https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 13:57:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803849 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 08:07:57 +0000 Modern Daisy 2803849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally think 3.5 is a little young to teach by making her pay to replace the pony. Especially if this is her first offense with pony vandalism I would not make a bigger deal out of it than you already have. I would take LO 1 to the store and let her pick out a new pony but make a point to bring only lo1. It’s a learning experience for her as well. Also I don’t think this is DHs fault at all these things happen - my 4.5 yo was unsupervised for about 60 seconds and managed to make paint handprints all through our house. They are smart and take advantage of any opportunity to make mischief sometimes. It’s normal and part of growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803802 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 22:14:19 +0000 PinkElephant 2803802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much everyone for answering! A few days out, I'm cooled off, and the damage isn't as awful as I thought. We've gone through and tried to give the ponies some TLC, and most of them aren't looking TOO awful. I'm not doing any replacement for now. Turns out the special pony just got her tail hacked off (her mane is fine), and being that she's special, she's not particularly easy to replace anyhow, so I'm just letting DD1 deal for now. At the moment, all of "her" ponies are in a drawer in her closet - not that this always stops DD2- and not coming out to play, so i think it's a bit "out of sight, out of mind".</p> <p>@gingerbebe: Thanks! I agree with a lot of your thoughts. I definitely have used it as a teaching opportunity for DD1, and she's been a rockstar with coping. We looked at her pony together, and it's actually not totally destroyed - I agreed to help her give it a trim and tie some pretty ribbons in it's hair, and we all did work together to clean up and beautify the other ones. You raise a very good point about not everything being able to be fixed in the moment. I'm neurotic about things being clean/organized/not missing pieces/not broken, and having kids is definitely a lesson in letting go. I'm learning....:) I LOL'd at rehairing a pony. I'm not really SERIOUSLY considering it...but it'd probably be cheaper than replacing the #$%&amp; sparkly ponies. OF COURSE she had to cut the limited edition ones....of COURSE she did. :shocked: Is three over yet?!?! :)</p> <p>@rattles: Thanks! They love Fancy Nancy, but I haven't seen that one. I'll look! DD2 actually asked to read the one where Nancy breaks Bree's teapot, and refuses to take the blame. Guilty much??!?! :)</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @honeybear: (and someone else mentioned the concept of $, but I'm losing track) - I'm actually surprised by how much my kids DO understand about money - working to earn it, storing it safely, exchanging it for thing we need or want. They've worked pretty hard for it. Actually, on a previous occasion when something of mine got lost, they offered up funds from their piggy banks! :) But you're right - they don't understand the difference between 25 cents for a candy machine vs. 2500 to fly the family on vacation, which is why I wouldn't want to make the money the focus of any replacement exercise, or drain a kiddo's piggy bank. But I appreciate the reminder, because I was pretty ticked when I first posted this. :)</p> <p>@shabang: Hahaha seriously! Her teacher just told me she needed some work on her scissor grip. I'd say she's mastered it just fine, thanks! :) :)</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: Yeah...I am annoyed at him. :silly: I'm letting it roll off my shoulders, and he's refrained from commenting after backing down from an initial attempt to blame me (Him: "How'd she even get scissors? Do you just leave them out?" Me: &lt;explained just how well our scissors are always hidden&gt; Him: "oh"). I'm going to give him a pass and say that he just has a generally bad concept of time (he always thinks things are MUCH longer or shorter than they are); the baby was somewhere safe, and we'd had a loud morning so he was probably just glad she was quiet....and she's a pretty darn fast cutter, it seems! :)</p> <p>@looch: @snowjewelz: Very good points about each person being permitted to have some things they absolutely DO NOT need to share. I agree on this, and I've always been okay with not sharing as long as it is limited to a reasonable number of special possessions. We absolutely *do* have safe places; we're just struggling a little right now with respecting each other's places - they're too little for locks, and I don't really want to live in a house where anyone feels they need to lock things away from each other. I've recently been finding things that belong to other people stashed in DD2's safe spots....things she *wishes* were hers, I suspect. Trying to work on it in a way that is age appropriate and doesn't exacerbate the problem; it's not easy, unfortunately.</p> <p>@MrsSRS: @shootingstar: A shopping trip was my initial idea, but after I've cooled down for a few days (and investigated the cost of replacing the #$%&amp; pony, which is going to need to come from eBay since it's no longer available retail, ***sigh***), I'm less into the thought of this. DD2 did mention wanting to replace the pony (on her own); but I agree with some other posters now that I'm on the other side of this that I don't want to be mean about it. If she brings it up again and honestly feels strongly about making reparations, then she and I will get something for her sister together, and try to make it a happy occasion. But LOL to the scissor crafts - we actually did something today, and I totally helicopter parented DD2's scissor use, while clearly letting DD1 have free range. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803761 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 17:44:43 +0000 honeybear 2803761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Yeah, I get it. I mean, it sort of makes sense...if I damage something someone else has lent me, I replace it for them if I can, in addition to telling them how sorry I am. But from a three year old's perspective, I strongly suspect that such a trip would just feel cruel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803746 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 16:31:43 +0000 rattles 2803746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn’t punish DD2 further, and I like the idea of including a replacement in DD1’s Easter basket if she’d like a replacement. I also suggest getting her a copy of Fancy Nancy: Fanciest Doll in the Universe to give her an empathetic pal similarly wronged by her little sister :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803659 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:42:02 +0000 ShootingStar 2803659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I didn't really think of it as being mean. I guess I was thinking of it as reparations. And that LO2 should be part of the process of fixing the damage that she did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803656 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:27:41 +0000 gingerbebe 2803656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a 3.5 year old.</p> <p>DS1 is empathetic enough now that he understands his actions have emotional responses in other people. So the DISCIPLINING would be tell him in simple terms that his actions made me so, so sad and that that its not nice to break other people's toys. And I'd probably have the older child express her feelings too. "I'm sad because you cut all my ponies' hair. I'm mad because those were my toys." And then I'd make DS1 apologize for ruining the toys. I think that's the extent of disciplining for the moment. My 3.5 year old does not use scissors at all, but to the extent that he was allowed, I would for sure make it a point to NOT allow him to use them and explain WHY he is not allowed to use them. </p> <p>I think I would take that opportunity to talk to the older child privately, discuss their feelings and acknowledge them, really let her know that you understand how this is upsetting for her and that you are very proud of her for being so understanding. And I'd probably talk about how the sibling is very young and doesn't understand stuff and how as the older sibling, you can teach her how to treat your toys well. We talk to our 3.5 year old all the time about how his younger brother doesn't understand yet why certain things are not okay and we've seen him trying to do a lot of teaching/nagging/lecturing to our 21 month old, which is pretty funny to watch.</p> <p>Then I agree with @looch that you guys should create some kind of special place where DD1 can keep her cherished toys. Whether the damaged toys are replaced is up to you, but I agree the Easter basket idea seems like a opportunity to do any replacing. You're going to have to buy junk anyway and I don't necessarily feel like a kid needs to have everything "fixed" in the moment. Stuff happens and living with family means accidents happen.</p> <p>Finally, I would find some collaborative way to move forward with both kids. Perhaps you can use (or even buy) a doctor kit and play vet hospital with the busted ponies. Bust out some My Little Pony bandaids, patch them up, make shoebox beds for them, etc. That way you can sorta reinforce the fact that the ponies are messed up and that we have to care for our ponies well.</p> <p>If you REALLY want to get nuts, there IS such a thing as re-hairing a pony. If you want to take a stab at it:</p> <p><a href="https://ponycustoms.com/73/my_little_pony_tutorials/hair/rehairing/how-to-rehair-my-little-pony-tails/" rel="nofollow">https://ponycustoms.com/73/my_little_pony_tutorials/hair/rehairing/how-to-rehair-my-little-pony-tails/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803646 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 11:34:28 +0000 Truth Bombs 2803646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: Agree completely that taking DD2 to the store to watch her sister get a toy is intentionally mean and not effective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803639 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 11:03:20 +0000 shabang 2803639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say it was handled, no further punishment or action. I would consider repurchasing the special toy for your oldest at the next gift-giving occasion (bday/Christmas), if she's still into that. </p> <p>And, on the bright side, your 3 year old is rocking the fine motor skills with scissor cutting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803636 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 10:40:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2803636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD2 was punished in the moment, when it has the most impact. I wouldn't do more now and can't imagine either one truly grasps "paying" for the damage they do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803629 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 10:05:49 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2803629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: oh I agree with you on that. It's just that while the kids are little.. any item that just belongs to one kid is still physically accessible to the other. For example my older child has her own desk and she has stuff of just her own in the desk, but my two year old could still get into it and has gotten stuff out of it before. *We* actually have to store my dd's scissors for her up where neither of them can reach it so lo2 can't get into it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803616 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:39:35 +0000 snowjewelz 2803616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would replace the special pony for DD1 and maybe have her pick a few of her really special dolls and keep it in her own room/safe place. I would not punish DD2 further. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803613 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:18:03 +0000 looch 2803613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I think it's important for each person in the home to have a small space (it can be a closet, a shelf, etc) where it's their own stuff and it is off limits to everyone else. I realize I might be a bit different than some in that regard, but I do not believe that you have to share every single thing, it's okay to have some things that are for one person only. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803612 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:14:33 +0000 Adira 2803612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you should do anything additional. This is a good lesson for your older DD1 as well - shit happens. In the future, advise her to hide her beloved toys or something so her sister can't get to them. And it sounds like DD2 knows what she did was wrong and felt bad and apologized. I don't think any additional punishment is necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803608 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:08:10 +0000 Ajsmommy 2803608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was little I had a very special unicorn collection. My little brother and his friend made it fall and they all broke. It was devastating to me (so much so that I obviously still remember it).. HA... Anyway they were sorry and didn't mean it and apologized which I accepted. I mean we were kids, things aren't usually done maliciously as kids. </p> <p>He was sorry, that was the end of it.</p> <p>So I wouldn't punish any further. It seems DD2 is sorry and gets it. Of course if she were to do it again then that's a whole different ball game.</p> <p>As for DD1 I would suggest getting her replacements, maybe not all but one or two. Especially if she plays with them often or really likes them. I know I would have appreciated that .... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803602 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 06:51:05 +0000 honeybear 2803602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Agreed. </p> <p>The idea of taking a kid to a toy store for the purpose of punishment is bothering me. It bothers me a lot, because it seems intentionally mean. The kid's three. She's still figuring the world out. (And she will be for a while! My kid is 7 and he's smart and kind and generally well behaved, but he's definitely still learning and makes mistakes, just as all of his friends are.) I think belaboring this sort of thing is bound to backfire... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803581 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 21:02:53 +0000 alphagam84 2803581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd definitely make DD2 pay for part of the replacement and go with on the shopping trip to buy it and make sure to not buy her anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803558 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 19:22:34 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2803558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'd just get another one and come up with a special place for it out of your younger child's reach. It sounds like she already gets it that she was wrong. In the moment maybe I'd have had her do something nice for her sister but I think the moment has now passed and she is learning. We have the same issue with my 5 yo being allowed to have scissors but constantly having to keep them from my 2 yo!</p> <p>@looch: I think it depends on the setup of their home. My kids room share and we have a shared play area as well but there are still some things that belong to each child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803556 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 19:19:52 +0000 MrsSRS 2803556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would take LO2 along on the shopping trip for LO1 to get a new pony-discussing ahead of time that/why LO2 would bit be getting ANYTHING at the store. And I would remove scissors privileges for a while and possibly let LO1 do a few scissor crafts in that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803546 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 18:48:33 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2803546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Perfect solution! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803521 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 14:31:49 +0000 Anagram 2803521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't give any further punishment. Your husband was distracted--that happens to all of us, but kids her age love cutting stuff and love pretend play, so it makes sense that if she had access to scissors and no supervision, she's going to go cut something. Could have been clothes or curtains. </p> <p>When I have similar situations I think how I would want my kids teacher to handle it. If she's left the room and left the scissors where LO could get them. If she's already had the talk, LO had already cried, apologized, been made to feel bad....I would think that's 100% enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803509 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 13:42:02 +0000 ShootingStar 2803509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d have DD2 go with you and DD1 to puck out a new special toy and be sure not to buy her anything, only DD1. That would be punishment enough for my DS, who can’t go in a toy store without begging for everything he sees. </p> <p>As others have pointed out, I’m sure she does t really grasp the concept of money enough to make paying for the new toy an effective punishment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803496 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 12:50:06 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2803496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would buy DD1 a new special pony, and perhaps take her to Target and let her pick another pony of her choice. Agree with another comment to let DD2 be involved in the process. She already sounds remorseful and apologized on her own without prompting. She was probably having fun with giving the ponies cute haircuts and didn't realize that they would be "ruined". It doesn't sound like she had malicious intent, and she's already feeling really bad about it all, so I'd just leave it at that.</p> <p>And honestly, ish happens... the scissors were kid scissors and weren't left out in plain sight. They were tucked away in your purse. It's unfortunate it happened, but kids can get away with so much in such a short amount of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803494 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 12:40:54 +0000 ladybee 2803494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would tell DD2 that she is buying DD1 a new pony to apologize. I’d make her give me a $1 out of her bank (or some other small amount) and pay for the rest of the pony myself. But I think it’s a great idea to have her see that if your ruin something of someone you need to make it right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803478 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 10:57:04 +0000 youboots 2803478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d buy a new special pony for DD1 and be extra mindful of scissors with DD2 in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803477 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 10:55:28 +0000 looch 2803477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gosh, when my brother (this is going back a lot of years now, but I still remember it) took his crayons and wrote all over the new dictionary my dad had just gifted me, I learned that I needed to keep certain things in my room and away from everyone else. My parents didn't go out and get me a replacement because it was still completely usable (it was colored on the outside, not on the pages) and I think their view was that I wouldn't always have perfect things and I needed to be able to deal with having someone else mess it up. My brother was probably 5 at the time, so he wouldn't have really gotten the idea of using his money since he didn't use it for anything else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803465 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 09:39:25 +0000 honeybear 2803465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't punish her further. I don't think having a 3.5 year old drain her piggy bank or, really, pay anything toward a new pony is going to teach her the lesson you think it will. I seriously doubt that she's got a very firm grasp of money (or cause and effect, for that matter) and I don't think preschoolers really understand attenuated punishment like that, so it'd be kind of pointless and possibly (probably!) cause further problems. She's been reprimanded and has hopefully learned that doll hair doesn't grow back. I'd let it go. </p> <p>I'd buy a replacement pony for DD1, tell her to keep it up out of little sib's reach for now, make sure the scissors don't come out when there isn't super close supervision, and move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803460 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 08:24:38 +0000 Shantuck 2803460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I probably wouldn’t make her drain her piggy bank either since I’m guessing she didn’t really do this to be malicious. I would probably buy DD1 a replacement and maybe make DD2 involved in the process. Have her come with to the store to find a new one, have her make a card that says I’m sorry, watch the daniel Tiger about saying sorry and trying to help make it better, etc. If this behavior ever occurs again and seems to have malintent, I’d probably come down harder but otherwise I’d try to just make sure she knows how sad it made her sister, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803459 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 08:09:35 +0000 LCTBQE 2803459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not there yet at this stage, but I don't think I'd be upset my husband--these things happen. I'm sure he just thought she was fine in her play kitchen, it's not like she was in the real kitchen setting a fire. </p> <p>I feel a lot of empathy for your DD2 and it sounds like you handled it really well. agree with gotkimchi, I'd tell her that she's going to help pay for the new special pony and maybe sit with her and have her count out $2 in change or something and then hand it to her sister. </p> <p>Then as for all the damaged ponies, what do you think of maybe DD1 "giving" (I know they share, but in title) DD2 a couple of the damaged ones, like, these are now yours--and then maybe if there's another present opportunity coming up like Easter basket or birthday or something, you give DD1 two new ones and make it very clear that they are hers and no one else is allowed to play with them. Is that realistic? Just wonder if having damaged toys to play with when her sister has new ones would drive it home for her that we don't destroy stuff without being overly punitive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803458 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 07:47:49 +0000 Truth Bombs 2803458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I would be more upset with my husband than with the 3.5 year old. Yes, after she did it she may have known it was wrong, but she’s 3.5 and has very limited impulse control. To get in your purse and then do that much cutting she was unsupervised for a fair amount of time. And don’t get my wrong, even with my 2 year old, I don’t have my eyes on him every single second, but if he did something like this I would be upset with myself, not him. It sounds like your DD2 is very remorseful, I wouldn’t punish her more for the sake of vindication for your DD1, I would just replace the particularly loved pony myself to help soften the blow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/appropriate-punishment-for-damaging-siblings-toy#post-2803457 Sun, 11 Feb 2018 07:26:30 +0000 gotkimchi 2803457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would replace the special pony only and take a nominal amount out of the younger money. That way it still feels like she’s paying, the older gets her toy, and the main punishment is now most of the toys don’t have tails </p>