https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 11:53:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103931 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:27:14 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 103931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had the same issue. I asked my mom to give us a few days after coming home from the hospital to get settled, to which she had agreed. However, once LO was born, the next day she showed up to stay with us for 2 weeks. She wanted to "show me" how to do everything, which was not necessary and kind of annoying, but I didn't have the energy to put up a fight in my postpartum state. I'm unsure if there was anything I could have done differently but I sure do hope for your sake you can figure it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103905 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:16:44 +0000 plantains 103905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel your pain. If it helps, every single woman I know of who has been through this scenario ended up thankful that their mother was there for the extra set of hands. Maybe you can just plan very specific tasks to assign her (helping with the cooking, cleaning etc) so you and your DH can focus on the baby? I think that chidbirth really is one of those times when unfortunately they pretty much end up being right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103897 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:11:47 +0000 Nskillet 103897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: ugh! I so feel your pain! It's like, don't we have enough to worry about with labor and our spouses alone? Add mothers into the mix and it is so overwhelming. I'm glad your DH is going to have a chat with her! Luckily DHs Mom doesn't like to make waves and is very calm/ with it. I just have this overwhelming fear of my mother baby snatching our daughter from her other grandparents. Yea, she is THAT person.</p> <p>@artbee this is great advice. I have started doing this but the Italian guilt trips sometimes kill me. She will say "you just like being mean to me, that's why you're saying this". How do I respond to that?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103882 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:57:44 +0000 mrsjazz 103882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nskillet: Yes!</p> <p>My mom has been better than I expected, but yesterday she was telling me that she was a bit disappointed that she won't be there with me from the first contraction until the baby is born. We are laboring at home alone for as long as possible, but she is coming with us to the birth center, so I don't understand?! She said she wanted to be with me at home to hold my hand! I don't want that!</p> <p>And then there's my MIL. She booked a flight (without letting DH or I know) for the day after my due date. And she's staying with us! DH is going to let her know that if the baby hasn't come by then, she's going to need to find some place else to stay because we're laboring at home alone. Who books a flight without letting people know first? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103872 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:51:23 +0000 Modern Daisy 103872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I think the only issue I'm going to face as far as the visiting schedules is when everyone comes. Because I'm going to need the Gmoms most when I go back to work but I'm sure they will want to come stay with us before then. It's such a hassle especially for my MIL to get out here that I really don't want her visiting at a time when we don't really need help vs. when we're desparate for someone to lend a hand! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103863 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:47:43 +0000 Modern Daisy 103863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like most Moms are like this, including mine. But the difference for me is I actually want her there in the delivery room with me instead of DH so I'm actually fine with it. It can be really annoying though to her her drone on about everything I should be doing differently. She wonders why I tune her out.. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103862 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:47:40 +0000 heffalump 103862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh no, that must be tough for you! Luckily my parents and inlaws respected our boundaries. I loved having them come over to help, but I also loved that we were able to spend lots of time as a new family of 3. I think you should try to set boundaries now, or you're going to have an even tougher time in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103852 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:43:01 +0000 Nskillet 103852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: this is exactly what my mother is like. She overdoes things even when you don't need them and if you don't tell her she's the best person in the world immediately you don't appreciate her and she throws little tantrums. </p> <p>My sisters naturally need her more, and heck maybe when the Baby comes I will need her more. I guess I just wish she would let me get there myself. I always ask for help when I truly need it I guess I just struggle with her inability to let me be an adult and do things the way I want them.</p> <p>Again, I love her it just sucks when I have to work into my birth plan when I'm going to call her when going into labor because she will beat me to the hospital otherwise. It's also hard when she puts me on guilt trips about decisions I make for my husband and I. We dont want her in the delivery room, we don't want her at our house the day we bring our baby home and both of us get very stressed when she literally argues why she should be able to do things when we ask her politely not to.</p> <p>Setting boundaries for a parent who doesn't see herself with any is so exhausting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103805 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:02:51 +0000 nidzlive2010 103805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hia Nskillet, i was not surprised by your post, and the feeling you are going through... Am sailing in same boat... I have been so independent and sel righteous person but My mom staying with me during my pregnancy is more than interference and trouble some than help... People come to visit me and are so happy stating that my My MOM is here is so nice so sweet... but it's not the case... It was better in 1st semester but in middle of 2 semester my hubby had to travel abroad for some official project , since then things have changed... she keeps forgetting that am pregnant or i have injured my left foot... She keeps comparing this stat of mine to hers like so much work she use to do and all... and second thing like watever she does is right... no one questions her... How i wish my mom in-law to be here... am not saying my mom is bad, but she is careless for my health, needs, food, forgetful abt my injury... i used to strech myself an dused to do chores as much i can and not pointing at her but now as am in 7 month running i have put my foot down and remind her and refrain doing her by saying i have injured foot and am pregnant... Moverover her nagging things, unwanted bitching or cribbing abt oth family members jus puts me off and i really don want my child to learn such negativity... </p> <p>One suggestion... which works for me...<br /> - Avoid conversation<br /> - talk limited<br /> -don't point her fault , even though she is wrong, jus try to make right by thyself<br /> - don't react when something of her act/saying or watsoever upsets you... keep calm... DON'T EVER REACT!! it wil just spoil things<br /> -since there is no way out i can get rid of her..as everyone in famuily feels am enjoy and having best phase with her...<br /> No option , just accept the fact</p> <p>-Give benifit of doubt lie mebbe she has passed her midlle age so jus let go and keep her happy</p> <p>All the best<br /> &lt;3 Nidz </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103786 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:47:53 +0000 mrsjyw 103786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is the same way. All of her intentions are good-willed, and her wanting to be helpful; but sometimes too much is just too much.</p> <p>I was very afraid of this pre-TTC (because we had a handful of incidents with her with wedding/holidays) and made sure that DH had a really, long serious conversation with her. MIL and I are super close, but I also feel that it was his job to communicate these boundaries up front and then me to back them up with my actions to her.</p> <p>It's worked out well so far. She still has her tendencies, but it's been a good balance between her trying not be as overbearing and me not giving myself guilt trips over wanting boundaries.</p> <p>The most recent example of improvement (semi)... I'm only 6 weeks along and she's already made a list of 50 ppl she's inviting to the shower up north (where DH's extended family lives) that she will be throwing for us. (totally fine!) So DH, said in response thanks mom, that's great -- you can take care of the shower up north and JY/her mom/friends can take care of the one down here. </p> <p>LOVED DH for setting that boundary right away...</p> <p>MIL's response to that was "well let me know still what i can do for the shower down here..."</p> <p>baby steps. baby steps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103780 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:43:00 +0000 chopsuey 103780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had my mom here for 2 weeks and it was SO helpful! Sure I was super hormonal and easily irritated, but! Having an extra set of hands cook, clean and help with the baby was the best thing ever!<br /> I would just talk to your mom and tell her that you need help cooking and etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103768 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:24:04 +0000 betsyboop 103768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL finds it very necessary to remind me about certain things regarding pregnancy. The best, most recent one was "Make sure you don't fall down!" I don't tolerate nagging very well so it really pisses me off when I have to grin and bear it.<br /> My own mother has decided now is a great time to badger me about figuring out what type of career I will have after the LO arrives (I quit working a couple yrs ago after several yrs in investment banking). I'm starting to worry about having them around after I deliver.<br /> I think it's sweet your mom wants to help you for a week, from what I've heard you will probably be exhausted! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103767 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:20:07 +0000 Mrs. Train 103767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you want some bonding time between you, your baby and husband then I would tell her that you would really need her when your husband goes back to work. Hav her ome that fifth week. It might make her feel like she is really helpful when you need it. </p> <p>I was honestly glad to have my mom around. I was having trouble nursing and she was a huge help with my twins. ( my husband was at a loss as to how to help me nurse them). But she can also be over bearing and insensitive. I just have to set boundaries and tell her that It is my choice and that's that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103762 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:10:29 +0000 Mrsbells 103762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is she planning to come stay with you for that 1 week? I guess she thinks she knows whats best since she is your mom {my mom is the same way} Maybe you can try telling her you really want alone time with the baby and your husband if you dont want her to take that time off to help, but I'm thinking you may actually appreciate having an extra hand around right after the birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyones-parents-stressing-them-out-prebaby#post-103752 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:57:02 +0000 Nskillet 103752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, let me start by saying DH and I really do love my Mom. She can be one of the most thoughtful people in the world and always means well BUT in the same token stresses us out like none of our other parents. </p> <p>My Mom tends to be very selfish. She doesn't think about how her words/actions can be disrespectful. She thinks because she's my mother she can say/do whatever she wants, especially about my soon to be born baby girl. The part that is hard for me is that I'm very independent and don't "need" her like she thinks I do. Example, my husband is taking 2 weeks off work and then working home for 2 weeks when baby is born. However, my mother is insistent that "I'm taking 1 weeks to spend with my granddaughter whether you like it or not". </p> <p>My DH gets upset because we have to consider how she will react/behave in everything we do. She doesn't respect our boundaries even when I clearly set them.</p> <p>Anyone else have ask overbearing parent? How do you cope? </p>