https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Jul 2026 00:18:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend/page/2#post-1428209 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 23:28:19 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1428209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! But I've decided not to be ashamed of it. I think a lot of times people are thinking the same thing but they don't feel comfortable admitting it. So friends might think, "oh we should hang out, but I have no money to go out to eat." Well if I just say outright, "hey, let's hang out but I have no money, can we do potluck?" Then that takes the pressure off of them too.</p> <p>I spent a lot of time feeling bad because my life didn't look like other people's. My wedding was tacky, my honeymoon was short, my rental home was filled with particleboard furniture. None of those things mattered to me and I wouldn't have made different choices...but somehow I felt judged. Or like an outsider, like my inability to afford things reflected poorly on me. Like I had bad taste or couldn't appreciate the finer things in life because I was poor. But that isn't true; I can appreciate them...sometimes more than the people who can afford them.....I just cannot afford them. </p> <p>One day it just dawned on me...I refused to be ashamed of the things I cannot afford. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend/page/2#post-1428206 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 23:23:19 +0000 StbHisMrs 1428206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly it feels like it, we aren't though. Our annual earnings surprised me so much that I just made an appt with a financial advisor to see where we're going wrong. I haven't been out to lunch or drinks with friends in so long ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1428054 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 21:39:34 +0000 Smurfette 1428054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think we are poor but we are tight now with day care. All of our friends are better off then we are. But I will be honest with my girlfriends and say I need a restaurant on the cheaper side if we are going out. Or we can't do something cause we can't afford a sitter and my Mom isn't available. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1428036 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 21:27:34 +0000 pui 1428036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First I want to say that most of you don't sound poor to me at all. You sound smart with money.</p> <p>"Well off" imo doesn't mean having a bunch of nice stuff or spending money on random frivolous things. In fact most of the actually wealthy people I've met don't like spending money unnecessary either. Just because your friends spend $20 like it's no big deal doesn't mean they are well off. </p> <p>Your financial situation is no ones business but yours. I don't think you ever have to tell someone anything about it, especially when it seems like it's often not a matter of "can't afford" and more of a "have different priorities". Even if you really can't afford it I don't think anyone needs to know that. As long as you are handling your finances well, you have nothing to be ashamed of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427904 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 20:31:48 +0000 SweetMamaM 1427904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't necessarily say that we're the poorest of our friends (although we've definitely had to tighten our belts since dropping down to one income) but I would say we are definitely one of the more frugal couples. We don't buy our cars new, we don't pay for cable (just have the free channels), we rent rather than own in the regional real estate bubble we are currently experiencing and recently moved to reduce our household expenses even further.<br /> In the past, those choices enabled us to do a lot of amazing things - throw an awesome party for our wedding, travel, dine at expensive restaurants and we own both our cars outright. Those choices will also help us live a relatively good life on my husband's mid-range wage while I SAH. I know that some people may look at us askance (especially about not owning a home - it is the kiwi dream) but I hope that I provide enough of a great experience when my more wealthy friends come to visit that they don't notice what we don't have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427800 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 19:16:04 +0000 birdofafeather 1427800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah, but i know it's a season in life and we carry no debt... but that's because our parents have been extremely generous while DH goes through school/training. we can't wait to be able to repay their generosity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427751 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 18:35:17 +0000 mrs. bird 1427751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: my brother moved back from DC to MA a couple years ago and i'm pretty sure DC's where he learned to be such a label whore. not that boston is inexpensive! i live further west in MA where life is slightly more reasonable, but today i was watching 'my first home' and sulking over people buying these beautiful homes for under 200K, that show puts their salaries out there too and they weren't making much less then i do. i guess i shouldn't complain, i could move, but i love it here! no matter where i move, i will still see my brother's outfits and think, 'wow, the clothes on your back are worth more than my car!' :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427729 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 18:10:28 +0000 jedeve 1427729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: seriously. We live in Montana and my sisters live in DC. My parents always feel sooo sorry for them because they have higher rents and $7 beer. But on the other hand, the average salary their is 50% higher! My sister makes the same as an assistant at an npo that my husband does as a lawyer. And that is without daycare, diapers, a mortgage, and a kid on the way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427689 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 17:08:16 +0000 lovehoneybee 1427689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, because most of our friends are currently DINK. D doesn't make a lot of money at all (but he LOVES his job, company and industry) and we're currently on only his income, with a child. It's a large part of why we're on the fence about another LO, and why, if we do, it'll be after I've been able to work and set more money aside. We get by with careful budgeting now, and adding another child into the mix right now would have huge implications for us, both in the immediate (longer for us on one small income) and long-term (clothes, education, etc). </p> <p>I try my best to be gracious when friends offer to pay for things. I know we won't be in this position forever, and try to think "today me, tomorrow you". I know when we've been in a better financial position their company means more to me than the money I'm spending, and I WANT to treat if it means we can hang out. </p> <p>I'm guessing that someday most of them will be in a more similar position to me, and I'll be able to be the one treating. Past that, when one of them wants to hang out I'll invite them over for dinner, or offer to cook at their house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427676 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 17:00:45 +0000 NCSUchick27 1427676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say we are the poor friends, but sometimes we are the more frugal friends. Our best couple friends splurge a lot more often than we do and they make quite a bit less money.</p> <p>I just try to tell myself that not everyone is as financially responsible as I think, and just because it looks like they are more well off doesn't mean that they actually are. A lot of people drive nice cars and live in nice houses, but they have little in savings and are drowning in credit card debt. </p> <p>I felt pretty good about our financial situation when we bought our new car because we were able to qualify for a super low interest rate, and we will be able to pay the loan off in three years. Before we bought our new car my car was a 1996 and DH's was a 2002. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427662 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 16:46:16 +0000 RubyCali 1427662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if we are actually the poorest, but I am one of the most frugal! We are trying to save up for a down payment, so we are on a budget while none of my friends are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427647 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 16:34:29 +0000 psw27 1427647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes and no. I think we live conservatively. A few friends spend money on things I think are nuts! ($400 on clothes just because or a $700 handbag...) I would rather travel and save and live mostly debt free. Just different lifestyles in some senses! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427637 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 16:18:30 +0000 mrs. bird 1427637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: omg. yes, i am totally poor next to my sibling! friday while i was with my brother, he was worried about getting his alexander mcqueen boots gross in the snow and he was wearing a velvet burberry jacket.... i was wearing rain boots from payless and a sweater from target :D hahahaha, so poor, so so poor next to him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427627 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 16:08:05 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 1427627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! Most definitely. I've actually cut down on certain gatherings because it's easier that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427625 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 16:07:29 +0000 jedeve 1427625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have many friends but I feel like the poorest sibling often! We marvel at some of the trips our siblings take. And one of my coworkers was telling me about a vacation that was "only" a thousand dollars. </p> <p>I just tell myself they will understand soon enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427613 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:57:15 +0000 Purpledaisy 1427613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: ditto! IRL most of our friends are as poor as us haha. We have VERY modest jobs. I often feel like the poorest bee here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427599 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:45:38 +0000 lilteacherbee 1427599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, but sadly because of DH and my profession (both teachers), everyone knows the deal :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427597 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:44:45 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1427597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: hahah me too!! But it seems that so many of us feel that way... So it must be that the majority of Hb isn't actually that well off... Maybe? I don't really know.</p> <p>With my last group of friends DH and I definitely felt that way. They were all two income families (at the time I was SAHM), owned nice houses, two cars, and lived in our dream town. Everyone usually took turns hosting get togethers but we could never host anything with our tiny apartment! They obviously never said anything or treated us differently but it felt uncomfortable. And they often did movie nights or weekly date nights and we missed a lot of them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427577 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:24:54 +0000 stargal 1427577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes none of my friends have a lot of money though so were all kinda in the same boat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427574 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:21:15 +0000 Freckles 1427574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I was just going to say the same thing. We don't care to spend money on things our friends have splurged on, nor do we give extravagant gifts which may make us seem poor in relation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427573 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:19:24 +0000 IRunForFun 1427573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: Me too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427570 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:18:25 +0000 MsMamaBear 1427570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, actually they complain about not affording things more than I do and I know I make less.LOL I'm more likely to spend on a vacation and they aren't though. SO maybe we just spend in different places.</p> <p>@mrs. bird: LOL! Me too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427563 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:11:34 +0000 Dandelion 1427563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: ditto! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427560 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:09:58 +0000 Bao 1427560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: same ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427553 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 15:02:15 +0000 deactivated_account 1427553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I seem to be right in the middle of our friends. Our very bestest friends are fortunate to have wealthy and generous parents. They, in turn, are so generous to us. We, in turn, try to be as generous as we can (on a much smaller scale) with our friends who are struggling. It seems that the late 20s and early 30s are so vastly different for everyone. Some have kids and some don't. Some are settled into their careers and others are still figuring out what they want to do. In general, however, I am finding this to be a really exciting time in our life - tight money or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427539 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 14:38:15 +0000 mlm2934 1427539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: haha ditto </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427536 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 14:37:09 +0000 mlm2934 1427536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not that I feel like the poor friend, but more that I feel like we seem poor to our friends cause we are always saying we can't afford to do luxury things people want to do, but we feel like we can't afford to do those things bc it takes away from more important goals like paying off debt or saving for retirement. It does suck no matter the reason to be the one always turning done invites or being hesitate to spend money on certain things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427535 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 14:35:37 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1427535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bpcmarj: that's so exciting!!! Good for you guys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427533 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 14:34:30 +0000 bpcmarj 1427533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Generally, yes. But not for long. We are moving WAY in the right direction! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-the-poor-friend#post-1427503 Sun, 16 Feb 2014 14:03:00 +0000 rachiecakes 1427503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>sometimes! I think I just prioritize differently than I used to. It has to be a special night to want a $20+ cocktail now :) </p>