https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 07:44:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-769696 Thu, 09 May 2013 10:12:02 +0000 Mrs.Someone 769696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: Its a good time to cover your ears and say "LA LA LA" :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-769375 Thu, 09 May 2013 08:45:50 +0000 raintreebee 769375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Okay, I am revising my answer. I just read Mrs. High Heel's blog post about her mornings and getting only 4.5 hours a sleep a night, and I am now questioning all of this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-767943 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:57:06 +0000 sweetooth 767943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years now too. You raise valid points too. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-767939 Wed, 08 May 2013 13:55:35 +0000 sweetooth 767939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: You are so not alone in these feelings. I feel like I could echo almost everything @raintreebee said. Going through infertility makes you constantly question this whole process. Much more than someone who just TTC and it happens. Each failure really does make you reexamine life, and consider what's worth it, what do you want, who are you?! I felt like I lost myself during my infertility journey. It's really hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-767221 Wed, 08 May 2013 09:50:20 +0000 raintreebee 767221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I have never doubted I wanted children (at least at this stage in my life), but I do question whether just the chance of having them is worth all of this heartache and resources. I do think it is completely natural for IFers to question their resolve to have children since it is continually tested. Also, we just have had so much more time than most to think really hard about the subject!! Also, for me, I sometimes ask what if these infertility treatments don't work--will we be okay? I usually conclude that we will. Not the same as not wanting children, but, as an IFer, you are kinda forced to examine what a life without them will look like--something most people do not have to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-767148 Wed, 08 May 2013 09:14:20 +0000 spaniellove 767148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how long any of you have been married, but we've actually been married a long time now (6 years next month) and spent most of that assuming we wouldn't have kids for one reason or another. So although I really wanted kids (make that kid - I only wanted one), I had a lot of time to give up that desire and get used to the idea of the two of us and enjoy the life we could have with just each other. </p> <p>Something that scares me is that if we made the choice now to just give up, that would be a choice we could make for ourselves. But if I got pregnant, all of that choice could be taken away from me, and what if I hated it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-767067 Wed, 08 May 2013 08:36:44 +0000 mrswin 767067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: Like many of the other ladies have said it is pretty normal to have this thought at some point during all the IF stuff. For me a failed cycle bring be right back to this spot each time...however I have always wanted children and neither DH or I is ready to give that up yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766899 Wed, 08 May 2013 05:31:18 +0000 MrsTal 766899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your responses. I was feeling super guilty about these thoughts and feelings and its gotten me feeling a bit better. DH and I are going to sit down and really discuss our options after he gets home from his work trip and see if we are really prepared for the option we choose both emotionally and financially. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766891 Wed, 08 May 2013 04:45:11 +0000 TheReelDeal 766891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had that and the thought of if I can go through this much longer. I didn't want children until I met my husband, I think not wanting children was easier than making it my life goal because I knew not having a period of my own, ever, would make it hard to get pregnant. But now I have a hard time imaging my life without a mini mash up of me and my hubby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766644 Tue, 07 May 2013 21:07:53 +0000 sarac 766644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I think that really interrogating your hopes, desires, your honest feelings about having children is utterly crucial. I think that everyone needs to do it. A lot of people have children because it's the normal thing, or because they kind of want to (but also kind of don't). A lot of people go on to regret it, in some way.</p> <p>I think that everyone ought to really sit down and spend some time thinking about whether or not they truly want to have kids. And for people like us who had to go a medical route, I think it's twice as important. I knew from birth that having children was the right path for me - I would have done literally anything to do it. If you feel that way, cool, and if you don't, that's cool too. But it's really normal to question your desire for kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766602 Tue, 07 May 2013 20:49:28 +0000 BSB 766602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not but only because I had doubts prior to TTC about not wanting children. It wasn't until I got married that I wanted children. So once I got it in my head that I wanted children, I haven't been able to let it go. Plan B for us will be adoption so I know I will be a mother in a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766590 Tue, 07 May 2013 20:44:47 +0000 MrsH 766590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: I have :( makes me sad thinking about it but it is definitely a thought i have had. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766574 Tue, 07 May 2013 20:35:49 +0000 jmarionsmith 766574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh i definitely did! i think it's a coping mechanism. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766539 Tue, 07 May 2013 20:16:46 +0000 Mrs. Polish 766539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: I did. We both started freaking out a few days before Isaiah was born because we had worried so long about getting pregnant that we hadn't really considered being parents. For me it was a natural part of the grieving process. I can't say if it happens to everyone, but I definitely think it's normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766434 Tue, 07 May 2013 19:01:03 +0000 spaniellove 766434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not alone...we've already spent what probably amounts to a year of college tuition on fertility treatments. Or enough for us to enjoy life for quite a while. I don't know how much more money it will take, or how many more years I'll need to put my life on hold to devote to infertility while I watch my peers enjoy careers and motherhood. </p> <p>These feelings got more intense for me after our IVF didn't work out, and then again when I learned about our loss. I know our child will most likely have special needs and sometimes I wonder if I'm going to regret giving up so much only to end up on an intensely difficult path. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766418 Tue, 07 May 2013 18:41:24 +0000 futuremama 766418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've definitely had this thought. I feel like my life has been on hold for a year and a half, and some days I'm just ready to move past this part of my life. DH and I could live a very happy, childless life. I guess I'm concerned that we'll continue trying for a few more years, lose a few more pregnancies and still be in the same place we are right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766371 Tue, 07 May 2013 18:03:39 +0000 Mrs.Someone 766371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTal: Not to mention the heartache! But recently I saw a quote that goes something like "you only regret the things you never try." And of course its what I've wanted my whole life... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766366 Tue, 07 May 2013 18:01:59 +0000 MrsTal 766366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: I kind of feel that way too. Like it's not just the money, money is a factor but it's also all the hoops we have to jump through with either path we choose. I've already spent all this time/money/effort into trying "naturally" now I have to do even more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766356 Tue, 07 May 2013 17:56:50 +0000 Mrs.Someone 766356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is nothing wrong for feeling this way! Money isn't necessarily the reasoning I sometimes question it, its more a question of whether or not it is worth all the effort we're going through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-ifers-question-having-children-at-all#post-766350 Tue, 07 May 2013 17:50:34 +0000 MrsTal 766350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I might get some flack for this but here goes nothing. </p> <p>I'm not sure if this is a normal part of infertility grieving or not but I find myself really questioning if I want to have a child at all. I'm looking through all my options, and no matter what I do I will be spending thousands of dollars to have a kid, who in turn is going to cost thousands more. If I took money out of the equation, I would love to have a child with my husband, but unfortunately, money is a huge issue for us and I'm just not sure we can actually swing going through with infertility diagnosis and treatment or adoption at all. I realize that this sounds awful and the whole situation pisses me off but I need to know if anyone else had these feelings or thoughts. </p>