to spend that time together but we could easily do our own things if we chose to. On weekends we also have nap time (1.5ish hours generally). </p> <p>We don't regularly take any time beyond that, mostly because with both of us working it feels like we don't see LO enough and we like to do family stuff on weekends when she is awake. Although sometimes one or the other of us will do something for 1-2 hours on the weekend while the other watches the kiddo. (She's 21 mo). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461327 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:59:27 +0000 catomd00 2461327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I were just discussing this since my sister is struggling with this with her SO. We both agree our alone time is pretty much during nap and after bed, with the rare exceptions every now and then when one of us wants to do something "special" that doesn't fall during those times. Neither of us feel a real need for tons of time away outside of what we have during nap/bed at this point. We just both agree that it's part of having kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461312 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:03:56 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2461312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Barely any right now, but our littlest is 4.5 months. The little alone time I get generally is for my three classes (eta which are online.) Sometimes I do that from between 7-8 when the kids are in bed, til 12, my son's first wakeup, and then lately my son wakes up every hour after his first wakeup. :( With our first around 8m it was a little better, and I was a SAHM with no school and DH worked ft but not M-F hours, but DH rarely ever took LO by himself (and still doesn't.) He would occasionally get up with her in the morning. These days we occasionally split kids, and I take one and he takes one. If I really want to do something I'll just ask, and we take it week by week without really adhering to a schedule. You have to do what works for you, but with babies it's hard, so just know it gets easier as baby gets older. What you agree to now doesn't have to be forever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461309 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 12:53:35 +0000 Dagny 2461309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious, is "alone time" considered time you have to do leisurely things without the kids? Or does time after the kids are in bed when cleaning up, getting ready for the next day, showering, etc., count as "alone time"?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461275 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 11:44:49 +0000 JerricaBenton 2461275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My biggest thing is showering at night. I wait until lo is in bed and then I take my time with all my routines and can totally relax in the shower. I know if lo happens to get up, dh will go to her. Then I generally read or do something on.my own for a bit before bed. It's essential for me. If I don't get that time - I really miss it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461255 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 11:02:43 +0000 FaithFertility 2461255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We put DD to bed 7:30-8 and have about 2 hrs before we g to bed!<br /> I probably run somewhere alone 1x a week and he does the same (quick trip to Target etc..)<br /> I have gone out 2 this month with friends :)<br /> I feel like now that DD is older and such we need to do more of this before LO #2 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461246 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 10:45:13 +0000 petitenoisette 2461246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed on using naptime. I WOHM but on maternity leave and days off I find I have to kind of split the nap time between being productive and some relaxing time or else I get cranky once she's awake! This was harder when her naps were more unpredictable but now I can reliable do some chores for half an hour and then have an hour or so to relax.</p> <p>As far as "alone time" - we basically get 3 hours after bedtime minus her nightly wake-ups. And then on the weekends naptimes. When she's awake on the weekends we just sort of trade back and forth, with the other doing chores or other tasks so it's not like one of us is just sitting around and relaxing. </p> <p>We don't have a babysitter and my parents already watch her twice a week so we feel guilty asking them! I'm sure either of us would be happy to have the other go out solo but we're both homebodies and we don't really have friends close by so that doesn't happen. </p> <p>How much alone time is your husband expecting? And is he counting time at home or like being out and without the baby only? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461232 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 10:11:52 +0000 OhCaptain 2461232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: exactly! When my DS was your lo's age I'd do a small chore and then watch Netflix with copious amounts of coffee during nap. Now I have two a 3yo (no naps) and a 6 month old. Looking forward to finding my grove again as she drops naps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461227 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 10:04:29 +0000 SweetiePie 2461227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OhCaptain: @Applesandbananas: Oh yeah naps too. I forgot to mention that in my reply.<br /> I stopped trying to be the perfect SAHM. I choose one chore to accomplish per nap (fold clothes, iron, empty dishwasher) and then use the rest of the time to chill. It made a HUGE difference in my life. Like the difference between being depressed and hating my life to thinking I have the best life ever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461226 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 10:02:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2461226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After bedtime is when we both get a really nice long stretch of time to ourselves.<br /> I also SAH and my husband works, though his hours are pretty stable at this point. I am an introvert as well...maybe homebody is a better word. Either way, I need alone time daily! This is what we have in terms of alone time:</p> <p>- When LO goes to bed around 6:30/7 we then have a long stretch until we go to bed at 11/12. I spend a good chunk of that doing chores, but I do them while I watch TV or listen to music. Then I sit down and veg from probably 9/10-11/12. My husband is pretty much vegging that whole time or going to the gym a couple times a week. It helped a ton when our son started sleeping at least 7-12 because I got that whole stretch back to myself or for us to watch Netflix together. Not sure how your LO is sleeping, though. </p> <p>- about once a week I go and get dinner with friends. If not I'll just skip my chores and go get a mani pedi or something. Or even just skip chores and just veg out if it was a really tough day. I'd say my husband does that less (goes out) but that's mostly because he works and doesn't feel the urge to get out of the apartment as much as I do. And I have more friends 😂</p> <p>- 1-2 times a week we go out as a couple. We have a weds night sitter and an occasional weekend sitter. So it's not alone time but I still think it helps to keep us balanced. </p> <p>- weekends we just trade off. Spend a lot of time together but we take turns going to bedroom to watch tv or run errands. It's not a set agreement we just do what makes sense and tey to respect each other's needs. But it took a while to get that good balance. </p> <p>So in short, I probably get on average 2-3 hours per day, but my son is 17 months. It gets easier as they get older for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461218 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 09:47:10 +0000 OhCaptain 2461218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: THIS.<br /> Best thing I ever did was quit trying to do all my "chores" during nap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461179 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 08:22:27 +0000 Applesandbananas 2461179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BrandNewMom: lol it's a man thing. DH's alone time never counts either :silly: </p> <p>I dont have any solid advice, it's something that constantly ebbs and flows and changes with LO. As a SAHM, I'd probably use nap time as me time and focus on housework later in the evening, once your SO is home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461176 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 08:15:40 +0000 BrandNewMom 2461176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After bedtime I get 1-3 hours. Then during marathon training season I get 1-3 hours on Sunday afternoon for running.<br /> Husband gets 1-3 hours child free in the morning before work (which he says doesn't count (?!), then she wanders between us while I make dinner, and I do bedtime (so he gets 3-4 free hours at night) Then he donates plasma twice a week (6 hours total, child free playing on his iPad!! But apparently the doesn't count either?!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461168 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 07:51:09 +0000 cat620 2461168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both get alone time after bedtime, so that's about 2-3 hours depending on how long we stay up. On the weekends, we take turns watching the kids, so the other one can be alone or go someplace alone. Like my DH likes to sit in the master bedroom and read, but I prefer to go shopping or to a movie as my alone time. I also get alone time when I go to the gym 3 hours a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461155 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 05:13:57 +0000 OhCaptain 2461155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. I'm an extrovert and my husband is an introvert, so we have different needs.<br /> He gets after bedtime (so about 1-2 hours depending on the day) and then he also has one night a week when he goes out after work to decompress alone. He either goes golfing or to his fav bar.<br /> I get the post bedtime time, and about three hours a week at the gym.<br /> Then, beyond that for me, it's sporadic. When we just had one "older" child I probably got an extra 4-6 hours every two weeks.<br /> Now with an EBF six month old and a not good pumping out out its more like an extra 2-3 hours a month. And that's little things like running to the coffee shop alone or 20 min trips to the store.<br /> I think though, you do deserve to have your needs considered and work towards a compromise.<br /> It gets better as baby gets older: I'd say with our first we turned a corner when my son was about 18 months old. He just needed ME less, so I felt it was easier to ask/tell my husband I needed a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461153 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 04:02:15 +0000 stargal 2461153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Without staying up late, i would day we get 45 min alone time per night to do our own thing. We hsve two kiddos and honestly its really hard to get any individual time to just relax. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/amount-of-alone-time#post-2461135 Sun, 14 Feb 2016 00:29:50 +0000 Torchwood 2461135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are both introverts, so one aspect of parenting that's a bit challenging is meeting both of our needs for alone time. That being said, I think he has unrealistic expectations with regards to how much time he (and I) should be getting. My mom comes over at least once a week after work, and stays till bedtime, but he does work a lot of hours so frequently there's just not that much time left if he doesn't want to stay up super late. And I'm EPing, so a lot of my time gets eaten up by that, and it's a pain with LO so I do expect him to take her when I'm pumping. But still, I could be the unrealistic one here and could be taking too much of an attitude of being a martyr to parenting.</p> <p>So help me get some perspective on what is normal. How much alone time (per day, per week, whatever) do you think is realistic? And how does that change as LOs get older? (Our LO is currently almost 8mo, and DH works outside the home, I'm a SAHM.) </p>