https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 18:55:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61274 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:50:27 +0000 MsMini 61274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can tell you from working in NICU, you should never underestimate about how clueless/misguided/stupid people can be. If you heard some of the questions/commentary I get from parents when I am taking care of their kids in NICU, you would wonder how kids survive their first year of life, and wonder how their parents exist in society in general. </p> <p>Seriously, if it wasn't against confidentiality laws, I would write a book ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61273 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:49:17 +0000 BabyLove 61273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well yes, some guys really are that dumb. In my opinion. And in my case. Those lessons were well received by my husband in our birthing classes. He really did need me to show him how to use our dishwasher. And really was unaware that I would potentially be super emotional after the birth. It worked out fine, he found his place quickly but sometimes they do need such simple instructions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61267 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:39:24 +0000 lemondrop 61267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely found the "dad-to-be" portion of our birth class a little silly. My husband definitely had all that stuff figured out ahead of time, in fact for most of the pregnancy he had already stepped up and taken over most of my chores around the house. </p> <p>We have a routine where I breastfeed, he gives a supplemental bottle (pediatrician rx), then changes Cam while I pump. It helps me out a lot, I get a break, and he gets to help with the baby. I'm getting a little nervous about being all by myself with the baby next week when he goes back to work, the past 3 weeks have been great!</p> <p>One thing we were talking about last night at dinner is how helpless he feels with Cam cries inconsolably. He feels like there isn't much he can do to make him feel better. I did point out multiple times when he has just given him skin to skin time and calmed him down, and that made him feel much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61239 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 11:44:05 +0000 heffalump 61239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MegWag: I feel like they'd rather be safe then sorry. Just in case someone doesn't know those things, they have to inform you. Better to do that then have someone who doesn't know and then would never learn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61147 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 10:10:20 +0000 tequiero21 61147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i haven't taken any courses, but i don't think it's completely out of line. i think some guys are really that clueless. not everyone has grown up with children or have children in their lives and unless it's something they're good at, guys can be very helpless! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61146 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 10:03:32 +0000 Maysprout 61146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like it should have been presented better but I think some of that stuff needs to be said.</p> <p>I tried to overdo it after birth, and ended up retearing (no fault of my husband, I'm just hyper) but reiterating both to mothers and fathers that the mom just went through a big thing and needs recovery time is important. I think a lot of times people only see the baby after birth and forget how much healing the momma has to do - I forgot a bit even though it was my body.</p> <p>On the 2nd point I think sometimes couples split duties so its prob worth reminding them to learn anything they dont know.</p> <p>On the 3rd point a lot of dads seem to think they need to be sidelined, especially if the mom is breastfeeding. A crying baby can mean hungry baby, especially at first so I think even if they start with a go get em attitude it can be defeating that baby always wants moms boobies. We watched a couple of our friends go through this (and they weren't 1950s like at all) and my husband didn't want it to happen to us so we talked about stuff he could do with newborn a lot beforehand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61132 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:45:15 +0000 mediagirl 61132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG! Your class sounds like something out of the 50's! My husband is one of the most helpful men I have run into in my life. He can do all of our household chores as well, if not better than I can. He knows when I'm stressed and knows what to do if I am. I think, when our baby comes, he will know the right things to say or do when she gets beyond fussy and I'm out of my mind crazy.</p> <p>I'm intrigued to see how our classes go now. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61129 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:44:10 +0000 Mrsbells 61129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the guy.. some guys that havent been exposed to a newborn baby are very clueless, and I do know a guy who doesnt know how to operate a washing machine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61124 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:41:12 +0000 MegWag 61124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: My husband said he felt like his time had been wasted and that the class felt geared to the type of parents who wouldn't bother showing up in the first place. Like I said, I realize he's a rare gem in his willingness and ability to be helpful. </p> <p>@artbee: I think the classes would have benefited greatly from asking the attendees what they want and assessing the room, rather than launching into a pre-prepared presentation regardless of the individual situations in the room.</p> <p>I think I just disagree with the whole idea of the overall tone being negative towards men, even if it's meant well. Does that make sense? I mean there is a way to deliver the info without simultaneously rolling your eyes at the ineptness of men. To me that is undercutting, rather than helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61123 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:40:35 +0000 yoursilverlining 61123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with you, and think many of the baby books and classes like that are fairly offensive towards men. I don’t think most men are that completely clueless. It’s not 1954 anymore – I think most men and women are willing (and able) to help cook and clean and generally care for themselves, especially if they have lived on their own prior to marriage/baby. My husband likes to cook and clean, which I wouldn’t expect from every partner (male or female), but I think even if you don’t like it, you know it needs to be done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61099 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:01:22 +0000 heffalump 61099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At our class we came up with our own questions. Men and women seperated and talked about what we wanted to learn in the class. And yes... the men asked some pretty stupid questions. My hubby said he felt sorry for most of those mom's because the dad's were pretty clueless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61098 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:00:24 +0000 sslm 61098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MegWag: luckily my DH would not need those reminders! He already helps out lots and I'm not pregnant!! I do think it's a little patronizing but at the same time I wonder if they are doing it because of past experience with clueless dads? Maybe we're lucky with our nice, supportive, smart husbands? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61096 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:58:29 +0000 Rubies 61096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our prenatal classes had a similar session for dads and it was light-hearted and fun. Truthfully, my husband STILL doesn't know how to twork the washing machine. And when LO was a newborn, he really was afraid to hold her and would shove her to me for fear he wasn't doing it right. Now, hubby is amazing with her but I know that when my due date was getting closer and closer, my husband was getting more and more nervous. Was your husband offended by the session? What was the overall dynamic of the day? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61094 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:56:42 +0000 Andrea 61094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My hubby wasn't that bad, but I don't think the course was totally out of line. I have a friend with a husband who barely helps her do anything. They have some issues, obviously, but I think maybe some dads do need a reminder from a 3rd party ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-dads-to-be-really-that-clueless#post-61093 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:52:54 +0000 MegWag 61093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Last night we went to the 3rd of our Birth Prep classes that are provided by the Children's Centre in our area. The first two nights were put on by the midwives. Last night was run by the staff of the children's centre and focused on different stuff.<br /> They specifically mentioned that the night was geared towards dads because they'd gotten feedback that new dads are sometimes unprepared for how things go after the birth.</p> <p>We covered things like:<br /> -Mom may be emotional/tired/overwhelmed after the birth. Try to help her. (um, duh!)<br /> -Be sure dad knows how to work the washing machine/dishwasher before hand so he can help out with those things. (Seriously!?!)<br /> -Dads can help with the baby too! If the baby is crying, don't just hand her to mom. </p> <p>I, for one, found these "lessons" slightly offensive and patronising to the men. I know I'm lucky that my husband is awesome and very helpful and all that, but am I wrong that most men aren't *that* different?<br /> Do you find that info geared towards dads tends to talk down to them? Or did your husband need that level of guidance?<br /> - </p>