https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 20:54:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29743 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 12:02:12 +0000 Rescuemom10 29743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks Mrs.D! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29389 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:09:12 +0000 Mrs. D 29389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29355 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:24:24 +0000 Rescuemom10 29355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Yoursilverlining- yes, it has not been updated sinse she was very young. Like around 2ish. It was the one done during their divorce and DH only signed it for the reasons I already stated above. At that time he had NO money to do anything or "fight" or get an attorney. DH is military and during deployement she sold everything, stopped paying ALL bills and by the time had had gone back both cars were repossesed and was behind on all bills and all there stuff was sold and she was trying to leave the state. Over 40k in debt so it took YEARS before he could do anything and hire someone. We have kept all emails and what not and documented things. But within the last years she will no longer do phone calls or emails. She will text and thats about it. As in "Hey you can have her tonight", sent after 4pm and its a three hr drive. Still possible to document but a little harder. I like your idea of puting into text, and making more of like a running diary of it all. Thank you!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29327 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:56:14 +0000 yoursilverlining 29327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, do you guys actually have a formal custody agreement (done through the court system) in place? I know I already said it, but I’ve worked with a lot of unmarried parents dealing with custody issues and many view court as a “last resort” and something they don’t want to do – I just try to tell people to instead look at it as a resource that is available to help you and your child. </p> <p>Unfortunately, some parents will play games until they are forced by courts and police to comply. It sucks because they are only hurting their own kids when they play games. If she has been playing games for 5 years, she is never going to stop on her own. </p> <p>If you are not doing so already, I would put all your conversations with her into writing (email, text, whatever you can), so that every time she breaks your current arrangement, you have written proof. Document everything. If she says she will drop off his daughter at 2pm on Saturday, send her an e mail stating that and save a copy. </p> <p>It really sucks that not everyone acts like an adult once they have kids, but you know that the payoff of having more time with his daughter will be worth it in the end. Hopefully you can find some help with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29326 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:55:49 +0000 Rescuemom10 29326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRSJYW- thats very sweet of you thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29325 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:55:12 +0000 Rescuemom10 29325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mommacommaphd- Thanks that so sweet! Could really use a Christmas miracle. Thats what I keep telling DH. She is so smart and already knows her moms "games" She does NOT tell mom what toys she has at our place, or she does not DARE to take a toy home from our place or that was given by us, it will "stop working" or just be thrown away. She clings to them in the car and makes me promise over and over I will put it back on her bed and not let it accidentally go home with her. It hurts to see her see these things herself, but on the same hand like you said when she is older at least she will know. Its comforting to think of that day when she is much older and can see big picture, but yet I feel aweful that she may feel betrayed by her mother, for as much as I dislike her I cant imagine realizing such a thing when I was older with my mother. NOT that its not going to happen, because at this rate I am sure it will. But I feel bad for DD to have this done to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29313 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:47:36 +0000 mrsjyw 29313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you are going through this, though I can't offer words of wisdom, please know we are here to support your cathartic venting as much of a forum of this type can do for you. I will send good thoughts your way that your legal/court plans work out to better your and your DH's current situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29309 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:45:09 +0000 Rescuemom10 29309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining- I know what you mean, I think it is to that point. Its just becoming too much, and at the cost of a child being as hurt and confused as she is I am NOT ok with.</p> <p>Thanks for all the advice and info. We have looked into that some, but it is getting to the point where if we have to go to court than so be it! Seemed to be getting a "little" better but that just fell crashing and found out too good to be true. Just found out she registered DD under Step dads name at school and so now DD thinks she has her Step dads last name. I mean really? How long do you think thats going to work before she would (or we would find out) figure out her last name is not that. WTH! I just dont get her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29300 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:39:07 +0000 mommacommaphd 29300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you and your husband have to go through this. At least you know you are doing the best for your step-daughter. When she's older, I'm sure it will help her to know that he never gave up and always made an effort to stay in her life. It doesn't make it suck any less what is happening now, but in the long run, she will always know how important she was to her dad.</p> <p>Are there any father advocacy groups that can help? A quick Google search shows there are lots of groups that advocate for the parenting rights of fathers. Perhaps they have options that won't be such a financial burden. They have support groups, or even suggestions on how to handle the situation.</p> <p>Wishing you guys a Christmas miracle of a cooperative mom and a great trip to Disney. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29279 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:21:55 +0000 yoursilverlining 29279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you are dealing with this. Although its always advisable to have an attorney, a parenting plan modification is something you can petition the court for without an attorney. I know people often want to avoid court, but courts are there to enforce YOUR rights, and also to protect your child’s right to see both parents.</p> <p>Are there any legal aid clinics in your area which might be able to provide you information on what papers you need to fill out and how to go about filing the correct court forms (you are unlikely to find a pro bono attorney, but are likely to receive help and information)?</p> <p>There certainly are legal penalties for failing to comply with parenting plans and formal custody agreements, and you should seek all those remedies available to you. It might sound mean, but if your husband’s ex was actually arrested for failing to comply with the court order, it might make her come to her senses. Sometimes people need a little nudge, sometimes they need more – know what I mean?</p> <p>Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29266 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 13:54:21 +0000 Rescuemom10 29266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Owlmom- Thanks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29254 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 13:31:54 +0000 owlmom 29254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry :( How awful. To a much lesser extent, my stepdad and mom dealt with this with my step siblings. It really is heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you, your DH and DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-custody-issues#post-29228 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:57:03 +0000 Rescuemom10 29228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am beyond upset, mad, frutrated...I just feel I could explode and the feeling I cant put into words. So "whatever" right now I want to break down and cry. Sorry I just need to vent, but also wondering if anyone else deals with custody issues.<br /> Its been too long, its been too much. The thought of the time DH has been robbed with DD kills me like a knife to my heart. I hate the games....Gosh why cant his ex see what it is doing to this sweet little 8 yr old girl. She cries when we take her home, or locks herself in a room not wanting to leave. When will we get her again...we dont know. Neither does she. Breaking the parenting plan, she doesnt care. All we can do is put her in contempt of court which wont do anything unless we go to court. We already put thousands into a lawyer. Trying to re-do the parenting plan. Hopefully she signs it, if not need to fork out a few thousand more for court fee's. Parenting plan we have sucks. During their divorve she held DD from him for over half a year until he would sign it. Finally did wanting to see his DD when she met him in a parking lot saying he could see her and saw her in the car crying and wanted to see her so bad after so long, she said NOT until you sign, and so he caved and signed the HORRIBLE parenting plan. We were suppose to get her after xmas this year. Surprising her with Disneyland. She doesnt know. Last week ex acted like she knew nothing about it, even though DH talked to her twice about it. Now we have just over 2 wks before we are suppose to go and she wont return our calls. We have been trying for a week to get ahold of her. We cant even ever call to talk to DD. She will last minute let us know via text when we can have her like she always does. DD is afraid to call DH Daddy, "It hurst mommys feelings and makes mommy cry". She at 8 is old enought to understand. She has broke down crying saying she is scared because she doesnt want to leave us, because sometimes its a long time before she gets to see us again and it scares her not to know and afraid it will be a long time. She said she knows she can come see us anytime, but is afraid to upset mommy if she asks to see us or even to call us. TWICE, she has asked "If her other mommy and daddy died, THEN could she live with us" How morbid is that? Does she not see what she is doing to her daughter? To clarify we NEVER talk bad about ex or Step Dad. Because we wont be "those" parents who do that to a child and trash talk the other parents. My heart feels so broken right now. Its just so much to deal with. I love her more than anything. Never have I asked her, or have we told her she has to call me Mommy since becoming a "Step mommy". It honors me that she chooses to. but is afraid her mom with find out. I would do and give anything for her, ugh, on comes the tears...at work not cool. I just cant get over the time, the struggle, gosh just the TIME we cant get back. I have watched DH battle this since DD was three, being 8 now looking back kills me. Its so hard to not "flip out" or vent beyond belief to DH, I try not too because its his baby girl, this is so hard on him I try to be strong....its just so hard...<br /> Thanks for letting me vent. Just struggling with this, it has its ups and downs....just really down recently. </p>