https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 15:40:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2568130 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 14:30:06 +0000 pwnstar 2568130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: " . . . but I won't allow it for my kids. So if she can't respect my boundaries then I will have to control her access to my kids." This x 1,000. If I can't trust you to do what I ask, then your access to my kid is going to be limited. End of story. I am also very direct and upfront about the fact that as the parent, decisions about what my LO does/does not do are my decisions to make. I have even done several on the spot corrections (such as telling my FIL that I'm the parent, I said no, and not to contradict me in front of my child, when he was arguing with me about doing something with LO I didn't think was safe), and while it is always uncomfortable, it gets a little easier to do every time. And, at the end of the day, I'm not going to let a little awkwardness/discomfort/potential family drama stop me from doing what I know is best for my child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2568116 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 14:25:47 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2568116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Athome: Right here. I have an overall poor relationship with my mother. </p> <p>We did have a falling out about a year ago, and it's the only thing that has helped. I know that's not what you want to hear, because it's not what I wanted to hear when I was in your situation with LO1. </p> <p>My mom did all of the things you described above. It's so easy to say, "just have a talk with her...just be firm or she doesn't get to see your baby." but it's not that easy. This is your mother, and as much as you want to be firm with her, she thinks she knows best, and she'll get offended if you try to "teach" her how your baby is.</p> <p>My best advice is to try to take over when something is happening. If your baby is tired, pick him up and take him in for his nap. She'll protest, but gently let her know that you've managed while she's not here, and he's on a schedule. You'd like to stick to that schedule so that he's pleasant. </p> <p>Please wall me if you want to chat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2568102 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 14:17:57 +0000 alphagam84 2568102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You just need to be firm with her and if she doesn't abide by your rules, then she doesn't get to come over as often or care for the baby. You have to decide if her actions are worth putting up with to get help or if you'd rather not have help and not worry about how she cares for your baby. </p> <p>My mom is great with my daughter (she and my dad live 8 hours away though so we don't see them often) but my MIL is a different story. She's not allowed to babysit DD and we only see her every other week to preserve our sanity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567304 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 01:39:34 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2567304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There comes a point in time when children have to draw a line and set boundaries. Becoming a mom should encourage (or for some finalize) that transition. Her actions bother you now and allowing her to continue will 1) most likely continue bothering you and 2) make it more difficult for her to eventually stop.</p> <p>My advice is to have a talk. If you think she'll dismiss what you're saying, then plan for it at a different location - something to signify that this is important to you and she needs to listen. Explain to her how her actions affect you. It might help by stating exactly what she does and how it makes you feel -- that way it won't be about the baby or who "knows best". When you get her to understand how you feel, then follow-up with boundaries (nap time, etc., etc.). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567208 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 19:11:10 +0000 gingerbebe 2567208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was our part time nanny the first year of DS' life and that really strained a relationship where I had worked on balance and boundaries for a long time. We ended up having a big fallout because of her inability to respect my wishes and her feeling like I didn't appreciate her enough (partially true because she was doing stuff I asked her not to do) and our relationship is still not the same. It's put into sharp focus issues I had with her as her child but had let go for the sake of keeping the peace, but I won't allow it for my kids. So if she can't respect my boundaries then I will have to control her access to my kids. Right now she FaceTimes with DS1 at dinner time or right after dinner several days a week and that seems to work because he's parked at his high chair and it's at a time that works in his schedule and it's like 10-15 minutes at most. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567202 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 19:03:42 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2567202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my MIL and my stepmother have a hard time honouring boundaries. Over time I gave up on a lot of things that I could learn to accept, and re-asserted myself on the things that mattered. I also try to lead by example. Over time this will get easier! It hurts and feels disrespectful but the thing to remember is, they are the ones with the problem. They need to feel in control or like an authority. Or they want to be needed. It is actually pretty sad....! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567172 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 17:54:00 +0000 caterw 2567172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is just like this. When DD was little she would do the "talking for the baby" thing and say things like "Sometimes I think my tummy is hungry but really I just want my Grandma!". Um no. I promise you that I know when my baby is hungry. She also would put DD down to nap on the couch instead of her pack n play and started giving her things like popsicles and sweet iced tea before she was even 1. I had DH put his foot down after he caught my MIL having her nap on the couch for the billionth time while MIL watched a PG-13 rated movie and then shortly thereafter tried to feed DD jelly beans (we don't allow our daughter to eat candy except for potty training M&amp;Ms). I think MIL sort of got it after DH yelled at her, but I can tell you she surely will not be babysitting my kids again unless it's a dire emergency.</p> <p>YOU are the mom. YOU are in control of the rules and the schedule. Your mom needs to listen to you, or she can't watch the baby. Period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567103 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:12:24 +0000 Mama Bird 2567103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Athome: oh yeah, my mom and I don't have the greatest relationship and we totally had a fight over child care recently. And my MIL has never watched the kids alone, but we've butted heads over kid related stuff too. I feel like grandparents totally forget that babies are babies and treat them like mini toddlers, then treat the toddlers like mini tweens, and on, and on :silly: I guess you just have to keep standing your ground because you know your kids best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567078 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:32:58 +0000 Autumnmama79 2567078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: horrific. Good luck to you this week, sending positive thoughts your way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567074 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:29:34 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2567074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Athome: I feel like this is a very common thing with grandparents (maybe they parented differently or just forgot what it was like?), so you're definitely not alone. You have a couple of different battles here:</p> <p>1) Sticking to your schedule. If she's not listening to how you want things done, then the trade-off has to be that she isn't in charge of his schedule. Perhaps you can have another conversation with her to say "mom, I appreciate your perspective but this is the schedule I've set for my child and I would like for you to stick to it. It's an important thing for me, and it's OK if you disagree, but if it's not something you can do then just let me know and I'll step back in."</p> <p>2) Passive aggressiveness/talking like the baby. This is my mother too, and after a lot of frustration, I've learned to roll my eyes and joke around with it while choking down my aggravation. "Look, mom, I'm just hungry, that's why I'm fussy." -&gt; "Oh, you silly boy, you just ate a few minutes ago, there's no more room in that tummy for food. Let's try to take a nap instead." etc etc</p> <p>I'm a stickler on schedules, and thankfully my mom always respected that, but you have to be prepared that if yours won't, you may have to cut her out of that caregiving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567068 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:24:23 +0000 lilyofthewest 2567068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. In about an hour my mother will arrive for a weeklong visit that she invited herself on. I haven't seen in her in several years, nor for several years prior to the most recent visit. She is expecting me to pull LO out of daycare and leave him with her during the workday while she's here. No no no no no. </p> <p>Solidarity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567057 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:07:15 +0000 rachiecakes 2567057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Athome: My mother does drive and lives an hour away. She works 3 hours a day. When LO was small it was hard for her to understand why I couldn't bring him out there for her to watch him or even how difficult that was for visit when I was nursing. (4 hours of driving?) My son has always been super active and quite opinionated, and boy does she comment on that all the time. She says he's exhausting, grumpy, etc.<br /> Meanwhile I work full time out of the house, am the breadwinner. It's hard for her to understand. She's never been that person. There's nothing about motherhood that we have in common actually.. lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567052 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:03:05 +0000 Autumnmama79 2567052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate - but not for my own mother, my mil. All of the things you said happen with her but there's no way in hell she'll be doing any childcare. I really don't know what to do either, I start seething when she even calls now and feel physically sick when she holds the baby. Probably the most angering thing she says is "why is he crying?" He's a BABY and babies cry lady so why are you even asking. It's her way of insinuating I'm not doing something right to care for him. </p> <p>Sorry I rambled too but I'll be following for advice... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-hard-time-with-their-mother#post-2567045 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:51:20 +0000 Mrs. Athome 2567045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does anyone have a difficult relationship with their mother? </p> <p>My mom lives far away and adores my baby (only a few months old), but is really opinionated and often refuses to follow my requests when caring for my son because she disagrees. I can really use the help when she visits, but she always throws off his schedule, and thus his sleep at night and that is so hard!</p> <p>It is usually simple things, and I try hard just to let them go. But it is really so frustrating and I feel like I can't trust her because she won't do what I ask. Like when I tell her he needs to nap after a certain amount of time awake. </p> <p>She thinks it is too soon and keeps him awake until he is screaming and falling apart, and then she announces that he is just throwing a temper tantrum and tells others that my baby has a temper!</p> <p>She will speak in this passive aggressive voice as if she is talking for the baby in front of me and say things like "I'm just not tired see?!" and "I'm hungry, Mom, that's why I'm so fussy." (I know he isn't hungry).</p> <p>The trickiest part is that if I try to show her what he likes, how he calms down, how we swaddle him, how we do anything with him, she sees it as patronizing and controlling. Her idea of calming him down is talking louder and playing louder and it just works him up into a frenzy. Then when I calm him down, she says it was all because my baby just wants his mom. Which might be true, but I have seen him stay calm with all other caregivers and friends.</p> <p>This was such a rambling post. I feel so stuck. </p>