https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 23:30:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2536469 Thu, 28 Apr 2016 20:55:38 +0000 Amorini 2536469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Trailmix: I'm with you! I was lucky to not have had any baby party invites while dealing with IF. I would not have gone for my own sanity. Heck, I couldn't even open FB and had to look the other way when we passed the baby section at Target or whatever. There are times in life when you just have to make your own well-being the top priority and IF and/or losses are those times.</p> <p>@LoveHope: Hoping you take care of yourself and do what is right for you. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2534165 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 10:17:19 +0000 LoveHope 2534165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Trailmix: thanks friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2534136 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 09:57:31 +0000 mrsjd 2534136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: Agreed. I think they're lame as hell. But I'm someone who just text her husband the gender when she found out the NIPT results, so we're pretty darn low key. To each their own, but I hate the cheesiness of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2534047 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 08:09:17 +0000 Trailmix 2534047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I'm so sorry you are struggling with IF and I really hope you have success soon! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2534046 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 08:08:37 +0000 Trailmix 2534046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just joining to say what everyone else has already said- 100% totally within your right to decline events like this. I thankfully never got invited to any baby showers, etc while I was dealing with IF but I sure as sh*t would not have been able to handle them! I think you're very sweet and considerate to even feel badly about missing them and thinking about it from that perspective. Right now, you need to protect yourself at all costs, and like others mentioned, your presence won't be missed (not saying that to be rude, just pointing out that no one will really notice!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2534016 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 07:15:30 +0000 NorthStar 2534016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to do what you feel is right for you and you do not need to apologize. I cannot remember if this is the exact episode, but I listen to an infertility podcast, which I have found SO helpful. There is absolutely nothing wrong in staying away from events like those if it is going to affect you immensely. :heart: </p> <p><a href="https://beatinfertility.co/managing-relationships-friends-family/" rel="nofollow">https://beatinfertility.co/managing-relationships-friends-family/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533999 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 06:38:31 +0000 LoveHope 2533999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: completely agree. Overrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533997 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 06:37:54 +0000 LoveHope 2533997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the advice ladies. Last year as I was struggling with IF, I attended everything but it's too hard. I did attend my best friends baby shower because I wanted to be there for her. That was by far the hardest thing I had to do. We started trying to get pregnant around the same time and 3 months later she was pregnant and I'm still here trying. I told myself I wasn't going to put myself through that. I always send a gift but I just can't be there. It's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533981 Tue, 26 Apr 2016 03:14:17 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2533981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think gender reveal parties are a touch of overkill anyway (sorry!) so I wouldn't feel guilty AT ALL about not going! Don't worry about it, you need to take care of yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533955 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 23:02:41 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2533955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Skip and don't beat yourself up about it. Luckily, during the worse part of TTC I had great excuses as to why I couldn't attend certain friend get togethers. I could have shifted plans, but seeing and discussing babies let alone look at our friend's family was too much.</p> <p> :goodluck: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533952 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 22:37:41 +0000 LCTBQE 2533952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>agree with all these wise ladies: don't go and do something nice for yourself instead. you have carte blanche to avoid any and all pregnancy/baby events that you want to, for as long as you want to. all you have to do is politely decline, no explanation necessary. I know from experience and from a lot of agonizing and pain I've seen on HB that we (the women with IF or loss) give accepting/declining MUCH more thought than the pregnant hostess does--she is so caught up in her production that she won't be miffed at your absence. </p> <p>I hosted a (huge) baby shower for one of my closest friends about 10 days after my D&amp;C because I had already planned it and there was no way to back out, and the salt-in-the-wound element was miserable. not recommended. </p> <p>@MaryM: mentioned weighing the event and the person regarding deciding whether or not it's something you'd like to do--great advice, especially if you are feeling conflicted. keeping that in mind, gender reveals are a recent made-up trend and probably the least important of any events that will get thrown at you. be gentle with yourself :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533945 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 22:03:30 +0000 Caly 2533945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not at all. There comes a point where you have to take care of yourself. And, if that means avoiding showers, reveals, etc then avoid them like the plague. There were quite a few events I didn't attend during our years of struggling. I would suck it up for my best friends, but other than that, it wasn't happening. Take care of yourself :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533919 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 21:01:17 +0000 Eko 2533919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is totally fine not to go. My boss got pregnant about 3 months before I did and I had to work with her for months after I miscarried. It took every ounce not to cry whenever I talked with her. Even after she had her babies. Take care of yourself :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533871 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 19:32:35 +0000 wrkbrk 2533871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with PP. I think it is 100% fine to skip all baby related events like this if you want to. I don't, however, think its ok to not respond to the invitation. Declining yes, ignoring it totally no. I had someone do this to my baby shower and even though I knew the reason I was still a bit hurt. No need to give a reason for declining but do rsvp - just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533836 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 18:47:18 +0000 Happygal 2533836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's clearly up to you. I think your husband will probably be able to relax and enjoy things more if he's not worried about how you're doing at the party.</p> <p>I went to these things and threw a baby shower for a friend while we were in the thick of things. Some of it gave me hope, and I tried the "fake it till you make it" mindset to feel happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533786 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 17:00:12 +0000 MrsKRB 2533786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, it's definitely not awful. It's better to take care of yourself than to subject yourself to misery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533781 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 16:54:23 +0000 YogiRunner 2533781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Missing this is 100% understandable. Don't go and get a manicure instead. It's important to take care of yourself right now :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533747 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 16:03:07 +0000 MaryM 2533747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LoveHope: You being sad doesn't take away any joy these parents have for their baby. It's ok to be sad for your own loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533745 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 16:01:35 +0000 LoveHope 2533745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies. DH is very supportive and doesn't mind going alone. I just can't help but feel bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533702 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 15:11:12 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2533702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never skipped anything. I still wanted to be treated like normal and I didn't want to miss out on the lives of people who are important to me. At the events I would get pangs of jealousy or sadness. Everyone is different though. You have to do what's best for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533698 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 15:05:48 +0000 erinbaderin 2533698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't go to baby showers or first birthday parties for four years. Do what you need to do for yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533673 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 14:45:39 +0000 MaryM 2533673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, it depends on my relationship to them and the "weight" of the event. </p> <p>Gender reveal, meh, I don't think it's that major in the grand scheme of things when someone looks back on their life, so I probably wouldn't push myself too hard for it. </p> <p>If it's someone really close to me, they probably know how hard it would be for me, and they probably wouldn't mind if I didn't go (I'm pretty sure my nephew is baptized by now, but he was due at the same time as my daughter, who was stillborn, so I'm pretty sure my SIL didn't bother bringing it up to me because it wasn't that huge of a deal for me to miss it). </p> <p>You have to have priorities in life, and in the end I think it probably means more to you to stay home than it would to the host if you don't make it. As long as your DH understands and is willing to make an excuse for you, I'd try not to feel bad. </p> <p>I think it goes back to something I heard a lot when I was planning my wedding - those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533672 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 14:45:26 +0000 mrsjd 2533672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, it's not awful to decline. If it'll damage your mental health to go, then don't make yourself. I went to a gender reveal for my cousin (who is like my sister) in the midst of IF battles and it was an utter nightmare. She is amazing and supportive and I wanted genuinely to be there for her. I was very happy for her (if a little sad for myself). But! Her uncle (not my blood relation) asked me when I was due at the party. He was "joking" or so he said, because "everyone seemed to be pregnant or having babies." I just looked at him blankly and then promptly cried the entire hour drive home and called both of my parents. It was terrible. I'd had a miscarriage 5 months before and I would've been due 2 months before my cousin. Now, I doubt you'll have someone that insensitive, but they can be such triggering experiences. What does DH say? If he is okay making excuses for you, then I say don't sweat it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/baby-showers-gender-reveals-1st-birthdays-when-dealing-with-infertility#post-2533666 Mon, 25 Apr 2016 14:39:16 +0000 LoveHope 2533666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it awful to decline baby-related celebrations when going through infertility? I feel so awful that I won't be joining my husband this upcoming weekend to a gender reveal party. It's his best friend so that's why he's going. I can't bring myself to go. No one really knows that we've been struggling. We didn't announce it to everyone, just a few people. If I go, I'll be miserable especially since this friend got ku after a month of trying. It's too hard. :crying: </p>