https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Jul 2026 19:57:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel/page/2#post-713311 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 16:01:07 +0000 shopaholic 713311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, both of our parents are pretty generous and always have been. My ILs are more generous but also have more means. We are lucky but I guess both used to it also. But we both know how lucky and fortunate we are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713288 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:50:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 713288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: your journey is inspirational. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713277 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:37:07 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 713277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: @redsmarties: It was the same for DH the first few Christmases with my family, too! At first, he'd put silly things when my mom asked him for a "list" like "African elephant", but then shed turn around and give him a stuffed elephant tchotchke. He's starting to get over it and even let me tell them he'd like a iPad for last Christmas (from which I type now). </p> <p>My parents are definitely in a position to be more financially generous and it can bother DH, since he's not used to it. But it's not like the in-laws are stingy or cold; they show us just as much love in other ways. As far as I know, there's no competition between the families, even with LO around now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713230 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:14:03 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 713230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I could have written your post! Christmas at my parents' house used to be really uncomfortable for DH - he was used to receiving one gift from his mom and one from Santa. It was major shock to have Christmas with my family; he was so overwhelmed everyone thought he was angry (he's gotten much better since). </p> <p>Also, my mom is a major bargain shopper, so she is constantly bringing over things for the baby (clothes, toys, diapers, etc). I'm sure it makes MIL feel a little guilty, because she is not in the place to help out in the same way. But MIL does lots for us too (in different ways), and we are so grateful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713198 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:56:25 +0000 fancyfunction 713198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are super generous with us. I'm an only child so it may be easier than if I had siblings. They've gifted us and the baby so many things and I am so grateful. They don't need to but want to. Now that their first grandchild is here - forget it! Spoil city :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713146 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:18:17 +0000 MediaNaranja 713146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are (and always have been) very generous. I know that it makes my DH feel a bit uncomfortable, especially since he grew up quite poor. My younger brother is also quite generous, which makes *me* feel a little guilty sometimes.</p> <p>My in-laws are quite a different story. DH is one of 8 children, and with the exception of my MIL and one of my SIL, none of them are generous at ALL, and flaunt what they do have in front of those that don't. Without getting into too many details, they have treated my DH pretty poorly (with the exception of MIL &amp; SIL) to the point where he basically doesn't have a relationship with any of them. I think this is partly why DH is so uncomfortable with my parents generosity, because he simply isn't used to that sort of thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713106 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 13:34:46 +0000 Cherrybee 713106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Thanks Mrs J. :-) I'm glad my daughter wont have to struggle.... </p> <p>We can teach our children the value of money and the value of hard work in other ways. There are plenty of family volunteering opportunities, peer mentoring schemes etc that I can support my daughter to access that will ensure she understands that not everyone has the opportunities that she has.... that's providing hubby doesn't divorce me coz, at present, his parents own everything and I'll be left with the coat on my back! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713095 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 13:24:21 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 713095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I'm very proud of you! I have a similar story minus the father problems, but I worked 40 hours a week to get through school (first person in my family too). And when I look at where I came from and where I am, it always tickles me to no end! </p> <p>I am a little sad that my girls won't know what it's like to scrape and get ahead... But I always call my achievements the definition of the American dream... And to think you did that in Britain! Very impressive! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713073 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:51:12 +0000 Cherrybee 713073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: You know what - I am! And I'm actually really proud of myself for that! I came from a difficult background - an alcoholic, unemployed father and my mum, who worked two cleaning jobs (on the side) to keep the house afloat while my dad drank the welfare money away. My dad finally left home when I was 12. My mum really struggled. At 14, I got my first Saturday job and by 17 I was working some evenings, too. </p> <p>Despite that, I did well at school and got a place at University (the first person in my family to go!) but had to quit half way through my course because I just couldn't afford to pay my way. I ran up student loans, a bank loan and worked part time but it wasn't enough. All my University friends' parents helped them financially, but my mum just couldn't. </p> <p>I got a full time job and very quickly was promoted. I then signed up to night school and, 4 years later, qualified in law. But I always wanted that degree! So I signed up the Open University and am now studying (distance learning) for an English degree alongside working full time. I pay my course fees monthly! </p> <p>When I was 23, I decided I wanted to learn to drive. I paid for my driving lessons, I hour per week. It look me well over a year to pass but then I saved up and bought my first car!</p> <p>A fair few promotions/new jobs later, I got a really good job and was able to start saving. </p> <p>It took me until I was 31 to buy my first house - and, a few months ago, I paid off the last of my student loans!</p> <p>My job now is supporting people from low income communities to better manage their money and access opportunities. I took a huge pay cut 2 years ago to take this job because it's so important to me! </p> <p>Maybe that's why their generosity makes me feel so strange. Nobody has ever helped me, I've had to help myself. But I'm proud of my mum - I'm proud of the way she coped and I'm grateful for the sacrifices she made. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713056 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:21:14 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 713056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think it might be harder in Britain where class issues are far more pronounced. The perception is that there is far less class mobility in Europe than there is in the US (even though the US is far less mobile than it used to be!). You are what seems to be a rather unusual success story... Which may create uncomfortable class issues for your mum ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713047 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:11:44 +0000 yoursilverlining 713047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is extremely generous, DH is an only child, and MIL *loves* to shop....so we get awesome care packages often. At first, it made me kind of uncomfortable because she would drop tons of cash on new Coach bags and clothing for me, and that isn't something I'm used to, and I like providing for myself. But, now I understand that she buys us all things because it makes HER happy, and seeing us happy makes her happy, so I've become more comfortable with it. I still don't take it for granted, or ever expect her to shower us with gifts, or $$ or anything....but I'm more comfortable if/when it happens.</p> <p>I am especially grateful that she was able to give us a significant amount of money for LO's college fund. Having a leg up like that right after LO's birth is so amazing, and I will be forever grateful to her for that!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713039 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 12:03:37 +0000 Cherrybee 713039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: My mum has been to my inlaws' house twice for dinner but has started turning down invitations because she feels she needs to reciprocate but is too ashamed to let them see her house. It's ridiculous, really, because her house isn't a run down old shack or anything!! Plus my inlaws 1) really don't need or ask for reciprocation 2) Wouldn't judge her at all. So frustrating! It's going to get worse when the LO is here because my MIL has her own business so can work when she wants -and is going to look after LO 2 days per week when I go back to work. My mum on the other hand had initially said that she would give up work and look after our baby if we paid her - but has since declared that she values "her independence" too much and would rather keep working (which is fine, it's her choice) so she will not see LO as often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713037 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:59:45 +0000 pl0508 713037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: so so frustrating !! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713036 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:59:25 +0000 Dandelion 713036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in laws are very generous, although they don't have much to give. But, my MIL will pay for my stuff half the time when we're shopping, even though I have every intention of paying for what I buy.</p> <p>My parents are generous, but only to a point. They don't give out as much as your inlaws, but they take us to dinner and watch DS an awful lot. My mom bought us groceries after I got out of the hospital, and helped with cleaning. They even will let us live with them if we ever need to. But, they're not willing to make themselves broke to help us out. They feel like they've worked hard for everything they have their whole life and we should, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713029 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:56:14 +0000 IRunForFun 713029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is incredibly generous. He has lived frugally, invested wisely, and saved up, and he likes to spend money on his kids now, while he can see us enjoy it, rather than leave it all to us for after he's gone (though I'm sure there will be some of that, too.) He's not an emotive guy at all, and while it makes me feel bad to have him spend money on me, I've learned that it's his way of showing love, and the best thing I can do is enthusiastically appreciate it. </p> <p>He bought me a brand new car, in cash, last year. My car was 12 years old and kept needing repairs, so I was scrimping and saving to buy a "new" used car. He bought me a brand new one so I wouldn't have to have another car that would require a ton of costly maintenance. I offered to work out a payment plan to pay him back, but he wouldn't hear of it. He is also paying for my entire wedding, and plans to help with a down payment when we want to buy a house.</p> <p>I feel extremely fortunate that he is so generous.</p> <p>My in-laws CAN be generous, but it is usually with strings attached, or they will just hold it over our heads forever. For example, we had no where to store our couch for a while, and they "allowed" us to keep it at their second house, but MIL keeps making comments like, "I'm letting you keep your couch here, the least you could do is come visit more often." They will sometimes loan SO money but hound him to pay it back, so it's not really worth it. </p> <p>I think SO sometimes feels I am dependent on my parents because they help out financially, but that's not the case and I've told him so. I don't NEED their money, nor do I ask for it. My dad offers and would be insulted if I said no. He is just not used to it yet, I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713027 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:53:40 +0000 cascademom 713027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coacheswife123: Right now, I can't wait to return DH's baby clothes to her which she made a point of bringing up here and leaving with us. They sit in our closet because they're all too delicate and LO is too big for them. If she's so attached to them, don't offer them. I remember asking for pictures, etc. in general, it was a pain for her to part with them. Yeah, I'm never asking anything of her ever again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713023 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:51:29 +0000 Cole 713023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: It can get really hard, plus it is so awkward when my in-laws invite her to their home and try to include her in things and she always says no and never makes similar offers. It was better for awhile but I think now that my dad is gone it is going to get tricky again. </p> <p>I am hoping when we have kids it will even out a bit because my mom is way better with little ones than my in laws so I am secretly hoping my kids just like her better... It's odd too because I was not raised to value lots of material things and yet my mom somehow thinks that I value those things over her. I think it would be easier if my in laws spent their money on things that my mom didn't like (which I know is a really odd statement) but if they kept buying expensive cars and wine instead of traveling which my mom would love to do she could just dismiss it. Sigh is right! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713020 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:50:33 +0000 pl0508 713020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cascademom: ditto ! She always holds it over our heads ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713017 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:49:08 +0000 cascademom 713017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coacheswife123: I can totally relate to the "strings attached" with gifts from the inlaws. At this point, I'd rather not receive anything from them if that's how gifts are perceived. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-713009 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:36:56 +0000 Cherrybee 713009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I could have written your second paragraph myself!!! My mum feels worthless in the presence of my inlaws and is forever accusing me of liking my MIL more that her etc. She is jealous of their nice house, she is jealous that they are still together after over 30 years (she and my dad split up and she has never remarried)... I try not to tell her when they give us things because it prompts a "I can't help you, you must hate me" rant. Sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712986 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:20:26 +0000 pl0508 712986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are generous and it does not make me feel guilty. My mil is not generous and when she is giving I feel like there are always strings attached ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712896 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 10:25:25 +0000 oliviaoblivia 712896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are the very generous ones and it makes DH uncomfortable. FIL has piles of money and is randomly generous with it and then randomly really stingy. He offered to pay for the bar at our wedding and then refused to pay for it when the bill came due but then gave us a huge check for our downpayment and then hasn't given DH a birthday or Christmas gift since we've been together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712880 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 10:11:17 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 712880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: my in laws are also generous like yours! It was really hard for me at first, but now that I truly understand that it's all out of love, I've relaxed and stopped refusing so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712863 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 09:59:52 +0000 cascademom 712863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are very generous. They paid for our wedding, gave us a chunk of money for our downpayment, and a number of things for LO. My inlaws haven't been generous. During the wedding planning process, we didn't know whether or not they would pay for the rehearsal dinner. With LO, they gave us a few things. What gets me about them and LO is that he's their first grandchild. I would find a way to spend tons on him, etc., and they don't. For my parents, it's their 4th grandchild and my mom tells me that she's bought more books for him, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712833 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 09:45:32 +0000 HLK208 712833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws are not. Both of DH's parents aren't financially stable. His mom is living with her parents and his dad is on disability. I don't mind that they can't help us out (although it would be nice) but they don't offer to be supportive or to help babysit even though neither of them work. </p> <p>My parents, on the other hand, are so generous. They helped us with our down payment on our house, have babysat, given us big cash gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Lol but I think they know that DH and I will be taking care of them when they are old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712822 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 09:38:49 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 712822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's so sweet that they help you out. My mom is just like your in laws. She gifts us larger items or gives us the funds for the items we need or want. The inlaws flip us 20 bucks for our birthdays &amp; we score pretty good at christmas with our smaller items (books, blankets, gift cards, etc) but nothing like my family. </p> <p>They use to help DH when he would get into finacial trouble but now that he is an adult &amp; married they have really backed off. </p> <p>I have to add that even though my mom has helped with larger items she has to see that we are working our butts off for what we do have. Its more of a I'm proud of your hard work, have a new garage door, type of thing. I use to live a very poor life after HS and didn't make healthy decisions. I had very little support from her then because I wasn't doing anything for myself, I was a bum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712801 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 09:21:40 +0000 Grace 712801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think both our parents are generous by nature, but they really don't have the money to be. I do feel guilty because I can't convince my parents to let me pay for stuff. For example, my dad took a day off work to install our garage door. I would have liked to offset that loss of income, but he wouldn't let me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712753 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 08:35:15 +0000 Weagle 712753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both of our parents are very generous. My parents are a little more so, but I'm an only child, they are working and make very good salaries, and live in a very low-cost area. DH's parents are retired, so not as flexible with their money, but they are adamant about being able to leave a significant amount to us when the time comes. And they would drop everything to come to us should we need the help. We are extremely thankful for their generosity. They would go to the moon and back for us if we needed it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712751 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 08:30:24 +0000 yerpie110 712751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws are EXTREMELY generous with us. They live very frugally and my MIL has always told me that they spent their lives saving their money so that their children could be better off. We are in a financially stable situation yet they insist on giving us money and are offended when we attempt to refuse it (part of our down payment, paid for part of our renovations, gifted DH their brand new car, they give us $300 in cash pretty much every time we see them which is 1-2x per week, help pay for our nanny, bought us furniture, buy LO everything, etc.). On top of that, they spend so much time helping us in any way too! Watching our dog, babysitting, gardening, doing fix-ups around the house - it's kind of insane to be honest and it does make me feel guilty. But DH keeps saying that's just how they are so after 10 years, I am more used to it but by no means am comfortable with it still. We thank them profusely and acknowledge how lucky we are!</p> <p>My parents expect us to be independent and the most they will do is pay for us to go on vacation with them. Outside of that and the usual birthday/holiday gifts, they don't do much else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-parentsin-laws-generous-how-does-it-make-you-feel#post-712741 Sat, 13 Apr 2013 08:14:48 +0000 Anagram 712741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's parents want to be extremely generous. I think they would literally give DH or his sister the shirts off their backs. They live VERY frugally, but are always offering to "help" us (even though we don't really need it).</p> <p>For example, we're still house hunting in a crazy market. His dad has offered to loan DH money for a larger down payment if it helps make our offer look better (we're already doing 25% down). Of course, we said no! (DH makes more than twice as much as his parents), but the fact that they know what he makes and they still want to help says a lot about them.</p> <p>My mom is generous with gifts, but she totally expects us to take care of ourselves financially--which is good! I have two siblings that are a drain on her financially, so if she didn't set boundaries, she would have no retirement. She would never offer money for a downpayment or anything, but I'm glad. She's only 1 year from retirement, so I want her to save everything for her own future. </p>