https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 23 Jun 2026 16:13:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2870335 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:42:19 +0000 jape14 2870335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to circle back to this and share this relevant article from NPR today: <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/02/04/689747637/if-youre-often-angry-or-irritable-you-may-be-depressed" rel="nofollow">https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/02/04/689747637/if-youre-often-angry-or-irritable-you-may-be-depressed</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869827 Thu, 31 Jan 2019 09:30:45 +0000 crazydoglady 2869827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: My bad! For some reason, I thought this was your first session and was thinking she might want to establish a relationship first.<br /> I had to reassure my husband that we are ok, we just have a few kinks to work out to better understand each other. I think he finally gets that this is really an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869798 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 21:36:23 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: I so need to read that book! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869797 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 21:35:52 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: That's great that he's on board! I find it really helpful. There are some weeks (we go every other week) when we go in and everything is great, so we do exercises to remind each other why we love each other. Those weeks are pretty fun.</p> <p>We've been seeing her for about six months. I know it's pretty unreasonable to want to hear "Yes, bluewolverine, you're right and DH is wrong." But that sure would be nice. :wink: </p> <p>@irene: I like the idea of trying to remind him that it's going to take a while to teach the little people. I'm sorry your DH refuses to go; that must be frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869795 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 21:08:31 +0000 crazydoglady 2869795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: My guess is the therapist wants to build rapport with your husband first and allow him to come to the conclusion that he is behaving in ways that aren't healthy.<br /> I do find the whole "furious/curious" thing interesting, because the last thing I want to do is talk to him because I know he will snap at me. </p> <p>I do appreciate this post (and the other recent marriage posts,) because it gave me the courage to bring up marriage counseling to my husband and he was a little sobered by the request but on board. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869786 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 20:53:15 +0000 irene 2869786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: Good that you guys went. And don't take it for granted that your DH agree to go with you. Mine won't.</p> <p>I kinda have an idea why your DH gets so angry. Again it is something from the parenting class I took. They said that we tend to lose it when we felt that we are losing control, and/or in fear that we are losing control. Parenting is all about that. We *hope* that our kids will turn out to be wonderful people, and even with the best intentions of trying to raise them right, we have absolutely no idea if they will actually get there in 20 years. The process of getting there is so difficult because it wasn't promising half of the time with them not listening, crying, throwing tantrums, making bad choices. As parents we are often in fear as we don't know what we are doing (well at least I don't), and we feel that we don't have control to anything. I realized that this is indeed how I feel when I am extremely mad at DS. I scream when I am scared.</p> <p>Understanding "why" helps me calm down. We got to learn to let go a bit of the control, and trust that our children will turn out OK. We just have to persist on pulling them back to the right direction consistently for the next 10-20 years. They will eventually get there. In the meantime, calm down and have faith :grin: Again, easy to say, super hard to do. We can only try.</p> <p>ETA:<br /> With my relationship, I tend to be the one who would likely scream at DS, and DH is the one who insisted I shouldn't. This gets us into the downward spiral as DH's mad at me for not being able to keep my cool, and how I am not patient, and not creative in terms of coming up with ways so DS actually listens. Some things he said that hopefully can help with your DH: He said that just remember that your LO is a child. And it takes 10 years, 20 years, of constant reminding and shaping them into the type of person you want them to be. It doesn't happen overnight. If, say, your LO doesn't want to go to the potty, try a different way to talk to them, distract them, convince them. </p> <p>Another thing DH said which also resonates with me, and is consistent with what the parenting class teaches: When you are about to scream at your children, think about them as teenagers, when screaming would get them to grow away from you. They would choose to talk to other people rather than you when they encounter trouble, and this is how they get in trouble. This also leads to poor relationship with you when they grow to be adults, and then you wonder why your kids never visit or call (precisely the relationship between DH and his parents). Do you want that as your relationship with your children? Remind yourself all that when you are about to scream at them, while walking away, sitting down and taking deep breaths. Hopefully this helps your DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869773 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 18:29:55 +0000 Chuckles 2869773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: have you read Michelle Obama's book yet? She talks about how when they went to therapy, she just assumed that the way therapy would go is that the person would validate all her concerns and tell Barack to change :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869760 Wed, 30 Jan 2019 16:30:40 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: It was good. Nothing was really resolved, but DH again promised to try to step away when he's feeling angry, rather than lashing out. We agreed that we need to make more efforts to talk things out when we're calm. </p> <p>I'm still a little frustrated that none of the session seemed to be "stop being a jerk when you're mad." It seemed like it was an undercurrent, but never explicitly said. We're going back on Monday.</p> <p>DH does feel like a complete jerk about yelling in DD1's face and got really upset about it. Weirdly, that made me feel better.</p> <p>An interesting phrase she brought up is, "When you're furious, get curious." Try to stop the escalation and try to figure out exactly why you or your partner are so angry. My response to DH's anger is to be pissed at him that he's being stupid, so the anger spirals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869539 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 19:47:34 +0000 Chuckles 2869539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: thinking of you. How did counseling go? It took us a couple of tries to find a therapist who was a good fit for both of us </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869499 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 17:02:39 +0000 crazydoglady 2869499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: Just chiming in to say you aren't alone. ❤ My husband is a kind man who would never ever hurt me or the kids, but his reaction to annoyances is often anger and includes stomping and slamming (and going outside to clean up dog poop, do the laundry, etc.) He always calms down and is apologetic, but I dont think he has the tools to deal with it in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869454 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 14:21:58 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jape14: He is on an SSRI. It has helped A LOT in terms of his depression; I do wonder if it's having an effect in this way. I'll bring it up.</p> <p>Yelling at the kids the way he did is not OK. It's one of the things we'll be talking about tomorrow. The ridiculous part is that he acknowledges that it's not OK. He needs to have better control in the moment. And denigrating me....no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869453 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 14:17:47 +0000 jape14 2869453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: totally agree with this. @BlueWolverine: you mentioned your husband was in treatment; do you mean he is taking anti-depressants/anxiety meds? I ask because men often present with anger/aggression when experiencing depression/anxiety issues, but SSRIs (the right type/dose) can often help in addition to counseling/therapy. I'm not a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist, but my husband is medicated for anxiety and it took some adjusting to get him on the right dosage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869452 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 14:09:40 +0000 MrsADS 2869452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pawprints I agree 100%. My husband and I definitely have our disagreements and deal with anger differently, but if he did this (esp the screaming at kids), I could not abide that at all. I'm not saying I'd walk out on him or anything, but if he didn't get counseling and stop the behavior immediately, I would. I wouldn't tolerate anyone doing that to my children and I think it's harmful to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869451 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 14:06:59 +0000 PawPrints 2869451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>None of your DH's behavior would fly, at all, for me in our house. I absolutely would not tolerate DH screaming at our kids, criticizing me in front of the kids, slamming doors, or throwing around huge threats every time he's pissed. I really hope counseling can help him with a huge attitude adjustment and that things can work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869392 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 10:36:44 +0000 Autumnmama79 2869392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: best of luck tomorrow. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869385 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 10:15:15 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't tell you how good it is to hear that we are not unique. We're off to counseling tomorrow. I have lots I want to say. Home is doing OK - we had a normal morning today and it felt nice for the cold war to thaw a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869261 Mon, 28 Jan 2019 15:17:21 +0000 Ajsmommy 2869261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: hugs mama. I can relate so hard to this post today... I was going to come and write a huge post about my "weekend" w DH and it mirrors some of your issues.... </p> <p>Alas, I agree with you and side with you on these issues. I really don't like it when DH gets upset and yells at DD or DS in their faces similar to your DH in the car seat situation....I just don't understand why DH doesn't have an ounce of patience for our kids!! Our beautiful, free spirited, learning as they go kids.... ughhhh it hurts my heart sometimes.</p> <p>I dont' think I am overly sensitive. I do think I am sensitive. I do think that I am good at reading people and situations and how people react to others..... DH lives in his IDGAF about others, I am going to do what I want when I want how I want world... (part of why I love him) but also becoming part of our parenting disagreements.......</p> <p>Anyway, I don't want to thread jack soooo I'll just say I'm sorry, I hope you guys can work through it and .... maybe i'll go write a HUGE post about my own ish :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869237 Mon, 28 Jan 2019 14:35:53 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2869237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: @irene: I like this action of walking away in the moment. It sounds like from the incidents on the weekend that it’s like your DH needs an immediate coping strategy for stressful times that tend to make him react with anger, not that he can talk it out later and the slate gets wiped clean. Of course, it’s on HIM to decide he needs those strategies, not you, but maybe that might be a way to frame it. He can’t explode and then get absolved; he needs to stop the explosion from happening in the first place. Even just replaying your daughters reaction to his anger might be a good way to get him to clue in that kids/you should not be the target here. They absorb everything we do whether good or bad. Have you told your husband your thoughts about separating like you mentioned here? That’s a pretty serious discussion obviously but maybe that might click as well? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869208 Mon, 28 Jan 2019 11:40:11 +0000 irene 2869208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: Hugs mommy....</p> <p>I have been following this as this reminds me of my own situation in some ways (with some subtle difference - my DH doesn't scream at DS, he screams at me. And both of us try not to "threaten punishment" out of in-the-moment anger). I also felt like I am constantly walking on eggshells and I am always in trouble. The difference is at least your DH is willing to go to counseling and therapy with you. Mine doesn't. These days I seriously wonder if we can survive DS' teenage together (he's 7 now), and beyond. </p> <p>Just to respond to your most recent response - maybe you guys do introduce your older DD on bigger chores like folding laundry? My DS started folding his laundry, sometimes with my help and sometimes completely by himself, since a few years ago. Last summer my IL came visit, MIL wanted to fold his laundry (I was out of town) and he didn't even let her and saying she messed up his system lol. They are really capable! And buckling definitely should be their own job at 6 yo. Also start letting her shower by herself if you haven't already done so. Maybe if at least your older DD start helping out more in the family, there are less chores and hopefully your DH would feel less overwhelmed? </p> <p>I took a parenting class a while back and I learned some key concepts that still comes in handy. In the heat of a moment when everything goes wrong and you are super mad, just walk away and take deep breaths. Something you may want to bring it up to your DH -- he doesn't need to scream and do the buckle angrily, he can just sit down and try to calm down while pass it to you so you can help with the buckle or let DD buckle herself and what not. Do NOT blurb out angry threats such as no birthday party if you don't use the potty (Hahaha, sorry but that is really funny) ! It is OK to just calm down, don't talk, take deep breaths, and allow your brain to come back down before screaming nonsense threats and slamming doors. Our brains can not retrieve logic when it is super angry, we just need to calm down before making any kind of decisions. A thought that may worth sharing with your DH? Easy to say hard to do , but it may help hopefully half of the time...</p> <p>Good luck! PM me if you want to talk ... xoxoxo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2869200 Mon, 28 Jan 2019 10:57:19 +0000 BlueWolverine 2869200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UPDATE: So, we had a big talk on Friday night. I was still really angry. DH asked if we could be done venting and work on solutions. I was still really angry and told him so. It comes down to this: He feels like he does everything around the house and I do little. He did the laundry and left clean clothes in the kids' bins and was pissed that I didn't put it away. Well, in my mind, when you "do laundry" that includes putting it away. Also, he leaves his clean clothes in bins FOREVER so I had no idea he was so annoyed. Also, if he's that annoyed, he can do it himself.</p> <p>We discussed that slamming doors is completely inappropriate. He agreed. I asked that whenever he's feeling like I'm not pulling my weight (not that I agree with his assessment), that he needs to talk to me about it instead of losing his shit generally. We come up with some strategies for dealing with DD1 and the potty issue. OK, so we think we're good.</p> <p>Saturday morning is DD's birthday party. I had the time wrong by 30 minutes (completely my fault) and realized it about 45 minutes before we actually had to leave. It was a 20 minute difference. DH hates rushing, so he's super pissed. We get everyone and the cake in the car on time and DD1 is struggling with her seatbelt on her new booster. DH jumps out, pissed off, to do it for her. I see that she almost has it, tells him so, and he still grabs it out of her hand. She screams at him that he never lets her do anything. Right in his ear. With his new hearing aids (he has tinnitus). I don't doubt that it effing hurt. He then decides to yell in her face, pointing, that "You do not yell at me! Understand!?!?". So, I stop talking to him. No words the entire way to the party other than directions. Oh, other than him telling her he's punishing her for the screaming by taking away screen time for the weekend. We talk again that night. He tells me that he apologized to DD and told her he needs to work on yelling. OK.</p> <p>But you know, bees, I'm not OK. I'm not OK with him losing his shit and thinking we can all have a talk about it later and everything is OK. I need for him to not lose his shit. On me. On our kids. Once in while --- we all have our days. This was two damn days in a ROW. I told him I'm still feeling bad and he was flabbergasted. "But we talked about it...." </p> <p>I don't know. Last week was the first time I legit thought to myself, "I can do this by myself." But I don't want to. I love him. I love our family. We go to the marriage counselor on Wednesday and for now there's a quiet detente at home. I just don't know.</p> <p>Thanks, everyone, for the advice and commiseration. I talked with a friend about everything yesterday and she basically backed me up (she is MY friend....but knows us both really well). I know that I can be super defensive and I need to work on it. I know this. I'm trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868913 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 21:00:01 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2868913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>IMO you’re not being overly sensitive in this instance at least. It sounds almost comical and yet I’m sure was rather frightening in the moment. </p> <p>When it comes to LO’s meal times DH can be just as dramatic. One day LO didn’t want to eat all of his food or maybe he didn’t want to try something and DH brought over a toy to the table just to take it away. :sad: :shocked: Of course that made LO even more upset and didn’t help him eat any better. </p> <p>Anyway there’s so much crap going on over here that I just want to say I get it- relationships are hard. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868906 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 20:29:16 +0000 Amorini 2868906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: Sorry to hear this and also here to add some commiseration. My DH started therapy recently at my insistence. Basically his rude treatment and angry outbursts were just getting too frequent. I’ve been trying to hold it all together but it feels sometimes like I have two toddlers instead of just one. Like you said, I can’t keep going like this. Therapy has helped him some, and therefore us, and I also go to a therapist for the precise reason of needing objective support for a sometimes unlivable situation. We are not in couples counseling yet because I think there are just some baseline mental health issues that he needs to look at and get some help on. But eventually we will need therapy together to get the moving in the same direction again. For us, it’s two steps forward and one back, so no quick fixes. So that’s the commiseration part.</p> <p>The other thing I wanted to add is that I’m trying figure out my role on this whole thing. There are some good research and tools out there that basically theorize that we are subconsciously choosing mates that are helping us work out old hurts around intimacy and relationships (i.e those with our moms and dads, typically). And so it’s been interesting for me to try to begin unpacking that. Specifically I’m reading Getting the Love You Want and I’d like to think that we will be able to do a couples retreat later this year to really get the train back on the tracks. Anyway, just sharing some possible new ways to look at the overall issue, in case any of that resonates... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868879 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 16:41:20 +0000 Chuckles 2868879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the exact same dynamic in our house, though maybe less frequently. My DH is usually very quiet and even-keeled, so when he loses it, it makes me really upset. Plus his outbursts tend to involve throwing something across the room (not in a violent scary way, just chucking like a shoe where it's supposed to go instead of walking over and putting it down or something like that). In the past he's been really defensive about it and I haven't been good about standing my ground. But recently he had a rough morning getting our son out of the house for school and our dog was being crazy. He ended up screaming at both of them and then kicking the door frame of our garage so hard that he *broke it*. I told him that what he's teaching our son is that men lash out physically when they are upset and that's just not okay. And I didn't try to coddle him about it at all. And, without me prompting him, he ended up apologizing to our son for screaming and talking to him about how kicking things when he's upset isn't okay.<br /> We also were in couples therapy for awhile, not necessarily about this but definitely about communication in general. And it helped us be able to talk more openly when we have disagreements about how to handle parenting things and made me realize how much I shy away from confrontation when I know he's going to be sensitive about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868851 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 14:33:16 +0000 youboots 2868851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our house we don’t make threats as punishment just because. Also no to stomping, door slamming and disagreeing in front of T. DH won’t have conflict in front of T but I think a little bit with heatthy quick resolution is fine. Neither of us act how we were taught growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868838 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 14:03:56 +0000 DesertDreams88 2868838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH doesn't do that stuff but he shuts down and gets me the silent treatment and emotionally withdraws and he knows I CAN"T STAND THAT. </p> <p>The influence of your "Family of Origin" is such an interesting dynamic that forever impacts relationships. He handles conflict like his family, and I handle conflict like my family, and they are 2 very different ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868805 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 13:14:57 +0000 Mrsbells 2868805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: sorry you are dealing with this stressful situation. I don't think you are hypersensitive but I also don't think your DH realizes all the work that goes into planning things like the party. So he genuinely feels like he is doing so much.<br /> This isn't an solution but can you keep a change of clothes in your 6yr olds backpack? My 6 yr old is required to always carry a change of clothes including underwear just in case.<br /> Regarding your husbands behavior i think a good place to start is having ground rules on good you discuss things in front of the kids. Door slamming on front of the kids is not ok and it sounds like your daughter is already picking up some of his behavior </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868803 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 13:09:44 +0000 Autumnmama79 2868803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: Sorry you're living with this. I also have an angry DH and I also feel like I'm always in trouble or worry about what will set him off. Those constant feelings of fear and worry have created a ripple effect throughout my entire life. </p> <p>I have no advice as I'm just doing my best to get through. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868793 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 12:38:46 +0000 Anagram 2868793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well.....hm....I would not describe myself as hyper sensitive, and I also would say that those kinds of behaviors from your DH when the kids are already being stressful would not be acceptable to me.</p> <p>I should also say, my husband is generally speaking a very patient and kind person, so if anyone would be getting stressed in the potty situation you described above, it would be me. But even then, I wouldn't be slamming doors or huffing and puffing about doing all the work (if it was clear I do not do all the work). </p> <p>I don't think door slamming is something you "perceive"--it either happened or it didn't. It seems like your family just needs more tools in your toolbox. More tools for dealing with your DD in a calm, boundary setting way; more tools with organizing the morning so you are all less stressed when these battles arise; more tools for communication with each other and presenting a united front to the kiddos. </p> <p>So helpfully, counseling can work on some of those things and you two parents can make a plan in a calm moment, so you are on the same page, and then work together to get it done. Obviously, you have to have 2 willing parties for it to work.</p> <p>So some sample game plans would be like: When DD is digging in her heels, turn it into a game "Who can hop like a kangaroo to the toilet?" "Who wants to race mommy to pee and wipe and wash (in separate bathrooms)? Who wants to ride on Daddy horse's back to the potty? I am Mommy Robot. Beep Boop Boop. I must help you eliminate. I must help you find a papery substance to clean yourself. I cannot find the paper substance. Please help me locate a papery substance." Like, if she wants to wipe with a tissue or a wipe or hell, an actually piece of paper once, who cares? Just put it in the trash and not the toilet.</p> <p>We have 1 kiddo who hates getting dressed and has continuous meltdowns about the entire getting ready process. Doesn't want to brush teeth. Doesn't want to have hair brushed. Doesn't want to put new clothes on. Doesn't want shoes and socks. We have to make these things a game, or she will dig in and she will not do any one of those steps without a full on meltdown, including screaming, hitting, biting. After one morning about a year ago when I found myself literally sitting on top of my 2 year old to force her clothes on, I just had a lightbulb moment that this was. not. working. I had to find another way.</p> <p>It's still a struggle, but now its a more fun, lighthearted struggle.</p> <p>Also, maybe a game plan can reinforce not threatening punishments that you have no intention of following up on. That kind of thing--threatening to take away the party--is really digging yourself into a hole in terms of parenting. And that doesn't feel good for any of you. You then only have an option of not following through--and then your child won't trust your boundaries in the future because they've learned you don't have any--or you DO have to follow through, and then you're in the position of taking away a whole birthday party that you've put a lot of work into, which hardly seems like an appropriate punishment for a potty problem.</p> <p>And you can make writing the game plan kind of fun--over a glass of wine after the kids are asleep? Or if these conversations get heated face-to-face, then email or text while you are work. I am so much nicer and more level-headed over email and text with my husband. We negotiate all of our biggest issues through email or text. Sometimes we literally make charts or spreadsheets. It works.</p> <p>TLDR: I don't think you were necessarily "over reactive" to this situation. I think slamming doors is wrong. At the same time, parenting is hard and triggering and most of us end up repeating behaviors we saw from our own parents when we were growing up. It takes a solid game plan, and a lot of alternate tools in the toolbox to be able to outgrow your gut reactions when parenting your kids. Hopefully your therapist and you two willing parents will work it out.</p> <p>Good luck! I've definitely been there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868777 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 11:37:08 +0000 BlueWolverine 2868777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everyone. It's good to hear that I'm not alone AND that we aren't the only ones struggling with this dynamic. Kids are hard. I do think he needs to tone it down.</p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: He is currently in treatment for depression. He was seeing a counselor but I don't think that he has been in a while. Might be time to go back. Things had gotten so much better since he started treatment a few months ago, which is one of the reasons I've been so upset/surprised by his behavior in the last few weeks. </p> <p>@autumnleaves: I think that parenting approach is going to be topic #1 in our session next week. We've kind of talked around it before, but never spent a whole session on it. We did come to the understanding that we don't have to do everything exactly the same (and need to not judge the other for not doing X exactly how I or he think it should be done), but we need get on board for big picture. Like how slamming doors is generally not good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868771 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 11:21:54 +0000 wrkbrk 2868771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: No. DW doesn’t raise her voice or ever slam a door. Kids are frustrating for sure tho. I’m the one who has a hard time controlling my “mean” face lol. But DS notices it and immediately says mom are you mad at me? So I know I really have to cut that out.....your DH needs to be reminded that he doesn’t want to turn into his own parents.... </p>