https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 20:09:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761845 Tue, 25 Jul 2017 21:11:21 +0000 StrawberryShortie 2761845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your insight!</p> <p>Interesting update: DH turned to me last night out of no where and said "I needed some time to get used to the idea, but I know this is going to be great!"</p> <p>Blew me away </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761362 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 19:42:18 +0000 skipra 2761362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So before I got pregnant with our oldest I had an early miscarriage. When I told DH that it was happening his response was something along the lines of what a relief. Not exactly the reaction that I was looking for! We have 3 kids and he was never overly enthusiastic, more cautious until we could announce but is a great dad. Sorry he is not responding the way you would like. It is really hard. I hope he comes around soon. And congrats! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761339 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 18:25:48 +0000 periwinklebee 2761339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: My experience with loss I think was very similar. My husband insisted that it wasn't a baby yet and really had a hard time understanding why it was so sad for me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761338 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 18:22:51 +0000 periwinklebee 2761338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is very guarded. I'm 15w now and he'll still say stuff like "maybe, someday we'll have a baby" and be very cautious about the possibility that things go wrong. We've had two losses TTC for #1 though, so this is just his experience. I don't think it was real at all for him first tri, but seeing the baby wiggle all over the place at the NT scan I think has made it a lot more real, and he'll actually refer to "the baby" now :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761201 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 12:08:43 +0000 bhbee 2761201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: my husband says congrats too and I thought it was really weird! He doesn't connect much until later in pregnancy and certainly when baby comes. But it did make my last loss really hard because it really didn't seem real enough to matter to him, where it was very real to me by that point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761190 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 11:41:17 +0000 MaryM 2761190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you talked to him about it at all?</p> <p>Last pregnancy, I ended up finally telling DH how worried I was (it was after a 2nd tri loss) and I told him that I needed him to show some excitement to help me get more excited. </p> <p>And I do the same when it comes to announcing. My mom isn't one to be all over the moon excited, so I also tell a few of my friends right away who I know 1. won't tell a ton of other people, 2. will be SO excited, and 3. will be supportive no matter what happens. </p> <p>But even if he's not outwardly excited, it helps to sometimes talk to DH about what we're each feeling and who he's told just so that we can talk about the baby a bit without just focusing on the stressful parts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761174 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 11:01:27 +0000 avivoca 2761174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was absolutely not thrilled when I got pregnant the second time. It was a complete surprise, we were not trying, and he is a planner. However, everything has turned around and DD2 is his world. So it did get better and his dread turned to excitement once we both got used to the idea that we would have a second a lot sooner than we were planning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761172 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:58:16 +0000 FaithFertility 2761172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@StrawberryShortie: I can understand that!!! I struggled for DD for years so when I got PG with D'S I was elated, but feelings are real and I definitely felt it, my heart wasn't my own anymore DD was my world! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761171 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:56:05 +0000 StrawberryShortie 2761171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: see I am also feeling similar. I'm worried, I don't feel good and I'm overwhelmed. So it's not that I don't understand how he feels, I just worry that when we are in the 12 month and less stage he will feel resentful. </p> <p>@nanilani I feel like I shouldn't even be worried about it, because I know he'll be great. I just feel like one baby is one baby but two or more just changes everything so drastically</p> <p>@snowjewlz same DH is not demonstrative unless it's sports related lol</p> <p>@alba4 I'm so glad you ended up with a healthy pregnancy and all worked out</p> <p>@faithfertility I want to tell myself it's normal, but there is so much pressure to not say anything if you feel worried or scared because someone you know may be dealing with infertility and/or miscarriages. I feel isolated because the response is always "at least you are pregnant!"<br /> Which I am so grateful that I haven't felt that struggle, but I'm still overwhelmed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761168 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:54:59 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2761168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@StrawberryShortie: we were trying (albeit sort of casually, and not really expecting it to work at least not quickly!) and this is our third, and *I'm* only starting to get attached at 17 weeks. Im very guarded about it in the beginning. Dh understands anything could happen but so far he's happy but I wouldn't say super joyous or excited just yet. After our anatomy ultrasound we will get more excited. It's just a lot of risk and uncertainty in the beginning plus it doesn't physically feel any different for your dh. Give him a little time and let him in on all the pregnancy milestones. 💕 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761166 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:51:10 +0000 StrawberryShortie 2761166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yes! He looks a bit shell-shocked right now</p> <p>@marym I think that's part of it too, maybe he's trying not to be excited until it feels more real</p> <p>@ronjal7 he was similar with DD1, excited to be a dad but not freaking out because he needed it to be tangible</p> <p>@mrs.pickle if he starts to feel better around the halfway mark I will be thrilled!</p> <p>@catlady thank you! I'm glad to hear you had a happy ending. I know he will be an amazing dad again, I just feel like I don't want this to put a strain on our marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761156 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:32:09 +0000 FaithFertility 2761156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH never showed that he wasn't happy<br /> But I know I sure went from excited to scared.to what did we do a few times</p> <p>Normal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761151 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:28:34 +0000 Alba4 2761151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH was cautiously optimistic since I had 2 losses. Then I was on modified bedrest with DS2, and DH was so nervous about everything. We were so happy and relieved once both boys arrived! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761149 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:27:45 +0000 snowjewelz 2761149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband just does not display huge emotions so I don't think I ever expect him to be like overjoyed/super duper excited; our 2nd was a surprise too (about half a year before we were gonna TTC). I def found myself asking him if he's happy a few times just to make sure since he can be so stoic sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761148 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 10:27:43 +0000 nanilani 2761148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my husband was over the moon, he did a great job hiding it while I was pregnant. He didn't show any displeasure either -- we were trying after all -- but came across as pretty blase about it. He never really wanted to talk about anything baby, etc. I don't know if he had a hard time wrapping his mind around it or it happened sooner than he'd expected or what, but I'm ashamed to say it made my hormonal brain second guess his devotion to parenthood. He's been Super Dad ever since DS was born, and I feel silly for ever having doubted him! I've chalked it up to him just handling his emotions differently than I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761117 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 09:20:34 +0000 SweetiePie 2761117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To add a different perspective, I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant with our 2nd who we've been very specifically trying for (IVF). My husband is over the moon and has wanted another since our first was a newborn (which I don't understand because we were both pretty miserable).<br /> I, on the other hand, am still processing it all and pretty terrified. I've spent a whole day crying - prob a lot of hormones but also a lot of fear. We obviously tried for this and I do want it but I'm having a hard time getting excited to have a baby (12m and under was super hard for me) again. Im enjoying my time with my toddler so much and I'm sort of like "why did we do this again?"<br /> All this to say, ultimately I am happy and I will be happy and love the baby, obviously. But I have a lot of fears and concerns and anxiety that are sort of overriding the happiness and excitement right now. I'm also feeling like hot garbage lately so that could be a big part. I'm thinking that once I can comfortably share the news with my toddler and see his excitement, when I am showing, when I can feel the baby moving, etc I'll feel more connected and excited.<br /> When I do think about the new baby as more of a toddler I get more excited. Because I enjoy toddlerhood way more than infant/newborn. So I often remind myself that he won't be a baby forever. If your husband doesn't love the baby stage that might be a good reminder. Like "oh when they're both older won't it be so much fun?" That's what I do. </p> <p>I say this because it could be a lot of the same stuff your husband is feeling, ESPECIALLY if it was a surprise. Just sort of nervous and scared and because these babies are the size of a lentil or whatever right now it's hard to feel the excitement just yet. Especially when he's not feeling the physical reminders we are feeling that yes, we are in fact pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761108 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 09:00:16 +0000 catlady 2761108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think both of us were a bit shocked the last time I got pregnant. We were taking a break from TTC after a couple losses and actually we were evaluating whether we wanted to just stop at one and done. I think DH had basically come to terms with stopping at one when I dropped a positive pregnancy test in his lap. After so many pregnancies and losses, neither of us got particularly excited at positive tests anymore, but this time neither of us were expecting it either so we were both a bit numb. That said, he quickly came around to it. We both got more excited once we realized that it might actually be a successful pregnancy. DS is now almost 8 months old and he brings so much joy to both of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761106 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:55:25 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2761106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is very guarded about pregnancy. He doesn't get excited until about the halfway mark. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761103 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:50:14 +0000 RonjaL7 2761103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband didn't hardly react. I remember feeling hurt about that. I wanted him to be jumping for joy. It all turned out fine though. He is so amazing with the kids. I think for him it just wasn't real until they were here and he could actually do something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761100 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:45:17 +0000 MaryM 2761100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH has a hard time showing joy. When I told him I was pregnant, he said "Congratulations!" and I thought it was really odd since it's his kid too. </p> <p>But we've had three losses, so it's stressful, and I know he worries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761099 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:45:01 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2761099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh yes! We weren't 100% deciding about having a third. I casually dropped the news to him in bed one night. Needless to say he did not get ANY sleep that night! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-dh-not-feel-immediate-joy-over-pregnancy#post-2761098 Mon, 24 Jul 2017 08:43:12 +0000 StrawberryShortie 2761098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let me start by saying that DH is an incredible dad to DD1, and a wonderful husband. We love him to the moon and back.</p> <p>Current pregnancy was a big surprise and about 1.5 years ahead of when we wanted to TTC.<br /> His initial reaction was joy, but now is not feeling to happy about it.</p> <p>I have no doubt he'll be a dedicated dad once more but I don't want him to feel resentful,</p> <p>Anyone else DH have a less then stellar reaction to pregnancy that turned out great? </p>