https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 18:26:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723876 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:35:01 +0000 Lolo 1723876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a Criminal Justice Social Worker, which involves a lot go addiction counselling &amp; I agree with all of the above. I also would not jump right into offering a place to stay at this stage. There is a fine line between helping &amp; enabling, be there for her but also ensure that there are boundaries in place, it is not selfish to consider your own families well being. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723685 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:40:46 +0000 jetsa 1723685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: @Greentea: just hugs for you both because I've been there. I have no real advice because what do I know, nothing ever seems to work for these people =/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723658 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:34:09 +0000 hilsy85 1723658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: agree with all this. </p> <p>I worked at an outpatient substance abuse center. There is no way to force someone to get help, unless you are a legal/government entity (and even then, those efforts are not always successful). Personally, I would provide support at a distance. I would definitely not have someone who is using live with me, even if they said they wouldn't use while in my home. That's just too risky, IMO, and I wouldn't put my child in that situation. I am sorry that you are going through this! I hope she is able to open herself up to getting help soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723506 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:35:37 +0000 lizzywiz 1723506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: thanks. You basically said what I wanted to hear and it is something I have had to learn but keep forgetting. Boundary setting is so hard sometimes, especially when I know my boundaries may be different than other people's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723500 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:32:15 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1723500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: you should never feel guilty for not wanting to involve yourself in a situation like this because:<br /> 1- your involvement might be interpreted as enabling her anyways, and the last thing you want to do is enable.<br /> 2- you are doing what is best for you and your mental health, and that is admirable, not blame-worthy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723492 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:30:35 +0000 lizzywiz 1723492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: what a great script :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723487 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:28:26 +0000 Silva 1723487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh- I wouldn't let her live with me unless she had demonstrated, by consistent engagement in some kind of treatment, that she had stopped drinking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723483 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:27:34 +0000 Silva 1723483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I'm a social worker, and work as a substance abuse therapist. Honestly, and very unfortunately, the most you can do is express your concern and your compassion, and set very clear boundaries.<br /> I recently had this conversation with a friend. I said, "I am very, very concerned about your safety and the safety of your family because of your alcohol use. From what I have observed, you are putting yourself at risk when you drink, and you are also putting your children at risk. I can no longer spend time with you when alcohol is present. I would love to help you find a therapist, enter a day treatment program, whatever you think you need to solve this problem. But I cannot drink alcohol with you anymore."<br /> It sucked to have the conversation. And she hasn't asked for my help, or quit drinking. I continue to chat with her, and often spend time with her during the day when there won't be alcohol around.<br /> I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723472 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:24:19 +0000 lizzywiz 1723472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: thanks for the great outline. I can't say that I feel she is in danger of harming herself, just yet. I don't have those kinds of details. It would be great if her husband would spearhead getting her treatment but he is the dependent in co-dependent.<br /> I would definitely need to expect no drinking + working some kind of recovery plan if she moved in....but in my heart of hearts I don't want her to move in. I don't want to do this again. Makes me feel guilty and selfish but there ya go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723456 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:18:59 +0000 lizzywiz 1723456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I just saw your post about your Dad. Dysfunctional families can be vortexes of need and confusion, but it can be sooo hard and guilt inducing to 'detach.'<br /> I always wonder- is this good boundaries or am I being an unsupportive wench? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723430 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:09:47 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1723430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I am not specialized in this (addiction and substance misuse) but, I am a social worker and of course, we are generally trained on this stuff (ever so briefly).<br /> First and foremost: YOU cannot do anything to help her end the addiction (I say this to relieve you from the guilt and the stress, not to make you feel bad). There is nothing *you* can say or do; you can't even help her if you locked her up in your spare bedroom and watched her 24/7. This takes professional help from an addiction center. She is at the point that she needs rehabilitation.<br /> So, the only way you can help is by either convincing her to seek one, or by reporting her as someone who may harm herself.<br /> If there is a process you can go through. You can call an addiction clinic and say, "this person tried to harm herself and we believe she would be safer in a rehabilitation center." and then the social worker would go and get an affidavit from the judge, saying that she believes person X needs rehabilitation because of this, this, and that evidence. That way, your friend will be essentially forced to the rehab center. Doesn't sound fun, but sometimes it is the only way. The thing is, this is only OK if in fact you have good reason to believe that she is a threat to her own life.<br /> That is my advice on how to end the addiction (well, we say the addiction NEVER ends, only the misuse does)<br /> On how to solve this "stuck" issue and needing a place to stay.<br /> Is there any way that you could ask her to seek rehabilitation services as long as she stays with you? Is that a deal she would be willing to make for your safety as well as your household's? You could bring it from a perspective of: "you can't have alcohol here anyway, so it might be a safe time to try rehab. AND we are all here under one roof to support and love you along the way." it is almost like the perfect time to do it, because if she has hard times, you will be there emotionally to scoop her back up.<br /> I hope someone who is specialized in this specific area can chime in. I know substance misuse counselors have lots of tricks up their sleeves to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723374 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 10:50:37 +0000 Greentea 1723374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I am no professional but I could have written this post! Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-addictions-counselors-family-counselors-social-workers-etc-in-hb-land-advice-needed#post-1723345 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 10:40:10 +0000 lizzywiz 1723345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Addiction runs rampant in my family. Alcohol, drugs, gambling.<br /> The kind of addiction where people lose jobs, then everything else and die young. I have a large family and some of us have made it out relatively unscathed, but over the past 5-10 years people I thought dodged the bullet have been dropping like flies.<br /> And now it is someone very, very close to me. Someone who took care of me when my parents couldn't because of their addictions. She is 45 and losing everything due to alcoholism. Last night she was 'missing'. Her family called me, even though I live 2 states away, just in case she had contacted me. They found her, drunk at an acquaintance's house.<br /> I'm afraid the next phone call will be about her being hurt or dead.<br /> I don't know what to do. We talk frequently but she won't discuss recovery. I have considered flying out to talk to her, but that would be a big financial hardship for us, and, frankly, I have already had a lot of hardship in my life from un-recovered family members. I have a kid now. Time and money spent doing stuff like this is different than it used to be. ..</p> <p>Here is what I know:<br /> Nothing I ever said or did convinced my mom or dad to sober up. My mom eventually did, but it had nothing to do with any of my pleading and machinations.<br /> Energy I put towards 'helping' someone with an addiction significantly impacts my mood and my little family.<br /> The closer I get to it, the harder it is to set boundaries. She needs a place to live. I have a spare room....</p> <p>But I also know that she feels ashamed and alone and stuck. And maybe I could help her get unstuck...but I have been down this road before...ugh.</p> <p>Anybody know about this shite? </p>