https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 20:30:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2465231 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 22:01:20 +0000 petitenoisette 2465231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All. the. time. I do think part of the problem is the winter plus long term sleep deprivation. I feel like my husband and I are constantly bickering and that I'm always being interpreted in a negative way even when I don't mean to be negative. </p> <p>But I also know I need to work on not letting my frustration get the best of me; I need to work on not letting it immediately lead to anger. Easier said than done. </p> <p>I hope you can get some time for yourself; it sounds like you really deserve and need it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2465184 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:14:10 +0000 Boogs 2465184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally know where you're coming from. I love my kids and DH so I feel bad for feeling so grumpy lately. DH went from having surgery and being extra to take care of right back to work where he's been working crazy amounts so neither of us can catch a break. I don't have any answers for what to do as I'm in a similar boat, but just wanted you to know you're not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2465149 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 20:45:50 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2465149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get it. My DH isn't a super helpful paren't to begin with but he's a great partner nonetheless but he's starting a new business with my dad so he's working 6 or 7 days a week (weekdays for his current job, weekends on his start up). Which I understand. He's gotta work on his new business sometime. But parenting 2 little solo basically 24/7 drives me nuts. He rarely does what I ask and he complains about the few things he does do. He rejects half the food I make for him (he's an extremely picky eater/veggie hater). Honestly I'm losing my crap with him. The little things have become so constant that they've turned into huge things. Add in an infant with an ear infection and pacifier weaning my extremely emtional 2 year old and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm bored and overwhelmed and lonely and need quiet time all at once. It's so hard not to blow up at him when he's the only other adult around and should "know better". No advice. Just commiseration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2465128 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 20:28:22 +0000 Astro Bee 2465128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Thank you for sharing your experience. It's really tough trying to "do it all," and we really shouldn't be putting pressure on ourselves to try. Great suggestions, and definitely doable!</p> <p>@lamariniere: We have a monthly cleaning lady and after our talk last night, convinced DH that we need to go to a biweekly cleaning to preserve my mental health. He agreed. I'd brought it up before, but he'd said it wasn't necessary, that he'd clean more, but it never happened. He admitted he was just being cheap about it, as in, we really could afford it, but didn't want to spend the money before. </p> <p>@Maysprout: I think joining a gym will really help. Previously when I felt stressed, I always ran or worked out. Running outside is out (stupid white stuff!), and aside from the obvious endorphins, being away from LO and DH for a short time a few days a week will help a lot. There are two gyms nearby with childcare, and I can also always go when DH is home. </p> <p>@Corduroy: So sorry you are feeling this way, too! I hope you are able to find some help and learn to advocate for yourself. It's tough!</p> <p>@SleepyBear: I hear you on imagining him having fun and sleeping in while you're busy parenting alone. While DH was on his business trip last month, he actually told me how nice it was to sleep in on the weekends! </p> <p>We actually did have a big heart to heart last night. I told him I'd been bottling up these feelings of frustration, and didn't feel in a good place. We talked through everything, and he acknowledged his role in how I was feeling. We talked about changing up the routine, with him taking on more responsibilities, and me getting out more. He also cleaned up last night, installed some more child proofing on the cabinets, and agreed to more frequent professional cleanings. This evening he came home early from work, took care of dinner, and suggested I go out to a movie. I declined, because I'm getting a head cold and am going to bed early, but it was really great of him to suggest it. I may go out this weekend. I also had some friends on parental leave over with their son for a play date today, which was great! We even talked about trading off child care for date nights. </p> <p>All in all, I am feeling a lot better having talked to DH and come up with some ideas (thanks for the suggestions!) but I really have to work on ensuring I don't slip back into the routine of the last few months. I was a lot more active and went out more last summer. I'm not sure when that stopped, though. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463529 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 16:45:01 +0000 Maysprout 2463529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Winter is always tough. Even though I prefer working out outside we just joined a gym that has childcare while you work out and it's been great for both of our sanity. And then we take LOs to the pool sometimes afterwards so they're super pumped to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463388 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 15:24:39 +0000 Corduroy 2463388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not alone in the way you're feeling. "I feel unreasonably mad about stupid stuff. But more importantly, I am feeling frustrated by my inability to look after my own mental health, and dictate my own needs." &lt;-- Me too without solo parenting and with sunshine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463170 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 13:04:00 +0000 lamariniere 2463170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you have any help nearby? If you don't, do you have the budget to hire someone a few hours per week? It sounds like you are constantly in mommy mode and need a break. One of my huge sources of stress is a messy house, I'm not one of those people who can just let go and stop caring about the mess. So we have a cleaning lady come weekly and the money spent is well worth my sanity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463157 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 12:55:20 +0000 sleepybear 2463157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get this - my husband has been doi g training on the opposite side of the country from me, LO and I are visiting him now and so much has gone wrong, and we're moving in 3 weeks (plus DH will leave again a month after we move). I've been exhausted and so easily frustrated and I get so mad at DH when we have bad days because I'm just picturing him sleeping in and doing whatever he wants (which isn't true - he's got a lot on his plate, too).</p> <p>I've been telling DH that I just need to take a few days to just do nothing. For me this means I need to get out of the house, because otherwise I'm too distracted by whatever needs to be done around the house. Would you be able to plan a girl's weekend? Or perhaps schedule a certain time period each week where your husband can have 'bonding time' with your LO and you go do something to decompress? </p> <p>I would just sit down and have an honest talk with your husband about how you're feeling. There's a pretty good chance that he's just been oblivious to how exhausted you are because you've probably managed to hold things together (at least that's how my husband usually is) :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463115 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 12:35:36 +0000 gingerbebe 2463115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, that sounds so hard. I'm so very sorry you are feeling so stressed out.</p> <p>Its not the same at all, but we went through this when I had PPD/PPA with my extremely colicky/refluxy son. I was a complete sleep deprived shell of a human being, I took care of my son most of the time while DH worked and went to class. (DH commuted 150 miles 3-4 times a week, including every other Saturday, worked at home in his office late into the night, and couldn't take night wakings on the nights before his long commute for safety purposes, and he was working on his MBA). Because I was on maternity leave, most of the household responsibilities were on my plate, and because I had a screaming baby I was just cooped up in the house 24/7. </p> <p>At a certain point, after almost 3 months of not sleeping, I just couldn't take it anymore, and had a nervous breakdown. I kicked down the door to the guest room where my husband was sleeping in the middle of the night and screamed at him about how he never helped and did he know the baby had been screaming for hours and hours. (Of course he had helped in the past and of course he knew the baby was screaming, since he hadn't STOPPED screaming in months). Even when DH tried to help with the baby, I couldn't sleep because of my anxiety and stress levels, so I would just be laying there listening to my son scream in the other room and want to run away.</p> <p>A low dosage of Zoloft helped. Long stroller walks (even if they were indoors at Target, Costco, wherever) every day helped. Assigning set tasks to DH helped (you are in charge of dishes, vacuuming, bottle washing, garbage, and the first and last feeding of the day, every single day, period, do not come to bed unless this is done). Prioritizing my rest helped.</p> <p>What DH and I learned from that period is simply that our house does not function when I'm a mess. So we just reorganized our parenting, our household budget, everything, to accommodate that. DH let go of every expectation he had of me and looked at the facts. The FACT was I was falling apart and the FACT was our kid and my husband's home life was going to suffer if we didn't right the ship. So he told me whatever I needed, whatever I wanted, go for it. I hired help for my son a few days a week, we set a weekly Tuesday date night in stone, and my husband wanted a daily report of what I ate, whether I got out, and how much I slept. </p> <p>I am extremely frugal and try to do everything myself and hate asking for help and DH just forced the issue. He demanded that I do frivolous stuff for myself, whether it was getting an overpriced coffee or juice, wandering Target and buying useless junk, getting a manicure, whatever, at least once or twice a week because I just forgot how to take care of myself.</p> <p>We didn't have to incur debt during this period, but I'm certain my husband would have if we needed to. Now we're pregnant with baby number 2 and my husband has been cagey about me going through the kind of stress I had with DS. I am trying to be more proactive this time around and we're looking into hiring a housecleaner, we've found 1-2 back up sitter options for DS, we have a contract with a nanny agency to find temporary nannies or even a part-time mommy's helper, I have DS on a waitlist for a 2's program in the fall, and I'm adding to DH's assigned list of things to do (mostly, caring for the toddler). </p> <p>All I can tell you is you need to 1) get your husband on board with finding some lasting solutions to your stress and 2) when it comes to self-care, just do it. If you know something is going to help you, just do it. I spent 3 months in utter misery and within 3 months of making changes, I felt like myself again. And you're not crazy, that period between 12-18 months when they are mobile and getting into everything is HARD. Its when I actually felt like I needed even more help than before. (I had finally started to feel like I had hit my stride between months 6-12, and then it went to crap). DS is 17 months and in addition to childproofing everything, we have chairs and barricades blocking stuff ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Its like an adult obstacle course. And now he's learning to climb furniture, heaven help us!</p> <p>Is there a baby gym or kid's cafe near you that you can get to? A mall you can walk around with a playground your kid can burn some energy at? My husband tries to take DS out of the house for at least 2 hours on the weekends so I can catch a break. I don't really care what they do and sometimes they go to the park, but sometimes he just takes DS to the post office, the bank, etc and gets some errands done while I stare at a wall and veg. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-just-madfrustrated-lately#post-2463068 Tue, 16 Feb 2016 12:03:35 +0000 Astro Bee 2463068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been feeling really frustrated this last month. After spending a month at my parents' over Christmas I came home to an empty house and full-on solo parenting for LO. DH was on business trip and didn't get home until 10 days after I did. LO has gotten so much more mobile lately, and is seriously into everything. I spend most of my day cleaning up after him, and the house is still a disaster at the end of the day when I have zero energy left. So those 10 days were super hard. Plus DH hadn't gotten around to child-proofing the cupboards. About half of them are done now, but he has been dragging his feet.</p> <p>I bought him a remote control holder for Christmas and asked that he use it, rather than leaving them on the coffee table or couch for LO to play with. The batteries keep falling out, so it's a real hazard. He NEVER remembers, and I just had to take them from LO again, which invariably causes a meltdown.</p> <p>Yesterday was particularly trying, so I handed LO off to DH when he got home from work, and took a long hot bath. DH had him for 1 1/2 hours, which included feeding him and putting him to bed. He started supper, but didn't clean up either the kitchen or disaster of a living room. After supper, he spent the rest of the evening on the couch watching tv. I sat on the other couch with a book but not really following what I was reading.</p> <p>I need a break, but I don't know how to get one. DH went on a guys skiing weekend this past weekend, so I was solo parenting again. When he came home mid-day on Valentine's Day, I had yet to go to the grocery store. I cleaned out the fridge and made my grocery list, and was finalizing what to make for dinner, as I wanted it to be a little more fancy than usual. DH asked me at least three times when I was going to the store. It wasn't like it was closing soon, or even that we were coming up on dinner-time - the last time was 3 o'clock! After I snapped at him, he apologized. I know it's coming from his PTSD, but it puts unreasonable pressure on me to meet his imaginary timelines. </p> <p>This really sounds like a post bashing DH, but it's not. Granted, I have been feeling frustrated by his lack of follow-through on things. And I feel unreasonably mad about stupid stuff. But more importantly, I am feeling frustrated by my inability to look after my own mental health, and dictate my own needs. I'm feeling so stir crazy and snowbound. It's really cold and snowy, and it seems to take so much effort to bundle LO up and go out. I'm also feeling a lack of motivation to do anything myself. I need to find a gym to start working out, as that always helps clear my head, but I keep finding reasons to procrastinate. Like, my carpal tunnel started flaring up again after taking LO swimming by myself this weekend. I don't want to get to the point where I am resenting DH, but I think if I don't take charge of my mental health soon, I am really heading there (maybe I already am). I can't seem to break out of this funk, and I don't think I can be the best wife and mother in my current state.</p> <p>Am I alone in feeling this way? Looking for support and suggestions on where to go from here. </p>