https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 21:55:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19375 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 12:41:14 +0000 MrsStormy 19375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not a parent yet, but I will not be a tiger mom. I do believe in some aspects of tiger parenting but not the extreme, I also do not believe in putting my children down at all. Also for what its worth, Amy Chua has sort of recanted some of her tiger momness, I saw an interview with her once about how she has changed her perspective and parenting style, I can't remember exactly why though or how she had changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19373 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 12:36:59 +0000 mrbee 19373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Not sure if you read the book, but she learns to balance her Tiger mom ways. The WSJ excerpt was just part of her journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19362 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 12:26:19 +0000 yoursilverlining 19362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will not be a Tiger mom. I don’t think kids are miniature adults that we can necessary mould into whatever we like (like, for example, that any child can be be a great violinist if just pushed hard enough, or great at sports or math if they just put in enough hours of practice), and I don’t think that they should be treated like mini adults (with no concern for their self esteem or feelings, and verbally degraded for not achieving 100%, 100% of the time). </p> <p>The impression I got from reading the full article was that there wasn’t much emphasis on teaching compassion and empathy, or teaching a child to love learning for the sake of learning and knowledge – instead it seems very much geared only towards parent pleasing and “winning”. In the real world, sometimes you lose even when you are the smartest and the hardest worker – life just isn’t fair all the time, but that doesn’t have to necessarily be a negative reflection on that person who loses. It’s just the breaks sometimes.</p> <p>I think its really important that children don’t win 100% of the time, and that they are encouraged to love learning for its own sake and because it’s fun and opens new worlds for them; not just because they know if they don’t succeed, their parents will be disappointed (or worse). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19347 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 12:12:32 +0000 plantains 19347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised by Tigerish parents although they seemed to adjust their style as needed according to the personality of each child. My parents are West African so I intend to adopt a lot of their strategies because I think it worked really well with me. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the current over nuturing trend, and I really don't like the idea of raising a child who never hears no. Maybe when the baby gets here I'll change my mind, but right now this is how I feel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19265 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 10:25:24 +0000 cyndistar3 19265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, absolutely not. DH and I both know how it feels to try as hard as we can but never be enough. I believe if our kids can truthfully say they tried their best, that is good enough for me. I do not like the whole, you owe me everything because I took care of you thing either... I expect to be respected but I do not want their goal to be making us proud, I would rather them focus on making Jesus proud and serving Him since they belong to Him anyways. #3 is a little harder though because yes to a certain point it is true as in I am not going to let my daughter stay up until midnight eating coco puffs but I would never try to run her life in the bigger picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19229 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 09:45:27 +0000 Mrs. Marbles 19229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I love that book! There are so many great tips on how to support your child's development.</p> <p>I'm not going to be a Tiger Mom because I think it'll backfire in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-19139 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 03:38:58 +0000 looch 19139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A great book on the topic of overnurturing is Nurtureshock by Po Bronson. </p> <p>I personally won't put down my child or tell him he's not good enough, but I do want to encourage him to do the best he can and ask for help when he needs it. I want him to respect his elders, especially his grandparents, but that respect doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything they say or do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18897 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:46:49 +0000 Red 18897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised in a traditional Chinese household but my parents were only about 70% tiger-ish. </p> <p>As for me, I believe in:<br /> #1 - 50% -- I believe in the importance of self-esteem but not the kind that is superficially built up, the kind that is earned. I read somewhere that instead of telling a child, "Great job, you're so smart!", tell her "Great job, you must have worked really hard at that". This will instill in them good work ethic and self-confidence rather than sending the message that they can just rely on "smarts".</p> <p>#2 - 80% This obviously depends on what type of parents you have but in general, I find that a lot of people lack respect for their elders.</p> <p>#3 - 100% when they're young, and 50% when they're older (18+) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18896 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:45:54 +0000 Rubies 18896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were tigers and I plan on being as tiger-y as I can. I don't know if I can do what my parents did but I do believe that Western style of parenting is flawed - too much attention on the child's wants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18856 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 13:43:40 +0000 heffalump 18856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. I feel like as a parent, I want to help my child have a good self esteem and I can still do that with letting them know that they aren't perfect at everything. But I don't think it hurts to try to find the positives in different situations. Like if she's not the best soccer playing but is trying her best, I will still point out how hard she's working and I think that's also very important.<br /> 2. I always wanted to make my parents proud, but it was always a given they'd be proud of me no matter what. And I have a feeling it will be like that with my LO too.<br /> 3. I don't think parents always know what's best. I respect my parent's opinions, but I don't think they're always right. And I have a feeling that this is also going to happen with my LO as she grows older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18740 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 08:05:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 18740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised by two very western parents but they raised us a lot by these tiger standards.<br /> #1 I was always encouraged to do my best but they were honest and upfront that sometimes others do better. I want my child to know that nothing is free in life and you typical get out what you put in.<br /> #2 we followed a lot as well. We lived in my parents house and therefore by their rules. As we got older they took our opinion into account but they had the final say. My mom was known for searching our rooms while we were at school or having other moms spy on us while we were out.<br /> #3. I don't really think we followed. My mom made me do all kinds of things like take etiquette classes but I could choose sports and things </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18728 Sun, 20 Nov 2011 05:42:47 +0000 Andrea 18728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was definitely raised tiger mom style so a lot of that has rubbed off on me but I know I will still do a lot of things differently. And my hubs is American so he won't be much of a tiger dad. I think the #1 thing is that I won't put my child down and tell her that I am ashamed of her (which is something my mom told me). I don't think you have to stroke the ego as much as the Western style does but I don't think that means you can say super harsh things like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18649 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 23:05:15 +0000 Killer b 18649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I would have the energy or dedication to be a Tiger Mom! I can't even micromanage myself, how am I supposed to do it to my kid? As long as my homework got done, I practiced the piano and my grades were good, I wasn't regimented. My sister and I ran around the neighborhood playing and keeping ourselves busy. My husband also had a very free childhood. He was in the woods 85% of his free time, with the other 15% out fishing on the beach. I would love it if Charlie turned out this way. The thought of coming up with a schedule, planning a myriad of activities, giving her assignments outside of schoolwork all seems like my personal hell. </p> <p>I do agree with abandoning the attitude of how "special" kids are these days. I think learning from failure and even more importantly, how to persist through repeated failure, is more important than having your kid think they poop rainbows and glitter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-a-tiger-mom#post-18618 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:08:36 +0000 mrbee 18618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is Japanese, so I was actually raised largely in the tiger mom style. To summarize from her WSJ excerpt:</p> <p>1) Don't focus on self-esteem</p> <p>"I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't."</p> <p>2) Kids should make their parents proud</p> <p>"Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud."</p> <p>3) Parents know what is best</p> <p>"Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences."</p> <p>I believe 100% in #1, 80% in #2, and maybe 50% in #3 (I believe in finding and encouraging your kid's passions). So all in all, I'm not as much of a tiger mom as Amy Chua. But I definitely am uncomfortable with the Western style of parenting. So I will probably end up with a blend of East and West (just like me). That makes me probably 70% tiger dad.</p> <p>Are you a tiger mom or dad? Were you raised in the tiger mom style? Would love to hear about your experiences! </p>