https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 02 Jun 2026 08:38:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1815242 Thu, 14 Aug 2014 07:20:14 +0000 AmeliaBedilia 1815242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just saw this post. So rude. I always want to have a witty retort about staying out of our sex life, but it always seems like it is someone I don't feel comfortable saying it to. I think the statement of it being up to God will make people think we're TTC. I was thinking about, "God is stronger than birth control or a desire to have a baby, so either way, it's up to him." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1813099 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 06:54:36 +0000 getjazzy 1813099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How horribly inappropriate of her :sad: , and incredibly rude of her to say "you just need to lay there" like the reason you don't have a baby is that you're too lazy? WTF lady. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1778355 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:58:51 +0000 BrentLee88 1778355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People are so rude and no idea what we all go threw, i cant believe that act like that! when we get asked the husband and i we just say we arent ready yet, and want to live a little before children, they never have any idea.. so sorry u went threw that! sending baby dust!! :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750672 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 18:16:19 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1750672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh! Lame! I know people don't mean anything by this but it really sucks and I have learned now not to say such things to people. I'm so sorry. I hope you have your rainbow baby soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750641 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 18:06:20 +0000 simplyfelicity 1750641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh...I'm sorry. I can't believe she told you that you just have to lay there. Yuck. Most people who ask have done so pretty innocently but my aunt told me (at my GRANDFATHER'S FUNERAL) that I don't have forever and that my eggs are dying. Ummm...thanks. I am 29 and I had only been married for 5 months at the time.</p> <p>For people who just ask innocently, I simply tell them "When God decides it's the right time, it's up to Him." That pretty much shuts them up without divulging any info.@MaryM: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750515 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 16:28:26 +0000 MrsBrewer 1750515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: :heart: I know how you feel. We have friends and family, and strangers ask us all the time. We have been married going on 3 years now, and everyone on DH's side of the family normally gets pregnant and has a child within the 1st year of marriage. We just started TTC, so luckily we haven't been trying for too long. But I have ben wanting children forever. </p> <p>I have yet to come back with a witty remark yet, although I think the next time someone asks I might try and bring one out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750412 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 15:35:15 +0000 MrsKRB 1750412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I can't stand rude people! You are a much better person than I am! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750390 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 15:28:15 +0000 MaryM 1750390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: I think that's what DH was attempting when he was saying "Well, it's a possibility."</p> <p>I might have to show him some of the suggestions on here. I think he and I both know that I'm not the kind of person to be able to confront people this way. I wish he could have done more (especially since he's the one who knew this person to start with) to try to get me out of that situation. </p> <p>Honestly, I'm not even sure if he knew how uncomfortable it made me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750277 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 14:47:41 +0000 anandam 1750277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so hard. She's really just oblivious, I'm sure, to the possibility that these things might be beyond your control. Perhaps a reminder is in order, especially for someone so insistent on the word "blessing." Is there maybe some direct but gentle way to remind her that blessings come from a force beyond us and all we can do it be open to its offers? Perhaps, "Yes, we are open to such blessings, absolutely, but it's not always up to us, is it?" with a sweet smile? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750139 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 14:12:52 +0000 loki 1750139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ugh i have teenager sisters (who i still think should be old enough to know better) and EVERY TIME i see them they say things like "when are you giving us a niece or nephew? your eggs are drying up" :shocked: etc etc. this month will be our first time TTCing so i don't know what's in store for us but it INFURIATES me. last time i saw them was enough and i snapped and said "HOW DO YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN TRYING FOR A YEAR AND CAN'T GET PREGNANT AND EVERY TIME YOU ASK IT IS RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND???" i went on to explain how completely inappropriate it is to ask that and hopefully they will shut up about it. so sorry for your loss, op xo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750096 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:59:12 +0000 BSB 1750096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: wow! I don't even know how I would respond if someone told me that. I don't usually bring up my IF but in that case, I would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750059 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:38:34 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1750059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate that question.</p> <p>I embarrassed the last girl to ask me that. I didn't mean to, but it was probably good that I did so she'll think before asking. She asked how long I've been married and when I responded with 4 years she said "that's a long time to be married and not have a baby." I told her we have IF and she blushed and apologized. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750051 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:33:04 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1750051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm always shocked when people ask that. So rude!</p> <p>I'd probably be rude right back and say that we practice all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750050 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:32:59 +0000 MaryM 1750050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KelLeeLeee: If only you lived closer, I'd call you to my defense when in these awkward situations :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750049 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:31:51 +0000 MrsKRB 1750049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tell them right out that they're rude and it's none of their business. Sometimes I will tell them that's it's not so easy for so e people and to shut the f*ck up, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750043 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:30:21 +0000 Tanjowen 1750043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: We waited a really long time to have kids and our usual response to those type of questions over the years became, "Are you seriously asking if we are having sex?" Rude but effective as it shut down a lot of the nosy older people pretty fast :) </p> <p>You are a very nice person to not give her an earful :) It never ceases to amaze me what some people feel like they have the right to say or do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1750037 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:29:21 +0000 MrsPastryLady 1750037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that woman was so rude to you. You were definitely nicer than I would have been. Lots of hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749997 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:14:54 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1749997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say we are having a tough time getting pregnant and it's taking longer than expected. Only people close to me offer advice...very awkward when it's about positions. I am not very sensitive about the baby thing. I find the constant inquiries more annoying than the subject matter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749958 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:00:57 +0000 As Time Goes By 1749958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I am sorry you had to sit through that :heart:<br /> no real advice but I can commiserate... At a family dinner the other day my aunts were saying that I have to give my niece (10 months) a cousin, that I should be the next to have a kids, etc... But the part that stings is that one of them said something about my sister having another before "I get around to it" and my sister just told me that she's pregnant with her second. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749934 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:55:00 +0000 alphagam84 1749934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This happens to me all the time. We've been married for 2 years and it boggles peoples minds I'm not pregnant. I didn't get married just to have a baby! We both have things we wanted to achieve before getting pregnant. I just completed a half Ironman 70.3 triathlon and that was my big thing to complete. It is no one's business when or if anyone is having a child. It got so bad with my MIL that my husband had to tell her if she brought up babies again we wouldn't be able to see her anymore. She hasn't said a word since ;) For others I say "that's a popular question" and change the subject. I don't mind if friends ask as they are friends and it's more like "do you want kids" and not a "why haven't you had kids yet?!". And I don't tell anyone our plan, I just say we have a plan for kids but we aren't sharing that plan. No one questions that answer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749933 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:54:38 +0000 snowjewelz 1749933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you were bombarded! It's never easy at any stage of life! People always tend to come up with insensitive questions regarding marriage, children, parenting, etc etc... Hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749928 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:53:21 +0000 MaryM 1749928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: and @catlady: Thank you. </p> <p>I have a feeling this was the kind of person that wouldn't have taken the hint with any of your suggestions, but I do really like what you guys have offered. </p> <p>It amazes me what some people think is ok. I'll put this at the top of my list of flabbergasted moments along with the time I was told that I shouldn't let anyone give me a hard time because my husband (boyfriend at the time) is black (totally out of the blue comment not related to anyone ever giving me a hard time). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749926 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:52:33 +0000 travellingbee 1749926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry she was being so rude to you. It is completely inappropriate, but some people just have no concept of what others might be going through. Just today someone that I like very much said to me upon leaving, it's about time for number two ....! We've never talked about expanding our family with them so I was very surprised she would be so presumptuous. Anyway, no specific advice. I just ignore it and chalk it up to being their problem, but I'm pretty nonconfrontational. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749919 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:49:13 +0000 catlady 1749919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Just saw your other comment. What?!? I would probably have been less polite than you if someone said that to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749917 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:48:49 +0000 babycanuck 1749917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually respond with "Since when was my sex life any of your business?"</p> <p>but to be more polite I might respond with a smile and move onto another subject :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749915 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:48:15 +0000 catlady 1749915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! That's an uncomfortable situation. I am lucky to have only gotten this question a couple times, but I distinctly remember once getting asked right after I went through a miscarriage, and I responded with something like, "That is a personal question and I would prefer not to discuss it. Can we change the topic?" It came off a little cold but got the point across. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749904 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:44:23 +0000 MaryM 1749904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OH! and a comment that really frosted me...</p> <p>She said to me "You have the easy job. You just have to lay there."</p> <p>Seriously!?!?! Get out of my bedroom! And if only it WAS that easy... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-planning-to-have-kids#post-1749866 Thu, 10 Jul 2014 12:34:23 +0000 MaryM 1749866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you say when people ask you inappropriate questions like "Are you planning to have kids? How many kids are you having? Do you want to have kids? When are you having kids?" etc.?</p> <p>I really don't understand why people think this is appropriate. I just went to meet DH for what was supposed to be a nice lunch date to celebrate a friend who's retiring. But the lady next to me at the bar (who DH knew from when he worked there) spent about 10 minutes going on and on about how we really should consider having kids and how much of a blessing they are (really?? No shit! I didn't realize that!)</p> <p>We never want to say "Yes, we're trying to have kids" because I feel like that sort of makes them asking the question acceptable, and gives them license to ask us down the road how things are going. We usually respond with something like "We'll see what happens" or today DH said "Anything is a possibility."</p> <p>But seriously, the 10th time she said they were a blessing I was so tempted to turn around (yes, she kept talking even though my back was to her) and scream "Yes. I know very well they're a blessing. I'd love to be 32 weeks pregnant right now but my baby died."</p> <p>But alas, I know when something is inappropriate.</p> <p>Any advice on how to handle these situations?</p> <p>(I ended up scarfing down my lunch and grabbing my purse and telling DH I had to get back to work) </p>