https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 08:23:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758135 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 14:06:46 +0000 nanilani 2758135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Sounds like the issue is bigger than I gathered from your original post with the safety concerns. Safety is certainly non-negotiable! I agree with all the ladies who said you are not responsible for how your MIL or anyone else reacts to a situation. I see you've decided on a solution that you're comfortable with, and that's great!</p> <p>If you're ever faced with a similar dilemma in the future, I often find that reframing a question helps me find clarity. To me the question becomes do you distrust your MIL more than you trust your husband? That's not meant to be a slam on your husband (I always assume dad and mom are equally capable of being the primary parent). I also don't think there is a right or wrong answer for everyone, only you can answer for yourself.</p> <p>Hope you have an uneventful trip :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758132 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 14:03:32 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2758132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and also, my biggest concern every time I leave the kids and biggest worry about leaving #3 at a young age is MIL too. :silly: I come home and depending on the ratio of time spent with dh to time spent with MIL it affects my kids behavior and drives me nuts. For now this is still the best for us, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758129 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 13:56:12 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2758129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If YOU aren't ok with it then that's that. Everyone else just has to deal with that and you're not being unreasonable.</p> <p>That said, for me, I don't mind it and honestly think the months before separation anxiety even when they are super little is the easiest time to do so. Not sure if it's already set in at six months. I will be leaving my third for a week a month (daddy home though) from basically birth!! I probably will get judged for that but it's the nature of my work and I'm used to doing this with the other kids and all having my dh work nights and long hours. My oldest we went on a trip at five months and left her with grandma BUT I had anxiety and depression and it honestly helped me to take a breather. I didn't leave my son until I started this job when he was over a year old. Every situation is different and everyone has their comfort level with who they will leave their kid/s. I don't think your MIL will do any permanent damage if you do decide to let them go, but if you can't even concentrate on work I don't see the point. Your MIL can have a nice visit with DH and LO1, and you can blame it on work and leave it there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758117 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 13:47:19 +0000 kayla0416 2758117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: OMG I am horrified your MIL thinks it's ok to drive a car with a baby sitting on someone's lap!!! I wouldn't leave my child alone with that woman for 10 minutes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758112 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 13:45:35 +0000 SweetiePie 2758112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: maybe you'd surprise yourself! I often find that the anxiety leading up to leaving my son is WAY worse than actually being apart. Sort of like out of sight out of mind. Not that I forget or don't miss him, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.<br /> Maybe make a list of things you could/would like to do while they're gone and it will help you decide. Either projects or just a show you've been wanting to binge or personal maintenance. That way if they do go you know you have things to do (or not do. Whatever :silly: ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758091 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 13:16:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2758091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: That's a loaded question! She's a smotherer and if unchecked would care for the baby the way she did her youngest 20 years ago. I trust DH and he's a total Papa Bear. He didn't let her change diapers, feed the baby, and if the baby started to fuss while she was holding him DH took him right back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758081 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 13:06:08 +0000 IRunForFun 2758081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Oh trust me the thought of being alone in my house for the weekend is sooo tempting. But then I don't think I'd be able to relax enough to enjoy it. Sigh. </p> <p>@mamabolt: Thanks! </p> <p>@erinbaderin: I do usually have a window of several hours between when a client first notifies me they're in labor to when they need me, but my perception is probably colored by 2 of my last 3 clients having labors that were under 5 hours total!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758068 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 12:53:06 +0000 IRunForFun 2758068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks to everyone for the feedback! </p> <p>@Adira: Oh I absolutely know whenever it happens it'll be harder on me than her. I hate it!! </p> <p>@nanilani: Yeah the problem is that I don't trust her to follow safety guidelines. She has tried to convince us that when there DD can sleep in a 30 year old drop side crib, that it's OK to hold her on our laps just driving a short distance, etc. DH will definitely correct her on that stuff but I just don't trust her! </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: If it was my own mom I'd be a lot less nervous! </p> <p>@Truth Bombs: Thanks, yeah. And forgot to mention this would be her first time sleeping anywhere but home, away from me or not. So there's that, too. </p> <p>@MrsBrewer: The issue isn't what I'd do with DD during the birth because the whole point of the visit with ILs is for DD to be there. </p> <p>@KayKay: Thanks, that's reassuring!</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Yeah, that was one option, cutting it to one night. MIL didn't like that either. She's never satisfied! </p> <p>@pwnstar: So. Much. Anxiety. My gut definitely says no. I hate causing discord with MIL but I feel the same way you do, that she's taking it upon herself to feel that way and I really have nothing to do with it. </p> <p>@nwm: Yeah I feel like if DH was like...taking her somewhere alone maybe, and MIL wasn't part of it, I'd be more comfortable. He might not do things the same way I do but at least I trust him. </p> <p>@maddyz: Nope, not worth it, at least to me. Ugh and I know, why does it have to be so complicated? </p> <p>@bees_knees: I think that's what I'm going to end up doing!</p> <p>@superkate: Yeah if I could just leave her with my husband I'd feel differently! Especially if she was just staying home with him, not traveling elsewhere.</p> <p>@ShootingStar: I wish MIL would be OK with that day trip option! </p> <p>@looch: I don't accept clients during a time I know I will be away, and I don't typically take time off during my call time unless it's an emergency. I do have a backup for all clients just in case. </p> <p>@MrsSCB: I think this is what we will end up doing. And yeah that's why I'm so torn. I know it could still be days or even weeks, but I'm thinking of course I'll go and she'll end up in labor. </p> <p>@Mrs. Champagne: Thanks, that's how I feel!</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Wow, that is young! Do you trust your MIL with him, though? </p> <p>@snowjewelz: Thanks! I do have faith in DH. And ultimately I know she'd be fine away from me two nights. I think I'm getting stuck on the not trusting MIL aspect...</p> <p>I think, after discussion with my client and my backup doula, DH and I will both be going on the trip, with the understanding that I'll head back at the first sign of true labor and my backup will be available if she needs someone right away before I get home. Hopefully it'll all work out. In the end I'm just not ready yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758067 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 12:52:13 +0000 erinbaderin 2758067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I personally wouldn't do it, but that's me. I'm sure my kids would have been fine, I just wouldn't have wanted to run the risk and it would have been too hard on me emotionally. I think your daughter will be fine if that's what you want to do. If, however, you're just doing it because you don't want your MIL to get angry I think you shouldn't do it. There's no need to cause yourself and potentially your daughter the stress. </p> <p>But - I don't know exactly what your requirements are as a birth doula, but three hours isn't that bad - couldn't you just tell her to call if you she starts having any contractions? Usually you wouldn't go over there at the very first signs of labour anyway, right, you'd tell her to monitor and call you back once things had progressed? Or would a doula go over immediately? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758065 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 12:45:55 +0000 mamabolt 2758065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had to travel for work (4 days 3 nights) when DD was 7 months old and MIL came to our house to help DH. I definitely had anxiety about both being away from her and having MIL there and whether she would do things "my way" but since I didn't really have a choice we did it and everything was fine. I'd probably let DH take your LO and reinforce with him what the most important things are for him to stand his ground on (whether it's that he make sure LO gets no unauthorized foods or that bedtime is set in stone or whatever). Good luck whatever you decide! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758053 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 12:28:24 +0000 SweetiePie 2758053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did it at 5/6 months. For like 5 nights! DH and I went on a trip that was previously planned and it was glor.i.ous. My mom watched him and said he didn't even notice we were gone. That's like the PERFECT age to go away.</p> <p>ETA: but it sounds like more of your issues are with MIL vs actually being away. I strongly dislike my MIL and I'd have a hard time with that too. Although I'd also love to be alone in my own home for a weekend. It's a toss-up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758030 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:44:36 +0000 snowjewelz 2758030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard, but it will be fine! </p> <p>I know I would have been so worried/freaking out too. I missed bed time once so far and it was already a disaster lol. </p> <p>But hey, it's two nights and they will recover and life will go on. DD2 just started daycare as you know, so that's been kinda messing everything up anyway and it's just the way it goes! She can recover from the 2 days while your business can potentially suffer! Plus, your DH is also there the whole time... Have faith in him!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758029 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:43:57 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2758029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was away from my 5 week old for two nights to move us into the new house and DH visited MIL. At the time I was BFing, so the worse part was being engorged, pumping and having to toss my liquid gold. The two of them were totally fine although DH says LO cried for most of the four hour trip to his mom's house. Then, soon after I returned to work I had an OOT business trip. Since having a dehydration scare when LO was first born we had no problem giving him formula when breastmilk wasn't available. My LO did not have nipple confusion or issues going from FF to BM. If we had experienced feeding issues then I probably would not have been able to leave him so young. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758028 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:43:25 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2758028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went away when dd was 3 months for about 36 hours. It was totally fine. But she was with dh at our house. In your situation where your MIL would possibly take control I wouldn't want to do it either... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758024 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:37:00 +0000 MrsSCB 2758024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Three hours isn't that far...could you go but plan to drive back alone if your client goes into labor? And bring milk with you in a cooler with ice just in case you need it. That way it wouldn't be a full two days even if she goes into labor at some point. My doctor told me it "could be quite soon" and it took over a week still, so that probably colors my view a little.</p> <p>ETA: if that's not possible, I agree with @ShootingStar that one night of your DH going alone is a good compromise idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758018 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:29:15 +0000 looch 2758018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: How do you handle other vacations and time off then? Do you have a colleague that you could refer to handle the birth? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758017 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:28:28 +0000 ShootingStar 2758017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lean towards what @Truth Bombs: said. Especially if she doesn't sleep through the night. It would be really difficult to plan how much milk to send and keep it from going bad if you don't know how often she's going to wake up and if she's used to nursing back to sleep.</p> <p>If you really want to make MIL happy I'd suggest your DH go for one day, no over nights. So he could leave early in the morning, say 7am and be there by 10. Visit with his mom, she could still have her BBQ, and then he could leave at 6 or 7pm and be home by 9 or 10. It's a long day for your DH, but it is his mother and ultimately might be easier than solo-ing for 48 hours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758008 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 11:00:57 +0000 superkate 2758008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I travel for work but was able to put it off until DS was seven months old. From that point I was on the road about every other weekend. He did so great. I was so worried but he was well taken care of by DH. I was gone four days that first trip. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758006 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:58:35 +0000 bees_knees 2758006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I'm sure it would all be fine if DH took her alone for the weekend, in your situation I would have a) had DH tell MIL "too bad, so sad" and delayed the trip (stuff happens!) or b) gone on the trip with DH and DD and told my client to call me at the VERY FIRST sign of anything happening and then make the 3 hour drive back should she go into labor. But, I'm from MT so a 3 hour drive seems like nothing to me 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758003 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:54:23 +0000 maddyz 2758003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like something we would have to deal with... It's been really important for me and DH to set boundaries with my MIL. It would be really easy for her to make a stink and us to cave and do all kinds of things to "make her happy" that dont really make her happy and also dont make our family happy. We have decided that for us our small family has to come first and sticking to that in a gentle way has really helped. Not to say we dont ever accommodate, we do a lot, but as much as possible in ways that feel at least ok to us.</p> <p>Is it worth you giving up not wanting to be away from your baby to make MIL happy? </p> <p>Family is SO COMPLICATED </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758002 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:54:21 +0000 nwm 2758002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i had to be away for three nights for work when my son was six months old and primarily BF'd. i hated being away but he did great with dad and i was able to keep up my pumping even despite a grueling work schedule. in some ways i think it was good for me to learn to let go and let my husband be primary caregiver for a few days. when everything went great i realized i probably didn't have to put quite so much pressure on myself to be the lead parent at all times. </p> <p>all of that said, if you don't want to do it your MIL can deal. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2758000 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:52:31 +0000 pwnstar 2758000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I totally agree. I will (also) take the unpopular stance and say that based on the amount of anxiety it is causing you (and I can so relate), I wouldn't go, nor would I send my LO without me. Life is what happens when you're making other plans, and your MIL needs to bite her tongue and roll with it, like an adult. The fallout--or, more accurately, her inability/unwillingness to respect you, your family, your career, and your choices--is ALL ON HER. You can't control how she reacts, and/but more importantly, don't allow her (anticipated) behavior to control/dictate your decisions. </p> <p>The bottom line is go with your gut. I don't leave my kids with people I don't trust. I don't care whether they're grandparents--being related does not give you any *rights* when it comes to my kids. Period. </p> <p>I know how hard this is and I am so sorry you are in this situation. So many hugs to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757996 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:50:59 +0000 Foodnerd81 2757996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: could DH and baby go and just cut it short to one night? Then it's a little easier on everyone but mil gets her visit. It sounds like you have anxiety about the time away AND the time with MIL. </p> <p>To answer your question, no I never spent two nights away from an under 6 month old, because neither of my kids really took a bottle 😥 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757991 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:41:36 +0000 KayKay 2757991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was away from my DD2 for a week when she was 7m because one of my best friends was getting married out of the country. I was nervous about it for a handful of reasons: I'd be far away, I SAH with her so she didn't really have a great "schedule" that I could tell my mom (who was watching her), she had never been away from me for longer than half-a-day, she was very hit-or-miss on bottles &amp; pumped milk. We actually even got her a passport in case I decided to take her with me at the last second. But ultimately, I knew it'd be fine -- she would eat when she got hungry enough, being "off schedule" for a week wouldn't affect her permanently, and I didn't want to miss the event. </p> <p>No surprise: she was great. She took bottles without complaint since I wasn't there, I never really even asked about the schedule but she was normal when I got back :) And she went back fine to the boob too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757988 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:39:55 +0000 MrsBrewer 2757988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It might not be ideal, but I know when my friend was in labor, and had a home birth, her doula had a 4 month old, and brought the baby with. Pretty much just kept him in the carrier the whole time, and just nursed when she needed to. Is that an option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757981 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:32:47 +0000 Truth Bombs 2757981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't comfortable spending the night away from my LOs until they weaned. They were both terrible sleepers and nursed a lot through the night and there would have been no way to predict the milk needs. That will be even further complicated by the baby being the one who is traveling away from home. Deciding how much milk to send, and keeping it frozen during the travel would be a real pain in the butt. Plus she'll be out of her daily routine, sleeping in a new place, and surrounded by strangers, all with out mama around to nurse and comfort. It would be a no go for me. If your MIL has a problem with that, tough cookies. Sometimes unexpected things happen and we have to adjust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757970 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:24:45 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2757970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is hard. But you can do it! </p> <p>My mom watched my daughter when I was on a work trip and she did wonderfully. I was only an hour away though. She was probably 5 months old and EBF. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757969 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:24:29 +0000 nanilani 2757969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it will be harder on you than it will be on her :heart: I totally get where you're coming from though! I spent my first nights away from LO when my husband planned a surprise birthday trip for me. The trip was great, but I hardly had any time to mentally prepare for the separation. LO was just fine with grandma.</p> <p>And I hate to say this but sometimes grandparents messing with schedules and treats just comes with the territory. As long as the important safety rules stay in place (car seats, choking hazards, etc.), I've learned to just let the occasional spoiling go and deal with the minimal aftermath as it comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757955 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:06:41 +0000 Adira 2757955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did it with both my kids. With my oldest, he was 5 months and both Hubs and I left him for two days. We left him with my in-laws and he was totally fine. He was used to taking a bottle, so there was no issue, and he had a fun time. He was definitely excited to be reunited though!</p> <p>The second time was with my youngest when he was 6 months. I left him with my husband. Again, zero issues! It was definitely harder for ME to leave them than it was for them. They were fine! Out of sight, out of mind, apparently!</p> <p>Your LO will be totally fine. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/away-from-6-month-old-for-48-hours#post-2757952 Thu, 13 Jul 2017 10:01:34 +0000 IRunForFun 2757952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone been away from their 6 month or younger baby for 2 nights? Can you tell me about it/give me some advice for not totally freaking out, OR tell me I shouldn't do it? </p> <p>We are supposed to drive 3 hours to spend the weekend with my ILs. We've been planning this and trying to find a good weekend for a while. My MIL is crazy about planning this stuff and has been begging us to come there to visit since DD was born. </p> <p>I work as a birth doula and have quite a few clients this summer so we had to try to pick a relatively "safe" weekend for me to be away, when it should be quiet birth-wise. This weekend should have been OK, but I've just gotten word that a client due the first week in August is having early labor signs, saw the midwife, midwife agreed it could be quite soon, etc. So now I really don't feel comfortable being away. </p> <p>MIL will FREAK if we all cancel. (She's overbearing and manipulative but that's another story for another day.) She's already made a bunch of plans, including a BBQ at their house with friends who want to meet DD. DH has said he could just take DD and go (and MIL doesn't give a shit whether I am there or not, she only cares about DH and baby, she's suggested many times he come visit with her alone.) *Technically*, even though she's EBF, he should be able to manage it. I have plenty of stored milk he could take, she does take a bottle from him, etc. </p> <p>But I really don't think I could handle it and I'm worried about how she'd handle it since she's never been away from me more than 5 or 6 hours (of awake time) and has a mommy preference. I worry about the drive, whether she'd go down for naps and bedtime well without nursing (she has done with a bottle for DH in the past but doesn't love it), and most of all I'm worried about MIL doing whatever the hell she pleases with DD without me around. I can 100% see her messing with nap time and bed time, trying to feed her stuff, letting her cry longer than I would, etc. Of course DH will be there but he's crap at standing up to his mom. </p> <p>Ugh. I'm so torn. I don't want to be away with my client goes into labor and have to call in my backup because it won't look good for my business (also because I've formed a relationship and want to be there!) but I also just can't imagine sending DD away from me for 2 days. Then on the other hand there's the chance we all cancel and WWIII breaks out between me and my MIL. </p> <p>Halp! </p>