https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 13:34:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906678 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 15:01:51 +0000 lady grey 1906678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: oh my gosh, that does sounds like a challenging schedule. I think it would be great if he does some dinner prep and a few other chores before leaving for work each afternoon. </p> <p>How long is his program, 2 years?? My DH just finished his masters (18 month program) and we didn't have the schedule issues that you will have to deal with, but I will say it went by much faster then I thought it would. Hope the same happens for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906650 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 14:05:55 +0000 singingbee 1906650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: the switching off is the hardest part for him. He works 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off and it switches between day and night. He also has had problems sleeping before this, but it made it worse in my opinion. He has to work at falling asleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906647 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 14:05:27 +0000 lizzywiz 1906647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Seattlemom: unfortunately, the schedule works out that on work days he will be home after we leave in the morning and leave for school/work before we get back or right after. So not too much help. But you just gave me the idea of having him prep dinner before he goes as he can't be there to help in the moment. I think doing some chopping before he goes is a fair trade :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906634 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 13:44:20 +0000 lady grey 1906634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I worked night shift when I was a new nurse, but I didn't have kids yet. I didn't find that going to sleep asap was needed. Usually I needed some to unwind before going to bed. Your DH should be able to come home and help you out in the morning. Then he could go to sleep after you head to daycare drop off/work. If he sleep something like 9-5, then he could get up when you get home from work and help with dinner, etc before leaving. </p> <p>Invest in some really good black out curtians! Sleeping during the day can be hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906516 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 10:24:22 +0000 lizzywiz 1906516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: @singingbee: do you feel like all the switching of day to night is bad for your DHs? or no big deal?<br /> With mine being 40, I am worried about health and stress and whatnot and we are thinking of NOT switching to days on his off days. All nocturnal, all of the time :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906510 Sun, 19 Oct 2014 10:18:09 +0000 lizzywiz 1906510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sapphiresun: working out- another plus I didn't think of! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906349 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 23:04:45 +0000 HLK208 1906349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH works a few night shifts per week. It's hard because he's gone at night so he can't handle any of the wake-ups and asleep during the day so I have to keep the kids quiet and sometimes, that's nearly impossible. It's not horrible though. The nights that he's gone, I get the kids to bed around 7-8 and then have a few hours of me time which is glorious. Haha. </p> <p>DH goes to sleep right away when he gets home, wakes up around 2-3pm to eat, talk to me, play with the kids and goes back to sleep until 6pm. He gets use to it. </p> <p>Also, my mom use to work night shift while I was growing up and I sometimes preferred it since she would sleep while I was at school and then I had the afternoon to spend with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906341 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 22:46:02 +0000 Sapphiresun 1906341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband works 4 on, 4 off, two days, two nights, 12 hour shifts with an hour commute each way. So essentially he's completely absent from our lives for five days every week. We have a 14 month old, and I work 50 hours a week, and am also doing a post bac diploma myself. I wish he was around to help more, but we make it work. He's in emergency services, so it will likely be this way for the forseeable future.</p> <p>He works 6 to 6, so he texts me at 5:30am and advises whether he'll be coming home on time. When my alarm goes off at 5:45 I check it, and if he's coming home I stay in bed for an extra few minutes, if he's not, I get up and get myself ready before baby wakes up at 6:30, and he gets home. He helps me get her ready for the day, and then goes to bed when we leave at 7:15.</p> <p>I pick up baby from daycare on my way home and come home and get dinner on the table. I try to only do major cooking every other day. I'll cook double meat, and then try to use it the next day. Like one day roast chicken, then the next quesadillas with the pre-cooked meat just to make things quick and easy. On his first night shift he usually cooks dinner for us, and leaves it out for us since he leaves about 15 min before we get home.</p> <p>We order our groceries on line for delivery just to eliminate that chore. DH hates it, and it's challenging for me to do it after work and still get dinner made and baby to bed at a decent hour. </p> <p>After dinner I do bath, story and bed time by 7:30ish, and then clean up dinner, make lunches for the next day, usually do some studying, watch some trash TV, and go to bed. I'm used to sleeping alone since he's been on graveyards as long as we've been together (9 years) so I just look at it as an opportunity to stretch out.</p> <p>On weekends it's a big more challenging since he's sleeping in the day, and we have a small house. But we usually just take advantage of having a girl's day. Today we met dad when he got home at 6:30 and had breakfast together, and he watched her while I got showered. Then he went to bed and we played quietly until the malls opened. Then we went out shopping for a Halloween costume, and over to the indoor play centre, then came home and lunch, and we both had a nap. Then we got to actually have an early dinner together before he left for work too. We hung out, did bath and bed, and I've been on free time here since 7:30. </p> <p>I try to do work out videos at home when I can, since the major restriction of solo parenting is that it's hard to get out of the house in the evening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906340 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 22:40:35 +0000 Mamasig 1906340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH works a night shift for a week every 3 weeks. When it was just me and DS1 it wasn't bad. You get used to it. It was nice to have solo time after LO went to sleep. Now that I have two, I haven't really been by myself with both of them at night. My mom usually spends the night so I'm not alone with a toddler and baby. But when I have been, you just get it done because you have to. I found it's usually not as bad as I imagine. </p> <p>DH doesn't usually go to sleep right when he comes home. He needs time to unwind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906321 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:28:39 +0000 singingbee 1906321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: while I miss my husband, tonight I'm glad he isn't here to see the mess that is the house. I didn't make it to the store today and that was okay because I was totally fine with eating Nutella for dinner. Stuff like that makes me okay with it and then I'm always so happy to see him when he gets home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906317 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:25:31 +0000 cmomma17 1906317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: that's exactly what I was thinking :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906312 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:17:26 +0000 Mrs.Panda 1906312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work overnights as well as attend school and is doable. I work 7p-7:30a and get home at around 8:30am. With eating something and unwinding I'm usually in bed by 9:30, especially if I work that night again. I'm currently pregnant so I don't have experience with a child in the mix, but I could definitely get a baby ready (DO would have to get her up and possibly feed her depending on her schedule) and I could finish up and take her to daycare. I find that if I don't go to sleep by 9:30 it's hard for me to sleep well. After my last night I try to either only sleep a couple of hours or just stay up so I can go to sleep at a normal time that night and flip back to days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906306 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:14:28 +0000 Boheme 1906306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We make it work, but I hate it. Mostly because I feel like we miss out on everything, I work FT and the household responsibilities mostly fall on me as well, and we're both perpetually exhausted. I think you can make the best of it! Just wanted to be honest in my personal thoughts about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906299 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 21:10:16 +0000 blackbird 1906299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend's husband works the night shift in a hospital and they make it work! I'm not sure I've ever heard her complain :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906277 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 20:37:42 +0000 lizzywiz 1906277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cmomma17: hey. watching whatever show I want without compromising IS something to look forward to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906270 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 20:27:29 +0000 cmomma17 1906270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: just wanted to wish you the best of luck! I have no experience but I'd try to think of shortcuts to get me through the transition. Stock up on simple foods (pre cut fruits and veggies, single serving yogurts, etc.) for meals and packing lunches, get a bunch of paper plates and napkins in case dishes are overwhelming, lay out a weeks worth of outfits at a time (for you and lo), etc. you can do this!<br /> Eta: this may seem silly, but I'd even pick out a new show to binge watch on Netflix alone! Something to look forward to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906264 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 20:21:44 +0000 lizzywiz 1906264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the insight, ladies!<br /> @Greentea: that does sound rough, bordering on impossible! The broken foot alone would have pushed me over the edge. 'Less time together now for a better situation later,' is exactly what we are hoping for.<br /> @MsMini: I agree with what you said about protecting sleep. His health in this is my number 1 priority. If he can't get the sleep he needs then we will pursue some other solution.<br /> @Mrs. Tiger: @PrincessBaby: thanks for being so positive- I need it because I am not psyched about this. The schedule works out that on work days he will be home after we leave in the morning and leave for school/work before we get back or right after. Oh,well. It will be fine and I will try to enjoy the autonomy ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906218 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 18:52:57 +0000 PrincessBaby 1906218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband works offshore and is gone 3 weeks and then home 3 weeks. So when he's gone I solo parent our almost 2 yr old and I am also pregnant with our 2nd. So absolutely everything falls on me for LO1, and I work a very busy FT job. </p> <p>It may take getting used to, but it's not nearly as bad or as scary as you may think...We just get into our groove and it's no big deal. I actually love our girls-only time, I really appreciate it....Even though I wish my husband was always with us, he can't be, and it is what it is, so we just make the best of it. </p> <p>Sometimes it's nice to ONLY have to worry about your LO. No one to do dinner or laundry for...You can just veg out once LO goes to bed. We have a maid service and that really helps too because all I have to keep up with is the laundry and light picking up, so I'm never really doing much housework once I'm done with work and have LO in bed. I am a big believer in hiring help around the house - it will take A LOT off of you if you are the one that it primarily falls on because he is not around. </p> <p>You will get into the swing of things and you'll be awesome at it!</p> <p>ETA: Just a fun example of our solo day: Today we went to breakfast and had pumpkin pancakes, hit a cute children's shop sale, had my car washed, both took naps, then went to Disney on Ice, then to the Crocs outlet for LO new play shoes, and finally to dinner together. She is my little buddy and I LOVE our mommy/daughter time:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906205 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 18:43:12 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1906205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: Great for your DH! I hope this period of time isn't too awful for you guys. I don't have any specific tips but my DH works a TON so I am almost always alone with the kids, and I survive :) just lower your expectations, honestly! you will make it through :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906190 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 17:57:00 +0000 MsMini 1906190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have done shift work (a mix of day and night shifts, usually 2/3 nights, 1/3 days) for the past 10 years. I find that the most important thing is protecting my sleep, I need to make sure I get 8 hours on my work days. I find I need to get to sleep ASAP after work or I end up tossing and turning. I get off work at 7 am and if I am not in bed by 8 am I end up unable to fall asleep. </p> <p>I get off at 7, home by 7:20, I will help my DH get our son out the door and they are out by 7:45 then I do my bedtime routine and off to bed. I use blackout shades and fans to hide the light/noise outside. On my last night I sleep 3/4 hours then get up and yo about my day. Not sleeping at all made me really sick feeling, so I dont endorse that! </p> <p>I have heard lots of debate that the shift worker should suck it up and accept less sleep so they can do more around the house, but I think that is so mean! Night shifts are brutally hard on your body, so I feel like it is super important to be respectful of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906134 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:50:08 +0000 singingbee 1906134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh switches from night to day shift each different shift. He also works out of town, which adds another aspect to it. When we are all together he usually will stay up a little bit and feed her in the morning. Then he sleeps until her nap is done and then gets up. It's hard and not ideal, but we make it work. I try to keep things as simple as possible and planning helps. It's a bit easier since she is older and sleeps through the night. If you have more specific questions or something else, just ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906130 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:45:05 +0000 autumnlove 1906130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH works 7pm-7am every few months for week long stretches. He gets home, wakes and does the morning routine with the kids, does daycare/preschool drop off and comes home. He unwinds for a bit and sleeps from 9:45/10-5:45/6pm. He forces himself to stay up on the last day so he can get back to a regular schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906123 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:29:10 +0000 Greentea 1906123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: congrats on your new plans, (can I say congrats? :) ), I know you and your DH have been considering this. You probably know my DH is taking his prereqs and he is 35! So, congrats on step taking toward new goals. That being said... it is a little rough at this life stage (as you know!) </p> <p>I feel it is totally worth it, however. I did a full month of solo parenting and then my dad passed and I broke my foot the same day and DH started a new job and school the same day and they hadn't told him he'd be working 12 hour shifts for a conference every day the first month. There wasn't even time to talk! Somehow we made it this far. We had a lot of doubts and wanted to throw in the school towel, but then DH broke his back at work and we are now certain that we are doing the right thing.(He is a laborer currently and the job he is purspursuing won't be.)</p> <p>But man, it has been rough. It is a huge sacrifice, and we just have to keep weighing the benefits. Less time together now for a better situation later (?) Until he broke his back I wasn't sure. I think the weekend idea is good because you just might need a break... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906118 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:24:27 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1906118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have children yet, but DH worked shift work for a couple of years. When he was on nights a couple of days could pass before we saw each other awake depending on my schedule. As far as going right to sleep, DH was never able to do that. He said it didn't feel natural coming home from work and going straight to sleep because we you are on a normal day shift you don't sleep right after work. He really needed some time to unwind and eat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-bees-have-any-experince-w-running-a-family-when-so-or-you-works-the-graveyard-shift#post-1906111 Sat, 18 Oct 2014 15:09:54 +0000 lizzywiz 1906111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is taking the plunge and going back to school to make a career change at 40. He found a job in his company he can transfer to while he takes his pre-reqs. Good pay + insurance but it is graveyard. He should start in a month.<br /> I fully support this but I am not looking forward to it. I work days and a majority of day to day child care/ routine will fall to me. I am expecting the worst, hoping for the best. As I told DH- I am too old for this sh*t, lol. Not really, but I know I am not as physically resilient as I used to be (nor is he) and I want to be smart about how we manage this so neither of us get burnt out.</p> <p>Any tips, tricks, or cautionary tales would be appreciated! </p> <p>A little more info: He has his pick of night shifts because he is their top choice and we were thinking something like TH-M because as great as it would be to have him available on weekends, when she is sick or I am overwhelmed it is going to be weekdays that I need help. Make sense?</p> <p>We also read that he should try to go to sleep ASAP when he gets off shift because it increases his likelihood of achieving something similar to night sleep. Thoughts? </p>