https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 07:46:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2311859 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 13:58:03 +0000 blue 2311859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My favorite responses so far:<br /> When are you expecting?<br /> 5 years ago.<br /> When are you going to start a family?<br /> 5 years ago.<br /> When are you due?<br /> Not sure.<br /> When are you going to have a baby?<br /> All in God's good time. </p> <p>They aren't perfect. But I feel honest and happy with those responses. Some days are easier than others for me. </p> <p>One time walking into a grocery store and flipping the little seat down, sent me to my car to cry for a while because I didn't have a kid to put in that seat. I laugh at myself, I grieve, I try to be honest about it, and I try to not let it control my whole life (as if that's realllllly an option with fertility treatments!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2284146 Sat, 05 Sep 2015 19:18:43 +0000 jaguar 2284146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's so hard going to baby showers, you just can't escape it - just do your best to breathe, just do what you've gotta do to get through.. and I agree, have an 'out'. And it's good your friend knows your history; I'd always suggest letting the mama-to-be know how I was struggling/just so that if I did need to make an exit/take a moment, she knew. x </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2284140 Sat, 05 Sep 2015 19:12:49 +0000 erinbaderin 2284140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I'm sorry. I stopped going to showers when I was dealing with infertility, I just couldn't take it, so I'm impressed that you're going. I'd come up with some snarky sarcastic answers to have ready. Something like "Are you saying I've put on weight?" to your uncle. If somebody asks when you're going to have a baby you could say "Why, do you have one you're trying to get rid of?" That being said, that's easy to say but I always just kind of mumbled "Um, I don't know, soon I hope" and ran away. I hope it goes better than you think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2284130 Sat, 05 Sep 2015 18:52:42 +0000 agold 2284130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels. Try to remember that most people asking questions about babies are really coming from a good place. I really like the response of "we are running out of excuses to keep putting it off, so maybe sometime soon!" when someone asks me when I'm having kids. But I also really love all of @LibbyLou: 's suggestions. Good luck, dear </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2284056 Sat, 05 Sep 2015 16:50:00 +0000 winter_wonder 2284056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would try to stick with a group or friend and do my best to stay away from nosy people.</p> <p>Ugh I'm sorry, it sucks so much being on edge at these events. People have no idea how hurtful they can be sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283413 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 16:46:40 +0000 LibbyLou 2283413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjd: I feel you on the small town! We are both from the same one and one week after my loss someone asked me in front of my husbands ex girlfriend when we were going to have kids! That was super awkward.<br /> We have been married a few years so I had practice before we even started TTC. I say a few things:<br /> To "when are you going to have a baby?" I say well ones not due in the next 9mos! I'll update you when it is<br /> Why haven't you two had kids- oh we are having too much fun with us two. When it gets boring we may.<br /> Thinking of having kids? God willing we will! </p> <p>I have also said to older women- well we are certainly trying. And left it at that. My sister has four kids so I also say that she met our family quota so I'm opting out. (Obv some of these are tongue in cheek.)<br /> People are awful and not thinking about others a lot of times. Oh and I often say when asked if I have kids by a stranger- nope! Kid free! When saying it like that people usually laugh and don't ask any more questions. </p> <p>Try to have answers ready and steer clear of most nellies! Ask tons of questions to the other guests. People love to talk about themselves and less time to ask you rude things. 💗 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283398 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 16:22:39 +0000 Crystal 2283398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I so understand what you are going through. I've skipped two family showers this year, and ducked out early from the few I did attend. I always think I'm going to have some snappy comeback, but usually end up saying something similar to "maybe some day."</p> <p>Like others have said, if you can get a friend to help run interference or give yourself an out to leave, that will help immensely. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283387 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 16:09:09 +0000 lauren0817 2283387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a really tough one. I tried to avoid showers after my miscarriage and when we were going through infertility treatment - it was just too much for me, but I understand that for close friends or family you just really want to be there even though it's so hard. I agree with the other ladies - have a shower buddy and don't feel bad about leaving early if you need to. The questions are the absolute worst - they seriously knocked the wind out of me every time. I usually just said "I hope someday" or something along those lines, but once I got really upset when a friend asked if I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking (she had asked several times and I was so frustrated) so I said "actually the opposite - I'm having trouble getting pregnant and I'm having infertility treatment right now." That sure shut her up! Thinking of you and hoping it goes well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283373 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:54:35 +0000 mrswin 2283373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjd: Showers suck in this situation. Depending on the person who was asking my response varied from "one day we hope" to "that's a rather personal question" to flat out ignoring them/changing the topic completely. </p> <p>I still cried before or after most showers I attended. At one family one in particular my mom ran interferance because I had just found out that morning that our 3rd IUI had failed and I didn't trust myself not to snap at people. Not my proudest moment but we were 2 years in at that point and facing the reality that we would probably need IVF </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283345 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:34:19 +0000 MaryM 2283345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second the buddy system. I went to one not long after my MC and needed to know someone there knew what was going on with me in case I needed to duck out. </p> <p>I also gave myself an "out." I said I only thought I'd be able to stay for a little bit when I RSVPed so I could play it by ear and duck out early if I couldn't handle it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283339 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:27:48 +0000 BSB 2283339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, man. Yeah, I had to plan my sister's shower while I had IF. I really struggled with it at first. It took a lot for me to decide to help out. In the beginning I really wanted to skip it and my sister even told me she understood if I did.<br /> I can't tell you what you should do because we all have different triggers. I know seeing certain friends get pregnant was really difficult but other friends didn't bother me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283316 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:10:46 +0000 catomd00 2283316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg you poor thing! I don't know if I would be able to say anything but "we have been trying for a long time" to put people in their place. But, im sure that won't make you feel any better in the long term anyways. It's so rude for people to even ask! I don't think people that are in this season of life where they are having kids that they even think about that though and realize it's rude! And men definitely don't - I yelled at my husband for asking his sister. When I explained why it was not cool to do he was clueless and was like oh wow you're right. He had never even considered that maybe they were trying! No real advice but sending hugs and strength your way. I probably wouldn't be able to go myself.<br /> You're a great friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283312 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:08:01 +0000 twodoghouse 2283312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, I remember being in your position so many times while we were going through IF. Baby showers are the worst because everyone has baby on the brain and can't think of anything else! Honestly I cried before and after about 5 showers over the course of the 2.5 years we tried. I wanted to be there for friends and family but it was really hard. I would probably have an excuse handy and be prepared to leave early if you need to. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I'm wishing you luck with your TTC process! :heart:</p> <p>As far as questions, when people asked if we were going to have kids soon I used to say "we hope someday!" Which was vague enough to shut down the conversation. Or have a buddy with you to steer the convo away from baby stuff? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-shower-coping#post-2283309 Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:04:49 +0000 mrsjd 2283309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to a friend's baby shower next weekend. We've been dealing with infertility for 19 months. The friend and I are very close and I'm genuinely happy for her and she knows the whole situation with us and has been beyond wonderful. </p> <p>That being said, the shower is in my small home town and I know I'm going to get a lot of inevitable questions about when we're having kids. And that is going to suck. At her gender reveal, her uncle asked me jokingly "when I was due" and I cried the hour drive home. Anyone have any good responses/techniques to cope with the awkward questions? </p>