https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 12:46:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2506518 Fri, 25 Mar 2016 08:31:58 +0000 cat620 2506518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Pinecone316: Haha I know what you mean about the unsubscribe button. I feel like my FIL should know by now that I'm not interested and constantly talking about Catholicism isn't helping. </p> <p>@Eko: That's true about going to church a few times not making you a convert. I remember my grandma would take my cousins to church occasionally when they were younger. But as they got older, they lost interest, and would tell her they didn't want to go anymore. I think that hurt her feelings at first, but she respected their decision. </p> <p>@cookiemomster: That's great they respect your views! I think that's very important when trying to get along as a family. </p> <p>@blackbird: Your dad sounds like he was very aggressive! I agree that it's important to put up boundaries, so they know what you will and will not accept from them. I need to be better about boundaries with my own family and DH's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2505057 Thu, 24 Mar 2016 08:12:20 +0000 blackbird 2505057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So...my parents are both quite religious and we went through a pretty rough patch where he was constantly emailing me about God, writing about it on my FB page, tagging me in things, and calling me to talk to me, or I'd be talking to my mom on the phone and all of a sudden, he'd pop on to read me a verse, and tell me that I'd listen if I cared about him. He'd ask me nicely to "just sit and listen to this, for me" (which is so manipulative, and i know this is in hindsight) and he'd end up pacing around the room, waving his arms, preaching. We reached an impasse--i said it was respectful if he didn't talk about the stuff to me, and he said it was respectful if i listened. Finally, i had to start hanging up on every conversation that it was brought up in (after i had warned them i would no longer listen to it) and walk away, in person, and after awhile, they stopped. I had to, more than once, threaten that I would walk out of their house if they couldn't be respectful about it. It finally came to a head when I had to "acknowledge" to my father that I was "going to Hell" because I would not listen to him "handing me the word of God". It is one of the main reasons our relationship is crappy--it veered into religious abuse. It really doesn't come up anymore, aside from passive aggressive comments in person, like, "I tried to give you the word of God, but you wouldn't listen. I tried to save you!" He thinks he's doing his due diligence as a Christian, basically, and considers himself a huge failure that I do not share his (extreme, cult-like) beliefs. </p> <p>Anyways, for me, putting up that boundary of "You will not discuss this with me, or we will not talk at all" was what worked. Otherwise, it keeps coming up. At one point, I even told my mom that I wouldn't talk to her until she stopped being the middle man, which broke her heart, but it got my dad to stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2504870 Wed, 23 Mar 2016 22:55:36 +0000 cookiemomster 2504870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My inlaws are fundamentalist Christians, my husband and I are agnostic (though he leans towards atheism) but we have a great relationship with them. They expect us to attend church while we visit, say grace while we're with them, and they've had a few conversations about their views with me but I'm very fortunate that they really respect that we are adult and can make our own choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2504756 Wed, 23 Mar 2016 19:32:57 +0000 Eko 2504756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs are super religious, but they do not push it. If anything my family have been more vocal about their disproval of us not being religious or raising DS in religion. Sorry though your ILs are being so aggressive about it. We don't care at all if LO goes to church or anything like that. Our ILs watched him this weekend and they took him. My stance on religion is that I want LO to be educated about it and to also think there is nothing wrong with being religious. Going to church a handful of times isn't going to make him believe it overnight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2504693 Wed, 23 Mar 2016 18:33:38 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2504693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are both Christian as is my MIL but she is the type that is so "in your face" about her beliefs that it can be super frustrating. The same with her views on politics. She emails us articles and mails us DVD's and literature constantly. I wish there was an "unsubscribe" button to all of it. Even if I have the same views as her on a certain topic I want to argue the other side just because she is so close minded and thinks everyone should think/feel/believe exactly what she does. </p> <p>I would be super upset at how your FIL is treating you guys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503706 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 20:20:51 +0000 cat620 2503706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alba4: That's nice they keep their opinions to themselves, but like you, I wouldn't be psyched either about them taking lo to church. It's hard sometimes to choose our battles and know what's worth fighting over. I let a lot of things my FIL says slide, but then I wonder if I'm allowing him to say things because he knows I won't always react. </p> <p>@Miss Ariel: That's tough. I'm not sure how I would respond either, but I might say something about how they will have Jewish traditions to enjoy instead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503513 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 16:39:27 +0000 Miss Ariel 2503513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't call my inlaws very religious, but they are Catholic. I instead am Jewish, and Dh agreed to let me raise our kids Jewish. The comments I get are more along the lines of they'll have a deprived childhood if they don't get to believe in Santa, have an elf on the shelf, dye Easter eggs, etc... I never know how to respond to that... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503453 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 15:30:16 +0000 Alba4 2503453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's tough. My in-laws are uber Catholics and are very involved in their church. They pretty much keep their opinions to themselves, which I appreciate. We're not very religious, although we baptized our DS (Protestant). We do not go regularly at all. When my in laws stay the weekend they do bring DS to church with them, which I'm not too psyched about, but figure it's not worth a fight. Plus it only happens because I'm on bedrest and they are helping us by staying the weekend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503336 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 14:42:05 +0000 LindsayLou 2503336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Yeah, it's one thing to share views and tell stories and express other ideas and beliefs. But with my stepson she was presenting it as the only way of thinking, and he was coming home asking why his grandma was telling him that his parents' views were wrong. It was an unfortunate situation that will not be repeated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503316 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 14:34:15 +0000 cat620 2503316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayLou: I don't blame you. I wouldn't want my in-laws trying to convert my kids to Catholicism, so if I see that happening, I'll have to limit how much time they spend with them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503313 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 14:33:24 +0000 cat620 2503313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I've told my FIL that I don't want to talk about religion, but DH isn't as firm. He prefers to ignore his dad and not do anything confrontational. FIL has talked about religion less with me than before, but the religious holidays always bring it out of him. I think he's extra annoyed today, because Easter is coming up, and he knows we won't go to mass with them. </p> <p>@avivoca: Thank you. I agree that it's very rude. I'm used to him talking to me about religion or questioning why I'm not Catholic in person, so I was caught off guard by his group chat message. That approach makes me even less interested in Catholicism at all. </p> <p>@Anagram: That sounds really annoying. I'm sorry your parents were like that, but I'm relieved to hear it eventually stopped with time. I'm hoping the same happens for me! </p> <p>@Torchwood: I think DH should be more upfront with his dad and tell him to stop, but it's hard for him to do that with his dad. I think he doesn't want to start a big fight, so for him it's easier to ignore everything. I've told FIL to stop before, but it doesn't work long-term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503304 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 14:24:45 +0000 LindsayLou 2503304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. My mother in law. She hasn't been too vocal about it with me yet, but she definitely disapproves of us not raising our kids with religion. She has been vocal with my step son in the past about religion, and if she tries the same with my daughter there will be limitations on her seeing her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503195 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 13:27:07 +0000 Torchwood 2503195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with @gotkimchi, I would just have to shut it down. That's more or less the plan going forward as LO gets old enough for things to become an issue. It's my family that's religious, but we're both atheists (more or less, DH mostly just doesn't care). It makes DH uncomfortable sometimes because he's not used to being around it. Other than my dad asking him if he wanted to "get saved" about 5 times when he was asking him for his blessing on proposing to me, my family has been good about not being pushy. But I know they'll be much worse once LO is older. My mom cried when she thought I wasn't going to let her "tell her grandbabies about Jesus." We will, with strict limits, but if they don't abide by our rules they'll be getting ultimatums regarding being allowed to be alone with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503189 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 13:24:32 +0000 Anagram 2503189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom used to do this stuff. My family/parents were super super super religious when I was growing up, and I think it was quite a blow to them when I started moving away from that. I recently posted on another thread about one of the super messed up things my mom did in church in that time period.</p> <p>She did other things, similar to your inlaws--like giving me wrapped christmas presents that were books like "The case for Christ", and giving me books with insane titles like "The dangerous side of Islam" (because my BF at the time was muslim). She was pretty ridic, and I just trashed that stuff and stayed firm in my beliefs. Now....I'm 35, so it's been about 15 years, but she's basically over it. </p> <p>She doesn't even bring that stuff up any more. She still does small things, like gives LO a Little People nativity set, but I don't mind that small stuff. As far as DH goes (he's Hindu, btw), I think she learned her lessen back when I was in my early 20s and dating that other guy--that kind of behavior is going to endear the Christian religion to no one. And people aren't going to give up their entire religion because you gave them a poorly edited book from a Christian book store. </p> <p>Eventually, your in-laws will get it. In the mean time, your DH needs to stand up to them and call them out on their rudeness when it happens. The group chat is over-the-top disrespectful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503072 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:34:50 +0000 avivoca 2503072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are the religious inlaws (my husband is not religious, I am), but they would NEVER do something like that. They are open to sharing their faith with him (as am I), but would never push it on him or make him an example. That is so rude. I'm so sorry he did that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503069 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:34:21 +0000 gotkimchi 2503069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have dealt with this and we just shut it down. I think you're dh just has to tell them it is not up for discussion now or ever and if they bring it up again you will be leaving/not responding/etc. Now they don't bring it up to us at all. We just had to set a very firm boundary about this issue </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-have-very-religious-in-laws-while-you-are-not#post-2503048 Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:26:07 +0000 cat620 2503048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would describe my relationship with my in-laws as okay, but we are not close, and I prefer not to see them more than I have to. I attribute this to the fact they are very religious (Catholic) and I am not. This was hard for them to accept about me, and I still don't think they accept it about their son. My in-laws raised their three kids Catholic and never missed a mass and even sent them to private Catholic school K-12th grade. My husband started losing interest in the faith around high school, but my in-laws always assumed he would come back to the church. When he and I married, they were vocal about their concerns about our lack of religion and the future we would have together.</p> <p>My FIL does most of the talking about religion, and he has sent me countless emails and texts and talked to me in person about religion. He asks me why I don't consider Catholicism, why I don't think it is in the best interest of my family to be Catholic, and how sad he is that his grandchildren do not share his faith. I get that religion is important to him, and I know that he is disappointed, but he'll never let it go. And I can never feel close to them as long as they keep bringing it up. Just today my FIL was talking in a group chat between myself, DH, my MIL, my two BILs and my SIL about how he has failed at proselytizing and used DH and I and our kids as an example. I can't believe he would do that in a group chat! Has anyone else had to deal with this from their in-laws? How do you react? </p>