https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 06:18:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom/page/2#post-865725 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:28:14 +0000 immabeetoo 865725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel bad for her! I know it was her choice, and her choice to share her reflections, but it bummed me out (for lack of a more intelligent phrase). I think she worded it carefully as to not generalize but in my experience, parents who choose to stay at home are cognizant of future costs and that is a risk. </p> <p>I planned on, and love, staying at home but am working on maintaining regular volunteer contacts and eventually part-time work when LO(s) are older, transitioning back into full-time work when they're in school and more self-sufficient. </p> <p>As other have said, I disagree that by not working, I am letting anyone down. I am thankful for women who fought for equality but it's about the choice and freedom to choose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom/page/2#post-865715 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:23:59 +0000 Raindrop 865715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is a very interesting article but mostly because it comes back to the idea of "everyone is different". But! These stories are good because it makes you stop and think about your situation which is always a good thing to do. I feel like I always forget to re-evaulate and adjust. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865706 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:20:26 +0000 heffalump 865706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone is different, and not every mom is meant to be a SAHM. Personally, I've been a SAHM for 23 months and plan to stay that way for as long as possible.<br /> -I let down those who went before me. My mom is the one who went before me. She was a SAHM and loved it. She encouraged my decision. I think it's great that women can do all sorts of things now, but it's our choice. This is my choice.</p> <p>I used my driver's license far more than my degrees. I have my masters, and I do admit that I'm not using it now. But that doesn't mean I won't use it in the future. When my kids are in school I'm probably going to be getting a part time job. Yes, I still won't use it as much as I could have.... but being home is my priority. </p> <p>My kids think I did nothing. My mom was a SAHM and I never thought any less of her for it. </p> <p>My world narrowed. I used to work with all women, I'm in a field where it's mostly women. Now I actually see a lot of dad's and grandpa's when we're out at the library, playground, etc. </p> <p>I got sucked into a mountain of volunteer work. I guess I'm not at this point yet.... but personally I am hoping to have time to volunteer at my kid's school when they are older. </p> <p>I worried more. I don't think anything could ever make me worry less.</p> <p>I slipped into a more traditional marriage. We've always been pretty traditional in our gender roles and that's the way I like it. I don't want to take out the trash, get an oil change, etc. I'm happy doing the cooking instead. </p> <p>I became outdated. I've always been behind on technology, pop culture, etc. That stuff doesn't interest me. </p> <p>I lowered my sights and lost confidence. I don't feel like I'm doing this. I am an artist, and while I don't have as much time as I used to, I still make art. And as the kids grow older, I'll have more time to do my own thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865561 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:29:01 +0000 Honeybee 865561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not everyone is meant to be a stay at home parent, just like not everyone is meant to work outside the home full-time. For those of us who are lucky enough to have a choice in the matter, we should all try and make the best decision for our families as a whole, which (I think) is all the author is trying to point out. Sounds like solid advice to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865471 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:06:30 +0000 littlek 865471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: My guess is she would have a live-in nanny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865449 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:03:19 +0000 Grace 865449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I liked it. I think it illustrates that what is good for one mom isn't good for others. We're all different. I am kinda sad that she regrets it though. That's a big chunk of life to wish you'd done different. Plus she was a trader (I think?) - isn't that one of the most stressful jobs? I wonder how she would have done as a WOHM with that job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865396 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:48:32 +0000 Crisark 865396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I liked the article, thought it was well written. She was very careful to stress her love for the time she had with her children. However, she's entitled to not being satisfied with her decision now that the time has come to reflect.<br /> I was a SAHM with my first while I was married to a Navy Sailor and believe it or not I HATED it. Like HATED being home daily. I LOVED the time with her but I am not cut out for being a SAHM. I'm just not. That doesn't mean that I don't understand how important a job it is. It just isn't for everyone and sometimes I think it's totally possible to look back and wonder what could have been.<br /> I think it's a perspective that should be talked about. If WOHM can regret working then SAHM can regret staying home.<br /> It goes both ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865381 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:42:19 +0000 HLK208 865381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The article is just fine - for her. She is an entirely different person than I am so I can't imagine that I would ever feel the same way. Honestly, I don't stay at home so my children can appreciate what I've done or so they can recognize how hard I worked with them.</p> <p>However, I don't think it's a big deal that your friend posted that...it would not have scared me away from being a SAHM. I'm young and have time to establish my career once my children are in school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865370 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:39:17 +0000 looch 865370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Navy_Mommy: I don't think I wrote that, what I was trying to get across is that when you're fairly green in the workforce, your pay reflects that. Compensation usually rises with experience, so the longer you work, the more you make, and the harder to give that up it becomes. You (in general) don't miss what you don't have, I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865355 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:33:20 +0000 Maysprout 865355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's good for people to share their opinions since what speaks to me doesn't speak to others and vice versa. But.....I think her first point was offensive, I appreciate what women before have done and I've gotten to meet with many in my field who broke down barriers, but that doesn't mean their choice should be everyone's choice. And points 3, 4, and 5 weren't all that much about being a SAHM but more about her personality. My mom worked but DH mom stayed home and neither him or his brothers think she did nothing, I think they'd all find that pretty laughable since she did a lot more than most women who worked. So I think 3 is semi-offensive to imply SAHMs do nothing. </p> <p>To answer your last question I'm a SAHM sometimes and I've loved it and think I needed it to live a more fulfilling life (which I know doesn't apply to everyone but for me it's true). I would feel bad if I didn't use my degree though and was always a SAHM, I do think some of these points she listed at the end would ring true to me eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865281 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:03:24 +0000 loveisstrange 865281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think she is really even speaking about other women, so I'm not sure why it would be offensive. I think she is sharing her own personal reflections on what she has done with her life. I am a SAHM and I do have the call to go back to work and "contribute", so to speak. I don't regret taking the year and a half I have taken to care for C and be here when she was a baby. I think I would regret taking 20 years though. </p> <p>Feminism is absolutely about being able to have a choice to do what we, as women, think will make us happy and feel fulfilled with our own lives, whether that is being a neurosurgeon, a secretary or a SAHM. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865262 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:54:43 +0000 daniellemybelle 865262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand how she could feel this way and I don't think she sounded bitter, either, although as a young about-to-be mom who would love to stay home, I don't really identify with her. What I take more issue with is @bunnylove08's friend posting it as an admonition, especially considering she doesn't even have the personal experience herself. It's just as inappropriate as someone telling a working mom how much they will regret not staying home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865239 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:47:02 +0000 Anagram 865239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I totally understand what you mean. I don't think your post is offensive at all...everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions on this. I wouldn't mind SAH for a short, limited amount of time, and in my career I could without too many repurcussions--but I'm not one of those women who always wanted to just be a mom. If being a SAH mom is another woman's end goal in life and mine is juggling career/mommyhood---great! We can each do our own thing.</p> <p>And I also agree with you that a lot of it probably has to do with who has the highest potential earning capacity--that's another reasons I could potentially SAH if I wanted. My husband makes 3 times what I make. But it's a lot less common for a woman who makes a lot of money to completely quit and SAH permanently, for the rest of forever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865238 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:46:53 +0000 Navy_Mommy 865238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I would be making more than twice as much as my husband is, so I don't think making more than your spouse always contributes. However, DH will be able to have the option to retire at the age of 40 with a decent pension and I never would have had that, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865209 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:37:25 +0000 mrsjazz 865209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Agreed: feminism is about having a choice.</p> <p>@sloaneandpuffy: Nicely put! It is okay to hear a story from a mother who regrets staying at home for as long as she did. She's not saying that all SAHM will feel this way only telling her personal story. And I think her story can be a reminder to SAHMs to make sure they also find fulfillment outside of raising their children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865200 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:33:37 +0000 littlek 865200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: Excellent point! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865198 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:32:57 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 865198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think she sounds bitter and I don't think she's generalizing to other women. It didn't work well for her in hindsight and she's sharing why so that others can reflect on their own situations. She didn't sound bitter or angry to me. I got the feeling she was just reflecting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865197 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:32:51 +0000 regberadaisy 865197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy:<br /> "<i>But just like we hear a lot about moms who leave the workplace because they have massive regret about working outside the home, it's OK to hear about regrets from people who have regrets about staying home as well!</i>"</p> <p>Agreed! </p> <p>Is it taboo for moms to regret SAH?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865189 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:30:38 +0000 mamimami 865189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely a touchy subject but I thought it was interesting. As a WOHM it definitely gave me some things to think about during those moments where I am feeling all "screw you guys, i'm outta here!" in my workplace. Haha.</p> <p>We all have our own experiences and as we all know, there's no winning the mommy wars! But just like we hear a lot about moms who leave the workplace because they have massive regret about working outside the home, it's OK to hear about regrets from people who have regrets about staying home as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865187 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:29:23 +0000 mrbee 865187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: thanks for sharing your experience!! It opened my eyes on how these decisions can impact different types of careers differently... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865183 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:28:44 +0000 T-Mom 865183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I agree. It made me really sad to read her article.</p> <p>It's obviously something she really has thought a lot about and has a lot of regret over. I feel bad that she ended up in this situation. Everyone has a different experience, but she wrote hers. I don't think she was trying to push her opinion on anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865178 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:27:18 +0000 littlek 865178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I liked the article, I think it was nice to see a different point of view. Like @mrbee I don't agree with the part on feminism. I think feminism means that you get a choice, whereas before there was no real choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865175 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:25:43 +0000 Andrea 865175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't find this offensive. She is owning up to her lack of foresight and I think she's talking about her own experience. She isn't saying that everyone will regret being a SAHM. I have a lot of same worries that she brings up, but I hope I won't look back with the same regrets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865167 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:22:40 +0000 ShootingStar 865167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought it was an interesting article and it brought up some important considerations for anyone thinking they might want to stay at home. I think if you are a SAH parent then you should be well informed what the financial impact will be and that you may not be able to return to working when you feel like it. But if you make a fully informed decision because that's what makes you happy, that's all that matters. I believe that feminism is about having the choice to live your life the way you want, not be obligated to only live one kind of life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865148 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:16:39 +0000 Weagle 865148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I think we will all find that our children won't fully appreciate everything we do as a mother, working or not. It's a task that requires sacrificing yourself more than imaginable. As a mother now, I still don't think my appreciation matches my mother's sacrifice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865142 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:13:44 +0000 Mrs. Twine 865142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dunno. I guess I can read it and not feel annoyed or angered by it as a "fellow" SAHM. I can understand how that would be one conclusion a person could come to at the end of the road.</p> <p>@Looch; I think it's great that you shared your perspective! I imagine that there are many more women who can relate to the article in a personal way.</p> <p>Personally, being a SAHM works for me and for my family. I think I agree with @Looch's assessment that one reason that this might be the case is that my financial contribution would have been on the lower end. And that we are fortunate enough to have a comfortable life without the extra income. And that because of where we live, my working is almost a non-issue (i.e. there aren't many, or really any, decently paying jobs around that would justify the cost of childcare). But I also imagine that there are women and men who had high-paying jobs and might also choose to stay home and be happy with that choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865136 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:12:08 +0000 regberadaisy 865136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually think the article was really poignant. It is easy for us to say now that we don't regret staying at home or not staying at home. It's only been a few months or a year or even 2 years for some of us or perhaps longer.</p> <p>But being someone who is in a career, giving it up, then finding your children have left their nest and (sounds like) do not respect the fact that she gave up her job to take on the important job of their mom. I gotta imagine that's disheartening and heart breaking. So honestly, I give her props for writing that article. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865135 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:11:52 +0000 mrbee 865135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: sure but I felt she owned up to her short term thinking? And she's just sharing her own experience here... she was pretty careful to not generalize to all SAHMs, I thought (I only read the article once though, maybe she wasn't as careful as I thought).</p> <p>Overall, I thought she raised some totally fair points. Except for the feminism one... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865133 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:11:05 +0000 DillonLion 865133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: Nicely put. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom#post-865132 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:10:44 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 865132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it was a great article. I understand being defensive as a SAHM, but I think her perspective is important. It's very hard to be forward-thinking when your babies are little and you are living moment to moment. She has been there and her opinion is valuable. I think she's pretty careful to say that she loved her time with her boys. </p>