https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 18:56:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105217 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 13:26:51 +0000 CarrieLouWho 105217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say have the party, if they want to be there, they will be. If not, maybe they can take your LO for some one on one time to celebrate?</p> <p>My parents divorced when I was 10, dad remarried right after and divorced my stepmom when I was 22. Around age 24, my mom and dad got back together. They aren't remarried, but live together. It's really bizarre. I'm still really close with my Stepmom (now called Bonus Mom!), so its like we still have extra family to deal with at holidays. CRAZY TOWN! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105168 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:58:40 +0000 skibobrown 105168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are still together, but DH's parents aren't. They had a really nasty divorce when DH was 10. Mostly b/c of the fallout from the divorce, DH isn't super close with either of his parents. We still see them and talk with them, but the relationship is very restrained. It sucks that we're not close with his parents, but in a way it makes things much easier for holidays. We tend to celebrate major holidays and events w/ my parents, and will occasionally do a secondary celebration w/ one or both of DH's parents (separately of course). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105160 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:53:42 +0000 Crisark 105160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are divorced.<br /> However, since it's been more than 25 years, they are good with each other.<br /> My dad didn't remarry but my mom did rather quickly.<br /> We all come together for parties for my kids. Holidays are sometimes together depending on travel.<br /> I think they need to suck it up for the child's sake. It's not about them.<br /> Yes, it's painful, but they are adults and need to act like it.<br /> I am also divorced and we make sure to do as much as a family unit as possible. It's not the kids fault that our marriage didn't work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105128 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:40:09 +0000 His Barista 105128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ours are all still married! : ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105103 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:26:23 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 105103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bpcmarj: haha! seriously. I'm the only in my friends whos parents are divorced. Sometimes it makes me wonder if they are truly happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105101 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:25:24 +0000 bpcmarj 105101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: yes, we are lucky! My divorced parents get along mich better than some friends parents who are still married! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105094 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:23:09 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 105094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bpcmarj: Isn't it the best thing ever?! I never seen my parents fight and the fact that they can have an amical relationship is amazing for us the kids. There's no price for that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105083 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:17:12 +0000 bpcmarj 105083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blushink: my family is similar. Divorced when I was 10, but they get along really really well. For a while, my Dad lived in the same house as my mom and stepdad and he still goes to visit them and their kids. We have always done birthdays and christmas', etx together. Even when they first got divorced.</p> <p>My opinion is one party. I think there comes a time when everyone should learn to be civil for a couple of hours for the sake of you and your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-105004 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 11:20:41 +0000 Nskillet 105004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cchoi4: girl, do I feel your pain. DHs parents and my parents are divorced. Our baby will have 4 sets of grandparents (8 total) and 12 living great grandparents. Countless aunts and uncles and generally is being born into a circus. Our wedding was the first event the parents were all forced to be together for. My baby shower this Saturday will be the second for the Moms. </p> <p>My husband and I have been running all over the state/east coast since we've been about 9 or so for birthdays and holidays and it's something we've both decided will end when our daughter arrives. Our parents have been fortunate not to suffer through being shifted around like possessions for years and we refuse to put our kid through it. Basically, it's time for them to deal with their decisions and not get everything they want.</p> <p>It should be 1 birthday party. All are welcome in your home (neutral territory) and if someone can't make it that is on them and their decision. It isn't wrong of you to expect this, and while your mother SHOULD be able to put aside her feelings for one small period of time for her grandchild if she can't you have to respect her feelings. Don't let her make you feel guilty about anything.</p> <p>My husband and I have a strict "deal with it" policy at this point when it comes to our families. It's wrong of them to expect their children to make changes to plans for them alone. They've all been selfish long enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104999 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 11:05:25 +0000 lilteacherbee 104999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents have been married for 26 years and DH's parents just celebrated their 32nd anniversary, so luckily that's one issue we don't have. I work with young kids whose parents are in the midst of the divorce and it affects them in so many ways. I'm sorry you have to deal with this :( it sucks that they can't put aside their differences for the sake of their grandchildren. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104985 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:47:51 +0000 LuLu Mom 104985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lucikly both sets of our parents are still happily married, but I have several friends with split parents. They did what PP said, one birthday party and the parents had to make the decision on whether to attend their grandchild's party. It's not fair for them to expect you to have seperate parties due to their relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104978 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:39:39 +0000 chopsuey 104978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it obvious that I'm team mom? I mean, your dad must have made her super miserable for her not to even want to go to your wedding.. But! Hopefully both sets of parents will put their feelings aside and make it to your LO's party. Your sanity and your little family come first now. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104971 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:34:16 +0000 Adira 104971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are not divorced, but Hubs parents are. His father is remarried, but his mom is not. His mom gets along okay with his dad, but she does NOT get along with his new wife! They fake it though when they get together, haha.</p> <p>I would say through ONE party and let your parents deal. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to accommodate them. They need to just deal. If your mom is willing to miss out on this milestone with your child because of her issues, than that is her problem and she's the one that's going to be missing out. Sorry if that's harsh.</p> <p>Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104968 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:32:28 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 104968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are divorced. My mom is on her third marriage and my dad on his second. I'm still close with my mom's second husband, who is the father of my two younger brothers. So it is like I have three sets of parents. Also most of my grandparents are divorced so I have five sets of grandparents. It gets so confusing and is hard to explain. My stepmom doesn't come around if my mom is there and for a long time would let my brother and sister either. It used to bother me, now it doesn't. I wonder if some of those old feelings will resurface when I have a LO and we are celebrating birthdays and holidays?</p> <p>My husband's parents are divorced as well. His family is complicated in a different way though. </p> <p>I always hated the child pass off days. So did my husband. We are both completely committed to never getting divorced. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104954 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:20:10 +0000 pelikila 104954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would support you in throwing one birthday party for your LO and letting your parents/families decide if they want to participate or not. It is what I have done and will continue to do. Granted, my parents didn't divorce until I was in middle school and they never did two holidays. We either spent the holiday with one parent or the other and they took turns. They didn't necessarily like it but they did it so we didn't have so much discord. I've maintained a similar trade with adding in the in laws. We travel every other year and take turns with different portions of the family on the different holidays on the years we travel and invite different groups to our home on years we stay put. For my son's birthday we held a small party at our home and invited all the grandparents and let them decide if they wanted to come or not. You can't run your life making sure everyone gets what they want because what happens is you are the one always unhappy. Sometimes you need to put yourself and your family's needs above those of your extended family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104935 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:01:15 +0000 mediagirl 104935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with @rubies. The party is for your LO and you, not for your parents or in-laws or anyone else. Invite all of your parents and if they ask, just tell them yes, you've invited everyone!</p> <p>Fortunately Hops and I both have parents that are not separated or divorced, so we haven't run into these issues. 39 and 48 years respectively!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104928 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:57:01 +0000 heffalump 104928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubby and my parents are still married. But my sils parents are divorced and have an awful relationship. Her brother has a baby and they only threw one party. They both went and just stayed away from each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104899 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:28:01 +0000 tequiero21 104899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i agree with @rubies. i think you should just have 1 party and leave it up to them to see if they want to come. not to sound preachy, but your mom should let go of her hurt/anger for a few hours for her grandchild. they've both moved on.... so not sure why she's still haunted by her previous marriage =(....</p> <p>and no...my parents are not divorced and will be celebrating 38 years together in november. (i don't think my dad can survive without my mom).... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104893 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:24:14 +0000 yoursilverlining 104893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As of this weekend, my parents have been married for 41 years, so I don’t have any personal experience with divorce. </p> <p>It sounds like your parents have been divorced for a very long time though, and honestly, it’s really a shame that they can’t put aside their own feelings for one day for their grandchild’s birthday party. If you have a decent relationship with your father, he can’t be too evil, right? Even if he and your mom had a terrible relationship, it is long over, and IMHO, your LO should be most important to both of them. I don’t think it’s rude or unfair to have 1 party for your LO and make it clear that focus of the day is him and all are welcome to attend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104891 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:22:20 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 104891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. We have three sets of grandparents to deal with, and I'm not looking forward to situations like this in the future. Fortunately, they're all civil. It's just more of a logistical pain making sure we see everyone and don't get subtle guilt that we're spending more time with one particular set, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104890 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:21:58 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 104890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my parents are separated (never got married) but our family is very different then the norm. My mom is good friends (now) with my dads wife and we celebrate Xmas all together (and birthday's)</p> <p>It must be so tough when people don't get along. I hope for you kid (s) they will be civilized. Its so important for the LOs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104885 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:19:32 +0000 Rubies 104885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have experience with divorce so this is just coming from what I think right now. I think that your LO deserves everything in the world and that includes loving grandparents who are adults and should know how to put aside their differences for a couple of hours. I would plan the party as you wish and leave it up to them to decide if they're going to come or not. *YOU* don't need the stress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104881 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:18:50 +0000 chopsuey 104881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh. And no, my parents are still married. Celebrating 39 years this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104879 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:18:22 +0000 chopsuey 104879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That really stinks.. :( I would be stressed too! Are you closer to either parent? I definitely wouldn't have 2 parties for my LO. If your mom is traumatized by her marriage to your dad, maybe you should just invite her to your LO's first and have a dinner or lunch with your dad and his wife? 2nd and beyond you can invite both and let them deal with whether they want to come..<br /> I don't know. :T Sorry I'm not much help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parents-divorced#post-104867 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:06:10 +0000 Cchoi4 104867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are your parents divorced? When I was growing up, I would do a lot of back and forth between my divorced parents. They both remarried so I also had a stepmom and stepdad, along with a stepsister and stepbrother. </p> <p>Back and forth would entail two birthdays for both me and my sister, two father's days, two mothers days, two thanksgivings, two christmases, two father's birthdays, two mother's birthdays, etc etc. It could have been fun to have so many celebrations, but to be honest, it was very stressful.</p> <p>Now that I am married and have a family of my own, I am wondering how to handle these holidays along with my son's birthdays going forward. It drove me crazy to have to have so many difference celebrations. So, for example, I get stressed because father's day would entail celebrating for my husband, my husband's father, my father and my stepfather. Its nuts!</p> <p>(A little background - I had to pull teeth to get my biological mother to come to my wedding. And she has told me she is not coming to my LO's 1st birthday party if my father is there. They had a very bad marriage which haunts her to this day.)</p> <p>I want to at least just have one birthday a year for LO and invite both sets of parents to it. If they choose to come then great. If they choose not to come, I figure their loss. But is that harsh and unrealistic to their feelings? </p>