https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 09:44:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2900156 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 10:05:22 +0000 caitcat 2900156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: My daughter works with an OT for some sensory issues (that are generally unrelated to her picky eating...but it came up at one of our sessions), and she has suggested a similar strategy for introducing/encouraging new foods. We've had some luck with her sampling stuff while helping me cook (granted, it's after helping with the same recipe for about the tenth time, but still!) and some luck when there are samples out at Costco or places like that. When the opportunity to try something at an unexpected time comes up, it's like it changes the dynamic for her. </p> <p>Also, I feel your pain on the grape thing. My daughter has turned on previously loved foods from time to time, and I can't figure it out. When there's not much that she'll reliably eat, it's so hard when she refuses something I know she really liked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2900145 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 08:21:04 +0000 JennyPenny 2900145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think something might be going on with my son. He is particularly fearful of new foods but also will occasionally get freaked out by foods he loves. Like recently he discovered all grapes have that tiny hole from where they were on the stem and now he won't eat grapes any more, even though he previously loved them...</p> <p>I had an interesting chat with my friend who is a speech therapist, but often works with occupational therapists. And she said that the feeding therapists she works with say that the best way to introduce new foods to kids like my son is at times not meant for eating - so cooking, shopping, or just random play. It reminded me that my son did actually eat a few bites of the salad that started this whole debacle while he was helping me cook. Just more reason to get him even more involved. I haven't been great about it since he started Kindergarten and now has nightly homework, but I may try and shift our evenings to see if we can make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2900130 Sun, 20 Oct 2019 22:21:28 +0000 Pollywog 2900130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to do this, but it just doesn't work for us. My 3.5 year old has struggled with weight gain and is rarely hungry. But when he gets hungry he needs to eat all of the things (so dinner, followed by a bath snack, followed by a bedtime snack)</p> <p>What works for us is that I losely follow kids.eat.in.color's method. I offer regular meals with at least one thing my kid will like. Today I expected my kids to only eat their oranges, but instead they crushed a lentil pasta with kale, cherry tomatoes, and mozzarella. I put zero pressure on clearing their plate, but they know they don't get dessert until they've had a good dinner. Dessert is 2-4 times a week.</p> <p>I also am big on meals in unconventional places. My kids love bath snacks and eating from the counter on their learning towers. I do not stress about meals at the table.</p> <p>I also have a "snack drawer" available with healthy snacks that they can eat whenever. My 18 month old insisted he needed 3 fruit cups today after his breakfast. I would have assumed he was full, but I'm happy he listened to his body to get what he craved </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2900120 Sun, 20 Oct 2019 20:01:14 +0000 Anagram 2900120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: I gave DOR a really good try a couple of years ago, but then we kind of naturally progressed to something different. I still really like the idea of the parents deciding what, when, and where, and the kids deciding if and how much. I also love the no-bribing thing. My husband used to so that sometimes and his family are the worst at that. “If you don’t eat ______, you don’t get _______”. It drives me nuts. But I also don’t like, put ice cream on their dinner plate to make it just a part of dinner. I more like, remove it from the meal time equation entirely and leave it in an “occasional treat” category. </p> <p>But I noticed my own kids (I think most kids are like this), were just afraid of anything new, even if it was all made of things I knew they liked. So I do now really try to convince them to take a bite, but we have a “game” where they can do thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumb-in-the-middle if they aren’t sure if they like it. If they honestly say thumbs down, I won’t push it. I just want them to try the taste. But they do this part pretty willingly—I wouldn’t do it if this method started a long battle of wills. We also really try to keep desserts/sugary stuff to a minimum in the house at all. We go get ice cream, or donuts, or we bake cookies or whatever, but we try to keep it to 1-2 times a week. I also try really hard to actually offer the 4-5 servings of fruit/veg a day, which is a challenge sometimes!</p> <p>Probably a lot of it is luck. My oldest is laid back in general so she’ll try almost anything, and she’s really great about eating vegetables. And although my second is much pickier, she’s much more likely to keep eating after the first trial bite, especially if the rest of us are eating the same thing. Tonight, for example, I picked up some ready made green beans with almond—and they were long, uncut green beans and stir fried and still really crunchy. We don’t normally eat green beans this way, so my 2nd was skeptical. But after the ate the first bite, she saw all of us eating them and saying how good they were, and then she finished her serving with no drama. </p> <p>It’s definitely harder as they get older—they are 4 and 6 now so they are exposed to a lot more foods that they see in their friends’ lunch boxes/school snacks. And it’s difficult to strike a balance between not being controlling about food, but also still trying to offer healthy foods. Like my oldest really wanted “small cans of chips” like her friend gets every day. She also wanted fruit roll ups. And fruit gummies. I’m okay with these things in moderation, but don’t want to give them every day, several times a day, so it gets tricky. </p> <p>Anyway, I did end up getting Pringles but not the mini can, I got the smaller size. And they’ve had some but luckily they haven’t requested them daily. I already let them have fruit snacks occasionally, but I totally keep them up on the highest shelf in the pantry where they can’t see them and they don’t know they are a choice.</p> <p>It definitely gets complicated as they get older. </p> <p>But on the “wins” side, my kids have tried some crazy stuff lately and they ate it, even if it wasn’t their favorite. I made a pumpkin soup with lentils mixed in one night and I don’t think any of us loved it, but we all ate it. And I also made a low fat vegetable lasagna with butternut squash and chickpeas and vegan cheese, and it was also a little strange, but they killed it. So, I’d like to think what we do is kind of working, even tho my second would be happiest with a diet of pure white carbs, at least she will usually try the other stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2900052 Sat, 19 Oct 2019 12:42:06 +0000 jhd 2900052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to suggest another Instagram/blog that has been super helpful for me @kids.eat.in.color. My oldest can be quite picky and it’s hard not to stress when they make a fuss at mealtime! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899814 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 09:21:19 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2899814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: My doctor says that kids generally get what they need and also to look at food consumption over a whole week or so. Also I know sometimes E eats better at daycare, so I make sure she gets veggies and such in her lunch to help make up for not always eating a perfect dinner.<br /> I think its great you guys are getting on the same page and want to make evenings easier. That has always been my goal, we have such limited time with E. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899812 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 09:06:24 +0000 JennyPenny 2899812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone, it was really helpful to read everyone's strategies. It reiterated to me that I'm not really bothered by the fact that DS doesn't eat much. As I said, we've been doing this for a year and a half and he's stayed on his growth curve the whole time so I think it's fine. And our desserts are usually either greek yogurt or fruit, so if he eats only dessert it's not awful. </p> <p>I had a chat with DH about what he wants to do and while he still says he's frustrated and worried about our son's nutrition, he agrees that whining and fighting are worse. Especially since if mealtime goes poorly it sends the whole rest of the evening into a tailspin and bedtime routine is precarious at best right now. I suggested we focus on getting to a point where our evenings are generally calm and stress free before trying to make any changes to eating and he was on board. Woohoo!! I will definitely pull some of these strategies back out when we decide to tackle food again... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899792 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 04:45:14 +0000 caitcat 2899792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We follow it loosely, and I love the theory...but we've modified it a bit for our family. My 4.5 year old is an incredibly picky eater, and has some dietary restrictions (and I don't always limit our whole meal to avoid those, when I don't expect she'll even be interested in the meal anyway...so sometimes she does get things that are more "for her") Generally though, I serve meals family style and she can choose what to put on her plate. It's hit or miss with what she chooses, and about two years in to this, she's still quite picky.. She's surprised me a few times by trying something new though, so I'm hopeful that we'll see her expand her horizons slowly...but I guess time will tell. I generally don't stress about it - she's growing and healthy in general, and I do think this has taken the battle out of meal time. </p> <p>Our main modifications are that a couple nights a week, I do make her something specific that I know for sure she'll eat and put it out as one of the "options" on the table. So it's for her, but it's there for us all to pick from (in theory!) so I tell myself it doesn't stand out as a separate meal so much. :) </p> <p>Meanwhile, my younger daughter eats anything and everything...so it's amazing how different the kids can be! </p> <p>We eat a fairly early dinner and then the kids play for a bit before we start our wind-down routine at night. Each kid gets a bowl of fruit while we read some books before heading upstairs to get ready for bed. So I feel like even if my picky one doesn't eat dinner, I know she'll eat the fruit when we read later in the evening...and that gives me some piece of mind too. </p> <p>I hope you and your husband can get on the same page about a strategy that works for your family soon. I feel like that's the hardest part for me - I really don't stress about what my daughter eats or doesn't eat, but it stresses me out when my husband and I aren't in sync about it because mixed messages throw us all off. For the most part, we're on the same page - but every so often, we have to come back together to regroup or make some changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899790 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 23:19:25 +0000 QBbride 2899790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we follow it loosely, we never serve dessert though (with the meal or after). It’s just not a thing we do! </p> <p>I have two kids who eat Solid food and my oldest eats everything (lamb, calamari, sushi etc) and one who basically survives off tortellini, toast and peanut butter, and air. I never ever ask her to try anything. I serve her what I serve everyone and if she eats something, great. And if not... well, she will survive. Like we had tacos tonight and she ate cheese and corn. I don’t get stressed about it, it is what it is!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899789 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 22:31:33 +0000 peaches1038 2899789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We mostly follow DOR too. DS is about to be 4 and in general, is not picky. We try to have at least one thing he likes every night but we don’t make separate meals. I like to serve dessert with the meals, but I’m still convincing DH that this is a good idea. The one thing we do differently is an “adventure bite”. So if it’s something new or something he might not love, he has to try one bite. He can spit it out if he wants but rarely does. I know at his Montessori preschool, they start by encouraging the kids to touch a new food to their lips, then lick it then try it. So maybe a slower progression like that would be helpful? In general, I think repeat exposure and low pressure is key. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899773 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 19:53:26 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2899773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We kind of do. I only make one meal, adjusted for spice level and plating and we eat at the table and dessert is not dependent on what she did or didnt eat at dinner. My difference is that if she asks for seconds of something and still has food on her plate she has to at least try that food, mostly so she tries more foods and trying can be licking it or biting and spitting it out so it hopefully doesnt turn into a power struggle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899770 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 19:31:52 +0000 Kemma 2899770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: we eat, very similarly! Meals at the table and together as a family, and snacks at 10am and 3pm. I also only cook one meal and it’s not always pretty or fancy but it generally tastes good and is reasonably nutritious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899769 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 19:18:12 +0000 JennyPenny 2899769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: nice! I’ll have to check out that blog. We let DS serve himself too usually, but today DH scooped him some salad against his will and the drama ensued.</p> <p>@catgirl: that sounds very similar to how we had approached food before we went all in on Ellyn Satter, and probably what my DH would like to return to. I just remember having nightly battles over the bites and DS spitting things out of his mouth so I struggle to think it’ll work for our family. Maybe involving him more will help. He helps cook a bit right now, but could help with the planning too. Though as I write this I am thinking of how I let him pick a frozen veggie when I haven’t planned a side, but he never eats what he picks :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899767 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 19:03:25 +0000 catgirl 2899767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We use it as our inspiration but have adapted certain parts of it to be a better fit for our family. We require DD to try a certain number of bites of each food at each meal - the number has changed as she has gotten older, but it doesn't change meal to meal or day to day. She knows "x" bites of each thing. We don't serve dessert with meals but we don't put any extra requirements in place in order for her to have it, just the regular bites. (Though dessert only happens a couple of times a week.) </p> <p>I also found that she does better having a hand in meal planning and grocery shopping. So I pick out 10 possible recipes for the week for dinner and have her narrow them down. I always make sure to include a 2-3 things I know she definitely likes and mix up the rest. I know the idea is the parent chooses the what, but this works for us. </p> <p>But once the food is picked for dinner, it doesn't change. I don't make separate meals. We always eat meals and snacks at the table. Meals and snacks follow a very predictable schedule. Whoever is home sits to eat at those times. We don't label foods as good or bad. We don't argue about what we are eating. We never say "you have to eat all of this before you can have x." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899765 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 18:52:27 +0000 Kemma 2899765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kind of?? My kids aren’t picky and I cook pretty kid-friendly food but I generally don’t force them to eat if they’re not digging it. I do encourage them to try all their foods because sometimes kids don’t know what they want but I don’t let it turn in to a battle (kind of like when kids don’t want to go to bed but you know that they need to go!). I actually follow a dietitian/ blogger on IG called My Kids Lick the Bowl and she lets her kids all serve themselves so that they’re in charge of their eating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-follow-ellyn-satterdivision-of-responsibility-for-mealtime#post-2899764 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 18:44:24 +0000 JennyPenny 2899764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is anyone else following Ellyn Satter’s philosophy for meal time? How is it going? Do you follow it exactly or make some modifications?</p> <p>Backstory: We started it when my oldest started to be a picky eater and mealtimes were a battle. Everyday was an epic meltdown of how many bites before dessert and it drove me nuts. For a year and a half now we’ve been doing Ellyn Satter and pretty much exactly as she recommends. So we don’t ask they he take a single bite of anything and we often serve dessert with the meal instead of at the end. He can have as much as he wants of the options on the table. Over time my son's picky eating has only gotten worse but mealtime at least is fairly pleasant. I’m fine with it as I do believe that trying more things will come with time and having positive feelings about mealtime is good for the whole family. But today my husband lost it and said he doesn’t want to do this approach anymore. He tried to get DS to finish a small helping of salad before he could have more chips and it was back to meltdowns, whining and crying - everything I want to avoid. </p> <p>I feel like we need to get back on the same page regarding mealtime strategy and so I was wondering what other people’s experience with this approach are. And if you followed it to the rule or with your own adaptations. </p>