https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:53:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2821286 Tue, 08 May 2018 21:39:21 +0000 ChitownRo 2821286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you to everyone for responding. I'm sorry that I'm so tardy in my replies... life is crazy... which is why we are considering an au pair ;)<br /> @RonjaL7: @Mrs D: Yes, I can see the connection bw the kids and au pair being both a pro and con once the time is up. I'm hoping that social media and technology will keep up the relationship<br /> @lioneyes: Yes,driving def seems to be an issue for au pairs. Our friends are new to having an au pair, and she just totaled their car after 3 weeks here...oops.<br /> I think I would limit her drivingon the highway given this concern<br /> @Anagram: thanks for sharing these stories - they were enlightening. I think we'd be a good/low key family for the AP,, but our downside would def be the age of the kids... 4, 2 and newborn isn't easy. So I do worry about the amount of childcare experience<br /> @Mrs D: Yah, the au pairs are normally so young... my friend described it as having the drama of a teenager.<br /> @Shantuck: Thanks, I'm not in that FB group - I'll look it up asap.I do work PT - we have our current nanny for 32 hrs/week. So the 45 hour limit shouldn't be an issue<br /> @looch: Interesting - I didn't even know that a male au pair is an option.<br /> @SproutBee: Thanks for that feedback. I do worry that they wouldn't be invested or as interested int he kids - that they would be here to party/experience America. And, I mean, they are 22. That's prob what I was like then too...<br /> @Littlebit7: eeek, what a nightmare au pair scenario - sounds like she should have been fired the first time too.But thanks for the stories and advice about doing a very in depth interview.<br /> Thanks again everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820535 Sat, 05 May 2018 09:55:11 +0000 Littlebit7 2820535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: yes this exactly. My sister in law had one. The girl (she acted like a girl) was totally in it for the trip to the USA and perks. She obv thought everyone who has an au pair is loaded and she verbalized she was “surprised my sil didn’t live in a gated community”. The au pair was from South Africa and seemed to have a privileged background. The girl couldn’t make a grilled cheese. She texted while she drove. She acted annoyed to clean up.<br /> It was awful for my sil.<br /> Her friend had an au pair from a Central American country. This girl had helped raise her siblings. She knew how to cook. I’m obviously making some generalizations here but I guess my point is to reallllly do an in depth interview and try to figure out what the motives and expectations are.</p> <p>ETA: my sil was also shocked at how much more expensive it turned out to be than she anticipated. Cell phone, spending money, food, paying for the au pair when they were out, car for the au pair, car insurance for the au pair (and the liability associated with this). This au pairs friend worked for a family in Boston and actually ran over someone in a parking garage. The family ended up being sued since the au pair was driving their car. I shit you not.</p> <p>ETA eta: also as a host you are given the option of tacking on “experiences” for your au pair when they arrive for training. For example, a trip to nyc, nights out, excursions etc. this is on top of what you originally pay. For families that don’t opt for this, (like my sil) the au pair basically told her to her face that all of the other au pairs thought she was cheap. She sounds lovely right??? She was actually fired from her next family she went to also. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820522 Sat, 05 May 2018 08:19:20 +0000 SproutBee 2820522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ll preface by saying we’ve never had an au pair. </p> <p>I work part time and my kids go to day care. On my 2 days home with them during the week, we frequent our local parks where I see many nannies and some au pairs. Nannies are much more common here. Our nannies are generally older Hispanic women who are very experienced in child care. Since they are slightly older, they are never on their cell phones around the kids. At the parks, they are either directly interacting with the kids or casually chatting with each other. They are a cute little community. They usually always have an eye on the kids. They know how to discipline, redirect, and love the children. After watching them for years, I would be 100% ok with a nanny. </p> <p>Au pairs are less common. They are much younger, usually early 20s. Most of them are on their phone like the entire time, rarely interacting with the kids. It doesn’t seem they know much about caring for kids. They seem more interested in their social lives. Sometimes they are at the park with another au pair friend, and the two au pairs chat with each other the whole time with no clue what the kids are doing. They don’t have that “third eye” on the kids like older, more experienced nannies (and parents) do. One neighbor of mine had an au pair she had to let go bc she kept on bringing boys back to her room at night and using drugs on her off time. I get the feeling the girls take the job to “experience America” - but for many of them that means partying and meeting boys. After watching au pairs take care of the kids in my community, I would not hire one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820512 Sat, 05 May 2018 06:16:34 +0000 looch 2820512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is interesting, I am strongly considering getting one in a few years...a male from a German speaking country though...to kind of give my son the "older" brother experience.</p> <p>The ones in my area seem to be Northern European and their main responsibilities are in getting the kids to and from school and after school activities and reinforcing a second language. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820420 Fri, 04 May 2018 15:16:27 +0000 Shantuck 2820420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My only basis of knowledge on au pairs comes from the Chicago Working Moms facebook group (which you should join if you aren't already a member) and my hesitation with signing up has been the hours limit. I think au pairs are only allowed to work 40-45 hours per week. That would be challenging for a person who works 40 hours outside the home, commutes, etc. unless you and your spouse could stagger your schedules, etc. (though maybe that works if you are on a part time schedule?). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820327 Fri, 04 May 2018 11:00:33 +0000 Mrs D 2820327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @Anagram: mentioned a few more things that I had observed in our neighbors but hadnt quite fully processed. 1) Their au pairs have always been 20-22 year old young women from South America (they are a spanish speaking house - so this is great for them). They are not "tried and true nannies" they are young ladies in some cases learning childcare hands on.</p> <p>They provide a car, insurance, gas &amp; cellphone. In their case, the girls dont have any experience driving in the winter - so when we get snow (not all that un common in Michigan) their schedules get thrown out of whack. </p> <p>Just more things to think about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820322 Fri, 04 May 2018 10:45:42 +0000 Anagram 2820322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChitownRo: one of my best friends was an au pair for two years when she was in her young 20s, and my former live-out nanny was an au pair before me, but met an american guy, got married, and stayed in the US. And then one of my Texas friends had an au pair for just 1 year.</p> <p>So, I'll just tell you a few things from what I've heard. Au pair agencies are selling "cultural exchange" and the girls are young, so sometimes they are not as experienced as an older nanny would be, and they may have trouble with discipline or with cleaning up anything "extra". What I mean is that some experienced older nannies might jump in and also clean dishes in the sink, or might vacuum a floor if there's time, even if that is not part of their outlined workload. But an au pair is younger and may not do that type of thing (obviously, this depends on the girl, but this was my friend's experience). Second, since it's cultural exchange, they should be invited on vacation with you, you'll need to get them a cell phone and car if you live in a suburban area, and there are strict rules about how many hours they can work. Feeding the au pair is your responsibility, although you can ask that they help with meal prep, as long as it's not in addition to their regular hours.</p> <p>So along with the agency fee and the monthly cost, factor in the cell phone, car, and vacations. Having said all that, my friend really enjoyed her 2 years as an au pair (she's originally from South America and was placed in Cleveland, Oh), although just from stories she tells me, it seems she had trouble with discipline. As in, she didn't have any strategies for discipline and the kid would be really bratty, like saying her english was so bad, and she was poor compared to them. In spite of that stuff, she liked the family and had a good experience. My nanny has a weirder experience. It seems the family was very hands off and were always trying to get her to work more hours than was allowed. Sometimes they took weekend trips and she had twin girls by herself for 2-3 days at a time. She chose to leave at 1 year even though originally she'd agreed to stay two years.</p> <p>Finally, my texas friend liked her au pair, but didn't always love having a "guest" in her home 24/7. But overall, it was fine except that they have a pool and her nanny was Brazilian and only wore thong bikinis, which my friend thought was awkward for her husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820301 Fri, 04 May 2018 10:05:45 +0000 periwinklebee 2820301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most people I know who do it are families where both parents are doctors - so they need something super flexible for when they are both on call at odd hours. I've heard mostly good things. I do know one family where both parents have non-medical careers and they do daycare + au pair, who does drop offs/pick ups and handles days when the kids are sick and can't do daycare or when both parents have to work on the weekend. </p> <p>I dream of having an au pair to do all the bottle and pump part washing for me :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820256 Fri, 04 May 2018 09:00:48 +0000 lioneyes 2820256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, that was sort of the norm for childcare for my friends with 2 working parents/multiple kids. We lived in a City so driving was a non issue, but I remember a few girls being from very rural/small town areas and absolutely terrified by the city so driving would have been out.<br /> DH had them growing up and is still in touch with one, he visited her in Europe when he was in college studying abroad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820232 Fri, 04 May 2018 08:15:57 +0000 Mrs D 2820232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We dont have one, but our neighbors do. Seems to work well for them bc they have nice flexibility with work schedules.</p> <p>I know the hours they can work are restricted...like they have to have 2 days off in a row and cant "work" more than 45 hours a week. That was a bit surprising to be bc I kind of assumed they could work whenever you wanted - depending on the arrangement. Maybe its different by different agencies.</p> <p>I do notice that their tend to be on 2 year cycles, her kids have a pretty hard time when one leaves and the next comes, just because they build such strong relationships with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820229 Fri, 04 May 2018 07:59:22 +0000 RonjaL7 2820229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents used a live in nanny for myself and my sister from when I was about 3-10 (my sister is 3.5 years older than me). Some of them were local and some were from other countries. </p> <p>The experience was a good one for them. They got paid and got an in law type apartment to live with their own access to the house. My parents gave them a car to use and they came on vacations with us to Disney and stuff.</p> <p>I enjoyed it as a kid because my parents worked a lot, but it was hard on me when ones we had for long periods of time left. I'm actually still in touch with two of them on social media which is kind of neat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/au-pair-experience#post-2820221 Fri, 04 May 2018 07:30:04 +0000 ChitownRo 2820221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone used an au pair? Somehow I trust HB moms more than the random au pair forums/websites. It’s like I feel like I know you all are normal to begin with 😉</p> <p>We are about to have our third and don’t live near any family. We currently have a nanny for 33 hours per week (I work PT) and have no free time/flex time for errands/date nights etc. </p> <p> We do have the space now that we moved to the suburbs... </p> <p>The good, the bad, the ugly? </p>