https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 13:06:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2271620 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 12:01:05 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2271620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: Good job! I hope you can relax a bit now and get some well deserved r&amp;r. I'm so sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2271606 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 11:52:16 +0000 snowjewelz 2271606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: What did you end up telling her? </p> <p>The fact that she changed dates would be perfect time to politely decline! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2271557 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 10:56:46 +0000 MRSJX3 2271557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: Anything?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270577 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 21:46:08 +0000 Nutella 2270577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sent the message but yet to receive a reply! Not sure what I was expecting. Can't stop checking my phone to see whether she has replied. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270542 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 20:36:28 +0000 Nutella 2270542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: @bluestriped bee: @Keybee: @Mrs. Pen: @agold: thank you all for your replies. (&amp; kind words too :heart: )</p> <p>@Anagram: yup, there's definitely an element of that - we are both Kiwis living in Australia - so I can understand the wanting to connect, to some extent. Say if she was a close friend at HS, I would welcome the unexpected call. And we normally have guests from NZ come to stay at least every other month, but they are family or super close friends, so unfortunately for her I think the timing of our recent loss has just worked against her. Plus they usually come to give us a break as we have no family here (all o/seas or interstate).</p> <p>I'm going to send this message to her now, I appreciate all the advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270515 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 19:26:51 +0000 agold 2270515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. You definately shouldn't feel bad about not hosting her. But I would tell her sooner rather than later because she will need to make other plans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270383 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 12:39:43 +0000 Anagram 2270383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: since you say you went to school w her in a different country, could this whole visit be cultural? I know it's odd to the average American but my husband's culture is very much like this--it's actually considered rude to know of a connection in a city and NOT host them/stay with them/be tour guide for them, no matter how tenuous the connection.</p> <p>Even when we lived in a one bedroom we hosted several family members of DH that were visiting NYC and one school friend that hadn't been in touch since HS. </p> <p>Luckily I'm a "more the merrier" type and I like hosting people but I know the average American would think that's crazy and feel super put upon to even be asked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270348 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 11:24:25 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2270348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find it so odd that she invited herself to stay at your home? I would never invite myself unless I was extremely close to the friend, I'd be more inclined to ask someone if they'd like to get together while i was in the area. So weird.</p> <p>I think the others have a good solution: let her know you had a medical issue arrive and are not on a condition to have guests, and the timing was just off. </p> <p>Sorry you have to deal with this on top of your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270347 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 11:23:30 +0000 Keybee 2270347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's totally OK for you to back out of this, it's not like you are going to see her anytime soon. Also, she's an adult now and can pay for lodging.<br /> I definitely think the date change gives you a valid excuse, if you don't feel like divulging your personal life.<br /> Just tell her your sorry but you are no longer able to accomodate her and wish her well in her travels. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270344 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 11:13:10 +0000 BSB 2270344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! That is awkward. I've reached out to people who went to the same high school as me (not all the same class) when I moved across the country. I wanted to ask them how they liked living on the west coast. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking to stay with them, though. We've definitely had people stay with us but they were closer or more recent friends.</p> <p>Anyway, I'm so so sorry for your loss and I would tell them that you've had some health issues and that you are still emotionally and physically drained from it. Hopefully, they'll understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270343 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 10:52:51 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2270343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: I would just tell her you've had a recent miscarriage, aren't feeling great and can't host her. If she has an issue with that.... She's nuts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270334 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 10:08:18 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2270334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the PPs that I would tell her that you're dealing with some family things or dealing with a health issue (however you want to put it) and that now is not a good time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270332 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 10:07:01 +0000 Nutella 2270332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FaithFertility: @regberadaisy: thanks for the replies. :happy: </p> <p>@jh524: thank you!! It has been a bit draining so I'm feeling more confident going back to her now. Just didn't want to be rude but I feel the quicker I get back, the faster we can all move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270318 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 09:14:06 +0000 jh524 2270318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: sorry for your loss and that this is adding extra stress on you! Hugs!! Listen, if you don't feel like your even friends with her just tell her something came up and she can't stay at your house. You shouldn't have to give an excuse just say I'm very sorry, I will help you find a hotel. Then the balls in her court and you can go back to not worrying about housing a stranger in your home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270314 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 09:11:48 +0000 regberadaisy 2270314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's odd she asked in the first place considering you're not even good friends. I would just message her back that you have some family things going on and it's not a good time. I personally wouldn't offer to put her up at a hotel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270313 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 09:11:25 +0000 FaithFertility 2270313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: I am so sorry about your loss! I think you have every right to say now is truly not a good time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270311 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 09:04:04 +0000 Mrs. Peanut 2270311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry for your loss. That is a difficult enough situation to go through let alone dealing with this friend. I agree with @lamariniere. I think you could just excuse yourself in that way that would be polite without having to pay for a hotel room for someone you haven't seen in that long. Good luck! Let us know how it works out for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270263 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:32:17 +0000 Nutella 2270263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: yes, I think so too. Plus it's not entirely untrue, some days over the past few weeks have left me with not a lot of spare energy to play tour guide/b&amp;b operator. Thanks again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270260 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:27:35 +0000 lamariniere 2270260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: I think you can also use the fact that you have been ignoring her messages to your advantage. "I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but..." Makes it seem even more legit. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270257 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:18:32 +0000 Nutella 2270257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: thank you. I like that idea, clear and simple. Yeah I know, so weird...if we were at all friendly since leaving high school it would make at least some sense!</p> <p>@Banana330: agree - I need to grow some courage and reply. I just have that feeling of 'I just can't deal with this right now!' But def want to get back to her before she books flights. Thanks for your tip! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270255 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:11:58 +0000 Nutella 2270255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Hmm, maybe I could say that, but I actually think she might take us up on it (which I don't really want to do)...but I suppose I could just say we actually don't have room, I can suggest some good motels? It's funny that she just assumed we have room for a guest! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270253 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:09:10 +0000 lamariniere 2270253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. Can you just tell her that you've suddenly had an emergency health issue come up and aren't in any condition to receive guests, and apologize profusely. You don't have to go into details but at least it's the truth and hopefully she won't press for more info. That's a really wired situation though that she thinks she can just pop back into your life and use you as a hotel after years of not being in contact. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270252 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:09:00 +0000 Banana330 2270252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just say you're going through some health problems and it's not a good time to stay. It's especially easy since she keeps changing the dates and times. Alternatively you can say that timing no longer works as you have a work event. I'd just send a message with your excuse now rather than ignoring her messages. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270251 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:06:13 +0000 mrbee 2270251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Nutella: Could you just tell her that there's been a family sickness/health issue, and offer to pay for a nearby motel or something? I'd ask a friend to host her for you, but no friend would want to receive a guest after midnight! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/asking-for-help-with-awkward-houseguest-situation#post-2270248 Sat, 22 Aug 2015 06:00:08 +0000 Nutella 2270248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't sure where to post this, but hopefully some of the helpful &amp; diplomatic ladies here can help.</p> <p>Warning, it's rambly!</p> <p>I was contacted by a fairly random old schoolmate from over 15 years ago via FB, who lives in a different city. We are both in a different country to where school was - hence maybe the need to rekindle?</p> <p>Anyway, she contacted to say she was doing a road trip and was stopping by my city &amp; was X date a good time to stay? I was a bit taken aback by the randomness &amp; took a week to reply...and here's my mistake, and after checking with DH (who has never met or heard of her), I replied saying yes happy to have you for a night, would be great to catch up. </p> <p>Fast forward few days &amp; we discover our miscarriage, was pretty torn up and feeling like only having very close people staying in our house. The more I though about it, I started to feel like I actually don't really want random houseguest staying anymore...especially as she messaged to say she will be arriving by plane (thought it was a roadtrip?) at midnight on the night she was due to stay, and could I have her longer? This message incidentally arrived at 3am &amp; I never replied. She then messages later saying her other friend here won't be here that week, so she might look at changing flights, but would I be ok to have her a different night?</p> <p>Also, some of her messages had included a big shopping list of all the things she wanted to do here - unsure why she's telling me this. I am worried that she thinks we are closer friends than we actually are...I would say we we aren't even really friends! </p> <p>Today while shopping I see that she has called me but I missed it - but wouldn't have answered it anyway as I didn't know what to tell her!</p> <p>So my question is, how do I now go back on my word and say I can't have her stay?! This is such an uncool move on my part, but I feel like her not bring a friend, now being a shitty time...it just isn't a situation to which I want to be adding extra stress.</p> <p>If this was not such a weird period in my life, would have sucked it up &amp; just had her to stay...but now I just feel like I don't want to. :bummed: </p> <p>Please let me know if there are any civil ways of extracting myself from this equation...I would like to avoid telling her about the MC if possible.</p> <p>Thanks in advance for any advice! </p>