https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 06:40:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432791 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:48:39 +0000 travelgirl1 2432791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are feeling like that.</p> <p>I think sometimes, people are just better with kids once they are older. We live with my inlaws and FIL has only held the baby once, but he loves him, he will do more with him when he is older, I'm sure.</p> <p>With diapers etc, I just think it is a person-to-person thing. None of my kids' family changed their diapers or bathed then etc, I have always preferred to do it myself (or have DH do it) and with the exception of a good friend, no one has ever done it. Not for any reason other than I prefer to do it. So it might not be that they aren't interested, maybe they just think it is not their place? I don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432758 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:37:11 +0000 skipra 2432758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They sound a lot like my in-laws who live an hour away and refuse to drive to us. FIL physically can't drive but MIL refuses to and when they take the train they either guilt trip us about how difficult it is for them or "forget" to catch the train going home so DH has to drive them. Any they only come for things like parties so he essentially has to leave me to host alone so that he can drive his parents. They request pictures ONLY when they are going to see someone that they want to show off to, never any other time.<br /> I feel bad for DH but we have talked a lot about it and realized our expectations once I got pregnant did not fit at all with our relationship with his parents. Basically, you can't expect them to change just because there is a grandchild in the picture. Did they visit often before? If they don't want to see their own son very much, why would they change for a grandchild? So we have adjusted our expectations and our behavior as well. It stinks for our kids to not have two sets of involved grandparents but it is what it is. You can't make other people want to be involved with your family, unfortunately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432699 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:03:36 +0000 looch 2432699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, in this case, your FIL is a lot like my FIL was...when my son as a baby, he wasn't too much for sitting next to him and watching him play. As he's gotten older, he's more able to relate to what my son does, the relationship improved as my son aged. So don't put so much stock in the thought that how it right now is how it is going to be forever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432636 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 08:32:29 +0000 erinbaderin 2432636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents have only ever changed my son's diapers if they were babysitting him for the day, and even then my dad's first diaper change was a month ago (my son is 2) - and actually, turns out it's for the best because I later found two dirty (disposable) diapers in the laundry hamper, thanks dad!</p> <p>For living two hours away, seeing him once a month or so doesn't seem too bad, to me. Since you said they ski and are going to visit friends it sounds like they're still healthy and active and leading their own life. Maybe they don't want to impose by coming all the time? When they come, do they stay over? Do you ever drive out to visit them? My parents live three hours away and they definitely don't come visit on a monthly basis. Do you Skype/Facetime them? That might be a good way to get your son to get more familiar/comfortable with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432505 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 06:24:24 +0000 rachiecakes 2432505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents live less than an hour from us and never visit us. They've visited us exactly 6 times since I moved here 17 years ago. 5 of those times since J was born. They're not baby/kid people and I see them frustrated by how active of a kid he is. I remember it from when I was a kid! I would go to my grandparents or great aunts house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432497 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 06:07:35 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2432497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I doubt anyone will change my baby's diaper if I or my husband is around to do it. My mom will, but she's also going to watch him when I return back to work. I wouldn't judge your FIL for not wanting to change a diaper- I surely don't volunteer to do that either.</p> <p>As for the other things even without barriers for visit I think it's normal. No one is as excited about your own child than you and your husband. I told my FIL to the save the date for our sip &amp; see- his first opportunity to visit his new grandson. His response was "we'll see, that's the same weekend as our annual family reunion." :meh: He goes every year, but hey meeting his first grandchild is abnormal and low priority. NBD</p> <p>I'd try to focus on what your child has- you and your parents. That sounds like a ton of love right there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432486 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 05:44:00 +0000 Applesandbananas 2432486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't expect anyone to change diapers, but my mother absolutely falls into the category of wanting to be a grandmother in name only. She only asks for pictures, rarely visits, doesn't know hardly anything about his medical stuff, etc. </p> <p>The rest of the grandparents are so far away geographically, they get a pass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432476 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 04:46:26 +0000 lamariniere 2432476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I may be the odd one out, but I never had high expectations for my LOs' grandparents. But I also had basically no grandparents in my life (the closest ones I only ever saw every couple of years), so I don't know or miss that relationship. That said, in our family, both sets of grandparents are fairly active, considering the distance (one is across the ocean, the others are several countries away) and we do see them a couple of times a year, especially the closer ones. I think it is what it is, they have their lives, and it's their decision whether or not they want to be actively involved in your child's life. I would try not to get upset about it, but just encourage the relationship when you can, while being aware of the fact that they may have other priorities.</p> <p>ETA: as for diaper changes, I NEVER expect them to change diapers. To me, that's a job for me or my husband. I only expect them to do it on the rare occasion that they are babysitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432469 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 03:42:33 +0000 gracecat 2432469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes it's a sad reality. :(. Neither set of grandparents are diaper changers either... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432461 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 02:54:32 +0000 Foodnerd81 2432461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL sort of brags about how grandmas don't need to change diapers. I don't really care but she doesn't need to say it quite so often! She lives across the country but does try to see the LOs as often as she can. </p> <p>Meanwhile my parents are a five hour drive and almost never see them. They just aren't travelers really. My dad in particular loves the idea of grandkids but he just is such a homebody. When we do see them they interact, but my mom will get on the floor and play. My dad is more like to show videos on his phone or only want to read the book that he feels like reading. I try not to let it bug me. To be fair a big factor with the traveling is that we don't have space for them to stay with us so they need a hotel or other arrangements. </p> <p>I also reminds self that it's their loss, since my kids are awesome. Sometimes. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432412 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 01:08:37 +0000 daniellemybelle 2432412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither of LO's grandfathers have ever changed her diapers. I think that is a generational / gender thing though I will say MIL is very hands-on and always wanted to change diapers from the beginning.</p> <p>I agree that some people are not "baby people," but I see where you are coming from. Even though my LO is 2 I think it has been impactful that she sees both sets of grandparents fairly often. Next to us, she definitely knows and loves them the best even though they live far away, and I think that is in large part because of the effort to visit and bond with her as often as possible. </p> <p>I'm sorry your in-laws are missing out :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432406 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 01:02:49 +0000 erinpye 2432406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs didn't really get into being around my kids until they were older, like when my oldest was 3. Some people just don't get being with babies, but love being around kids who walk and talk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432396 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 00:33:37 +0000 Boogs 2432396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My FIL hasn't touched diapers for any kids. My MIL gets down and plays with them, but FIL interacts in different ways like walking outside, playing music, or reading books. The kids ages also play a factor and I notice that he interacts more with the older one, maybe that's easier for him and the same might be true with your inlaws as your LO gets older? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432380 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 00:05:36 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2432380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother in law is her own category and I have many complaints but I will say I have noticed her getting more and more engaged with my son the older he gets. He's one now and it's night and day from when we first would go over there. She's totally different in her interactions with him and she shows how much she loves him. She still drives me crazy in other ways of course! She's never changed his diaper but I think she assumes I won't want her to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-inlaw-vent-lack-of-visits-from-the-inlaws#post-2432367 Thu, 21 Jan 2016 23:36:15 +0000 Astro Bee 2432367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Recently I decided that my inlaws like the idea of being grandparents (telling people they are grandparents and posting pictures) more than the actual fact of being a grandparent. They rarely visit, and when they do, it's prompted by us. They haven't seen LO for over a month, and when I called today to ask if they'd like to visit, they said maybe in a week or so. There aren't any barriers to a visit: they are retired, I'm on maternity leave so available all the time with LO, and they live less than 2 hrs away. But they are having great skiing weather now, and FIL is going to visit a friend next week for a few days. </p> <p>When they visit they never play with him or get down to his level. MIL loves holding him, but FIL has to be prompted. They've never changed a diaper (FIL says he doesn't do that). Such a contrast to my parents in all regards, and my parents live on the other side of the country. </p> <p>DS is 9.5 mo and so much fun right now. He's a really happy kid and loves playing and laughing, but when we/they visit he pushes away from them. I feel so let down by my inlaws that they don't seem to make more of an effort with him. They don't have any idea how fun he is. I think they're missing out, and that LO will miss out on having a second/closer set of caring and engaging grandparents. Anyone experience this or have advice on how to deal with the situation or at least manage my expectations? </p>