https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 15 May 2026 19:39:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2456074 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 23:22:43 +0000 fussygal 2456074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't have a plan and we were winging it, but now that we have #2 on the way we're both 99% sure we'll be done after he gets here. We always talked about having two, but the first year after DD was born was really hard on us (I think we were both traumatized by the lack of sleep!) and we were still deciding about a second when our "whoops" happened. We're both really happy to be having a second, but who knows if we would have actively planned for #2 if it didn't happen on its own! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2456051 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 22:45:50 +0000 hb3233 2456051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely plan to take it one at a time. Circumstances can change a lot over time and I want to be flexible to that. I worry that if I let myself get too set on a specific number or spacing - which is pretty tempting because I do fantasize about it - there's all kinds of things that could derail that - infertility, work/finance issues, something happening to myself or DH, or just realizing that I can't handle it and then beating myself up over it. I think what you say completely makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2456029 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 22:11:48 +0000 jape14 2456029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are taking it one a time and are planning on trying for a second this summer/fall (LO#1 is 17 months now) and then we'll see how it goes. I'm 31 now so I have some time, but I definitely lean toward larger (3-ish year or more) age gaps.</p> <p>And, from personal experience growing up: I'm one of 4 kids; I'm the oldest, my sister is a year younger than me, then we have a 5-year gap and have my brother, then our youngest sister who is a year younger than he is. We are all pretty close despite the two "sets" and the large-ish gap between! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2456024 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 22:06:35 +0000 LovelyPlum 2456024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: @snowjewelz: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @MrsKoala: @petitenoisette: @ValentineMommy: @psw27: @ms.line: @rattles: @Foodnerd81: @Greentea: @catlady: @youboots: @Rainbow Sprinkles: @HLK208: @LibbyLou: @Me3: @pregnantbee: @skipra: @gilmoregirl: @SweetCaroline: @buttermilk: @winniebee: @Mae: @Mrs. Champagne: @Kemma: </p> <p>Thank you all so much for chiming in. It makes me feel better to hear that there are others who don't know exactly what they want :)</p> <p>@catlady: yes! It's really hard to make peace with all the scenarios at once. I've got a history of loss, too, and now a herniated disc in my back. It may be that I can't physically have as many kids as I would ultimately like, and what can I do? That will have to be OK. But I don't want to limit my options now.</p> <p>@Mae: DH is 11 years older than his sister, and there is a 8 year gap between his brother and sister. It's a dynamic that he's very comfortable. I'm in the opposite camp: my sisters and I are all between 18-30 months apart. It's really weird to think of a larger gap, but that's where we are right now. Given how much of a handful G was early on, I can't imagine having a newborn right now. But I'm finally feeling like maybe I could handle 2.</p> <p>@buttermilk: good point-we may not feel good about 3 after having 2. We'll have to see!</p> <p>@skipra: oh wow! That's a big change. But exciting. Congrats!</p> <p>@LibbyLou: thank you!!</p> <p>@Me3: I think I will be extra-savoring the next newborn phase, too, just in case :) </p> <p>@petitenoisette: I think you're right about people being worried about fertility. It's interesting that I have maybe a skewed perspective, because my mom had all 5 of us in her 30s! But I do worry about repeat loss, which might also limit us in the future. I don't know how many pregnancies my body can take, but I bet there's a limit to the number of losses that my heart can take.</p> <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: really?! You're still in your 20s?! You're a rock star!</p> <p>@MrsKoala: @gilmoregirl: oh goodness, if I'm that sick, and the next one is as difficult a newborn as G, I might be done, too! For real.</p> <p>@youboots: I think my (admittedly arbitrary) cut off is 38-39. Anything over that I'm not comfortable with right now. But who knows what life will bring!!</p> <p>@HLK208: I hope so, too, love :heart:</p> <p>@Kemma: my mom wanted 12 before she started :) She ended up with 5 and decided that was enough :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455984 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 21:20:09 +0000 Kemma 2455984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know we definitely want a third but I'm currently swaying back and forth on whether three will be it or we go all out and have five or six! Financially I know we can afford three without having to upsize our house or car but part of me says "hey, we'll get by" if we go for a bigger number, we'll just have to scale back on our lifestyle and some of our future dreams.<br /> It's a tough decision to make and I some respects it's almost like head vs heart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455925 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 20:30:41 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2455925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are taking one at a time... But I think we want at least three. God willing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455922 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 20:27:35 +0000 Mae 2455922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like this is sort of what we are doing? We have 1 and honestly don't know about #2. And are not planning to decide right now. I'm 31 as well so I feel like I'm not in a huge rush. You don't see it as much here it feels like, but I know a lot of people IRL who have kids spaced 3, 4, 5, 6+ years apart! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455914 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 20:19:10 +0000 winniebee 2455914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We knew we wanted 2, but beyond that really didn't know. Then I got surprise pregnant for #3, then lost it. That made us realize we do want a third. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455905 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 20:14:50 +0000 buttermilk 2455905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are also winging it!</p> <p>Have 1 now. Definitely going to try for a second after she is a year old. And then we will see about a third. I've always wanted 3, and DH is on board with that if we can afford it - but to me it seems crazy to say definitively either way this far in advance. We have to see what our situation is when it comes time. And it's not just about money - how will we even feel about 3 once we have 2? Energized or exhausted? Who knows! :) I do want the big family tho! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455896 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 20:09:24 +0000 SweetCaroline 2455896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We'd like 2-3, but won't know until we get there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455868 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 19:45:12 +0000 gilmoregirl 2455868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always thought two, maybe three, but after my first pregnancy/newborn experience, we are taking things one at a time. It wasn't until B was 18 months or so that I could even entertain the idea of being pregnant again, so I think I'd have to wait a while after #2 comes as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455776 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 18:23:48 +0000 skipra 2455776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have been pretty open to the number of kids. At first we thought I would need medical intervention to even get pregnant so we just decided to see if it happened naturally and if not we would just be child free. We did know that if we had one we would like to try for a second (but again only if it happened without intervention). My only stipulation was I must be done before I turn 35. We did eventually have LO1 and never prevented LO2 who is 20 months younger. We had a 6 month period where I was OK trying for a third and honestly didn't expect it to happen. Well, it did first try so it looks like if everything is healthy with this pregnancy we'll have 3. At one point I even thought 4 would be good and it's OK if I'm a little older than I wanted but only 8 weeks into this pregnancy I know it is my last. But we did manage to go from expecting to be child-free to 3! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455759 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 18:03:49 +0000 pregnantbee 2455759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted 2 because my sister and I are 2 and my DH is an only child who would have wanted a sibling. After having our first, it took a long time to feel like it was time to try for a 2nd. Also, our son was keeping us plenty busy! I wavered a little bit on wanting 2, but ultimately, we decided to go for it. So, 15w along now with #2 :) We're probably done after 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455744 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:47:34 +0000 Me3 2455744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate. As I've had my children, my "set number" has become a lot more fluid. I like to say we're taking them one at a time! Some days I can't imagine being done with my two, and other days I'm thinking I'm ready to get my tubes tied. I have quite a bit of time to make up my mind about our ultimate family size, and there are a lot of factors at play, so what's the harm in being flexible? If I do have another, though, I think I'll do my best to enjoy the baby stage as much as possible, thinking it might be my last. Just in case that turns out to be the last "one more." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455742 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:46:19 +0000 LibbyLou 2455742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we always said we wanted none! :silly:<br /> But yes I hear you on not really knowing how many you would like. We are still ttc #1 so we are just taking it kid by kid. We are happy with 1,2 or 0. (Maybe. I don't know.) I'm here so pretty clear we want at least one! :)<br /> Good luck in March </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455735 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:36:21 +0000 HLK208 2455735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted 2-3. Immediately after we had our second, I knew we weren't done. After we had our third, life was too chaotic to think about adding another. Once I hit my stride with 3, I got pregnant with my 4th. We were open to it (if not, we would have prevented). And we were really excited once we found out! Just within the few months that I was pregnant, I would refer to our family of 6 and I grew attached to the idea of having another. After the miscarriage, it really confirmed that I do want a 4th. We'll probably wait a few months to try again. I need to recover physically and emotionally from the MC but I really hope that a 4th is in our future. For us, it's always been a wait and see type of thing. 4 is our max though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455700 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:14:46 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2455700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always said we'd like 2-4. Right now we have 3, and are pretty sure we are done. There's a very slight chance we may have a 4th down the road, but we aren't worried about crossing that bridge right now. We are focusing on our 3 sweet girls. DH had a vasectomy scheduled for April, and around Christmas, he cancelled it. We are just going to wait and see. I am feeling very "done," right now, but who knows? I'm still in my 20s. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455697 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:11:06 +0000 youboots 2455697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just talked about this. I'm 31. We have a one year old and plans for another in 2 years. I could see us having a 3rd with a 5 year age gap with the second. I would not rule out a 3rd until my early 40s. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455691 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:08:43 +0000 catlady 2455691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sort of know what you mean. I have 1 and we are currently trying for #2, but I am already 35 and have a history of loss and I don't know how much longer I want to try for. So I think we'll probably end up with 2, but if I go through another loss or two, I may call it quits and be one and done. On the other hand, I'd be happy to have twins and have 3. It's tough trying to make peace with all the scenarios at once. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455516 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:25:21 +0000 LovelyPlum 2455516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: @Greentea: I had a rough first pregnancy and have a crazy toddler. If pregnancy #2 is tough, I feel like we will probably be done. But I can't say that now, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455510 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:24:07 +0000 Greentea 2455510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: yes this. Pregnancy with a toddler is tough. I was so so sick first trimester, and DH really had to step it up, it was a little hard on both of us! So sometimes I wonder about being pregnant while having 2 little kids to care for... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455508 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:22:57 +0000 Greentea 2455508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: oh for sure! We weren't sure we'd have one, then we said we'd see how one goes, now we will see how two goes, and so on. I just have to see how it goes! I love children, they are the highlight of my life. I also have career goals that I have been keeping afloat and consider graduate school. We just have to see! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455478 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:08:34 +0000 Foodnerd81 2455478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always said 2 maaaayybe 3. DH said 2. We just had our second and I definitely feel like we cannot have another before our older one is in full time school. I am struggling with 2, pregnancy with a toddler was very hard for me. And truthfully, probably part of that is that I'm not young and in my 20's, you know? I just turned 35 so I wouldn't want to wait too long. </p> <p>So I am fairly certain we are done at 2 but I'm not saying for 100%. I think it makes absolute sense to not make any decisions before you have to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455475 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:06:10 +0000 rattles 2455475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. We're taking them one at a time. I grew up in a big family and love it, but like you, I want to be conscientious about how and when we add to our family. I don't feel like we're done, but I don't have a set finish line in mind either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455464 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:00:21 +0000 ms.line 2455464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been waffling between one and two for as long as I can remember. I thought maybe a compromise would be to have two far apart, but due to DH's age that's not really an option. I really have no idea if/when we'll go for #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455451 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:52:25 +0000 psw27 2455451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a set number, we are taking it baby by baby. Right now, our focus is on adding #2 sometime next year. We'll see where it goes from there. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455440 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:46:01 +0000 ValentineMommy 2455440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, I always said two. Thought I would have them before 30, as well. That was super important to me.</p> <p>Reality sets in, and I had my first....at 32. Lol After having him, I really wanted more. Not just 1 more, like, more more. I would like 3-4. DH says 3. We have 2 now, so we will see what #3 brings. We're kinda winging it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455438 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:45:40 +0000 petitenoisette 2455438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know what you mean. We just have the one right now and we definitely plan to have two. But growing up as one of four I always said I wanted 3 and I still do but I am not sure I can handle it. I am not turning out to be a particularly patient mom and I just think mentally it might not be good for me. </p> <p>However, I don't see how I can make any decision until I have the second. So definitely just taking it one at a time. </p> <p>I think a lot of people just worry about fertility and so they wouldn't feel like they have a lot of time. I'm 31 as well and I do kind of want to be having my last baby by 36 and I also am not ready for #2 (#1 is almost 1!). So that doesn't give me a lot of leeway to go for number 3... but who knows, maybe I will change my mind and be ok having a baby later! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455418 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:32:01 +0000 MrsKoala 2455418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. DH is adamant that we are done after this one. I always wanted 3. I feel so sick for half of pregnancy that I think I'm done, too. But I don't know if later it will feel like someone is missing or not. However, we are both open to adopting later on so I think that's how we'll add to our family in the future. So we're in a weird place compared to other people on HB, too, since we're probably done biologically but maybe not done in terms of growing our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-else-not-have-a-set-number-in-mind#post-2455402 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:27:49 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2455402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we have multiples it's important to me that's it 3. DH is happy with two at least. Whatever happens it needs to happen in the next 6 years. </p>