https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 01:01:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers/page/2#post-1844713 Tue, 02 Sep 2014 07:47:02 +0000 krispi 1844713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was adopted by his step dad, but it wasn't a typical adoption situation. His biological dad left when he was pretty young, maybe 3. He was closer to his step dad, who ended up adopting him sometime around the first grade. His parents divorced when he was older, but he has remained in contact with his adopted dad. He's seen his biological dad a handful of times since becoming an adult but has no interest in having a relationship with him. My husband's brother is 8 years older than him and was not adopted, so his brother does maintain a bit of a relationship with their biological dad. I wouldn't say that he's exactly close with his adopted dad, as he now lives on the other side of the country, but they do keep in touch from time to time. We just went out to Arizona earlier this year to visit, and I was able to meet him for the first time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers/page/2#post-1844593 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 22:59:38 +0000 jedeve 1844593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: I'm so glad you were able to so that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers/page/2#post-1844575 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 22:30:34 +0000 kjpugs 1844575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: thanks! Actually check out this post : <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-step-towards-finding-birth-parents-check" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-step-towards-finding-birth-parents-check</a></p> <p>I found her and just this week I found my birth father too! Have two half sisters and a half brother. All are amazing and warm and accepting. Hope your process is going well!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers/page/2#post-1844358 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 18:33:29 +0000 MrsD2442 1844358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: Super late to this party, hope it's ok to comment! :happy: </p> <p>I am adopted. I was placed with my adoptive parents 4 days after I was born. I actually am currently in the process of searching for my birth mother, and I think the reason I am so curious now (I'm 28 and just starting my search) is because DH and I are getting ready to start a family. I didn't know much, just that my birth mother was 16 or so (turns out she was 17 when I was born). I've come to learn much more now that I've begun my search, and it is very fascinating (and emotional!!!!!!). </p> <p>What state (or country!) do you live in? Adoption laws are all different in each state, and I'm assuming most countries. Depending on where you live, maybe I could help you get the ball rolling if you're interested in searching. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers/page/2#post-1759786 Tue, 15 Jul 2014 11:07:04 +0000 loki 1759786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: no problem at all, like @kjpugs, i enjoy talking about my experiences with adoption! i'm always open for questions about my perspective :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1759736 Tue, 15 Jul 2014 10:47:52 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1759736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loki: So happy you had a great childhood and are able to develop a relationship with your entire family. I really appreciate your perspective! Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1759635 Tue, 15 Jul 2014 10:07:23 +0000 loki 1759635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know this thread is old so I hope it's okay that I bump it!</p> <p>I was adopted at 4 days old through a private, closed adoption. My mother was 16 when she had me. I think being adopted has totally defined who I am and is such a huge part of my life... my adoptive mom was actually adopted as well so she always understood my feelings on it and my parents raised me to be very well adjusted about the whole thing. they actually found my biomom for me when i was 17... and then my biomom found my biodad when i was 18. so i have relationships with both (i'm actually seeing my biodad for dinner tonight) and i'm just so grateful for the way life turned out for me. it gets complicated, for sure, and i have complex feelings about and towards both of them and their extended families. but for the most part i'm very blessed. it does make my desire for biological children very strong though.</p> <p>@kjpugs: I'm Canadian so not sure if this is helpful... but Canada has a registry for closed adoptions. so you can put your name and info on a list and if your biological mom has done the same, they will connect you. Does IL have something like that? This thread is months old so maybe you have decided not to look into it anymore.</p> <p>@TemperanceBrennan: just to add my two cents... i think there is definite merit in open adoption. but i am SO grateful my adoption was closed. i had an amazing childhood, despite my longing to know about my biological family, and i think adding them to mix would have complicated things for me - especially knowing the type of people they are. one of my biological sisters actually gave a daughter up for adoption and theirs is open... i think it's really messy and unhealthy and i don't necessarily think, in their case, it is in the best interest of the child. i'm sure some people make it work and it's great for all involved... but i know it wouldn't have been good for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1599345 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 11:47:59 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1599345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: Thanks for sharing your perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1599311 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 11:41:23 +0000 ValentineMommy 1599311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: I would prefer a closed adoption, personally. I feel like an open adoption is super confusing for the child. But, every situation is different. For me, I grew up knowing my "story". I knew I was given up because my birthmom was so young and couldn't care for me. I knew when she died (the agency contacted my parents and told them). I had a medical history of both families provided with my adoption. I knew my birth father had a troubled past, though I didn't know what until years later. So, I had a lot of information, moreso than most. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1598316 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 22:03:29 +0000 Honeygold89 1598316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: thank I know something will work out for her because she deserves both a mom and dad </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1598311 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 22:00:58 +0000 deactivated_account 1598311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeygold89: Best of luck, lady!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1598301 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:49:04 +0000 Honeygold89 1598301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: thanks my DH isn't adopted my dad is. DH is doing what he can and actually the only reason he's waiting is because like I said he just had to spend money on a new ac unit which was a few thousand and we live in Florida and just had LO so it was no way we could go with out in this weather. Thanks again </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1598276 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:27:46 +0000 deactivated_account 1598276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeygold89: Your story is so fascinating. It sounds like your DH had a great childhood and he seems like such a loving guy to have adopted his daughter. I hope he gets to see her soon! Please be sure he does his best to keep in contact, though. Also, check with your county's legal aid if you can't afford an attorney. I'd hate for him to have legal issues when he does decide to pursue custody of his daughter. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!! :heart: :goodluck: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1598251 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:06:21 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1598251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love hearing stories of adult adoptees. My partner's mom is adopted, and it's always been interesting to hear her perspective. We're definitely in a different situation because we're completely open with the birth family and MIL's was very much closed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597990 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 17:50:23 +0000 coopsmama 1597990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: I was adopted. I will come back and share my experience here a bit later. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597954 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 17:23:13 +0000 LindsayInNY 1597954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: Ooh, I didn't know that... I guess I thought closed meant "until under 18" or something! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597809 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 15:33:44 +0000 Honeygold89 1597809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love your way of thinking about the whole thing. </p> <p>Not adopted but my dad was and all he knew was he was born in Germany and his birth mom was Germany and he knew her name. He was adopted at the age of 3 and in an orphanage before being adopted by his parent who where stationed in Germany and he also has an adopted sister who was adopted from another part of Germany but the crazy thing is they actual look like blood brother and sister. A lot of people tell me I look like her a little and I just go with it. </p> <p>Also DH had an adopted daughter with his ex but he doesn't get to see her anymore because once I got pregnant with my son there was a big mess and she wouldn't let her come over anymore and DH say next year he'll look into getting a lawyer because this year we spent a lot of money on the house, cars, and baby. I feel bad for her though because she's only 6 and don't understand why she can't come over anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597752 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 15:09:37 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1597752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: Aww thanks! I have three neices/nephews that are adopted and each bio parent situation is so different. And like I said, we are planning to adopt so I think I might pick your brain sometime! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597724 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 15:01:37 +0000 kjpugs 1597724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: anytime! If you can't tell by the post- I LOVE talking about adoption! :) It has been hard for me in some ways but generally I wouldn't change a thing. I don't think there are any bad options... just sometimes I think the situations themselves don't lend well to a non-complicated arrangement, no matter what. I am quite lucky! Hit me up anytime, always happy to chat adoption! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597719 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:59:59 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1597719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. Adoption is complicated and I really appreciate you responding. And I think you are right that its a situation by situation basis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597697 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:52:24 +0000 kjpugs 1597697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TemperanceBrennan: I think there are pro's and con's to both. I think closed adoptions were more feasible back then- I think nowadays it's almost better to be open because of all that technology and the internet bring into the picture. I had ideas in my mind about her which were likely (maybe?) less complicated than having her actually in my life. I think - in my own opinion - that could become overwhelming for a younger child. But then revealing a lot to a child at an older age could be traumatic. I'm happy with my closed adoption, I wish I had more details now but I think it made my childhood the best it could be. But then again who is to say that an open one wouldn't have been better? I think it also depends on the child, and the birthparents, and the adoptive parents- I think it's truly a situation by situation basis for the decision. Sorry for the ramble!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597671 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:45:23 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1597671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're planning to adopt, as I grew up with a lot of adoption around me and just thought of it as another way families are formed. I'm not adopted, but I just wanted to post that I enjoy hearing adult adoptees stories.</p> <p>ETA - I don't want to thread-jack, but I'd like to ask a question - but please feel free not to answer if you don't want to. For adults that were adopted, do you think that open adoption (or some form of it) is better than closed adoptions? I fee like the more information people have, the better, but I'm not in a place to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597630 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:35:49 +0000 kjpugs 1597630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: from what I understand (or thought I did) was that closed adoption was legally closed- I do know that I would have to petition the court in IL to get the copy of my actual birth certificate (the one I have now is "legal" but it's all typed- no signatures- with my parents' names, not birth parents.) And it's up to them to open it and it's not often then do, as I'm sure you know, because closed adoptions are to protect BOTH parties. So I don't know how the agency would trump that unless it's a "if they contact us, and YOu contact us" type thing. TBH I'm scared to ask my mom the agency! I think it hurts her feelings sometimes. I wish I could figure it out myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597614 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:32:44 +0000 LindsayInNY 1597614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: Thanks for sharing your story!! I thought an adoptee could reach out to the agency about biological mom/dad information? Like the agency keeps a record with whether or not they want the option of being found once the child is 18? I could be totally wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597461 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 14:00:06 +0000 ValentineMommy 1597461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Thanks!! I am definitely blessed for the life my birth mother "gave" me by giving me up.</p> <p>@kjpugs: anytime! </p> <p>Mine was also a closed adoption, but when my birthmother was killed (in a car accident), her family gave the adoption agency a book of poetry my mother had written through her teen years. One of her relatives wrote a forward in the book and signed it. I looked up her name, and only found one in the phone book. Called it - and it was her! Met them a few weeks later. Very surreal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597456 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:56:50 +0000 kjpugs 1597456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: same! I think it takes a LOT to think about what's best for your child- even if you may never know them- as opposed to what's best for YOU right then, as a teenager. I seriously cannot fathom it. The most loving, selfless thing. Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597448 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:54:24 +0000 Raindrop 1597448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: Just wanted to say I love your story. :) Thanks for sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597407 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:41:54 +0000 ValentineMommy 1597407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>and FWIW, I also feel like adoption is SO selfless on the mothers behalf. Nowadays, I feel like abortion is rampant, and what most teens "choose". After having my son, I can not imagine what it would be like to see his little face, and then hand him over to someone else, not knowing what would happen to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1597402 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:39:51 +0000 ValentineMommy 1597402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was adopted!</p> <p>I was 3 months old (in foster care beforehand). My birth mom was 16 when she had me (and she died at 19) I knew my whole life, so it wasn't a surprise. I have met her family and I've met my birth father and his family. It was, and is, a really weird experience.</p> <p>I have the greatest parents/family in the world and I'm so thankful for them.</p> <p>Being pregnant was really weird, as I couldn't ask my mom about her experiences, although, I feel like it brought us even closer cause she was so interested in the "process" as it was new to her too! </p> <p>Being a mom, and having a son who looks just like me, is also very....well, strange to me! It's so neat to have a blood relation. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-other-adopted-hb-ers#post-1596989 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 11:13:05 +0000 kjpugs 1596989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bumping again... no other adoptees? </p>