https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 28 May 2026 21:56:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2062922 Tue, 10 Feb 2015 15:40:03 +0000 Lilysmama 2062922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know exactly how you feel. We've been ttc for #2 for 1.5 years now and I'm just not ready to throw in the towel just yet. We've had 1 miscarriage and 3 failed IFV attempts locally. I am currently working with a clinic out of state bc it's supposedly the best and am completing three retrievals and banking with them. If that doesn't work, then I will have some decisions to make. Some days it is all I think about and other days I am beyond grateful to have my daughter. I guess just puts things into perspective when you have your health and a healthy child. My heart goes out to those who do not have any children. It is not an easy path but definitely makes you stronger in the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061826 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 22:47:05 +0000 pui 2061826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had trouble conceiving our daughter. We want to have at the very minimum one more child but would love to have 3-4 kids. Our plan is to adopt a second child if we can't have one biologically, but I honestly don't know when we'd make the move to adoption instead... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061820 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 22:38:05 +0000 Sapphiresun 2061820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you're going through this again. </p> <p>For us, we were never going to do IUI/IVF/etc. It took us 19 months to conceive our first. She's now 18 months and we never used any contraception since she was born. I haven't found myself pregnant, so I think we're probably done, but I have a hard time even counting myself as a "real" case of infertility since we eventually conceived without intervention, but I just don't think I have it in me to go everything but the kitchen sink at this again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061819 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 22:34:12 +0000 marionberry 2061819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While our infertility ultimately led to babies, I remember considering these options and how far we might go if indeed we couldn't get pregnant on our own. I knew that IVF and embryo adoption could be possibilities but expensive ones we likely couldn't afford. However I was not willing to be without a child no matter what the cost and knew that I would try whatever it took and for whatever amount of time to bring a child into our family. So many of these ladies are right about it truly being a personal decision for you and your spouse.</p> <p>The reason I write on this post ultimately is because I haven't heard anyone here mention fostering. I've seen some really great families come from the foster system and it can be far less costly than straight adoption or other fertility treatments if you're open to it. @jaguar: not sure how this works in Australia, but I wish you all the best in your decisions as you move forward. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061788 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 22:02:24 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2061788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: That's really great news! I know almost nothing about "natural" cycle FET, but it seems like medicated cycles have a really good track record! :goodluck: :goodluck: :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061529 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 18:03:50 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2061529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: Awesome! I don't think I knew that before. Now I'm going to have to read you with an accent!</p> <p>I am sure that your path will become clear. If your heart is not done, there will be a way... even if it is agonizing to get there. That little soul wants to find it's mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061528 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 18:03:45 +0000 jaguar 2061528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: &amp; @momazon: The only bright thing I have right now is that they've agreed to do a medicated FET (non ovulatory) next cycle, provided that the cyst has gone. So.... that's something new. :)</p> <p>@2PeasinaPod: &lt;3 &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2061526 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 18:01:17 +0000 jaguar 2061526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I'm an Aussie! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060408 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 10:01:11 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2060408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know that I necessarily belong posting here, but we've been through this crap together, so I thought I'd share. If this pregnancy doesn't stick, I think I'm done. At that point, I will have been pregnant 6 times with 1 LO to show for it, and I don't think I can handle any additional losses. I might change my mind a few months out, but DH and I have been through so much loss that it would just be so hard for me to get past this. We have one amazing son, and I've come to terms that he will be enough. </p> <p>I really hope that things turn around for you before you get to the point where you feel like you've had enough. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060391 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 09:42:20 +0000 alohaorchid 2060391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We "gave up" around the 3.5 year mark. My husband had been trying previously with his ex-wife, so it was closer to 5.5 years TTC for him. We made our decision around 7 months ago and honestly, I feel very happy and calm with it. </p> <p>I should mention though, that even though there was a time when TTC was important to me, I have never really felt the strong pull to be a mother. I know that made this whole decision so much easier. My heart goes out to all sufferers of IF and I hope that everyone gets what their heart desires, whatever that may be :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060383 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 09:38:07 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2060383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: Lady, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you...and to thank you you for starting this great thread. </p> <p>I think it's impossible not to think of the endgame, especially when you're dealing with infertility AND loss...when really just one of those is hard enough. :sad: </p> <p>I know DH and I would've probably moved to adoption sooner, if I hadn't already been pregnant once...but child-free was never a legitimate option for us. Too much of my identity and too many of my dreams for the future were wrapped up in parenthood for that.</p> <p>I know you're hurting. I still believe that your baby is out there if you want him/her! :heart: :goodluck: Infertility/loss or just grief counselling might help. And I completely back what @momazon: said-- if at all possible, you should try to do a medicated FET with your doctor...or find another center that will. Forcing your ovaries to perform under the circumstances just doesn't seem right... :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060325 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 09:07:27 +0000 Miss Sarah 2060325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Well, yes, absolutely!! They would completely be our child...I guess I meant to say that we would give up on conceiving our child. I already can feel my priorities shift from it being important to be pregnant to it being more important that I get to be a mom! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060310 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 09:00:11 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2060310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarahnicole218: even if you adopt, they are still your own child :) .. But I know what you mean, there are still occasional times where I wish I could experience pregnancy again. I just keep reminding myself that this is the way our family was meant to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060303 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 08:57:33 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2060303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: I forgot that you don't live in the states. Are you a US citizen abroad or an Aussie? If you are not done, I know you will find a way to make it happen. And in the meantime, it's totally ok to rage at the universe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060299 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 08:55:46 +0000 Miss Sarah 2060299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This feeling is all too familiar to me. We're 2 years in to TTC #1 and some days, I just throw my hands in air and say, "I quit!" The stress, the emotions, the marital struggles, the financial factor, and the fact that I keep planning everything around IF I'm pregnant...I don't know, it all just gets overwhelming sometimes. But I can't quit, and I won't quit. The thought of having a family consumes me and I don't think I'd ever be able to let that go, so I'm going to do everything I can and explore every avenue available until it happens. Adoption is very pricey, even here in America, but we'd make it work, or maybe we'd explore foster parenting. I don't know yet...we're starting with IVF and we'll see where this path takes us. We have discussed that if we are not pregnant by the end of 2015, we will likely give up on having our own child and look at other options. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060179 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 05:20:26 +0000 BSB 2060179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice because I'm not quite there yet but I'm sending lots of hugs to everyone on this thread!!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060155 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 01:57:08 +0000 Crystal 2060155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The universe can suck it. </p> <p>(I realize that isn't exactly helpful, lol.) In all seriousness, I am so sorry you are struggling right now. It would be so much easier if we had a magic crystal ball telling us when this would all pay off... But as a crystal, I just know good things will come to you. I have every faith and hope that Georgia will have a sibling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060149 Mon, 09 Feb 2015 01:20:11 +0000 jaguar 2060149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much for all of your input ladies. Sometimes it's just nice to know you're not alone. Infertility is an arsehole, and when you throw the fear of recurrent miscarriages in there too, it's just a whole new ball game.</p> <p>I definitely don't feel like I'm done. If I was 100% fine with one child, I'd follow that instinct - but my heart tells me I'm not there. It just feels like my heart is at odds with the universe, you know?</p> <p>I would ABSOLUTELY be willing to parent in any which way available to us, adoption is absolutely something we've talked about - especially pre-Georgia, because we were at this place back before all those years of TTC actually paid off. Unfortunately, the circumstances of living here in Australia - where local adoptions are non-existent and international adoptions can take many, many years to potentially go through (not to mention the $$$$ aspect, which is incomparable to IVF costs because it is SO MASSIVE) means that it's off the cards for us. I am actually really sad that the option isn't there, because it's something I'd love to do.</p> <p>That said.. it's nice to hear some of you say that you're allowing yourself to go back/forth on the issue. At the end of the day, I'll be 31 this year... so we do have time. It's just been super hard seeing our dream of siblings close together in age disappear. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060093 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 23:19:15 +0000 brady80 2060093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: I think given all you have been through the past year, it is totally normal to wonder when enough is enough. We just had our second failed fet and have used up all of our frozen embryos. We're moving on to a fresh cycle in March. If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what we will do. I'm tired of being infertile and would like to move on and not feel like there is a grey cloud over me. I want to give my daughter a sibling and I want to be pregnant again. I know there will be a time when I say I'm done, and I'm giving myself permission to go back and forth on that. I do feel guilty for feeling sad and frustrated when I have this beautiful 19 month old running around and saying I lub you! But there is a part of me that doesn't feel complete yet. I really hope this next cycle works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2060091 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 23:18:18 +0000 Crystal 2060091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are having the same debate at home as we start on the path of fertility treatments. I *know* we will be parents somehow, I just don't know what path we will take to get there. </p> <p>This road is so long, hard, and lonely. Big, huge hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059939 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 20:28:05 +0000 GreenThumb 2059939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: :heart: We are currently having this conversation at our house, too. After the two recent FET failures, we have talked to a new doc about trying again with the frosties we have left, but I'm having a hard time feeling hopeful that another FET will work since the remainder are not of the best quality. I can't really see going through another fresh cycle, but maybe that would in fact be our best bet. I've said that I would give it to the end of 2015 and then we will have to evaluate whether we are all done and happy with our family of three. I hate even having to consider it being everything being over after all this time, money, pain, emotions… well, you know! You are definitely not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059913 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 20:06:52 +0000 momazon 2059913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won't stop until I have a child in my arms, I think... I can't see anything stopping me before that. Unless something completely unexpected happens, we will just keep trucking forward and facing things as they come. </p> <p>I definitely don't think it's a sign you're not meant to have the second child... You already have beautiful embryos frozen just waiting for you, so most of the hard part is already done. Now it's just finding the perfect time to transfer them, and waiting until your body is prepared to give the embryo a cozy home. Would your doctor consider doing a different protocol for pre-FET, such as BCPs and estrogen injections, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059900 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 19:59:23 +0000 tequiero21 2059900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are definitely not alone. I remember feeling so hopeless... Took us so long. Three plus years, three failed iuis w clomid, we decided to try ivf just once, and if that didn't work, we would go for adoption. We definitely didn't want to be childless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059867 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 19:17:58 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2059867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@brownie: I'm not familiar with your new path?@spaniellove: very good point about the being done with current methods vs being done with children. I was unsuccessful at trying to articulate that. Though I understand that the end of one sometimes means the end of the road if another road isn't right for your family. In other words adoption may not be right for some whereas IVF may not be right for another. Usually there is a path forward towards children one way or another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059853 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 19:01:44 +0000 PurplePumps 2059853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>2.5 years and still trying, no BFP to be seen yet. I think we'll give up when we've exhausted our options - 3 or 4 cycles of IVF would probably be my cut off. I just turned 35 so I feel like it's now or never, there's no taking a break from trying at this point since I'm not getting any younger. At that point, I guess we'd have to readjust our vision of life and family and just go from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059848 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:56:28 +0000 spaniellove 2059848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's giving up on TTC/treatments, and there is giving up on the idea of having children at all and accepting being childless. That was a serious debate for us and what I learned was that the line is very different for different couples and we can't make our decision based on what anyone else did, because our reasons for the choices we make are very personal. After our failed IVF and then our second m/c and more failed treatments I started to have a lot of thoughts about where the end of the road was for us because I just couldn't keep throwing money at it, I couldn't take the heartbreak, and I couldn't take the constant treatments. Given that we set an end date and got within a cycle or two of that date, I'm glad I worked with an infertility coach (kind of like a therapist) to process my emotions and switched to a riskier but more experimental RE who was willing to try everything so I could feel like I gave it my all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059838 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:42:30 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2059838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I "gave up" very very early, a year in. I didn't want medical or chemical intervention. I never got pregnant, never miscarried, just nothing ever happened. We adopted and I'm happy with our timing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059810 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:14:12 +0000 Shutterbug 2059810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have basically given up, without admitting that I have. It's been almost a year since my last failed IVF cycle. I'm not ready to be ok with being childless, but I'm also not ready to do IVF again. So for now, I'm just focusing on other things and trying not to be so hyper aware of how quickly time is passing. I'm turning 32 this year, so I still have some fertile (ha) years left in me. Just the thought of going through IVF again fills me with dread. I gave myself Shingles from the stress during my last cycle, but I wouldn't say I'll never go through treatment again... Just not now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059808 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:12:26 +0000 travellingbee 2059808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've been discussing this as well. We aren't sure where that line will be. For us, it might be before IVF. We don't have many options left. It is either keep trying naturally and chance the many miscarriages I may have to go through, or do IVF with genetic testing. $20,000 for one shot is hard to swallow. I feel guilty even contemplating it because it means it would be my son's college fund. I don't know how many consecutive miscarriages I can go through either though. I guess I'll just get to a point where I will say, nope we're just done. or, even better, hopefully will get to a point where I will just be pregnant. :) I know you've been through so much. I wish you peace and positivity and much luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/at-what-point-do-you-give-up#post-2059804 Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:05:28 +0000 brownie 2059804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even when we said we would quit we couldn't quite. We did go a completely different path and were successful. It was definitely not the path we thought we would take but now that we are on it it isn't an issue. </p>